Table For Eight

by Tricia Stringer

  Jim’s face appeared in front of her. “Are you all right, Ketty?”

  She nodded and took the glass of water he offered.

  “Talk about sweeping the lady off her feet, Leo,” Bernard said.

  “Not only are we on the same cabin deck but you know my brother.” Josie chortled. “How funny life can be.”

  “So you two know each other already?” Bernard said.

  Ketty braced herself as she regained her breath and sat stiffly upright again. “We do…or at least did.” She stared steadily down the table into the surprised look of the man she had once loved with all her heart. “It was a long time ago.” She tilted her chin upwards ever so slightly. “I haven’t been called Kathy by anyone outside my family for over thirty-five years.”

  Eleven

  Ketty wasn’t sure how she made it through dinner but she did. Somehow, she’d been civil when required, which thankfully hadn’t been often tonight. She’d felt isolated at the end of the table, as if there had been a great flashing sign above her head pointing her out as the woman who had been duped by the man who sat at the opposite end. The curiosity of her fellow diners had been short-lived after her explanation that she’d known Leo for a short time back when she’d lived in Adelaide. No one seemed to have noticed that she’d played with her food rather than eaten it, that she’d had an extra glass of wine or three, that she had barely said a word, except perhaps Leo whose gaze was on her whenever she risked a glance in his direction.

  Bernard had been louder and flashier than ever and flirting outrageously with Josie. Christine had nearly drunk herself under the table and Frank had taken her to their room as soon as the main course was finished. Celia had almost disappeared into her chair and Jim had been the only one who tried to make conversation with Ketty. She had made it as far as dessert but her stomach had clenched tightly when her favourite citrus tart had arrived. Not even the scoop of creamy vanilla ice cream Phillip had added could tempt her. She had broken off a spoonful but not lifted it to her mouth, finished the last of the wine and then excused herself. Josie had thrown her a questioning look but had been quickly distracted again by Bernard.

  Now as Ketty reached her cabin door her hands shook and she fumbled her card. She tried again, the catch released and she was inside. She slumped against the door, her knees threatening to buckle beneath her, her heart pounding in her chest and not just because she’d walked as quickly as she could up several flights of stairs.

  Leo, the man she had loved, had imagined herself marrying, the man who had broken her heart, was here on the Diamond Duchess. She hadn’t conjured him up like some ghost from the past – he was aboard ship, very much alive and looking wonderful.

  She jumped as someone tapped gently on the door behind her.

  “Kathy?”

  Her pounding heart thumped harder at the sound of Leo’s voice.

  “Please, Kathy. Let me in. We need to talk.”

  She pressed herself against the door not daring to move and closed her eyes. She was twenty-nine again and he was outside her flat in Adelaide. Then he’d hammered on the door, begging her to let him in. This time she was startled by a much gentler knock close to her ear.

  “I’ll call you Ketty if you prefer but please…let us talk.”

  Oh, God, what was she to do? Damn, she was no shrinking violet. Her life had been testament to that. She couldn’t spend the rest of the voyage worrying she would run into him. He was right. They needed to speak.

  She spun and tugged the door open. Leo stood there, his hand raised to knock again, his beautiful mouth rounded in a surprised O. All she could do was look at him. No words would come.

  “Please can I come in?”

  He looked down at her with a softness that melted her heart and a voice so gentle it was as if she had a choice, when she knew she didn’t. She stepped back and pulled the door open to allow him in then closed it. The solid clunk it made filled the room and then there was silence. She took a deep breath and turned. Leo was standing so close that if she put out her hand she could touch him without stretching. He filled her room with his presence. Josie had said he’d been sad. Each time Ketty had risked a glance at him over dinner she’d seen other things, a frown, a laugh at a joke from Bernard, concern at something Christine had said and yearning when he’d glanced at her across the table, but not sorrow. Now he was studying her expectantly.

  “What do you want to talk about?” At last, the words came.

  “Us. We could avoid each other but now that I know you’re here I couldn’t stand it. Fate’s brought us together for a reason, Ka…Ketty.”

  She was edgy, like she had been when she’d first met Leo all those years ago but then she’d been a naive young woman in awe of his maturity, his sophistication, his magnificence. She was no longer naive or in awe but she felt diminished somehow by his commanding presence taking up most of the space in her room.

  “Let’s sit outside.” She held out her arm to point the way. If she tried to lead she would have to squeeze between him and the end of the bed.

  He moved along the wall ahead of her, into the small lounge space, and rolled the door open. Immediately the room was filled with the soft swish and splosh noise of the waves against the hull. It was a reassuring sound. Ketty took her wrap from the chair, draped it around her shoulders and stepped past him out into the night. A gentle breeze ruffled her wrap, brushed over her hair. She dragged her chair a little further away from the table that separated the two balcony seats and sat, waiting for him to do the same.

  She stared out into the night, lit by a partial moon and a million twinkling stars, aware he was regarding her steadily.

  It was Leo who broke the silence between them.

  “Where did you go, Kathy?”

  She took a careful deep breath, to steel herself against the longing look she’d seen across the table in those pale green eyes. She was glad she hadn’t switched on the balcony light. When she turned her head to look at him, his face was part of the shadows.

