‘I love you,’ I continued, pushing on despite the discomfort in her expression. ‘You’re my rock, my best friend, my sister, the best thing in my life, but I know you can’t stand by me in this. I would never ask you to. I don’t expect you to understand me, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for the things I’m going to do, so I want you to know that you can go. And that’s OK. You don’t owe me anything. You can go.’
‘Go?’ she repeated, like the word made no sense. ‘Go where?’
I gestured half-heartedly at the room, and then at myself, letting my hand flop into my lap. ‘Away from here,’ I said, trying to sound strong and sure, when all I felt was shaky and sad. ‘Away from me.’
A frown, a shadow of bewilderment, and then she rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, for God’s sake. Don’t be so dramatic.’
‘I’m not being dramatic,’ I protested. ‘I’m serious.’
‘Well, I’m not about to walk out on you and leave you to this giant shitstorm. You are just one big cluster of bad decisions and misinformed ideas right now, but that’s not your fault. You’ve lost a lot. I understand why you’re adrift, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to walk away. Not now. Not when you clearly need me the most. I mean, what kind of person do you think I am? Seriously?’
‘I wouldn’t blame you.’
She waved away my response. ‘Not only am I going to stick by you, I’m going to drag you out of this mess while I’m at it. We have plans. We’re going to finish school and go travelling and have adventures. You’re not going to end up dead or in jail from chasing around some lame arsehole who doesn’t deserve a second of your attention. Leave Jack to the police, or to Nic or even that oddball Felice, if you like, but don’t waste your own future on this idiot. He’s already taken enough of your past.’
‘I’m not leaving here until it’s done, Mil.’
She plonked herself down on the bed beside me. ‘Yes, you are.’
‘No,’ I repeated, more sternly this time. ‘I am not.’
The moment grew tight. We stared at each other, each waiting for the other to break, for someone to concede defeat. She couldn’t see the situation the way I could. She was looking at it logistically, and I was looking at it personally, and that made all the difference. This was my task. My retribution. My journey to healing.
‘I’m going to kill him,’ I said. ‘And there’s nothing you can say to stop me. Nothing.’
Her hand flew to her mouth, her words muffled by her fingers. Finally, she was getting it. She knew I meant it. ‘Jesus Christ, Sophie.’
I stared at her, unblinking.
‘You can’t be serious.’
‘I am.’
‘I am not hearing this.’ She shut her eyes. ‘This is not real. I am not hearing this.’
‘It’s the truth,’ I told her. ‘I’m going to kill my uncle.’
She was quiet for a few moments, shock and disbelief warring across her features. Then she spluttered back to life, snapped her eyes open and glared at me. She waved her hand around, as if she was painting a picture in the air. ‘So dig two graves then, Sophie. One for Jack and one for you. Actually, better yet, why don’t you dig a hundred?’ She wheeled around, pointing towards the hallway. ‘Dig one for every Falcone and every Marino and every goddamn idiot who loves you all. Dig all the graves you can before you go shooting anyone up because when this stupid-arse blood war hits we’re all fucked! The people who love you won’t walk away, and it’s your stubbornness that will get them killed, just like it will get you killed.’ She brandished her finger towards my shoulder. ‘Just like it almost did tonight. Or don’t you realize how close your shoulder is to your heart?’
‘You don’t have to be involved,’ I said. ‘I told you that.’
‘Don’t be so reductive!’ she snapped. ‘Of course I’m involved. You’re involved, so I’m involved. And you’d better pray I go down before you, because if you get killed before me then I’ll have to die twice!’ Her eyes filled up, but she kept shouting, her voice climbing higher and higher. ‘How could you have so little regard for your own life?’
‘What life?’ I asked. ‘The one Jack took from me? That life?’
‘You control your own life, Sophie!’
My head was starting to swim. I needed to lie down. I needed to sleep. ‘I’m tired, Mil. I can’t have this argument again.’ Not with her, not with Luca. ‘I know what I’m doing. I know where I’m going.’
