“Do…do…you want this?” she asked. “I…I will stop if…”
Whatever control Stanton had left in him collapsed. He wrapped his strong arms around her, calloused hands on soft skin. He kissed her, tongues lashing and exploring. He broke off to run kisses along her jawline, her ear lobe, and trace a trail to her collarbone.
He fumbled with the flap on his trousers and Allegra tugged and pulled the fabric, all the while meeting his kisses with increased need. One of the wooden buttons came undone, flying in an arc before clattering to the floor. Allegra didn’t care. They’d worry about buttons later.
With her help, he guided himself inside her. Allegra gasped. She gripped the sofa back hard, for fear she would lose her mind. When she’d regained control from her lust, Allegra leaned back, closed her eyes, and let her hips take over for a while. She didn’t look at Stanton as he ran his hands along her breasts or along the small of her back. She just held on to the back of that damned sofa for all of dear life.
Stanton’s breath was coming faster, as was hers. She didn’t slow her pace. She didn’t know how much she could hold on to any of this. Her mind, her magic, her lust. She just wanted to feel so badly; she wanted to feel.
So much of her life was devoid of feeling. It hurt so much with Walter because she had let herself feel. It was the first time she’d really given over everything and he had hurt her so badly. And she knew Stanton could destroy her. Not just her reputation or her estate, but utterly destroy her. He could be the one to arrest her and put her on a cart. She could be in the position to have to immolate herself to avoid the mines. She could become the killer she never in a million years believed she ever could be.
Stanton could hurt her that much.
And yet she moved her hips anyway.
His own grip on her faltered; he stirred to move her. She gripped the sofa back harder and said, “No. Stay like this.”
“I’d like to…help you catch up to me.”
“Stay like this,” she repeated, not letting go her grip.
“All right,” he said and reached forward to take each nipple in turn into his mouth.
She pulled herself closer, her ear against his. “This is only for tonight,” she whispered. “I can’t….just tonight, okay?”
“Just tonight,” he whispered back.
There was resignation, more than disappointment, in his voice. He wanted this to be every night, but they both knew it could never be. She could never let the cardinals know she was with Stanton. They would use him against her. One day, they might use her against him. No, she had to keep it…She had to…
Tears stung her eyes and she closed them shut. Why the fuck couldn’t she be normal like a normal person doing normal things? Why couldn’t she be there, in this moment, with the man she loved and not have tears running down her cheeks?
She needed this to stop, but she needed it to keep going. She needed to finish what she’d started. So she moved her hips and matched Stanton’s growing need. Her hands trembled from the strain, but she held on to that sofa’s back and wasn’t letting go. It helped her focus her magic and keep it under wraps. It meant she couldn’t completely relax and enjoy herself, but she was never under any illusions she would get to enjoy the finish line.
So she focused on Stanton and knowing that she could put a smile on his face. Tears trickled down her cheeks, and she struggled to disguise her gasping sobs as gasping need as best as possible. She couldn’t even tell them apart at this stage. It all hurt so much. Everything ached. She wanted him so fucking bad why dear Lord why couldn’t she be fucking happy for once in her abyss-damned life?
“Ally, Ally love,” Stanton whispered. He pulled her back, and pushed her hair out of her face. “Oh, love. Did I hurt you?”
****
Allegra’s eyes were wide and glistening from the tears that swelled in them. Some dropped off her eyelashes as she blinked. They followed a line that showed she’d been crying for a while now. Had he pushed her too hard? Had he hurt her?
“Ally, my love, what is the matter?”
She didn’t answer. She just gulped and gagged against her sobs, trying to keep them under wraps. She was shivering now, the warmth of their exertions no longer a shield.
He brushed his lips against her wet cheek. “Who hurt you to make you so afraid?”
She broke into weeping sobs.
“My love.”
That made her weep harder and she collapsed against him. “I can’t…I’m sorry. I wanted to so bad, but I can’t… I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Ally, Ally. You should have told me before.”
“I can’t. Oh Lord, I can’t.”
“Whatever you need to cry out, do it. I’m here. I will never go anywhere. As long as you want me, I shall be right here, by your side.”
“I can’t promise…”
“I don’t need any promises. I am offering. All you need. Whenever you need.”
“It hurts so much,” she whispered.
Stanton’s heart broke. What had been done to her? Had she been violated or abused in some horrible way? Had she seen a friend hurt? What had happened to this strong, formidable woman to make her cower in the face of affection?
