Ignite The Spark Between Us: Searing Saviors #4

by Parker, Weston

  Candice sighed. “Of course, you did. And why can’t he drive you home?”

  “Candice, please come and get me.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” I picked a loose thread from the hem of my dress. “Sort of. Not really. I just need you to come get me, okay? I want to go home.”

  “Okay,” Candice said. Concern colored her voice, and I listened as she got out of bed and put me on speakerphone while she got dressed. “Do you need me to bring anything?”

  “Like what?” I asked dryly.

  “I don’t know. My breakup cure is always ice cream but—”

  “We didn’t break up.”

  “Oh,” Candice said flatly. She was quiet for a minute while she finished getting dressed. “Then what is this all about?”

  “I’ll tell you when you get here, okay? Just please hurry up.”

  “Okay, babe. I’m on my way right after I brush my teeth. Sit tight.”

  I hung up the phone. There was nowhere for me to go, anyway. This was an entirely residential area. There were no cafes or anything I could go sit in. But I wasn’t far from Candice, so I knew she wouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes.

  Unfortunately, fifteen minutes was a long time to be alone with the thoughts I was having.

  Candice pulled up in her little blue coupe eight minutes after I got off the phone with her. It was a lot faster than I’d expected, and when I slid into the passenger seat and put my seat belt on, she immediately turned toward me. “You need to tell me what’s going on. I’m kind of freaking out. Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m okay. Just overwhelmed.”

  “Spit it out.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Olivette asked me if I was her mom this morning.”

  Candice blinked in rapid succession. “What?”

  I nodded and hid my face behind my hand. “I know. It’s awful. I should have been safer. I shouldn’t have gotten so involved so fast. It’s only been what, a month? How could she have become so attached to me so quickly? What happens if things fall apart, and Mav and I aren’t together? Is she going to think I abandoned her? I don’t know what to do, Candice.” I fought off the tears that were threatening to overtake me. “I feel like such a terrible person.”

  Candice turned down her speakers so the upbeat pop music filling the car faded to background noise. “You’re not a terrible person, Allie. Far from it. You’re the best person I know. The kindest and most generous and always willing to help. For the first time in your life, you’re pursuing something you actually want. And that makes things messy.”

  I nodded. “But no matter how badly I want him, I can’t do this to a little girl. I can’t confuse her like this.”

  “What did you say when she asked you?”

  My bottom lip trembled, and a tear escaped. I wiped it away. “I—I didn’t say anything.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just picked up my things and bailed.”

  “Allie,” Candice said, a disappointed note in her voice.

  “Now Mav is there alone with her, trying to explain all of this and I—” I broke off as a sob broke over me. “I have to see her tomorrow. I can’t run away from this. And I don’t want her to think any of this is her fault. This is such a mess. Things were so good. And then all of a sudden they changed.”

  “You knew it would be complicated with a child in the picture.”

  “I know.”

  “But you went for it anyway.”

  “I know,” I said, voice trembling. “I shouldn’t have.”

  “I don’t know if that’s true. I think Mav is good for you. I think… I think my advice to bail on him in the beginning might have been wrong. I see how happy he makes you, Allie. And I want that for you. You deserve for someone to treat you right and to make you happy. To fill all your dark corners. But because of his daughter, you need to think things through more. You need to set some boundaries.”

  “How?” The desperation in my voice killed me. It made me feel weak.

  “Well, for starters, before you take any action, you need to decide if this is what you want. If you’re ready to turn tail and run right now, then you should. Because it’s not going to get easier. There will be plenty more hurdles like this.”

  Her words weren’t making me feel better.

  “So what is it that you want, Allie?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, figure it out. And to start, you should transfer Olivette out of your class.”

  “What? Why?”

  Candice ran her hands down her thighs. “You’re romantically involved with her father. It would make things a lot more straightforward if you weren’t her teacher anymore, don’t you think?”

  I frowned. That didn’t sound right to me. “That makes me feel like I’m punishing her.”

  “You’re not. You’re setting boundaries. There’s a difference.”

  “But she’s my student. We have a bond. She and I have worked hard to get to this place. I don’t want to stunt her progress because I’m being selfish. And I’m not upset with her for asking the question.”

  “Then what is it you’re upset about?” Candice asked. She stared confidently at me. “What is it that bothers you the most?”

  I chewed the inside of my cheek.

  It was a good question. What was it that had made me want to run? To escape? The question itself? The fact that it had been poor Olivette to ask it?

  Was it partly because I still had no clue who Olivette’s mother was or what had happened to her?

  Maybe. Maybe it was an accumulation of all those things. Maybe it was none.

  “I think…” I frowned, trying to process my own thoughts. “I think it bothered me that she had to ask the question in the first place. I think that means Mav and I weren’t doing a good job. We should have talked to her first. We should have kept things clear and made sure there was no room for confusion. But we didn’t. We put her in a position where she began to wonder. And when she asked the question, I was like a deer in the headlights, and I bolted without answering. How would that make her feel?”

  “You weren’t trying to hurt her,” Candice said.

