How to Handle a Heartbreaker

by Marie Harte

  “I don’t, you know,” he whispered to Mutt and sat on the floor. He held his head in his hands. “I’m a piece of shit. A no-good fuckhead who doesn’t deserve you either.”

  Mutt walked over to him and put his head in Brody’s lap. So trusting. The dog had nowhere to go, no one to love him but Brody. Kind of like Brody had nowhere to go but the McCauleys. A filthy little kid with sticky fingers who’d only managed by the grace of God not to be shoved into a series of foster homes, thanks to the kindness of Bitsy and Pop.

  Always making sure he had enough to eat. Throwing him in the van with the rest of the brood on family vacations. Putting his pictures on the fridge to show off his God-awful stick figures and artwork that Cam incessantly made fun of and Flynn defended.

  He gave Mutt a half-smile. “Cam was such a pisser. Mike too. Noogies and teasing. Stealing my army men only to put them back after painting them pink.” He wiped his cheeks, remembering how Bitsy would rock him to sleep after a nightmare, or how Pop had taught him to throw a baseball, a football, shoot a basket.

  And the women through the years, they’d all demanded so much, growing too clingy and obnoxious until he wanted nothing more than to race from their lives.

  But not Abby. She hadn’t wanted gifts or lavish attention. She didn’t know how gorgeous she truly was, how kind and caring. He found himself stroking Mutt’s head as he remembered how he’d come back to his house after her week staying there. How she’d left him a clean place and leftovers in the fridge. She’d taken care of Mutt and made Brody’s ugly-ass house feel like a home.

  And she loved him.

  He wiped his cheeks, not sure when he’d started crying again. Maybe he’d never stopped. He and Mutt sat for a while as he mulled over the fact that she’d loved him, and he’d lost her affection before he’d grasped that he’d had it. Had her. Seth, Abby, his life seemed like a never-ending spiral out of control.

  The doorbell rang.

  “Shit.” He didn’t think he could face Abby and her stupid claims that he felt unworthy again. Felt unworthy? Hell, he was unworthy.

  Accompanying the doorbell came banging. “Open the damn door.”

  Flynn. The bastard would stand there all night if he had to. He’d done it before.

  Brody hastily wiped his cheeks and blinked a lot, hoping he didn’t look as if he’d been crying. Then he crossed to the front door and unlocked and opened it. “Yeah?”

  Flynn gave him a thorough once-over. “Yep. You look like shit.” Flynn muscled past him and tiptoed through the shattered glass on the floor. “Had a hissy, eh?”

  “Abby was here.” He hadn’t meant to admit that, but it slipped out. He closed the door and stepped around the mess to stand with Flynn in the living room. Mutt stayed by Brody’s side.

  Loyalty to a man who had no idea what to do with it. Ironic.

  “Yeah? So she threw the shit?” Flynn asked.

  “Ah, no. That was me.”

  “Uh-huh.” Flynn cleared his throat. “About that. She stole my key from Maddie, who stole it from me. Thieves.” He shook his head. “Sorry if she disturbed you.” Then Flynn took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “But you know? She’s right. You need disturbing.” Flynn shoved him, and the move surprised him because Flynn felt like he meant business. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop hiding and talk to me. I’m your best friend. Your twin. Your brother, man. I get you can’t talk to Abby. Chicks don’t understand where we’re coming from when the emotional crap hits. But I do.”

  He could see Flynn’s frustration, and something in Brody snapped. “No, you don’t. You have no fucking clue who I am.”

  Flynn blinked at him, then narrowed his gaze. “So tell me.”

  “I’m a thief and a loser. The son of addicts, Flynn. Not your mom-and-pop fairy-tale family. No McCauley genes in me.” He thumped his chest. “Alan is a fucking nightmare. Jeremy too. Except now that he’s sorry, he wants to apologize for all the shit he put me through.”

  “What shit?”

  Brody didn’t want to tell him. Enough that he’d talked to Abby about it, that Seth had known his shame. Seth…

  “What? You mean all those bruises and scratches no one was supposed to know about? Dude, we lived in the same room for years. Did you really think I didn’t know your brother used to beat on you?”

