The Renegade

by Amy Dunne

  “I’m not pregnant. I really have got my period.”

  “You need to do a test,” Evelyn turned to go to the cupboard, but Gemma gently stopped her.

  “You’ve helped me so much and I’m so grateful to you. But I’m not pregnant, and I really don’t need the tablets. I can’t explain why. There’s no time. But I promise you, I’m okay. Really, I am.”

  “Gemma, we need to go soon,” Scott called from outside the door.

  “Just a minute,” Gemma shouted to him, taking another step back. “Please trust me. And Alex,” she turned to her, “I’m glad Murphy’s okay.”

  “If it wasn’t for your sacrifice, he wouldn’t be,” Alex said shoving her hands in her pockets. “I owe you.”

  Gemma smiled. “If it wasn’t for his sacrifice, I’d probably be dead now. So we’re even. You’re not really married, are you?”

  Evelyn watched Alex stumble to speak. She willed her to lie and to do so convincingly, but instead she told the truth.

  “No,” Alex said, a red flush creeping up her neck and throat. “But you mustn’t tell anyone.”

  “I promise,” Gemma said, looking between them both, an eyebrow arched quizzically. “So you’re gay, too?”

  Evelyn’s stomach dropped. She opened her mouth but couldn’t form any words.

  She looked at Alex, who looked confused. “Who else—” Realisation dawned on her and her gaze snapped to Evelyn. “You’re gay.”

  It was a statement, not a question.

  “I thought you both knew,” Gemma said, her hand flying to her mouth. “I’m sorry. You looked like you were—”

  Scott knocked on the door again. “Gemma, we really need to get you back. Please?”

  Gemma wet her lips. “I’m really sorry. I’ve got to go. Evelyn, I…” She rushed to the door and gave one, last, guilt-ridden look before leaving.

  Evelyn locked the door, shoved the tablets into a drawer, and turned to find Alex hadn’t moved. Her expression unreadable. “Let me explain.” She held her hands up, sorting through the excuses her brain was churning up. “I didn’t tell you because I knew it would make this more difficult for us.”

  “This?” Alex asked, folding her arms.

  “Since the moment I saw you, I felt a connection. It’s more than just attraction. The kiss and the haircut,” she shook her head, “if I’d told you I was a lesbian, it would have only added fuel to an already hot, lusty fire.”

  “So once again, everyone knows except me,” Alex said, her expression darkening. “I was up front and honest with you from the very beginning about my sexuality.”

  “I know, and it was brave but stupid. And nobody else knows about me.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “They don’t. Gemma asked me on our wedding day what to expect and I had to tell her I wasn’t sure.” Evelyn walked tentatively back to Alex. “It just came out.”

  “I had a right to know. You’ve had so many opportunities to tell me and just didn’t.”

  “I knew if I told you it’d make things more difficult for us. And then it was too late to tell you without upsetting you.” Evelyn reached out for Alex, but she shrugged away from the touch.

  “You weren’t going to tell me?”

  “When we escaped from here I was going to tell you,” Evelyn said. The anger and hurt in Alex’s eyes was almost too much to bear. “I know you feel betrayed, but that wasn’t what I intended. I was trying to do what was right. Not that it worked. I mean we kissed and we touched…I was trying to protect us both.”

  “I haven’t lied to you once. But your lies keep on coming. I’ve been going crazy. I couldn’t work out if there was actually something between us, or if I just wanted to convince myself there was. Whether you actually cared for me? Were attracted to me? I’d have done anything to protect you and Jamie. Anything. You made me torture myself by thinking I was falling in love with a straight woman.”

  Evelyn didn’t know what to say. Falling in love? “I—”

  “I’m going,” Alex said, tears brimming. She stormed past Evelyn without breaking stride.

  “Please don’t go,” Evelyn begged. “Let me explain. I need you. Once we escape—”

  “That’s all that matters to you,” Alex said, spinning around. “You don’t care about anyone, as long as you escape. I’ll not break my promise. I’ll get you out of here, but then I never want to see you agai—”

  Evelyn forced her lips against Alex’s, silencing her with their bruising intensity. After initial shock, Alex started to pull away but Evelyn wrapped her arms around her firm waist, keeping them tethered.

