Ignite The Spark Between Us: Searing Saviors #4

by Parker, Weston

  Olivette nodded dramatically with her cheeks puffed out, full of eggs and toast and whatever else she’d managed to fit in there. My grandmother and I laughed, and I scolded her for eating too fast. “You need to breathe while you eat,” I said.

  Even if things had fallen apart between me and Allie, at least I had my family. These women were the most important people in my life, and I would do absolutely anything for them. Including stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a promotion.

  But even knowing that and feeling their radiating support and warmth, I still wished things had ended differently last night. It was this giant dark cloud hanging over me.

  I hadn’t realized how badly I wanted things to go well until they didn’t.

  Then I was left feeling hollow, empty, and confused. Allie probably felt the same way.

  I’d never done well with disappointment. Maybe that was part of the reason I didn’t want to take a stab at this promotion. If I didn’t try, there was no room for disappointment.

  For me at least.

  If I said no, there would be other people who would be disappointed. Like my grandmother, my daughter, Rinehart, and some, if not all, of my crew.

  I didn’t do well with pressure, either.

  20

  Allie

  Sunlight broke through the crystal ornament hanging in front of my kitchen window while I cleaned dishes. It cast fractures of color across the dishes in the sink while I scrubbed, refracting shades of bright blue, pink, green, and yellow across the white porcelain.

  “Such an idiot,” I grumbled to myself, scrubbing viciously at a pot I’d used to boil eggs for a sandwich half an hour earlier. I scrubbed so hard the wire bristles of my brush pressed painfully under my nails.

  I didn’t care. I deserved it.

  Last night had been an absolute disaster. What started as a more than pleasant evening morphed into a full-blown hookup session. I hadn’t been prepared for that, walking into my date with Mav. I thought we’d eat dinner, get to know each other, and then go home separately and see each other on Monday morning, where I could proceed to flirt my little ass off, blush wildly, and carry on being myself without the pressures of a sexual encounter.

  But here we were.

  Sexual encounter passed.

  At least I’d stopped it before it got too out of hand. That was the one thought I kept having over and over whenever my chest tightened with panic at the thought of seeing Mav tomorrow morning.

  It could have easily gone further.

  I could have given him everything. Could have handed my virginity to him just like that.

  Part of me still wondered what might have happened had I not stopped him. Would he have spent the night? Would things have been weird afterward?

  Would I ever be able to forgive myself for taking that step before I was ready? And on a first date, too?

  I set the pot on the drying rack beside the sink to dry.

  I didn’t know who that girl was last night. I didn’t recognize her. She was so bold. Confident. He’d basically seen me naked, and he’d had his fingers inside me. And I was his daughter’s teacher. It was all wrong. Too complicated. Too messy.

  I never should have agreed to go on the date with him.

  Candice was right.

  “She’s always right,” I said, my voice bitter as I picked up my plate and began scrubbing it too. I worked vigorously, dragging the scrub brush up and down and then around in quick circles. “You’ll never hear the end of it now. You were so stupid. So embarrassing. Humiliating. Foolish. Reckless. Idiotic—” I sucked in a sharp gasp of pain when the edge of the plate slammed into the divider between the two sinks and shattered, sending a sharp piece across the top of my knuckle.

  Blood oozed from the slice.

  “Damn it.” I turned the water to cold and ran my finger under it. The red water looked almost romantic mixed with the dazzling rainbow from the hanging crystal. When my finger was numb from the cold, I turned off the tap and tore off a piece of paper towel, which I wrapped diligently around my finger until it was wadded so thick, no blood leaked through.

  Then I glared at the broken plate in my sink and cursed my clumsiness.

  My front door swung open.

  I looked over my shoulder as Candice walked in. She was dressed in a yellow floral-patterned dress, one from her shop I was sure, and had a canvas bag draped over one shoulder that matched her wide-brimmed sunhat. This was one of those times I regretted giving her access to my apartment. She paused when she saw me clutching my wrapped finger and frowned.

  “What did you do to yourself, babe?”

  “I broke a plate,” I said.

  Candice closed and locked my front door before taking off her hat and leaving it on the hook where my jackets and cardigans were. She smoothed out the top of her hair and came to sit at one of my barstools at the kitchen counter. “Well, what did you go and do that for?”

  “I was washing it and got a little carried away, I guess.”

  “Is it bad?”

  I shrugged. “Not terrible. Just looks worse than it is, I think. Nothing a band-aid won’t fix. What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Just thought I’d pop in and say hello. I had to pick up some new label makers, so I was close by.”

  “Want anything? Glass of water?”

  Candice nodded and let her bag fall from her shoulder. She set it on the edge of the counter while I poured us each a glass of iced water. Then I joined her on my other stool and unwrapped the paper towel from my finger to peer at my knuckle.

  Candice leaned in close and scrunched up her nose at the wound. “Ew.”

  “You’re being dramatic. It’s not that bad.”

  “It looks pretty deep.”

  “Like I said. Nothing a band-aid won’t fix. The bleeding has already stopped.”

  “Just don’t bend your finger,” Candice cautioned.

