by Donna Fasano
He knew what was vexing him. Desire. He’d felt it early on last night when she’d groaned so deliciously in response to him telling her she could take a nice, long bath. The innocent sensuality in that sound had done something to him. Had provoked a hunger that had threatened to consume him. He’d fought the need, pushed it back. But in doing so, he’d ended up acting short-tempered toward Nicki. There was no doubt she’d noticed it.
And then there had been that kiss.
The kiss they had shared last night should never have happened, he reminded himself for what felt like the thousandth time. Nothing good could come out of it. For her. Or for him. He’d come out here to apologize. To promise that his behavior last night would not be repeated. And with the way she’d run from him last night, he was sure she’d be happy and relieved to hear all the things he intended to say to her.
“Thanks,” she told him. And then she took a little sip, her milky-white throat convulsing delicately as she swallowed. The light, flowery fragrance of her skin rose up in his mind. Sean blinked, quickly focusing his gaze and attention elsewhere.
“I see you’ve met Pepper.”
“So that’s his name,” she said.
Sean nodded. “Yeah, he came with the name when I bought him. He’s a Morgan.”
She frowned.
“Morgan is a breed,” he told her, reaching out and running his palm down Pepper’s powerful neck. “Originated in Massachusetts, actually. They’re pretty easy to spot with their short, broad heads and thick necks. I felt that even though he’s pretty independent, he’s docile enough to make a good riding horse.”
“So, he’s mild-mannered?”
Sean smiled. “With a name like Pepper, you might not think so. But he’s gentle.”
“He’s beautiful.”
Not as beautiful as you. The thought whispered through his brain, stunning him, and he swore silently.
He’d told himself over and over last night as he’d tossed and turned that it was completely normal for him to feel physically attracted to her. She was a gorgeous redhead. A man would have to be stone-cold dead in his grave not to think her beautiful. However, he refused to ruin his arrangement with her. She’d made it clear she wouldn’t be staying around. And that fit his purposes just fine.
But even if she hadn’t stated clearly in no uncertain terms that she had every intention of returning overseas, he still wouldn’t want to grow too close to her. He liked her too much. Thought she was too nice a person to have her life messed up with his emotional baggage.
“How about this big fellow?”
Nicki’s question jerked Sean to attention. He saw that she’d crossed the barn to the opposite horse stall. She clicked her tongue, calling Blaze to her, but the horse remained standing at the far wall.
“Blaze can be a little shy,” he said. “He’ll do better once he gets to know you.”
The silence that followed, along with his quick glance at her tight expression, made Sean aware that she was feeling just as awkward as he.
Evidently noticing the difference in the two horses’ builds, she asked, “What breed is he?”
“Quarter horse. The name comes from a quality test established by the original Virginian breeders and had to do with the horses’ ability to race a quarter of a mile.”
For a few cumbersome seconds, she looked as though she was at a loss for something to say. Finally, she commented, “You know a great deal about your animals.”
He shook his head. “Not all that much. I do know they’re beautiful and graceful creatures.” He offered her a stiff, lopsided smile. “That’s enough for me.” Another stilted silence followed. They sipped their coffee, but it was clearly evident that they were both feeling the strain of the drawn-out quiet.
“Sona’s still sleeping?”
“Yes,” he said, eagerly jumping at this change of subject. And then he placed his hand on the monitor attached to his belt. “I can be up in her room in a moment’s notice. Lickety-split.”
She smiled at the comment he had hoped would thaw the chilly atmosphere between them.
Softly, she said, “I haven’t heard that phrase in years.”
He knew what needed to be done. What needed to be said. And he had no idea what he was waiting for.
“Nicki, listen,” he began, hesitancy making his voice catch. He gave a little cough and tried again. “About last night.’’
Her grip on the coffee mug tightened, her gaze automatically dipping to the hay-strewn floor.
“I don’t know what got into me,” he told her. “It was all my fault. And I apologize. I want you to know that… well, that kind of thing won’t happen again. I need you. And Sona needs you. I was crazy to… do what I did. Wrecking our arrangement is the very last thing I want to do. So I hope you’ll accept my apology. And my promise that it won’t happen again.”
When she didn’t immediately respond, Sean felt that maybe she was looking for explanations along with his regrets and promises.
“I, ah…” he stammered. “All I can say is that it was late. And we’d spent all that time traveling. And then I was up with Sona. I was tired.”
Her gaze flew to his. “We were both tired. I’m really sorry, too.”
The contrition in her tone took him aback.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he told her. “I was the one at fault. I take full responsibility. I feel just awful about it.”
“B-but… like you said, it isn’t going to happen again.”
He nodded, relieved to see that she was as eager to put this behind them as he. “You have my word on that.”
She smiled then, and it was as if the morning sun had just broken over the horizon.
Sounds of Sona stirring came from the monitor.
“Looks like my little girl is up,” he said. “I’d better go get her.”
“I guess I could fix us some toast—” after a moment’s hesitation, she grinned broadly “—but I have to admit, I’d much rather come and help get Sona dressed for the day. I am supposed to be the nanny, you know. I should do something to earn my keep.”
