Twisted in You

by Fabiola Francisco

  I am surprised when we go out that people never come up to him. I know they recognize him, but they keep their distance. I pray that I don’t make the news. I have seen how they try to spill everything about celebrities and get all the gossip. I see the magazines when I check out at the grocery store. What is it now? Oh, something about a divorce between two celebrities.

  I want to stay behind the scenes, and the more I am seen with Tyler the less chance I have of that. I don’t want my dirty laundry hung for all to sniff.

  When our game is over, we leave. Tyler ends up beating me by a few points.

  “Are you hungry?” he asks looking at the time on the dashboard.

  “A little.”

  “I’m starving. Want to grab pizza? There’s a late-night spot not far from here.”

  I nod and laugh when my stomach grumbles.

  “Guess you’re more than a little hungry,” Tyler teases.

  I spend the short drive to the pizza joint looking at Tyler. I’m sure he’s aware of it, but instead of making me feel uncomfortable, he drives.

  If I would have killed myself, let myself bleed, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t experience this life I’m living. These new feelings that show me it’s possible to be happy and have good in life. It would have been someone else’s to live. There is no such thing as coincidence. I survived and was placed here to learn. To learn about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, find my inner being, and to find Tyler. He’s taught me so much . . . about what I want and don’t want.

  I stare at the man who has given me the opportunity to trust in him. I memorize his profile and the way he looks at me as if I am the most important thing in his life. I continue to look at him when he’s pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. A smile tugs the corners of my lips.

  “Mikayla?” His voice sounds concerned.

  “I’m right here.” I hold his hand and squeeze it once. “Thank you.”

  “For?”

  “Being my yang.”

  He leans in to kiss my forehead and smiles. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “I have something for you.” I pull the small box from my purse. “I know it’s early, but I wanted to give it to you today.”

  “Red . . .” His tone is warning. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

  “I wanted to. You’ll probably think it’s silly, but I saw it and knew I had to get it for you.”

  “I won’t.” He opens the wrapped box and pulls out the metal pick I bought him. I walked by a store one day and saw the pick with the yin-yang engraved in it. When I walked in, the woman who worked there told me they could engrave anything I’d like as an addition. It was perfect.

  “Light shines in darkness,” Tyler whispers as he reads the words I chose for the inscription. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” He hugs me tightly. “Thank you,” he whispers again against my hair.

  “You’re welcome,” I mumble into his chest.

  “Let’s get pizza, then I’ll take you to get your gift.” He smiles widely.

  “You don’t have to . . .” He doesn’t have to feel obligated to give me a gift because I did or to give it to me today.

  “I want to. I’ve been excited about it, so you gave me a reason to give it to you early. Now, let’s eat so we can go.” My smile mirrors his as we walk into the restaurant.

  After we eat some of the best pizza I’ve ever had, Tyler drives us to his house. It’s late, but I won’t ruin his excitement. While we ate, he told me he was finally getting the tattoo with the guitar and roses before the new year and asked if I’d go with him.

  “Ready?” he asks as he pulls into the garage and closes the door.

  “Yeah.” I try to stifle a yawn.

  “Come on, sleepy head.”

  I walk into the warmth of his house and follow him to the living room. I wait on the sofa while he goes up to his room and sit straighter when I hear him walking down the stairs.

  “You still awake?”

  “Yes.” I playfully roll my eyes.

  “I hope you like it. It reminded me of you, but you can be honest.”

  Tyler sits next to me and hands me a bag with a lot of tissue paper.

  “I’m sure I will,” I say as I remove the tissues. I pull out a book cutout in the letter R. “This is so cool.” I turn it to read the title on the spine. “This is my favorite book!” I run my finger over the words Little Women.

  “I know. I thought about choosing the letter M, but you’re Red to me. Always will be.” His smile is as honest and humble as I have ever seen it.

  “Thank you.” I love that he chose the letter of my nickname. It makes it more personal, more intimate.

  “There’s more.” He points to the bag. I nod, having seen the other box, but still looking at the book.

  I place the book on the coffee table and open the small box.

  “Do you like it?” He asks quietly when I stare at it and don’t comment.

  I nod, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

  “I love it,” I respond hoarsely. “Thank you.” I turn my head towards him. “A lot.”

  I take the brown, leather cuff from the box and feel the cool metal attached in the center. The words Brave Warrior are engraved with a gold arrow welded between them. The leather is worn and embossed with a floral design. The oval metal is hammered and smooth beneath my touch.

  “You are a brave warrior. You’ve fought so hard, and I am in awe of your courage.”

  Tears fall a little more freely now as he speaks, but I put on the bracelet and look at it closely.

  “It’s perfect.” I take a few deep breaths and settle my emotions.

  “I’m glad you like it,” Tyler says and drapes his arm around my shoulder. My head leans onto his shoulder and I feel him kiss the top of my head.

  We fit together like the two counterparts of a yin-yang, creating balance when we come together. He’s fire and I’m water.

  We sit there in silence for a long time, his hand in both of mine and the hand around my shoulders drawing circles on my arm. I sigh and close my eyes, inhaling his familiarity. I love this man in a way I never believed. I love the person I fought to become so I could feel this. Because this feeling is something everyone deserves to experience. Everyone deserves to be a brave warrior with a heart full of love.