  It was all or nothing now.

  She knew in her heart she couldn’t ignore and fight her feelings any longer. It was hurting them both and slowly strangling any dreams of a future together. The time wasn’t right and the place a dangerous manmade prison, but in the last few weeks, being with Alex had kindled hope in an otherwise hopeless situation. Spurning Alex’s advances had seemed coldly logical, especially after telling herself it was only until they escaped. But that wasn’t her decision to make. The only thing she’d succeeded in doing was hurting Alex. Tears spilled, and her heart was weighed down with guilt, making it too heavy to bear. She was on the brink of losing Alex for good, and with startling clarity knew that was an outcome she couldn’t live with.

  Alex kissed back ferociously. Her teeth caused stings of pain as she nipped Evelyn’s lips before deepening the kiss. Her tongue slipped inside Evelyn’s mouth as she pulled Evelyn’s body firmly against hers.

  Evelyn’s legs nearly buckled, but Alex’s held her up. Her heart hammered in her chest, causing her vision to blur and her head to swim as if she were drunk. The taste of Alex was addictive and she wanted more. The heady lust ruled over all of her senses. She yearned for more intimacy, desperately craving physical touch. The pulsing ache of desire hummed between her thighs, so sensitive that even the slightest movement shot painful jolts of arousal through her body. Her damp knickers clung to her and the insides of her thighs were wet.

  Alex trailed her kisses to Evelyn’s neck and throat: hot, wet, slow kisses that tickled and sent waves of pleasure scuttling over Evelyn’s sweaty skin. Gasping, Evelyn couldn’t form words or thoughts. Primal sexual need became the sole focus of her mind and body. As if sensing her desperation, one of Alex’s hands fumbled with the trouser button and zip. Shyly, Alex’s hand dipped beneath the elastic of the knicker line and froze. Their eyes met, the intense desire mirrored.

  Evelyn grasped Alex’s hand and guided her fingertips to where she needed them. The first touch was gentle and light, but because she was so swollen and sensitive, a strangled hiss escaped as her body jolted. Breathing hard and closing her eyes, she welcomed Alex’s kiss. It was deep and slow, matching the tentative rhythm of her fingers’ intimate touch. Evelyn withdrew her hand, needing to hold on to Alex for support. She was close.

  Alex exerted pressure, her fingers slipping and sliding with each caress. She moaned, the sound disappearing into their kiss. She thrust one finger inside Evelyn.

  Whimpering, Evelyn hung on to Alex all the tighter. Her legs felt so weak, she was scared she might collapse. As Alex thrust again, adding another finger, Evelyn choked back a gasp. The friction grew as the rhythm increased and Evelyn knew she was going to come. She broke their kiss and with eyes clenched shut, she buried her face into Alex’s chest, her cry dangerously loud as it echoed throughout the room. Alex withdrew her hand just in time. Evelyn slumped, relying on Alex’s arms to take the strain of the full weight of her trembling body.

  Alex slowly brought them to the floor with her arms protectively wrapped around Evelyn’s waist, and planted kisses on Evelyn’s damp forehead.

  It took a few more seconds for Evelyn to gain enough composure to be able to form coherent words. “I’m sorry.” Tears bristled as her body jittered, thanks to the rush of endorphins. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  Alex cupped her face and gave the sweetest of tender ki
sses. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because of this. I didn’t trust myself to have enough self-control, and I knew you’d never give up. But if we get caught, he’ll kill Jamie and you.”

  Alex kissed her again. “We won’t get caught.”

  “I’m scared,” Evelyn said, resting her head on Alex’s shoulder.

  “Of being caught? We’ll be careful. I promise.”

  Evelyn shook her head. “Something scares me even more than being caught.”

  “What is it?” Alex asked her expression serious.

  “I love you,” Evelyn whispered. “And I’ve never felt like this before. It scares me so much.”

  Alex sat up straight. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows arched. She opened her mouth, only to close it again.

  “I don’t expect you to say it back. I just want you to know the truth.” Only, she desperately wanted to hear Alex say it back. Her heart and soul were vulnerable from the declaration. She’d never uttered those words to a lover before, but had seen and felt the hurt of those who had professed their love to her. How could she have been so callous? Like them, she’d laid herself bare, and rejection hovered close by, ready to swoop down and devour her broken heart.