Relief flooded through him when he realized that his apology had so thoroughly cleared the awkwardness from the air. Thankfully, it seemed their relationship was back on the right track again.
“You’ll be doing plenty,” he assured her. “I’ve got a feeling Sona’s going to be wanting to know a thousand different things about her new home. I’m just glad you’ll be around to help me introduce her to everything.”
They headed toward the house, side by side, an apparent, almost lighthearted spring in both their steps.
***
The days of that first week slipped into a laid-back routine. Sean worked odd hours in order to spend most of his time with his new daughter. He’d spend some time on his computer before the sun rose and work several hours before Sona even awoke. When the toddler went down for a nap, he’d head once again to his office to make calls. Or if he had work that needed his immediate attention, he’d place Sona on the floor of his office to play with a pile of colorful blocks or other toys.
During the times when his employees or clients needed immediate attention, Nicki offered, time and again, to take Sona outside so he wouldn’t be disturbed. But Sean had declined. His reasoning had been that his daughter had to get used to the idea that her new dad worked from home. If he allowed Nicki to care for Sona now, what would he do once she had flown back overseas? No, he’d said, it was best for Sona to get into the pattern of playing in his office when he needed to be at his computer or on the phone. And Nicki had to agree. Of course, he’d told her, she was more than welcome to join in with Sona’s fun on the office carpet, and Nicki always did.
She’d met Bob, the groundskeeper. He was a kind, elderly man who arrived every morning to feed and groom the horses, and then he’d cut the grass or spend a bit of time weeding the flower beds. He was always gone before noon.
Nicki found over the week that life took on a comforta
ble rhythm. She spent lots of time with Sona each morning, turning their play time into opportunities for the child to learn English. While Sona napped, Nicki searched the internet for available teaching jobs in Europe. Sean was always busy in his office and Nicki was often left to her own devices which was just fine with her. She’d do a little laundry or take a long walk, read a book or watch a little television. American TV, with all its choices, made channel surfing something that could easily become addictive.
The friendly atmosphere she and Sean had developed was great, right where it should be. They laughed together, ate together, and played with Sona together, neither of them having to worry about that bothersome complication called attraction.
Not that she found him any less attractive now than she had before he’d kissed her. To say that would be a bold-faced lie. He was handsome and intelligent… and he loved little Sona to distraction. That, Nicki guessed, was his most appealing trait.
When Sean chuckled at his little girl’s antics, Nicki thought a more charming smile, a more delectable laugh, couldn’t possibly be found.
Yes, she had to admit that he was the most handsome man she’d ever met. And she felt free to acknowledge that to herself now… because of his promise to keep things on a “friends only” basis.
When he’d explained that his kiss had been all due to the fact that he’d been overtired, she remembered admitting they had both been exhausted, and she felt the need to explain her own eager participation in the passionate event. However, the important thing was that he’d assured her it wouldn’t happen again.
He hadn’t kissed her because he’d felt attracted to her. For some reason, knowing that allowed her to admire him from afar, without suffering that confusing and dark anxiety she’d felt before. She delighted in watching him with Sona. Or when he was deep in thought in front of his computer screen while she and Sona played quietly on the carpet. And he was a magnificent horseman, his powerful thighs flexing as he cantered Blaze in the enclosed paddock. She loved looking at him.
She did feel as if she was a help to him. At eighteen months of age, Sona didn’t know all that many words. However, the child did know some. And she was bright and inquisitive and loved to communicate. So Nicki was happy that she was able to interpret the few phrases and words that Sona spoke. Soon, she hoped the toddler would begin to express her wants and needs using more English.
“Hey—”
Sean’s voice had her looking up from the magazine she’d been paging through.
“Sona’s up from her nap. How about a trip to the mall? We’ve been cooped up in this house long enough.”
Nicki grinned, tossing the magazine aside. “I’d love it!” She stood up, instinctively smoothing out the wrinkles of her long skirt. ‘‘I haven’t been to a big, glorious American mall in… years.”
Sona enjoyed a bottle of chilled apple juice on the drive to the shopping center. When Sean pulled the car into a parking slot and cut the engine, Nicki looked at the huge building and felt a thrill shoot through her. Like many women, she loved to shop. But there was nothing like this in the small, Eastern European countries in which she’d worked for the past five years. Besides that, her meager paychecks allowed for no extravagance whatsoever. Her money was strictly spent on necessities alone: food, rent, clothing… and the only clothes she bought were sturdy items to replace those that had become worn.
Sean buckled Sona into a brand new stroller. The child looked about her, seeming to marvel at the contraption.
“Every experience seems so awe-inspiring to her,” Sean noted.
Nicki nodded. “A lot of that has to do with her age. Toddlers are just normally curious. But some of it, I’m sure, comes from the fact that she was probably born into a poor family. Otherwise, she’d have found a home with relatives when her parents died. Sona’s probably never ridden in a car. Or any kind of motor vehicle. She’s probably never been strapped into a stroller and wheeled around. So all of this stuff is new.”
Sean grinned. “It’s almost like she’s in one big amusement park.”