  Brody paled. “You knew?”

  Flynn scowled. “Yeah, I knew. You never talked about it, and Mom and Dad told us to let you be. That you’d tell us when you were ready. But you never did. And anytime they’d come around, force you on those visits, you’d turn into a zombie for days and weeks after. Of course we knew something was up. But you wouldn’t tell Mom or Dad, always threatened you’d run away if we forced you to see a shrink or a doctor, so we had to respect your silence. Or so Mom said. I always thought that was for shit.”

  “You never said anything before.”

  “Neither did you. Why not?”

  He snorted. “It’s not something to brag about.”

  “Don’t be an asshole.” Flynn seemed angry. Really angry. “If you knew someone had been hurting me, what would you have done?”

  “I wouldn’t have had to do anything. Between Mike, Cam, Bitsy, and Pop, they’d annihilate the fucker.”

  “But you didn’t deserve the same consideration? I thought we were brothers.”

  Great. Now Flynn looked hurt. “We’re tight, but I’m not a McCauley. I’m not,” he yelled. “Don’t you think I’d give anything to have been born into the family? To know Bitsy was my real mother and Pop my dad? I used to dream that I was really your twin, and we’d always be together.” Brody’s eyes burned. “But the truth was my brother and father never went away. They always reminded me how easily I could go back with them if I fucked up.”

  He went silent a moment, then admitted in a sick voice, “I stole cars, booze, drugs. I sold baggies in alleys for Jeremy, to make enough money on shitty drugs so he could buy the good stuff.” He felt sick, remembering some of the things he’d done. “Flynn, I was a bad kid.”

  Flynn seemed surprised. “Are you serious? You really feel guilty because those shitheads abused you and made you do illegal crap as a kid? You’re smarter than that.” He paused. “Did they touch you? Like, molest you or something? Is that why you’re all messed up?”

  Brody let out angry laughter. “No. The one thing they never did, believe it or not. But yeah, I am all messed up. Flynn, just leave me alone.”

  “Abby told Maddie she said she loved you.”

  Brody froze. “What?”

  “Yeah. Cried about it a bit, but she’s okay—she’ll be okay, I mean.” Flynn sighed. “You are so fucking stupid. You’re lucky you have me.”

  Not having expected that, Brody could only stare. “What are you talking about? I’m messed up. A loser. A drug dealer, a car thief, a—”

  “Card cheat. Yeah, the list goes on. I know. Deal with it. It’s the past. Unless you’re selling drugs and stealing cars now? Is that it? Is that why business has been so good lately? You cleaning your drug money through our business?” Flynn looked more intrigued by the idea than disgusted.

  “That’s a lot of bullshit fiction. You sure you’re not reading Abby’s books?”

  Flynn grinned. “Well, just the dirty parts.”

  Brody wanted to laugh, but he was so confused. He’d never expected to tell Flynn his ugly truths, or that Flynn would just shrug them away, like they weren’t important.

  “Brody, I never thought I’d say this, but stop thinking so hard. Man, you’re a McCauley any way you look at it. Blood, last names, they don’t matter. You matter. You’re my best friend.” Christ, Flynn was tearing up. “I tell you everything. I always have. Hell, we’re closer than I am to Mike and Cam. You know me, and no matter what fucked-up nonsense you have going on in what passes for a brain in that head, I know you
. The real you. The guy who’s so in love with Abby he’s running scared. The one who’s as freaked out as the rest of us that Mom and Dad are having problems. The guy who taught our nephew how to palm a card and make money disappear. Damn kid keeps borrowing quarters to pull out of my ears, then makes them vanish and demands more money.”

  Brody choked on a laugh. “He’s a good one.”

  “Because he has you in his life.”

  Brody tried hard, but he started to lose it. He felt a tear trickle down his cheek. “Man, I’m just… I’m nobody, Flynn. A big blond shell of nothing.” He started crying like a goddamn girl. “Shit. I hate this. I hate Seth dying. I hate Alan, Jeremy. Those fucking assholes,” he snarled and wiped his eyes. “I hate you seeing me like this. Knowing that I’m…”

  “What, human?” Flynn wiped his own tears. “And yeah, I cried. I’m as big a pussy as you are. See? Twins.”