  “No, but the fact is, we did hurt her. Not on purpose. And now I don’t know what to do. I need time to figure out how I feel. And what I want. And if Mav and I really make sense or if this was some whirlwind romance that just happened at the wrong time for both of us.”

  It hurt to say those words. I winced and looked down at my lap.

  “Allie…”

  “Tell me if I’m being selfish, Candice. Please, I need to know. And don’t give me one of your sassy pep talks. I just need the truth. Am I wrecking a family by getting involved with Mav?”

  I didn’t dare look at my best friend as the words hung in the car around us. I couldn’t even peek at her out of the corner of my eyes. Whatever her answer, I would respect it. If she told me that yes, I was crossing a line, then things would be officially over for me and Mav.

  It would be a shame. I knew there was more between us than what we’d uncovered. I knew there were things I wanted to share with him that I hadn’t ever wanted to share with anyone else.

  But I also knew that in this situation, neither me nor Mav came first. Olivette did. She had to. If she didn’t, this wouldn’t have been a relationship worth pursuing in the first place.

  Candice gazed out the windshield with her hands resting on top of the steering wheel. She didn’t say anything for a long stretch of time, and I didn’t pressure her. Clearly, she needed time to think. She wasn’t going to give me the abrasive bullshit she usually threw my way just for shits and giggles. I’d asked for something real. And when I asked for the truth, Candice always delivered.

  “I’m sorry, Allie. I know what you want to hear. But I don’t think it’s as black and white as that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I can’t answer that question. Because I’m biased. You’re my best friend, an
d I want what’s best for you. Maybe Mav is what’s best for you. Maybe Olivette is, too. But I don’t know what’s best for them. And I can’t make that call. You need to figure this out on your own.”

  I groaned and sank low into the seat so that I was eye level with the bottom of the passenger window. “Why does this hurt so badly?”

  Candice knuckled me lightly in the shoulder. “You want the truth? Or a shitty sassy answer?”

  I sighed. “The truth.”

  Candice put the car in drive and looked forward. “Not that I’m an expert or anything, but I’d say it hurts this bad because you’re in love with the guy. But hey, what do I know?”

  31

  Mav

  My head was blurry with fatigue on Monday morning when I arrived at the station just after six in the morning to start my shift. I’d agreed to let my grandmother take Olivette to school and had spent the previous night and morning convincing myself it was because I wanted to get into the station early, not because I wanted to avoid Allie.

  Allie.

  That had gone to Hell in a handbasket pretty quickly yesterday morning after breakfast. I could still see her wide-eyed, shocked expression when Olivette asked if she was her mother. It appeared behind my eyelids for the briefest moments when I blinked, and it had been all I could think about as I lay in bed last night, wide awake staring at my ceiling.

  After she bailed in a hurry, I was left with a lot of questions I didn’t have answers to.

  For starters, why did it scare her off so badly? Did she suddenly realize how serious things might get and got cold feet? Did she realize this wasn’t actually what she wanted, and hearing the words come out of my daughter’s mouth made her see how attached Olivette was getting to her?

  None of those things added up. We’d had a perfect day together at the fair and an even better night rolling around in the sheets.

  So what was it then?

  Not only was I concerned about where things stood with Allie, but I was worried about my daughter, too. I’d tried to talk to her and explain that Allie was not her mother, but Olivette was confused, and the right words wouldn’t come to me. I needed someone there to help me.

  I’d asked my grandmother. She asked me to give her some time to think on it.

  Now I was playing the worst waiting game of my life.

  Besides the night Olivette was born. That had been the best and worst wait of my life, without a shadow of a doubt.

  I couldn’t lose another woman I cared about. I couldn’t take it.

  Part of me truly believed that Allie didn’t want to lose me either. We’d shared too much and become too close too quickly for her to throw it away like that. But another louder, stronger part of me whispered in my ear that I should have seen this coming. I should have been prepared.

  After all, what beautiful, single, smart woman like Allie would want to throw her lot in with a single dad who worked a dangerous job?

  Not many.

  And of the ones who did, which were willing to stick it out to the end?

  I thought Allie had been one of those women. I thought she was ready for all this.

  Apparently, I’d been wrong, and that was what hurt the most. I blamed myself for letting Olivette fall head over heels for the girl who was also wrapping my heart around her pinky finger. Had I played this smarter—and slower—I might have been able to spare my daughter from the hurt and confusion she was feeling now. I owed that to her. It was my job to protect her against anything that might hurt her. And I’d failed.

  Miserably.

  “Why the long face, Cantone?” Derek asked when I walked into the kitchen. He was sitting in one of the lounge chairs behind the kitchen table. There was an open book in his lap. All of his time with Allen must have been rubbing off on him. He could use a bit of smartening up, and I couldn’t think of a better tool than a book.

  “Nothing,” I said, scratching the back of my neck as I made my way over to the coffee pot. I lifted it up. “Want a coffee?”

  “Nah, I’m all right,” Derek said. I heard him close the book and groan as he got to his feet. “You’re here earlier than usual.”