  “I love you,” Alex said, her expression as surprised as she sounded. “I think I’ve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you.” Alex’s gaze dropped to the floor as she shifted uncomfortably.

  “What’s wrong?” Evelyn asked, sensing her relief was short-lived.

  “I’ve only ever professed my love twice. First to Dianne and now to you.” Alex shook her head softly, her anguish obvious. “I feel like I’ve cheated on her. Which is ridiculous because she’s at peace and would only want me to be happy.”

  Evelyn wasn’t sure what to say. Truth be told, she hadn’t even spared a thought for Dianne’s memory. Guilt squirmed inside her. How could she compete with a dead lover? Another thought struck, confirming what she already knew to be true. Alex loved wholeheartedly, with every fibre of her being. That was one of the many reasons Evelyn felt the way she did. Alex’s respect for Dianne and the love they’d shared was beautiful. “It’s okay. You love her and that’s not just going to go away. I wouldn’t want it to. She was a part of your life for a long time.” She took hold of Alex’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

  “Before she,” Alex’s voice croaked with emotion, “passed away, she made me promise never to forget her, but told me to love again if I ever got the chance. I didn’t think I’d survive, let alone fall in love again.” Alex blew out a shaky breath. “But life’s too precious to pass up on the opportunity to love again. Dianne would want us to be together.” Alex kissed her gently on the lips, sealing their bond.

  Relief coursed through Evelyn’s body, forcing a nervous laugh from her sore lips. “This whole situation is…”

  “Absurd? Crazy?” Alex asked with a crooked smile.

  “Wonderful,” Evelyn said, holding Alex’s hand. “But dangerous.”

  “I’ve wanted to do this for so long, but had hoped to make it a bit more romantic,” Alex said, her cheeks burning.

  “We can do romantic another time,” Evelyn said. Outside, voices and footsteps sounded close. “It’s time for lunch. We better go.” Evelyn fastened her trousers and brushed herself down. She felt so high and giddy, she felt certain people would suspect what had happened. They made their way to the door, but Evelyn hesitated. “If Joe will look after Jamie tonight, will you sneak to my room?”

  “I want to more than anything, but you said yourself, it’s dangerous.”

  She knew Alex was right, but that didn’t stop her from persevering. “I know I did. And it is. But if you sneak in after one, everyone will be asleep. We can barricade the door,” Evelyn said, feeling guilty by how conflicted Alex looked. “I need to hold you,” Evelyn said lamely. “Just for one night.”

  “Okay,” Alex said, kissing her cheek. “Just one night.”

  *

  Alex checked herself one last time, delaying leaving for a few more minutes. She was terrified she might get caught and rushed through her rehearsed reason for being out of bed so late. Murphy was in pain and she had to wake Evelyn to ask if he needed pain relief.

  “You’re making a plan, then?” Murphy asked from the bed, clearly suspecting he was being fobbed off.

  “Shush,” Alex said, “Not so loud.” She walked over to the bed and fussed Paddy, who was fast asleep. “Yeah, we’re going to talk through options.” She felt bad for not telling Murphy the truth. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, more she wasn’t sure how he’d handle the truth. During the last few days, he’d made a few digs about the amount of time she spent with Evelyn. He was jealous.

  “Why can’t I come?” he asked, sitting up. “Three heads are better than two. I want to get out of here as much as you do.”

  Alex shrugged. “There’s less chance of one of us getting caught. I won’t be long. Plus, you need to watch Paddy.” Since their reunion, Paddy refused to leave his side and had taken to sleeping next to him.

  “Fine,” Murphy said, folding his arms with a pout. “I’ll wait up.”

  “No,” Alex said a little too forcefully. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, and after your interrogation, you need to rest.” She looked at the floor, knowing if he hadn’t suspected something before, he now did. “I better go,” Alex said, trying to mask her nerves. Her body trembled with jittery energy, as if she’d drunk ten shots of espresso. The thought of kissing Evelyn again set her heart racing.

  “Be careful,” he said, turning his back to her.