She shook her head at me, her hands coming down to my wrists, clasping around them as though she could pull me out of my thoughts. ‘Get out of here, Sophie. Before it’s too late.’
‘There’s no way out. Can’t you see that? I’m marked by the Marinos. They want me just as much as I want them.’
Millie scrunched her nose. ‘No,’ she said, searching for something to say. ‘This can’t be it.’
‘It is,’ I said firmly. ‘This is the safest place. The only place.’
‘Then go to the address your father gave you,’ Millie said. ‘At least for a while. Until you figure out—’
‘Are you crazy? What makes you think I trust my lying, murdering father?’
‘He loves you, Sophie. He wouldn’t trap you.’
‘Wouldn’t he?’
Millie shook her head. ‘He wants to help you. And now I get it. I didn’t understand it at the time, but he knows how deep in you are.’
‘I threw the address away,’ I reminded her.
‘You must remember it. At least some of it. Isn’t it worth investigating?’ she pressed. ‘It could be like a safe house … they wouldn’t look for you there.’
‘Unless my father tells them to.’
‘He’s not a monster,’ Millie said. ‘You know he wouldn’t do that.’
‘That’s the thing,’ I said, another wave of exhaustion careening over me. I sank backwards against my pillow. ‘I don’t know that. Not any more.’
‘You’re fading.’
‘It’s the pain meds,’ I said, struggling to keep my eyelids open.
Millie huffed a sigh. ‘Let’s put this on pause until you’ve slept it off. Let’s get you into your pyjamas.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I murmured, unzipping the dress. My hands were moving in slow motion. The sides of my vision were fuzzy. There was no pain in my shoulder now. ‘The dress is stained.’
Millie helped me shimmy out of it, doing most of the work while I just flopped around like a marshmallow.
‘I don’t care about the dress, Sophie.’
I wriggled into a T-shirt and sweatpants. ‘I wish you did.’
‘No, you don’t,’ she said.
‘I wish you were less observant.’
‘I wish you were less stubborn.’
‘You’re just as stubborn as me.’
‘Yup,’ she said, helping me under the blankets. ‘That’s how I know I’m going to win.’
‘Win what?’
My eyelids were drooping. I felt at peace, like I was floating above myself. The argument was far below me, in another place.
She tucked the duvet around me. Dropping her voice, she brushed the hair from my face, and her voice followed me into the darkness as I drifted off. ‘I’m going to win this argument. I’m going to drag you out of here if it’s the last thing I do.’
Then I was gone, and so was she.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
BREAKFAST
‘My cereal tastes funny.’
‘That’s because you’re still high,’ Nic pointed out. ‘How many painkillers did you take this morning?’
I held up two fingers to him while I crunched. ‘Everything tastes like marshmallows.’
‘That’s because you’re eating Lucky Charms,’ he said, laughing.
I smiled at him, my mouth still full. I imagined I looked like a chipmunk.
‘How’s your shoulder this morning?’ asked Elena, who was making an elaborate fry-up across four pans.
‘It’s OK,’ I said, rotating my arm to see how much it hurt.
Yup. Still hurt.
Felice was at the head of the table, peering at me over his frothy cappuccino. ‘Welcome to the Gunshot Club, Persephone. Do you feel invincible?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘Should I?’
‘No,’ he said, his smile curling. ‘You shouldn’t.’
I stored that veiled threat along with all his others and demolished another spoonful of Lucky Charms while the smell of bacon filled up the kitchen.
‘How many eggs, Gino?’ Elena asked over her shoulder. She was still dressed in her silk dressing gown, her long dark hair spilling in waves down her back.
‘Six,’ he called out, his words warping around a mouthful of toast.
‘Dom?’ she asked.
I had come to discover that Dom didn’t speak all that much before 11 a.m. It was a delightful Falcone fact. He held up four fingers.
‘Four,’ said Gino for him.
‘Nic?’
‘Three. Double bacon, please.’
‘CJ?’