  “To Sydney.”

  “But we were so happy. I never understood why you left suddenly with no explanation.”

  She shook her head and a small wave of anger built. He was making it easy for her. “Why, Leo?” She took another breath, not caring if he noticed her agitation now. “Because you were a married man.” Her voice sounded loud in her own head but she knew she had barely murmured the words.

  Even though his face was in shadow she saw the shock register. “No,” he groaned.

  “Adelaide is a small place. Did you think I would never find out?”

  “I loved you, Kathy.”

  “But you were not free to love me, Leo.” Tears stung her eyes and she blinked hard. “And I discovered I was pregnant.”

  “You had a baby?”

  “We.” Ketty struggled to keep a hold on the lid to the box that kept those sad memories locked away. “We didn’t have a baby. I miscarried.”

  “You should have told me.”

  “I was not the kind of woman to break another’s heart.”

  “Yet you broke mine.”

  He reached forward but she put up a hand. She had to be strong, keep him at bay or she would be completely undone.

  “How is your wife?”

  He didn’t answer straight away. “I expect she’s well.” He settled against the back of the high deckchair. “We’ve been divorced a long time. I don’t see her.”

  Ketty’s head spun at that news. These days, on the rare occasions she thought about him it was as still married with children, perhaps even grandchildren.

  “I loved you, Kathy,” he said again. “My marriage was over when I met you. After you left I stayed with Marjorie but it was all a sham. We only lasted a few more years.”

  “I see.” It sounded so prim but Ketty had no other words, she was too busy asking herself what if she’d stayed. What if she’d told him she’d found out? She wasn’t naive enough to believe she would have been the exception to
the rule, but her heart leaped nevertheless. “Why didn’t you love your wife?” Ketty had never known her name and even now that she did she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, as if it had the power to summon the other woman in Leo’s life.

  His shoulders hunched and his hands drew apart. “We married when we were both students but in the end, we wanted different things. When I met you, my life made sense again but I knew I had to tread carefully.”

  “So you wouldn’t be found out?” Ketty’s anger still simmered. She was surprised at how easily it came to the surface.

  “Of course, but it wasn’t about me. I didn’t want to hurt Marjorie and I didn’t want to hurt you. I was torn. I’m not that callous.” He leaned forward, his forearms resting along the top of his legs and his hands gripped tightly in the space between his knees. He was close enough so that she could see the pain in his eyes even if she couldn’t see the colour. “I tried to find you. I kept going to your flat until one day a stranger answered the door. She didn’t know you. Said she’d moved in the week before and there was no forwarding address for the previous tenant. I went to the places where we’d met. I even spent time at the tech campus looking for you. It was as if you’d disappeared.”

  “I did in a way.” Ketty thought about her move to Sydney, her first year when she’d dragged herself to work because she had to, to pay the rent and eat. She’d eventually been dismissed because of her lack of enthusiasm, her careless work, her poor health. Her grief had consumed her. Her overseer had been sympathetic but Ketty had mucked up one too many times. In a way, losing that job had saved her. It had jolted her out of her misery and she’d vowed she’d move on and not look back. She’d done that most successfully.

  “Did you find someone else? Marry? Have more babies?” he asked.

  The stab at her heart was as sharp as any knife but she swallowed the pain. “No, I’m not married but I haven’t been lonely. In a way, my business is my marriage and my family.”

  “What is your business?” He leaned a little closer and a chink of light from inside fell across his face. Now she could see the green of his eyes. “There’s so much I want to know.”

  “I’m a dressmaker. I’ve had moderate success in Sydney, own my own establishment.” Ketty’s sense of pride in what she had achieved suddenly ebbed. She shivered and pulled the wrap tighter. She didn’t mention that it was all crumbling beneath her. She owned the building that housed her shopfront, her work space and her, but she’d borrowed against it to make renovations. The accountant had warned her it was more than the business she could lose if things didn’t improve. She had a moderate super fund, some dwindling savings and little else. How did a woman her age build herself back up if she lost everything? She swallowed. “What about you?”

  “There hasn’t been anyone else since you.”

  Ketty thought back to what Josie had said about her brother a few days before, something about him needing cheering up because of work and a relationship ending.

  “I’m not saying I’ve been celibate,” he added quickly as if he’d read her thoughts. “But there truly has never been anyone I’ve felt the same about since you.”

  The last of Ketty’s anger ebbed away. She understood what he meant. When she had eventually started showing some interest in men again none of them had ever measured up to the feelings she’d had for Leo, and it wasn’t his fault she lost the baby.

  This time when he reached for her hand she let him take it in his, watched as he pressed it to his lips, felt the soft brush of his beard and the ripple of anticipation that touch invoked.

  There was a tap at her door. Ketty snatched back her hand. They both looked around startled. She rose, dazed, caught herself on the back of the chair as she stepped inside. She glanced at her watch. It was almost eleven. The gentle knock came again.

  She put her eye to the peephole and saw the top of a cap. The head below it lifted to reveal Carlos’s big smile. She’d forgotten all about him coming to visit. She glanced over her shoulder to the balcony then opened the door a crack.

