****
Lex leaned against the long table spread with various kinds of cold meats, pies, and cakes and sighed inwardly. At least, they thought it was an inward sound.
“What are you huffing about now?” Dodd demanded, stuffing half a slice of pound cake into his mouth. “Lord Almighty, they must have used all the sugar left in the abbey in this. This is so good. Want some?”
“Too sweet for me,” Lex said, and they pulled out a chunk of meat out of the beef pie to pop in their mouth. “Pie’s good. I’m worried, Dodd.”
“You’re always worried, Lex. The way I see it, the Captain and the Contessa are old enough to make their own mistakes, right? Isn’t that what you’re always saying about me?”
“I’m always saying you need to learn how to eat. Look at you! You’re a mess.” Lex brushed cake crumbs off the front of Dodd’s dark green jacket. They sighed some more. “It would kill him if he has to arrest her.”
“More to the point, it would kill her.”
Lex tried to smile, but their heart wasn’t in it. “What are we even doing here? A ball after what happened in town. Will people look back on this night and think those stupid people danced the night the world burned?”
“That’s it,” Dodd said. He took Lex’s plate and put it down. He frog-marched Lex toward the corner table. “We’re getting some wine into you.”
****
“Contessa, I’m still not convinced these peace talks will get us anywhere, but this is the best ball I’ve been to in years,” said Her Serene Highness, Princess Annabella of Markham and sister to the King of Amadore. “You have simply outdone yourself, my dear.”
“I’m so pleased to hear you say that, Your Highness,” Allegra cooed. She held a crystal champagne glass in her hand, though she’d not drank more than a sip. “I felt that we all could use an opportunity to mingle in a different environment. Also, I believe the peace talks are already getting us somewhere. Look around you, Your Highness.” Allegra motioned with her hands. “I see mages talking with viscounts. I see slave owners speaking to freemen. I see obscure Contessas speaking to leaders of prestigious city-states.”
The Princess laughed. “Indeed, my dear. I thought His Holiness had slipped into dementia when I received your letter of invitation, but I see that I misjudged you.” She fanned herself. “And you are right, of course. As long as people are talking, they feel they are being heard.”
Allegra motioned with her glass. “And no one feels more validated than when they are heard.”
“My dear Contessa, when all of this nonsense is over, you must come visit me!”
Allegra produced her well-practiced, fake smile. This nonsense, as the princess called it, wasn’t likely to be over for some time. This wasn’t a spat between siblings.
Could these people not feel the hot breath of war upon their necks? Didn’t they see the devastation in Borro when they passed through the village? Were all of the tents and makeshift houses suddenly invisible? Was the world so blind? Had she ever been this blind?
“I hope that opportunity will be soon, Your Highness.” Allegra continued to smile. “In the interim, might I ask you for a small favor this evening?”
“Anything, my darling! I’m having too much fun to say otherwise.”
Allegra leaned forward and, in a hushed whisper, said, “Might you give Queen Portia a hint that Bonacieux needs to seek early retirement?”
Princess Annabella snapped her fan shut. “That brute of a man had the nerve to interject himself into our tête-à-tête yesterday and demanded to know what I wanted with the Queen. Demanded! Of me! What was she thinking to bring that man here? Grand Duchess Katherine and I are already scheming, my dear Contessa. You have no worries on that score.”
“Good. He insists on being in every negotiation with the Queen.”
“My dear, let me give you a piece of advice. If he attempts to control you at any moment, you must be firm, decisive, and you must act quickly. Men like him never accept a woman’s authority and appeasement will not work on him. I do not trust that man.”
“Then my own suspicions have some company this evening.” Allegra raised her glass to the Princess and said, “Your Highness.”
Princess Annabella gave a slight bow of her head. “Your Excellency.”
“Contessa, a moment of your time?”
Allegra smiled at Grand Duchess Katherine. “Always for you, dear cousin.”
“Come now, our mothers are not here. We can speak plainly.” The Duchess looked around. “Accompany me to the dessert table? I have a desire for nothing but sweets tonight.”
Allegra motioned with her hand. “Lead the way.”
When they were closer to the music and less likely to be overheard, the Duchess said, “I plan to ask Captain Rainier to lead the dancing with you later. I hope you don’t object.”
“Stanton has been practicing, or so I gather from Lex and Dodd. Rahna, one of the Consorts, has been teaching him.”
“Stanton, is it? Not Captain Rainier? Not His Grace?” The Duchess smiled. “Has someone been mixing her business and her pleasure?”
Allegra didn’t fall for the bait. She gave her cousin a bored expression and said, “Why isn’t the duke here?”
She rolled her eyes. “His lover didn’t wish to travel. They both feel these talks will end faster than the travel to get here will take.”
“Cynical,” Allegra said. She took another sip of champagne.
“I’m impressed by what you’ve done here, Allegra.”
“All I’ve done is throw a party. Any fool can do that.”