  I jolt in bed and open my eyes widely. When I sit up, the room doesn’t look like Sam’s house. As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I realize I am in Tyler’s house. I turn on the bedside lamp and confirm my assumption. I’m in my old room.

  I have no idea how long I’ve been sleeping, but something woke me up. I stand and stretch; the cool wood chilling my feet, and walk out of the room. I tiptoe into Tyler’s room and watch him a second before sneaking into his bed.

  “Hmm . . .” I hear him sigh. I sink into the mattress silently to not wake him up and close my eyes. “Red?” His arm wraps around my body and pulls me close. I smile and tell him to go back to sleep.

  “What are you doing here?” His eyes are still closed.

  “I think I had a bad dream.”

  “You’re safe,” he mumbles and relaxes.

  Tyler looks the complete opposite of himself while he sleeps. The intimidating man he wants the world to see is a gentle giant as he breathes lightly and holds on to me. I am tempted to reach out and stroke his cheek, but I don’t want to wake him up in the middle of the night. I can barely make out the tattoos on his arm, but I can trace the designs that I have memorized. In a few days, his other arm will have its first tattoo. One that I painted.

  My lids grow heavier as I analyze Tyler in the dim bedroom.

  When I wake up, I see Tyler looking down at me. I blink a few times and stare back with raised eyebrows.

  “Do I have something on my face?” I finally ask.

  “Nope,” he chuckles. “I was staring.” He shrugs unapologetically. “I like this,” he adds quietly.

  I look at him seriously, the smile
washing off his face, but then I cuddle into him. This is the first time we slept in the same bed. The first time we are this close. A part of me needs space, yet I am drawn deeper into him. Instead of letting my mind power over me, I will let my heart guide me. And my heart wants more of Tyler.

  I kiss his chest, right above his heart, and sigh, closing my eyes again.

  “Are you going back to sleep?” he asks.

  “Maybe,” I murmur and he shivers.

  “That tickles.” He rubs his hand over my back slowly, lulling me back to sleep.

  When his hand goes under my shirt to rub my skin, I tense.

  “Fuck. Sorry.” He immediately removes his hand. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  I pull back, putting some space between us to look at him. His eyes are closed and his jaw tight.

  “Ty.”

  “I am sorry. I wasn’t trying to take advantage.”

  “Will you look at me?”

  He sighs audibly and opens his eyes but his eyebrows are pulled together.

  “I don’t want you to be afraid of touching me.” I almost choke on the last word, but I keep it together.

  “No, it’s that . . .” He’s at a loss for words

  “Tyler, listen. We haven’t talked about it, and I’m not sure I’m completely ready for more than the kissing, but I don’t feel intruded when you touch me. I feel safe and cherished.”

  To prove my point further, I scoot higher on the bed and kiss him. I don’t hold back because kissing is something that was never stolen from me, and I want him to be the only one that owns that.

  “Red,” he groans against my mouth. “You can’t catch me off guard that way.” He pulls back after planting one last kiss.

  My arms wrap around him and I kiss his nose. I know he has been patient. And hell, he probably doesn’t even know how this will go, but I want it to go somewhere. The day I opened up to Tyler Hunt was the day I gave him a piece of my heart. And although physically I was damaged, my heart was always locked away. It may have been cold and angry, but it was something no one had touched before. Until Tyler.

  “I love you, and one day I want to show you,” I confess.

  “You showed me a long time ago. Do you affect me physically? Fuck yeah. I’m a man. But you mean more than that. I told you I would be the one to heal your scars, and, though you’ve healed most of them, I want to be the one to heal that one in particular. When you’re ready.”

  I nod, understanding what he’s saying and knowing when the time comes the only memory I’ll have will be of he and I making love. The rest washed away by how beautiful that connection will be.

  I kiss Tyler deeper, braver than in the past. My tongue moves with his and the muscles in my stomach contract. Fueled by something unknown to me, I press into him and get lost in the kiss.

  “Red.” Tyler pulls away, breathing quickly. “Sorry, but we need to stop now. Fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You’re going to kill me.”

  I turn onto my back, my own chest rising and falling at record speed. I do not know what pushed me to kiss him like that, but I do know that I enjoyed it.

  “For the record, if you ever want to do that again, I volunteer,” Tyler adds.

  I laugh lightly and turn back onto my side to look at him. “We’re doing good.” I nod as I speak.

  “We’re doing better than good. We’re doing amazing.”

  He’s right, so I hug him and kiss his cheek before getting up from the bed.

  I have no idea what happened, but fuck if I don’t need one hell of a cold shower. After being abstinent for months, that kiss was all but a thirteen-year-old boy’s wet dream. I watch Mikayla walk out of my room, and I jump in the shower quickly.

  By the time I’m down the stairs, she’s in the kitchen making breakfast. I pause at the entrance and watch her. I miss seeing her here daily. And that was before we became more.

  “Smells good,” I speak up.

  “They’re pancakes.” She doesn’t turn to look at me, but I know she’s smiling. I love that nowadays, smiles cover her face more often.