‘Three,’ CJ said, glancing at Nic. ‘And double bacon too, please.’ Dom had caught CJ trying to drive his car the other night and had nearly slapped him into the next state, so CJ had temporarily directed his hero worship to Nic.
I slurped another spoonful down, barely tasting it. I had only been up a few hours, but I was exhausted already. My shoulder was throbbing dully, my eyelids were heavy from the painkillers and I could feel Felice staring at me across the table.
‘Sophie?’ she asked after another beat.
‘No, thank you.’
‘Where’s Valentino?’ asked Gino. ‘He’s usually up early on Saturdays.’
‘With his brother,’ said Felice.
Dom rolled his eyes. ‘Valentino is probably helping Luca turn into an actual punching bag so he can beat the shit into himself in a more efficient way.’
Felice snorted, then dipped into his cup to hide his amusement.
‘Leave him alone,’ I chided Dom. ‘You weren’t there.’
‘Eh, yeah, because I’m not a stupid teenager who gets off on drinking spiked punch and playing dress-up at the local high school.’
‘You also weren’t invited,’ Nic pointed out. ‘Because girls find your hair gel repulsive.’
It was my turn to laugh. Nic exchanged an appreciative glance with me. CJ bit back his smile. He wasn’t ready to go full Judas on Dom yet.
‘That’s hilarious,’ said Dom, not smiling remotely. ‘Almost as hilarious as Sophie inviting Luca and not you, the person who’s still desperately trying to screw her.’
I spat out my next spoonful.
‘Dominico!’ Elena shrieked, whirling around. ‘You will not speak like that in this house. And certainly not in front of the younger children.’
‘I’m not a child,’ CJ snapped.
Nic fired his fork at Dom, catching him in the side of the face. Their chairs screeched back at the same time, both of them lunging across the table at each other. Gino grabbed Nic by the waist and spun him around, away from Dom. I was on my feet, too, swatting Dom’s hands back across the table. ‘Sit down, you moron.’
‘He could have cut my eye out!’
‘And you would have deserved it,’ Elena snapped. ‘Have I raised a pack of wolves?’ She threw her hands up at the ceiling. ‘Ti prego, Dio, dammi la forza!’
Felice remained where he was, smirking and sipping. I half wished Nic’s fork had missed Dom and embedded itself in his uncle’s face instead. How could no one see how much of a snake this guy was?
‘Relax,’ said Dom, sitting back down. ‘I was just saying.’
‘Sophie didn’t invite Luca,’ said Nic. ‘He went to keep an eye on her.’
‘And good thing too,’ said Gino. ‘Otherwise she’d be toast.’
‘Luca would be toast,’ Nic clarified. ‘It was Sophie who disarmed Zola.’
‘But didn’t choose to kill her,’ Felice finally weighed in.
I didn’t break his stare. ‘The circumstances were too complicated, Felice.’
‘Is that right?’
Elena turned around again, her voice weaving with the crackle of grease on the frying pan. ‘Did you have something to say, Felice? Perhaps you should be direct about it.’
Felice offered her his shark grin. ‘I was merely pointing out that regardless of who subdued Zola Marino, Luca or Persephone should have killed her while they had the chance. That woman will have been released on bail by now, and we all know she’s a loose cannon. Showing up to a high school dance full of innocent teenagers and discharging her gun can certainly attest to that.’ He sat back in his chair, his fingers drumming a steady beat on the table. When no one said anything, he repeated himself. ‘Luca should have handled it.’
Elena pointed her knife at Felice, swirling it around in the air as she circled his head. ‘You think he should have shot Zola and been taken away in handcuffs for it, and locked up for the rest of his life?’
Felice shrugged. ‘Who’s to say what would have happened?’
‘Common sense,’ Nic answered. ‘The police were everywhere. Jack and Donata didn’t even stick around, and she’s their family. Luca would have been dragged to prison for it.’
‘Making one less active member of this family,’ said Dom tightly.
‘And one less person in your way to the top,’ I added.
Felice’s eyes widened just a fraction.
The others fell silent.