  Brody laughed, and to his horror that laugh turned into a sob he couldn’t stop. “I—I—”

  Flynn caught him in a bear hug and refused to let go. “Brody, you dumb fuck. I love you. We all love you. Just accept it and deal. Jesus, you’re stubborn. Abby was right. You have a hard head. And an even harder heart.”

  Brody hugged him back, accepting the lifeline for once in his life, and refusing to let it go.

  Chapter 20

  Brody stared at the mug of shitty coffee Flynn had made for him and forced him to drink. Hours later, they sat together in front of the glowing fireplace. Mutt lay sprawled out beside him, lost in doggie dreams.

  “Now we agreed. We never speak of what happened here tonight. Ever.” Flynn looked serious.

  “Like I want to shout out how I cried like a fucking girl and broke down until I could barely stand?” Brody asked in a hoarse voice, still emotionally and physically drained. He linked pinkies with Flynn and shook, the way they’d done as kids.

  “True.” Flynn let him go and took a long sip of coffee. “Ah, good stuff.”

  “It’s crap.”

  “Yeah, but with these cookies, it’s awesome.” Flynn had a plate of peanut butter cookies and snickerdoodles Abby had insisted he take with him, knowing he’d been going to Brody’s.

  Brody stared at the cookies. “She’s really mad at me. I think I blew it.” And that made him want to cry all over again. Jesus Christ, man. Get a grip.

  “Well, she’s not pleased, that’s for sure. But I think she’s really concerned about you. And she’s right. We coddled you for too long. I can’t believe you’d ever think you aren’t good enough to be a McCauley.” Flynn snorted. “That’s so stupid it isn’t funny. I mean, Mike went through that phase where he refused to wash his feet for nearly a year. Remember that? Mom had to constantly force him to change his socks and bathe.”

  Brody grinned. “Right. When the football team was in their championship season. He was afraid to wash his lucky socks. Thought they’d lose if he did.”

  “And Cam? All those prissy math and chess club competitions?” Flynn grimaced. “I almost died of boredom until he started track. He’s almost half girl, our younger brother.”

  Brody knew what Flynn was doing, but he didn’t call him on it. Emphasizing all those “our brother” and “our mom and dad” comments. To his bemusement, the inclusion felt…right. Not as if he had to remind himself to be grateful for his role in the family, but that he truly belonged. He deserved it.

  An odd feeling of acceptance filled him with calm. He took a snickerdoodle and bit into it, the flavor of cinnamon and Abby bursting in his mouth.

  “So you going to be okay now?”

  “Yeah. I might need a day or two off.”

  “No problem. Aunt Linda called Mom and bitched that Theo’s driving her nuts and that the kid needs some extra money for the holidays. So I brought him on to help me the next few days. I figure we’ll slow down and just take emergency calls then until after Christmas.”

  “Shit. Christmas.”

  “Yep. Just two more weeks. Stores are emptying out, and they’re calling for snow next week. Joy.”

  “I haven’t done any shopping.”

  Flynn smiled. “Brody, I don’t think anyone will mind if they don’t get anything from you this year. You’ve had a shitty couple of weeks. Well, Colin might sulk, but he’s a good kid. He’ll get over it and end up convincing you to buy him twice as much for missing Christmas.”

  They both chuckled.

  Brody needed time. “You think I could take off ’til next Wednesday? I know that’s putting us in a bind, what with the Janson house, but—”

  “It’s not a problem, Brody. You never take time off as it is. And I’m planning on vacationing next year with Maddie somewhere, so you’ll suck up the work then. Go ahead, call me a pussy. But when I make her happy, she makes me so, so, sooo happy.” He wiggled his brows.

  The comfort and familiarity of being with Flynn eased him deep inside. “Good. You deserve it. And she’s hot, so you need to do whatever you can to hold on to her. One day she might wake up and realize how ugly you really are.”

  Flynn frowned. “Please. This face? I could model with this face.”