  I walk closer to the stove to inspect her cooking and set two plates on the island. I finish filling two glasses with orange juice right as she stacks the last pancake on the plate.

  “Do you have plans for today?” I ask her in between bites. Pancakes are my favorite breakfast food and she knows that.

  “No. The usual.” She shrugs.

  “I have something I want to do. I’m going to make a call and see if it can be today.”

  “Um, okay” She pulls her eyebrows together and tilts her head. I smile and kiss the top of her hand, before finishing breakfast.

  I come back into the kitchen after making that phone call and notice she loaded the dishwasher. “You didn’t have to clean.” I wrap my arms around her middle and look down at her.

  “I wanted to. It’s not like it takes a genius to load the dishwasher.” Her hands are on my chest and her right one scoots a little more to my left. She closes her eyes, peacefully still. I watch her, wondering how we got here, but grateful we did.

  It has been a long road with many curves and blocks, but here I stand with Mikayla in my kitchen. I notice her heartbeat thumping at the base of her neck. When her eyes open, they look softly at me.

  “I wanted to feel your heart for a few seconds. Reminds me that I’m here, experiencing all this.”

  “You are.” I nod and smile. “You really are,” I emphasize. “Do you want to stop by Sam’s to change?”

  “Yeah. Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.” I wink and kiss the top of her head. “I’ll change and we’ll go.”

  I pass the driveway of the ranch-style home and keep driving towards the back where a barn comes into view.

  “Where are we?” Mikayla turns her head my way but her eyes go back to the barn.

  “A buddy’s house.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ll see.” I park my pickup by another truck and open the door for her.

  “Tyler!” I look towards the entrance of the barn and see Chris there.

  “Hey, brother.” I shake his hand and pat his back. “How you doing?”

  “I’m good.” He looks at Mikayla and smiles.

  I introduce them and explain that Chris is a family friend and was the first person to ever ask to buy my music, before I even had something to sell.

  “You want to come see the horses?” Chris asks.

  “Lead the way.” I hold Mikayla’s hand and smile at her. She’s quiet by my side, which doesn’t surprise me, but I had read somewhere that horses are therapeutic animals. I thought it would be great to come out here and spend some time with them.

  I am hoping that it helps her release whatever is left in her. It would do me some good, too. I have been more conscious of my thoughts and talking them out, instead of holding them in, has helped, but, every now and then, the devil tries to sneak in and give his two cents. I have learned to take a stand for myself and the life I want. Honestly, I’m so happy that the temptation is nothing more than a memory of the past. It’s not worth ruining this.

  I look over at Mikayla as she eyes the animals peeking their heads out of their stalls. Yeah, definitely not worth losing the smile that covers her face.

  She watches as Chris walks up to a beautiful brown one and pets her. “This is Abby.”

  “She’s beautiful,” Mikayla whispers.

  “Come meet her.” Chris nods his head reassuringly.

  I smile to encourage her and guide her towards the horse.

  “Place your hand under her nose so she can become familiar with you.” Chris shows her how and she imitates him.

  After a few seconds, she touches Abby’s face gently. She nudges Mikayla’s hand, and Mikayla pets her more firmly. Chris winks and walks away quietly, giving us some space. I’m grateful for that.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” Mikayla coos as she lets the horse become acquainted with her. I watch her silently
as she runs both hands down the horse, leaning into the door to reach higher up.

  “You can go in.” She stops my hand from opening the door.

  “Is that a good idea?”

  “I got this, Red.” I open the door and softly touch the horse, speaking softly to her. I take a step into the stall, holding the reins, and pet her back and side. “Come on,” I tell Mikayla.

  She slowly walks in and stands next to me, running her hand down her face and another hand down the length of her neck.

  “I’ve never been this close to a horse before. I have a sketch of one. Did you know? It was a horse I saw in one of my meditations. He was gorgeous. White and powerful. Protective. It’s the first thing I drew that wasn’t some fucked up portrait. I remember thinking how amazing it must be to see one. Thank you for this.” She places her hand over mine and holds it tightly.

  “You’re welcome.” I turn my hand over and lace our fingers. “Take your time. I can leave you alone if you want.”

  I’m not sure why it surprises me when she nods. “I’ll be back then.”

  I walk out of the barn and find Chris on his back porch.

  “Thanks for letting us come.” I stand in front of him.

  “You know you’re always welcome here.”

  “Thanks. How’s Michelle?”

  “She’s good. She and Kate went to buy some last-minute ingredients for a cake they want to bake tomorrow. Kate’s going to be upset she missed you.”

  I laugh and shake my head. Chris’ daughter must be about ten, and she’s a big fan.

  “Want me to sign something for her?”

  “If you wouldn’t mind. She got your new album, and that would make her happy.”

  “Anything for you guys. You know I would’ve given her a copy.” I slap his back. Chris is one of those guys that has a good heart. He means well and is always there for the people he cares about. I guess you can say he was my first fan, but I don’t see him that way. Truth is, he’s been in my life for years.

  “Good to see you’re doing well. Makes me happy.”

  “Yeah. Got cleaned up and stuff.”