  “I won’t, Mom. I can handle it.”

  Candice smiled. Then she leaned back, draped an arm over the backrest of the adjacent stool, and crossed her right leg over her left. “So, how long do I have to hang around and beat around the bush before you tell me how your date went with Mav last night?”

  Of course. I should have seen that coming. She hadn’t been in the area. She probably hadn’t even picked up those label makers she claimed to have needed. She’d dropped by just to get the goods.

  Lying was more than a little tempting. I could easily tell her it went well. That we hit off, enjoyed our meal, and then went our separate ways. Me to my apartment and him to his house to tuck his daughter into bed.

  But lying wasn’t my style. And Candice could always poke holes in a story. It was like her superpower.

  I came clean and told her about our dinner and how well things went. I told her about the connection I was positive we both felt, and the flirtiness, and how easy it was to laugh with him. “And then he drove me home.”

  “And that’s it?” Candice asked. Her eyes glistened deviously. She knew she was digging for something, knew there was something I wasn’t telling her.

  “And… I invited him in for tea.”

  “Tea?” she scoffed. “What is this? England? Fuck tea. You invited him in to suck his face.”

  I wished all I’d done was suck his face. I wished I’d made us each a cup of tea, sat on the couch with him, made out, and then sent him on his way before midnight. Then today, I’d have no regrets. I’d still be full of that giddiness that had permeated me yesterday all the way up until that last moment where I realized I’d lost control.

  “We took things to the bedroom,” I said slowly.

  Candice’s eyebrows shot up. “You what?”

  I nodded and stared at the countertop. I couldn’t quite bring myself to look at her. My face was hot, and my throat was tight with shame. “He carried me to the bedroom. He was a gentleman. He asked me first if I wanted to go through with things. I said yes. And then… and then when we got too close for comfort, I put a stop
to it and kicked him out.”

  “Wow. And I thought I was a cold bitch.”

  I buried my face in my hands. “You’re making me feel worse than I already do.”

  Candice put a hand on my back. “I’m sorry, babe. That’s not what I’m trying to do.” She sighed and let her hand fall. Then she rubbed at her temples. “But damn, that’s a mind fuck for a guy. Especially if you didn’t explain yourself. Did you tell him you were a virgin?”

  I shook my head.

  “Allie, that’s not fair.”

  “I know. Of course, I know. But it just happened so fast. One minute, we were having a great date, and the next, I’m practically naked, and he’s touching me and—and—” I shook my head fiercely, wishing this wasn’t such an uncomfortable thing for me to talk about. “And then his hand was between my legs, and I knew if I didn’t stop him, then I wouldn’t be able to. I almost had sex with him, Candice. It scared the hell out of me.”

  My friend studied me calmly. I couldn’t read her expression, but I didn’t see judgment there. If anything, I saw understanding. Compassion. Patience. I needed all of those things desperately right now.

  Candice reached out and took my hand. “Babe, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Just because you went on a date with him and just because you had a steamy moment does not mean you owed him sex.”

  “But—”

  “Listen to me,” she said firmly, squeezing my hand. “You’re allowed to say no at any point in the night. You’re allowed to be on two different pages. You’ve been trying to convince me that Mav is a good guy. This is the perfect opportunity for you to put that to the test. Any man worth your time had better respect your decision to not go through with sex. You weren’t ready. Plain and simple.”

  I gnawed at my bottom lip. “That’s just it,” I whispered.

  “What?”

  “I do want it.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes,” I breathed. “I wanted it last night so badly. It scared me how badly I wanted it. How badly I wanted him. And I don’t know if this guilt in my gut is because I screwed up the best chance I was ever going to get or because I pulled the rug out from under him.”

  Candice smiled. “Like I said. You’re being too hard on yourself. If you said no, that was the right call in the moment. And the best news? If you still want to try to make something work with Mav, it’s not like you won’t see him again. You’ll see him tomorrow when he drops off—”

  “Olivette,” I gasped. “Oh God. How am I going to face her after what happened?”

  “You’re being a drama queen.”

  I raked my fingers through my hair. “This is so embarrassing. I can’t face him. Or her. It was a mistake. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have pursued things. I’ve made everything too complicated, and we’re not even a month into the school year.”

  “You just need to talk to him.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s embarrassing!”

  “What is?”

  “That I’m a virgin,” I said.

  Candice blinked at me. “It’s not embarrassing.”

  I stared at my hands. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s screwed up every shot with a guy because she got cold feet.”

  “You’re right,” Candice said slowly. “But I am the one who lost my virginity to an asshole in a football jersey who called me by the wrong name in the morning. You’re doing it right, Allie. You’re waiting until the time is right. I wish I’d done that.”

  “You do?”

  Candice nodded. “Of course, I do. I respect the hell out of you for your choices, Allie. And I can see you like this guy. A lot. You need to step back and gain some objectivity. If he’s upset about you turning him down last night, then he wasn’t worth your time in the first place. But if he understands? Well, if that’s not dating material, I don’t know what is.”