  “Hello.” She smiled. No one would recognise this man in his baggy pants, oversized sweat shirt and baseball cap as the man who commanded the ship’s dining rooms.

  “It’s late but I called on the off-chance you were still up, seeing I couldn’t come last night.”

  Further down the corridor a door clunked shut. Carlos pulled his cap lower as a woman strode past.

  “I’m sorry, Carlos, I’m very tired tonight.” Ketty kept her voice low and clutched her wrap to her shoulders. She felt awful lying to him but how did she explain Leo being in her cabin, or Carlos coming to visit her for that matter. “Do you mind if we put off our catch-up again?”

  “I should have phoned first,” he said.

  She reached out one hand and squeezed his arm. “Another night? I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Sleep well.”

  Ketty shut the door to find Leo had come to stand behind her.

  “Who was that?”

  “A friend.”

  “At this hour?”

  She stiffened. “I hardly need to ask anyone’s permission to have visitors at any hour.”

  He sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Kathy. I have no right to make any claims on you or your time. I’ll go.”

  Ketty’s gaze swept the silver of his hair brushed away from his forehead, revealing the deep creases produced by seven decades of life, and on to the crinkles at the corners of his eyes. She wanted to know what had happened over the years to form those creases, the things those eyes had seen. She wanted to reach out and touch the soft, neatly clipped beard the same colour as his hair. Instead she reached again for the door handle. “It is getting late.”

  “Before I go I have to ask.” His voice had a brightness about it now. “We’ve found each other and we’re both free. Why not spend some time getting to know each other again?”

  Ketty gripped the handle tighter. Was it even possible? She still couldn’t believe it was really Leo who was standing here beside her after all these years.

  “There’s no rush,” he said. “And we don’t have to be together every minute but…I would so like to get to know you all over again, Kathy.”

  Is that what she wanted? Her head was full of so many doubts and questions. Perhaps if they spent a little time together, in a more neutral environment than her cabin, it would be easier. “I’d like that too.” She said it before she had a chance to change her mind.

  “What about tomorrow? Are you going to the beach?”

  “Of course.”

  “A walk on the beach would be perfect, don’t you think? No strings attached.” He gave a quirky smile.

  She remembered it from when she first met him. He’d always looked like that when he thought he was being funny.

  “We could meet at the beach,” she said. “There’s a path along from the jetty past some stalls. There are some shady trees there. Shall we say eleven?”

  His smile widened and he leaned forward. Ketty pulled open the door to put a barrier between them. Surely he wasn’t planning on kissing her.

  “Goodnight,” she said.

  “Goodnight.”

  He started to turn back but Ketty shut the door on him, took the two steps to her bed and lowered herself to the soft cover before her quivering knees gave way. A million thoughts and emotions whirled inside her. How was she to deal with them? Slowly she began to undress, the ritual of preparing for bed helping her to calm a little, but she could not get the catch to undo on the pearls. She humphed in frustration. It was the image of herself in the mirror wearing a pink nightie sprinkled with white hearts and the pearls still around her neck that was her undoing. She began to laugh and before she knew it the laughter had turned to big shuddering sobs. The ferocity of her grief overwhelmed her. She cried for everything she’d lost, until ultimately the tears ran dry.

  Twelve

  Day Four – At Anchor, Champagne Bay, Vanuatu

  Kett
y had dressed early, the clasp on the strand of pearls coming undone at her first attempt, and she’d been down for breakfast and was ready to set off to catch the tender to the beach when there was a tap on her door. She’d slept poorly and felt exhausted but she knew a swim at Champagne Beach would revive her. She’d done enough thinking while she’d tossed and turned and now she was ready to meet Leo. They’d have a chance to talk and then, if she wasn’t happy with continuing their – what would she call it? Reacquainting? – she’d never have to see him again, apart from some simple shipboard connections.

  The tap came again as she reached the door and Josie called from the other side.

  Ketty took a breath, put on her brightest smile and opened the door. “Good morning.” She was fairly sure she knew why Josie was visiting so early.

  Josie looked her up and down. “You look like you’re ready to go.”

  “Yes. I’ve got my tender ticket but I’d forgotten my hat.”

  “Doesn’t the beach look divine?”

  “It truly is.”

  Josie glanced over her shoulder. “Can we have a quick chat before we go downstairs?”

  “Of course.” Ketty stepped back to allow Josie in. She had expected Leo would have told Josie about the affair. What did it matter anyway? It was so long ago, water under the bridge of life.

  “So, you and Leo?” Josie began as soon as Ketty had shut the door.

  Ketty felt a small stab of remorse. Would her friend think less of her because of the long-ago affair? “I’m sure he’s filled you in.”

  “No. He was asleep when I got in last night and gone before I was awake this morning. Left me a note to say he’d meet me over on the beach later. I can’t believe you and I met on a cruise and all those years ago you knew my brother. Isn’t it funny how life pans out?”

  “It was a long time ago.” Ketty felt she’d had a reprieve. Perhaps Leo didn’t want his sister to know about his affair any more than Ketty did.