“Something like that,” Nicki agreed.
They went into the cool confines of the building, and Nicki couldn’t suppress the smile that spread across her mouth.
“You can’t imagine how wonderful this is,” she breathed, gazing around at all the colorful window displays. There was a department store selling bold-colored women’s clothing. Another store sold candles in every scent imaginable. Another, books of every description. There was a candy store wafting the delectable aroma of chocolate, and a jewelry store with diamonds and gold glittering under blazing lights. And that was only within eyesight of the one small wing where they had entered the building.
Tucking her bottom lip between her teeth, Nicki openly gaped at the colorful fashions displayed in the window of the apparel shop.
Sean’s laugh drew her attention.
“You look like a kid with her nose pressed up against the glass of a toy store.”
Nicki couldn’t stop the chuckle that welled up from inside her. “I am like a kid in a toy store. You have no idea how different shopping is over there.”
She knew he understood she was talking about the countries where she’d lived and worked for the past few years.
“You’re right,” he said. “I do have no idea. So tell me.”
“Well,” she began, “the economies of most of the Eastern Bloc countries where I’ve been teaching are poor. Goods are hard to come by. Up until just a few years ago, women sewed or knitted their own clothing. Some still do. And with the family income coming in at around two to three hundred dollars a month, there isn’t much money for luxury items such as satin nighties or silk blouses. Those kinds of things can’t even be found. Sturdy. Durable. That’s what people are forced to focus on.” She chuckled. ‘‘Kind of takes some of the fun out of shopping.”
‘‘I can imagine,” he said.
‘‘And some very necessary items can be extremely hard to find,” she continued. “When I first moved to Kyrcznovia, it took me two full weeks to find a small refrigerator. And that one was secondhand.”
“Wow. I had no idea. It makes me feel a little guilty for having so much… stuff.”
“Don’t,” she told him. “You work hard for your money. Just be grateful for all that you have.”
“I’ll try to keep that in mind.” He absently rocked the stroller back and forth to keep Sona happy.
A particularly gorgeous green silk blouse caught Nicki’s attention and she sighed. “It’s so pretty.”
“Let’s go in,” he suggested. “You can try it on.”
“Oh, no.” She waved aside the idea. “I can’t possibly afford it.”
“So?” he said. “When has that ever stopped a woman from trying on pretty clothes?”
Nicki had to laugh. Finally, she shrugged, her blood pumping with the anticipation of feeling that silky fabric between her fingertips. “Okay. Let’s go.” Succumbing to his suggestion only had her feeling decadently evil… in the most fun sort of way.
The blouse was heavenly against her skin. She slid her arms into the fluttery, capped sleeves, and as she fastened the buttons, she glanced in the mirror at herself. The color was so rich. Striking, even. Clothing dye of this quality simply wasn’t available in the back hills of Kyrcznovia. She pulled on the complementary taupe walking shorts, zipped them and fastened the leather belt. Then she stepped out of the fitting room.
“Wow!” Sean remarked. “You look great.”
She flushed at his compliment. “Thanks.”
The sales lady offered her another coordinated outfit to try.
“Oh, no,” Nicki politely declined. “We’re just having a little fun.”
Sean’s brows raised. “Is there any reason we shouldn’t go on having a little fun?” he asked.
He was impossible, she thought. She cocked her head a fraction and tried to stare him down, but he refused to budge.
“Okay,” she finally whispere
d, heaving a sigh of surrender as she took the proffered outfit from the woman.
Four times she went into the fitting room. She tried on two shorts outfits, one paisley dress in turquoise, and a black skirt and royal-blue blouse combination. Sean raved about each one. And Nicki just beamed. She couldn’t help it. His appreciation made her feel feminine. Pretty. This was something she hadn’t experienced in quite some time.
Finally, she came out of the fitting room in her own clothing. “No more,” she pronounced firmly.
Sean just chuckled at her. He turned to the sales lady. “Wrap them up.”
“No, Sean!” Nicki was horrified. She hadn’t tried the clothes on with any intention of buying them. “This was only for fun. That’s what you said.”
“And it’ll be even more fun if they’re yours.”
“B-but,” she stammered.
“Let me do this for you, Nicki,” he said softly. “I want to.”
He handed the woman his credit card to pay for the packages.
Before they left the mall, Sean had bought himself two new polo shirts. Sona had a new outfit and a new stuffed Dalmatian puppy that she refused to put in a sack. Even now, she carried the cute animal tucked up under her little arm. And besides the four new outfits, Nicki also carried from the mall a new pair of dress shoes.
“They’re ridiculously flimsy,” she told him when he’d insisted on the purchase. “They’ll never hold up in the mountainous winter.”
Sean only shrugged. “But they make you feel good, right?” And they had both broken out in laughter.
They climbed into Sean’s car, buckled up their seat belts, and he said, “How about some dinner? I’m sure Sona must be starved.” He looked at Nicki. “So what will it be? Indian? Italian? French? This city has anything you could want.”
He pulled into traffic, and Nicki watched him. Should she ask? she wondered. Would he be upset with her when she told him what she’d really like to eat?