“This is not a party,” the Duchess chided. “This is peace. Representatives from all of the great powers across Serna are here and for one purpose: to stop fighting. You did this in less than a year. I am very proud of you.”
“Save your pride for when I have all of these great powers agree on anything.”
“Enjoy your triumph, Allegra. There will be few in the days ahead. Now, if you will excuse me, I believe it’s time to begin the dancing.”
****
Allegra stood on the balcony and soaked in the cool evening air. The ballroom had become an oppressive press of bodies and people, and the private terrace was a balm to her frayed nerves. A moment later, Allegra heard footsteps and turned to see Lex approaching.
“Hello, Lieutenant,” Allegra said. “Here to check on me?”
“It was more of an excuse to get away from the heat,” Lex said. “But I’m fine with pretending it was for your safety and well-being.”
Allegra snorted. “May I ask you a question, Lex?”
“Of course.”
“What has it been like you for?” At Lex’s quizzical expression, Allegra clarified. “Looking differently than you feel.”
“Ah.” Lex shrugged. “I don’t think…I mean, it doesn’t bother me the way it did when I was younger. I have a good life now.”
“That’s made a difference?”
Lex snorted. “Being accepted by people for who am I? Not needing to hide anything? Yeah, that makes life a lot easier to enjoy.”
Allegra smiled, though it was a sad, almost bitter expression. “I’ve never felt that way in my life.”
Lex frowned. “Contessa…”
Allegra raised a hand. “It’s fine. I received a letter from your mother this morning. She said to keep an eye on you for her.”
Lex chuckled. “I feel sorry for her some days. She wanted a frilly daughter so bad. I must have been quite a disappointment to her.”
“I don’t think that.”
“Oh, you mistake my meaning. I don’t regret anything, only the parts where my mother can’t have it all, too. I wish they had been able to have other children, not just me. It would have made many, many things easier, and not just the very obvious.”
“She seems very accepting of you. She’s even proud to know you’re working with me.”
Lex leaned his elb
ows against the railing. “I’m glad. You know, it was that damned corset that got us talking again. Mom had such a horrible time with all of it. Dad took it better than I thought he would, but Mom…she was devastated. She had always had this plan for my life and it wasn’t what I wanted.”
“What changed?”
“She came to visit me at the Cathedral. I’d made an off-hand comment at dinner about how chafed I was from my corset and how it dug so badly into my hips. Well! That sent her into a fit. She insisted on bringing her maid in to measure me. So, you have to picture this. I’m in Captain Rainier’s office, being measured by my mother’s maid, all the while they are arguing over how much my tits could be tied up before I couldn’t breathe anymore. Rainier kept knocking on the door because he needed his office, and my mother kept scolding him.”
Allegra chuckled. “But they did it.”
“They did it, all right. Now, Mom and I write. She asks me about training or jobs I do, and I tell her what fashions people are wearing and what the latest court gossip is. It’s funny because neither of us care about those topics, but we know the other does, so…I don’t know. Dodd says this is how most parental relationships are.”
“My father took me for a tour of a mage prison and explained how all of the women in it were evil and belonged there.”
“Ah. Well, I think I got the better deal out of it.”
“Was it all worth it? In the end, I mean.”
Lex looked at her like she was a simpleton. “Look at my life. I have a job I love, loads of supportive friends. Really, I have a great life.” Lex looked down at himself. “I’m lucky, too, that my body more or less matches what I want it to be like. I wish my courses didn’t happen, though.”
Allegra smiled. “That probably isn’t unique to you.”
“Probably not. Why are you asking about this?”
“Living authentically sounds glorious and liberating,” Allegra whispered. Her thoughts turned dark and she said, “As opposed to being what they all expect of you. Living a genteel life full of petty nothings all the while screaming on the inside. Is it even possible to live in the open after a lifetime of being someone else?”
“Contessa, what do you mean?”
Allegra shook her head. “It’s not important. I’m going to go enjoy a waltz. It’s probably going to be my last.”
“I’m sure you have many dancing years left in you, Contessa.”
“Would you kindly tell Stanton to come up to my room after the dance? Give me fifteen minutes or so.”
“Of course,” Lex said, confused. “You could tell him yourself.”
“I could, but he doesn’t listen.” Allegra smiled at Lex and said, “It’s time I follow your lead, Lex, but first let me have this dance.”
****
Stanton watched Allegra float into the ballroom. He tried not to stare. He failed. She was radiant. She spoke to the orchestra and they ended the music. She picked a glass of wine and spoke to the crowd.
“I am honored to be in this room today with all of you. This is a momentous achievement. Indeed, when I set out on this path, there were more days than not where I was convinced we could never achieve this. And look at us tonight! All of us eating and dancing together.”
Stanton watched the reaction of the crowd. She knew how most of them felt about her. They wanted her to fail. They had done everything they could to make her fail. But she hadn’t, and now they were all forced into this room with the likes of Walter Cram to save face. It made him smile.