  Words were easy. Especially when they were being said by someone who was removed from the situation. I heard what she was saying, and I appreciated it, but I doubted I’d be able to face Mav again.

  I was too embarrassed.

  “Is transferring schools too extreme?” I whispered.

  Candice laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Oh my gosh, yes. Relax. You need a drink. Or four.”

  21

  Mav

  “Why are you nervous, Daddy?”

  I glanced at Olivette in my rearview mirror. She was swinging her legs in her booster seat, sipping water out of her sparkly pink water bottle, and peering up to the front of the truck. She had not yet put two and two together that she could look me in the eyes if she too used the rearview mirror.

  “What makes you think I’m nervous?” I asked.

  Her lips pursed together in a thoughtful expression. “Your knee is bouncing. You always bounce your knee when you’re nervous.”

  I immediately ceased bouncing my knee, not realizing I was shaking the whole truck as we sat at a red light. “I’m not nervous, kiddo. I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Like what?”

  “Work stuff. You know, the promotion Nana and I were talking about?”

  Olivette nodded.

  The light turned green. I scanned the intersection before proceeding forward. “Well, it’s just a lot to think about. And sometimes, I get caught up and focused and don’t realize that I’m stressing myself out. Remember how you felt when you first started school?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s like that.”

  “Oh.”

  Did I feel good lying to my daughter about why I was really nervous?

  No.

  Did that mean I felt compelled to tell her I had feelings for her teacher?

  Also no.

  Some things were better not being known. I didn’t want Olivette to fall too hard for Allie. I knew she already loved her, and if she thought I had feelings for her too, it might mess with her head a little bit. Relationships like this shouldn’t involve children until they were well past serious and both people were fully committed and ready to involve the little ones. It was too much pressure. Too much expectation.

  Part of me wondered if that was why everything fell apart on Saturday night.

  Things had been going so well, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Since the moment I closed Allie’s front door behind me to now, she’d been on my mind.

  My conversation with my grandmother hadn’t eased my mind. At some point, I’d done something wrong. I was sure of it. What exactly that thing was, however, I had no idea. I’d run the night over and over again in my mind like a movie reel, desperately hoping to remember something that was slipping through the cracks, something that would explain Allie’s sudden panic to get me the hell out of her apartment.

  When I came up empty, I concluded that maybe she just wasn’t ready for things to go to the next level. Truth be told, I hadn’t expected to end up in her bedroom on Saturday night. Not at all. She didn’t strike me as that kind of woman. And I wasn’t that kind of man.

  At least, I didn’t think I was.

  My lack of dating since my wife passed meant I had no idea what I was looking for or what I wanted. All I knew was I was so thrilled that the beautiful girl I was into wanted to get intimate, I just blew past all the stop signs.

  Maybe that was the problem. We should have slowed down. I should have made us slow down. Then I might not have found myself parking in front of the school with my stomach in knots.

  After unbuckling Olivette from her booster seat, I took her hand and guided her across the parking lot to the school. She prattled on about how excited she was for this week. Apparently, the class would be working on a massive mural that Ms. Branson would hang on the wall and keep for other students to see for years to come.

  “That’s pretty cool,” I said.

  Olivette nodded, and we ducked through the school doors. Throngs of older kids with superhero backpacks and brace
s wove around us to get to their respective classes, and Olivette and I took our turn down the hallway to Ms. Branson’s class.

  I wasn’t sure what to expect. There was a good chance Allie would ignore me. Or ask me not to come into the classroom.

  Maybe she wouldn’t even be there.

  You’re overreacting, I thought as we came to a stop by the classroom door.

  Olivette tugged at my hand. “Aren’t you going to walk me to my desk?”

  I grimaced. Right, of course. “Sure, kiddo. Lead the way.”

  She tugged me along by the hand, and I stepped into the classroom. I tried to keep my eyes down and to mind my own business, but as soon as we reached the desk, I glanced up.

  I locked eyes with Allie. She was standing behind her desk, organizing papers. Or she was simply doing a valiant job of looking like she was organizing papers. She offered me a tight-lipped, uneasy smile before dropping her gaze back to the papers.

  That sealed my decision not to approach her. She didn’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t push.

  “Have a good day, kiddo. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Love you, Daddy.”

  I gave Olivette a hug and a kiss. “I love you too.”

  As I slipped out of the room, I hoped Allie watched me leave. If she didn’t, that was the nail in the coffin that we were finished before we even had a chance to really see if there was something between us. And that would be a damn shame.

  The rest of the crew were making small talk in the kitchen when I arrived at the station for my shift after dropping Olivette off at school. Rinehart had shifted things around so that I didn’t have to start so early and could be there for drop-off on my day shifts.

  I stopped at his office, straightened my shirt, and knocked. Trace poked his head out from around the corner in the kitchen and gave me a thumbs-up.

  He and the rest of the guys knew I was talking to Rinehart this morning apparently. My crew gossiped like a gaggle of schoolgirls when it came to this kind of thing.

  Rinehart called for me to come in. I pushed through the door and waited for him to gesture at the empty seat across his desk. I sat, and then I waited for him to start the meeting.