  “Thought I’d get a head start on the day. I have some paperwork to go over. Audit results and inspection receipts and shit.”

  “You didn’t want to drop Olivette off so you could say hi to your sweet teacher?”

  I felt my shoulders tense. “No. Her grandmother took her today.”

  Derek sidled up beside me and leaned against the counter as I sipped my black coffee. He folded his arms over his chest and waggled his eyebrows at me. “Trouble in paradise, Lieutenant?”

  “Remember when I said I wouldn’t be talking to any of you about Allie? Or did that go in one ear and out the other?”

  “I’m just trying to make friendly conversation. But I’ll take your evasiveness as an answer. There is trouble in paradise. You wanna talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “You sure? I’m a great listener. Ask Allen. He’s stuck in the box listening to me day in and day out, and he still has his sanity. In fact, I’d argue he’s the most sane out of all of us. You know, aside from the minor PTSD and—”

  “Derek,” I said sternly, shutting him up. “I’m good. Leave it alone. Okay?”

  He shrugged. “Whatever you say, boss. Suits me just fine. My book was about to get good.”

  I glowered after him as he went and dropped back down into his chair, kicked his heels up on the coffee table, and began reading.

  I had no plans to hang around in the kitchen, waiting for the others to arrive. I made my way down the hall and stopped in front of the office beside Rinehart’s. There wasn’t anything written on the frosted glass window set into the door, but I knew soon, Rinehart would have my name stenciled on in gold block letters, just like his was on his door.

  I pushed open the door and stepped into my office.

  My office. It was a strange concept. The walls were bare, but I had plans to fill them with old photographs of the station that were packed away in boxes in the storage closet. I also planned on framing some of Olivette’s drawings and hanging them near my computer so I could see them while I worked. As of now, the only personal item in the room was one frame in the top right corner of my desk, which was a picture of Olivette as a newborn being cradled by my grandmother. By sheer accident, they were both wearing pink, and every time I looked at the picture, I smiled.

  Time passed quickly as a parent. Like sand falling through an hourglass. There was no way to slow it down. No way to stop it. You just had to learn to capture the perfect moments and remember the details that went along with it.

  The rest was out of your control.

  Perhaps that was the problem with me and Allie. It was out of my control. All of this waiting, this unknown, was getting to me, but there was nothing I could do about it. If Allie wasn’t ready to be part of a family, then I was going to have to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on without her. It was that simple.

  But the thought hurt like a motherfucker.

  I distracted myself from my sorrows with the paperwork I told Derek I had to do. There was a lot of it. Pages and pages of documents needed my attention, and I pored over them with a pen in hand, marking on a notepad beside me the opportunities the station had for improvement. Most of the suggestions were minor, and our scores were exceedingly high. Upon comparing them to last year’s, I discovered we’d improved, and that made me feel good.

  I reviewed our audit and concluded all of our equipment was in top-notch working order.

  Then, as my eyes began to feel more and more heavy, I filed the papers away, got to my feet, cracked my back, and let myself back out into the common area of the station around ten in the morning.

  The rest of the crew had arrived for their shifts hours ago. Everyone was there, some of them sitting at the table, Derek and Allen sitting in the leather chairs reading books. Hayden was washing dishes in the sink.

  I dropped down
into a chair beside Trace, who grinned at me. “Morning, boss.”

  “Morning.”

  “How’s that paperwork treating you?” Derek piped up.

  I leaned back in my chair. It creaked in protest beneath me. “All done. Audit and inspection scores are in, boys.”

  The room hushed.

  “And?” Maddox asked nervously.

  “Nose down, rookie,” Derek quipped. Then he turned toward me. “So? What’s the verdict?”

  I cast my gaze around the room. Their faces were eager and curious, and I found myself reveling in being the one with insider knowledge. I grinned. “Maybe I’ll keep it to myself for another day.”

  “Asshole,” Hayden called.

  “Tease!”

  “Tell us!”

  Laughing, I held up my hands and conceded. “All right. All right. Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” Which was true. I’d had an exceptionally rough evening and morning, and finding a bit of humor in this moment had been too nice of a reprieve to pass up. I was sure the boys understood. “We received the highest marks across the board from our district. Highest safety score. Highest equipment score. Well done, gentlemen.”

  The room thundered with celebratory applause and laughter.

  I called the room to attention. “Hold on, now. I want to thank you. I know I haven’t been your lieutenant long enough to lay any claim to this success. This is all you guys. You’re good at your jobs, and you take it seriously. Let’s keep up this quality of work through the rest of the year and onto the next. Our community comes first, and we can’t take care of our people if we have shit equipment and bad response times. Am I right?”

  “Hell yeah,” Trace said.

  I hooked my thumbs into my belt loops and looked around the room. “Excellent. Does anyone have any questions?”

  “Sure do,” Derek piped up, getting to his feet.

  “Shoot,” I said.

  “When do we get to meet Allie?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Questions about the reports.”

  “Oh.” He chuckled, feigning innocence. “My bad. I thought I could ask anything, and I can’t help it. I’m curious about this lucky lady.”