“The coming days will be difficult and fraught with challenges. We will be tempted to second guess, which will only be natural. We will look back on tonight and ask, perhaps, was it all in vain? Did we make mistakes? Were we led astray?”
Stanton paused at this. He didn’t understand what she was saying. Why would she imply that?
“But I tell you in all honesty that this was the right path. The founders of our faith gave their lives to fight demons in the other world. Their sacrifice to go through the portal meant we could live in safety on this side. Without their sacrifice, we would not have this moment. So instead of fighting amongst ourselves, let us honor the Guardians and show their courage in the face of our current adversity.”
Allegra talked about religion and demons, which Stanton found strange. She’d been talking more about it every day lately, and had asked many questions. She’d also developed interesting views, as opposed to her complete dismissal of all religious things. Had she found a renewal of her faith, or was she merely looking for a new path to get the nobility to justify freeing the mages?
“I promise I will let all of you sleep tomorrow until at least supper,” Allegra said, and the crowd laughed. “And I made the servants swear not to kick any of you out until the sun rises. So let us raise our glasses and salute peace.”
Stanton smiled and said, “Peace” when the others clinked glasses. He noticed General Bonacieux didn’t say it, nor did he vary his posture in the slightest. He was not here for peace that was for sure. If anything, he was here to agitate.
Allegra approached him and smiled. Her eyes were puffy and the whites of her eyes streaked with red. She gave him a weary smile and said, “I came to ask if you’d like to dance a waltz with me before I retire for the evening.”
“It’s only ten o’clock!” Stanton exclaimed.
“I’m exhausted.”
“What about your guests?”
“I plan to spread the word I have a headache and put the Grand Duchess in charge. But, honestly, they probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”
He bowed to her and took her offered hand. He led her to the dance floor and the swirling crowd made room. She held his hand out the way she’d been taught and had the other on his shoulder. Together, they danced the careful steps as the orchestra played a slower country song.
“It’s too bad Dodd and Lex had to work,” he said.
“Why?”
“Didn’t you know? They are cello players.”
That brought a genuine smile to her face. “Indeed?”
“I’ve heard them play. They do duels sometimes, where they’re given a song to play and they compete against each other. Other times, they play accompanying each other. They can even play a couple of pieces on one cello.”
“I’m sorry I’ll never get to hear that.”
“Oh, once all this business settles down, I’ll get them to play. Just for you.”
She didn’t say anything. A tear trickled down her face.
“What is the matter?”
“I’m simply tired.”
“Do you wish to stop dancing?”
“No,” she said.
Stanton pulled her closer. Not enough to make the old ladies gossip about their impending marriage, but closer than his old dance teacher would have approved.
“I liked your speech.”
“Really?”
“It was more religious and reflective than you usually give, but I liked it all the same.”
“I’m feeling more religious and reflective these last few months.”
“What’s changed?”
She was quiet for long enough that Stanton thought he’d have to prod her for an answer. But she finally said, “Everything.”
“I’d accuse you of having a crisis of faith, but you’ve always said you had none.”
“Perhaps it is my lack of faith that is having the crisis.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
Her voice trembled when she said, “Never leave me.”
Stanton stopped dancing. “Allegra…”
Tears trickled down her cheeks. In the candlelit room, he was sure no one would notice unless they were staring. Even still, he picked up dancing once more so that they didn’t draw attention. He didn’t care now about the gossips and pulled her close, the way newlyweds and young lovers danced together.
“I would never leave you.”
She smil
ed up at him and in a broken voice said, “I believe you mean that.”
“Allegra, what is wrong? Tell me. I will help if I can.”
“There is nothing the matter. This is honestly the best moment of my life.”
It hurt him because, deep down, he knew it was true.
****
Lex waited for Rainier to raid the buffet table before approaching him. “Captain, the Contessa asked me to pass along a message. She wishes for you to visit her in her drawing room.”
“Did she say why?”
Lex shook his head. “No. She told me this before she danced with you.”
“There’s something odd going on here, isn’t there? It’s not me, right?”
“Nothing’s been the same since that man showed up,” Lex said, thrusting his chin in Walter Cram’s direction. “I think there’s a lot of history there.”
“I’m sure there is.”
“I heard them fighting, the night I brought him to the abbey. I stayed outside her room, just in case. I heard her tell him if he ever touched her again, she’d scream for help and make sure he was dragged off to the mines.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“She never had to scream,” Lex said. “I didn’t want to be gossiping about her personal life.” Lex frowned. “That was before I knew…well…”
Stanton snorted. “It’s not like that.”
“It should be.”
Stanton didn’t say anything.
“Sir, what she said to me. Something about screaming on the inside. The way she said it. That’s a woman living a lie and cracking from the pressure.”
Stanton didn’t want to admit it, but he knew what Lex said was true. He’d been feeling the same in the pit of his guts, where his sense and instinct lay. But he’d pushed it down as best as he could. He didn’t want to believe Allegra was lying and, more importantly, he didn’t want to think about what the lie could be.
“I think she might be an…”
The Demons We See Page 33