‘Careful,’ he said, baring his teeth at me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
TRUCE
I was sitting in the library, my feet on the coffee table, when Luca swung the door open and let himself in. All the others had gone out for the afternoon, so I hadn’t expected to see him any time soon.
‘Hey.’ I set my phone down, pausing the intense gif-only conversation I was having with Millie. I tried to sit up, but my movements were more laboured than usual and it took twice as long.
‘Hi,’ he said, looking me up and down, his gaze lingering on my bandaged shoulder even though it was covered by an oversized hoodie.
‘Stop checking me out, Luca. I’m not looking my best.’
He leant against the arm of the chair beside me and his aftershave rolled over me. I tried not to be sucked into memories of secret moments and stolen kisses. ‘How are you?’ he asked.
‘Oh, you know, not dead,’ I said, looking up at him. ‘So that’s something at least.’
He didn’t laugh. His usually bright eyes were wired with red, the skin under them rimmed in dark circles. His hair was messy and swept away from his face, and the grey sweater he wore was creased around the neck. And yet, despite everything, he still looked like he had just tumbled out of a GUESS commercial.
‘Not funny,’ he said, decidedly. ‘Not funny at all.’
I straightened up, released a sigh. ‘Where have you been? I haven’t seen you since last night.’ You know, since we nearly died together in that corridor.
He raked a hand through his hair. ‘Talking with Valentino. Coming up with a way to end all of this for good.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked.
‘I’ve been in the city all morning, trying to get a message to the Marinos. We’re scheduling a peace talk for next week.’
‘A peace talk? What are you, two warring countries?’
‘We may as well be,’ Luca said seriously. ‘We’re going to call a truce.’
‘A truce?’ I repeated. ‘Just like that, it’s decided? I thought you and Valentino were just discussing that possibility.’
‘We were discussing it,’ Luca said, nonplussed. ‘And now we’re done discussing it. The decision has been made.’
I blinked at him, incredulity filling me up. ‘Without the rest of us?’
He tilted his head. ‘It was our decision to make.’
I got to my feet. ‘You’re kidding, right? I can’t believe you did this behind my back.’
‘Behind your back?’ Frustration curled his lip, brought o
ut a hint of the feral Luca I had seen many times before. ‘I thought you’d be relieved about this.’
‘You thought I’d be relieved that the day after Donata Marino opened fire on me at my high school dance you’re extending an olive branch to her? Are you out of your mind?’
Luca got to his feet too. ‘Are you?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t believe you’re giving up like this.’
When he spoke, his voice was deadly calm. ‘You almost died last night, Sophie. I almost had to watch you die.’
I took a step towards him, propelling all my anger and frustration into the space between us. ‘But I didn’t die, Luca. That’s the point. I’m still here, and they’re a man down. Now we have the upper hand.’
‘I don’t care about the upper hand!’ he said, his composure unfurling almost as fast as mine. ‘I care about lives! I care about your life! At least one of us should!’
‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’ I hissed, venom pooling on my tongue.
He glared at me. ‘It means you have a life outside of this war, Sophie. You have possibilities. I want you to stop looking at all the things you want to damage and start looking at all the ways you can be happy. That life you imagine for yourself? The one we talked about? You can have that. You can still have all of it. Start thinking about that. Start thinking about possibility.’
There he was, on that damn pedestal again, and it made me so mad that he couldn’t understand how badly I needed this. How badly I wanted Donata to pay.
I reeled my temper in, made myself sound calm as I said, ‘And what if I want something different? Does that count for anything?’
‘We’re calling a truce,’ he said firmly. ‘This isn’t a negotiation. I just wanted to let you know. Stupidly, I thought you’d be pleased.’ Before I could respond, he turned from me and stalked out of the room.
I marched after him. ‘Hey! Get back here!’
He turned around, his eyes flashing in the dusky hallway. ‘What?’ he spat.
‘Is that it?’ I said. ‘The blood war is over, so you’re just going to go back to ignoring me. Pretending I don’t exist.’
He took a step towards me. ‘When have I ever pretended you don’t exist?’
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