  “Ski masks, maybe.” Brody grinned at the finger Flynn gave him, then let out a tired sigh. “A few days and I promise I’ll be back to work. I need some time to just be, you know? Not all fucked up like I have been, but time to recoup and just think about things.”

  “Abby one of those things you’ll be thinking about?”

  “Maybe. Probably.” He groaned. “Totally.”

  “Good. She fits you, man. I know the women you’ve dated. Fuck-buddies, some nice girls, but no one like Abby. She’ll stick. And I’m not just saying that because she’s Maddie’s best friend, which would totally make couples date night bearable.”

  “Oh right. Maddie made you go out with Robin and Kim a few weeks ago.”

  “It was torture. Kim’s all hot, and Robin’s kind of cute. So I’m sitting with Maddie and trying hard not to think about her friends going down on each other. It’s so weird. And I can’t tell Maddie that, because she’ll think I’m into her friends. Which I’m not.”

  Brody chuckled. “Be honest. You think of them going at it, and you wonder what Maddie might look like with another chick.”

  “Well, sure. I’m a guy.” Flynn huffed. “But it’s one thing to fantasize. I’m a one-woman man, and she’s a one-man woman.” He paused. “My point, before we got off track, was that I know you.”

  “As you’ve said many, many times tonight.”

  “This thing with Abby for you, it’s not casual. You really like her. Even love her, maybe?” Flynn watched him.

  Brody slowly nodded. “I think so.”

  Flynn’s white grin blinded him. “I knew it. Oh relax, Nancy. I’m not going to tell anyone. Your place is like Vegas. What happened here stays here. I mean it.” He scowled. “Cam finds out I was sharing and crying with you, he’ll want to join in. And that kid is not afraid to tear up. It’s embarrassing.”

  “I know.” On that they both agreed.

  “So we’re good then?” Flynn stood and yawned.

  Brody did as well, then noticed the time. “It’s two in the morning.”

  “Hence the sleeping dog.” Flynn nodded at Mutt,who twitched and growled without opening his eyes.

  Brody walked Flynn to the door but stopped him when Flynn would have left. “One thing. I don’t know that I said it before, but—”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I wasn’t thanking you.” Brody frowned, screwing up his courage. “I just—”

  “Don’t worry, bro. I know Abby will forgive you if you apologize. I think. Anyway, I’ll get Maddie on our side and then—”

  “No. Not that. Will you shut the hell up? I love you too, okay? There. I said it.” Why was it still so hard to say? Maybe because Flynn knew the ugly in
s and outs of him, and Brody half-expected Flynn to reject him? I’m not that jacked up, am I?

  Flynn winked. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t swing that way.”

  Brody punched him. “Asshole.”

  “Love you too, bro. Right back at ya.” Flynn smacked him in the head, gave him a bone-crushing hug, then left.

  Brody stared at the door as he closed it. He walked past the now spotless floor that Flynn had helpfully cleaned up hours ago and joined Mutt in front of the fire again, but not before yanking an afghan off the couch. He lay down next to his dog, pulled his blanket over himself, and stared at the plate on the table that flickered in the firelight. Two uneaten cookies remained.

  “I love you, Abby,” he whispered, and prayed he wasn’t so screwed up that he couldn’t untangle the knot of emotion scarring his brain so that he could figure out how to win her back. If he could win her back. One step at a time, he told himself, and allowed himself the rest, and love, he deserved.

  ***

  Abby had just six more days until Christmas. At the sight of all the snow outside, she figured it would be a white Christmas—her favorite. Her agent had given her terrific news that her proposal was in a bidding war with three major houses. Cha-ching. If the deal went through the way her agent thought it would, Abby could count on being able to eat through next summer. She absolutely loved the ability to pay her bills and afford food.

  She felt bad about celebrating an electronic Christmas with her family, but she didn’t have the time to shop and mail gifts this year. Despite her rift with Meg, she decided to be the bigger person and include Meg’s children in holiday well wishes. It wasn’t their fault their parents were morons.

  Her parents had sent her a Christmas card and money. Abby had talked to her mother once since being back, to reassure her she’d arrived home safely. But they hadn’t spoken about the ugly altercation with Meg or made mention of Abby’s writing career.