  “I will.” She crept out into the corridor, slowly closing their door behind her. The silence was almost deafening, and every step she took made a creak that sounded too loud. With her breath burning in her lungs, she tiptoed faster. Evelyn’s door came into sight. A cough reverberated down the corridor and made Alex freeze in fear. She listened, certain she’d hear footsteps or a door opening at any second, but after three heartbeats, she remained alone. Nearly losing her nerve, she made a tiptoe sprint to Evelyn’s door, unsure as to whether she should knock or just go inside. The decision was made for her. Evelyn opened the door and ushered her inside.

  The light was off, but two candles burned inside red glass holders on the bedside cabinet. Their light flickered, creating shadows on the walls.

  Evelyn dragged a heavy chair to the door and wedged it beneath the handle, barricading them inside. She stood barefoot, dressed in a grey dressing gown tied loosely at the front. Her pale legs were bare, with the hem of the dressing gown hovering above her knees.

  “Hi,” Evelyn said with a gorgeous smile.

  “Hi,” Alex said, bridging the gap and pulling Evelyn in close. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you, too,” Evelyn said, planting a trail of sweet teasing kisses across Alex’s lips.

  Emitting a low growl, Alex kissed Evelyn hard, her lips staking their claim and her tongue battling for control. As their kiss deepened, Alex closed her eyes, immersing herself in the taste of Evelyn and the hot wetness they’d created. Their breathing was laboured. Evelyn broke their embrace first, gasping for breath, her lips gleaming. She took half a step back, ensuring she had Alex’s full attention before undoing the dressing gown, letting it slide down and pool around her feet.

  Alex groaned, her eyes feasting on Evelyn’s pale body, as if starved. She was more beautiful than Alex had even dared to dream. Her hair was loose and wild, covering her shoulders and collarbone. Evelyn’s breasts swelled with each breath, the rosy nipples puckered in the cool air. Alex’s gaze travelled the length of Evelyn’s body, skimming over the freckled skin and lingering on the curve of her hips.

  “Touch me,” Evelyn whispered, a visible shiver passing through her body and chilling her skin.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Alex said, wrapping her arms around Evelyn’s waist, tugging her close and pressing her body against hers. Her thigh planted between Evelyn’s legs. Evelyn’s
skin was soft, smooth, and warm. The faint scent of shampoo and shower gel lingered, but didn’t overpower the delicate musk of Evelyn’s skin. Alex nestled her face into Evelyn’s hair, breathing deep and savouring the scent. Her hands skimmed over the pale shoulder blades, hips, and lower back, revelling in the softness and the way Evelyn’s body responded to her touch. She pressed her lips between Evelyn’s jaw and earlobe. With a small flick of her tongue she tasted Evelyn’s skin, salty and sweet, and immediately craved more. With slow kisses, licks, and nibbles she trailed down to Evelyn’s right breast. As she drew the firm nipple into her mouth she sucked and raked it with her teeth, feeling it harden. Evelyn let out a gasp.

  “I need to feel you,” Evelyn said, hissing a shaky breath.

  Needing no persuasion, Alex stripped out of her top and jeans, leaving only her chest bind and boxers on. She hadn’t considered how she felt about removing the bind. In previous relationships, she’d never worn a bind and had enjoyed having her breasts fondled. She made her decision and stripped out of both. She didn’t want to have anything between them, not even a thin layer of material.

  “Come on,” Evelyn said, taking Alex’s hand and guiding her to the bed. She crawled on top of the blanket, lay down, and pulled Alex on top of her.

  They kissed again. Their bodies came together, skin against skin, hands caressing and exploring. Even with the cool chill of the unheated room, their bodies generated heat and sweat.

  Evelyn’s mouth teased one of Alex’s nipples, sending jolts of arousal straight to her throbbing sex. Her fingers brushed the coarse hair between Evelyn’s legs only to then stroke the soft skin inside her thigh. Surprised, Alex caressed Evelyn’s leg, feeling the smooth, hairless skin. “I thought we weren’t allowed razors?” Alex asked, amused.

  “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” Evelyn said, with a mischievous grin.

  “I didn’t—” Alex was cut off midsentence by another searing kiss. Fortunately, it seemed Evelyn didn’t mind that she hadn’t been able to shave. Unable to hold back, Alex lightly stroked Evelyn’s sex. She was wet and her legs buckled as Alex trailed lazy circles.