Was it really just the mage thing? Did she honestly believe her life was threatened as much as she always said it was? Had her family been unkind toward her because of it? Her father had taken her to those mines.
He didn’t want to even consider the position he’d be placed into if she were an elemental, so he pushed it far from his mind. If she was one, Francois would have surely known, and he would not have appointed her to her current position. He didn’t believe Francois would turn her in, illegal though it would be, but he couldn’t see the Holy Father putting her into such a prominent role. It would stress her out and anyone would slip up in that situation.
Still holding on to her, he picked her up and he struggled to his feet. He placed her down on the cold floor and found her shift. He pulled it gently over her head and let it settle over her body. She slipped her arms inside the garment and he picked up the coat. He helped her into it and then he arranged the pillows on the sofa.
Armed with a blanket, he lay back down first before beckoning her to him. “Come.”
She obeyed, and with a small private delight he thought this was probably the first order she’d actually ever obeyed.
“Here, snuggle into me. I’ll protect you. You rest now.”
She sobbed harder, and he let her. Eventually, her sobs tapered off and, moments later soft breathing replaced her cries. She had cried herself to sleep in his arms.
He shifted his weight, careful not to wake her. He shoved a pillow under his neck and drifted off to sleep, the woman he loved nestled safely in his arms.
Chapter 29
“Where the fuck is she?” Dodd demanded.
“Keep your voice down.” Lex smiled at a group of passing servants entering the elite wing rooms with firewood before leaning back to whisper at Dodd. “Did you check her old cottage?”
Dodd nodded. “First place I looked. And, well, the Captain’s bedroom.”
“Is he in there?”
Dodd shook his head.
“Shit. She must be with him.”
“Wouldn’t he tell us?” Dodd asked.
“Would he tell us he went off to fuck the head of the legal arm of the Cathedral? Probably not, Dodd.”
“I would,” Dodd said. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”
Lex sucked in a breath. “Dodd, not everyone wants to display their trysts for the world.”
Dodd rolled his eyes. “Did you try the stables?”
“Martin’s out there now. And I sent Rahna and Nathan into town to check. Jasmine and Andrews are gone up the mountain path to see if they are there riding again. How could no one see her leave? Did she jump out of the window?”
Nadira came out of the Contessa’s suite with a basket o
f laundry. She noticed them whispering and approached. “Her Ladyship is in the attics.”
“The what?”
Nadira pointed upwards. “There is a nook, back behind all of the paintings, that has three chimneys near a window. She finds it quite cozy. She’s probably there.” She glanced at Lex and said, in a quieter voice, “Especially if she wanted to…discuss something with Captain Rainier in private. The walls frequently have ears here.”
“Where is the entrance?”
Nadira pointed to the linen closet and said, “Pull the ceiling string. The hatch stairs will fold down.”
Dodd followed, but Lex put out a hand. “Let me.”
Dodd gave Lex an odd look, but nodded his consent.
Lex accepted the candle from Nadira and climbed the narrow stairs. They left the stairs folded down, as it provided a little additional light. Dodd left his candle on one of the steps and closed the closet door. Again, everything to keep the Contessa’s private life as private as possible.
Lex quietly crept around, whispering Rainier’s name. Lex eventually found them, where Nadira said. There was an old couch pressed up near one of the chimneys. The Contessa was wrapped in a dressing gown and covered in a blanket. Likewise, other than Rainier’s shirt being unbuttoned at the neck, he was dressed. He was even still in his boots.
Rainier was asleep on the couch, with the Contessa laying across him. Her legs were tucked up under her skirts, while only one of Rainier’s legs were on the couch. The other dangled off the side, resting on the floor.
Lex wasn’t certain what to do, and hesitated. Maybe leave and come back, shouting out their names? Shake them both awake? Drop something on the floor and hurry away? Which would cause the least amount of embarrassment?
Lex drew in a breath and decided to creep up to Rainier. They shook his shoulder until he stirred. Lex whispered his name until he opened his eyes with a jolt.
“Lex! What…what are you doing here?” Rainier lifted his head and looked down at the still-sleeping Contessa. “Oh. I dozed off. What time is it?”
“The Contessa missed morning tea. We’ve been searching for two hours.”
“I’m sorry,” Rainier whispered back. He shook Allegra and she moaned in protest. “Ally, wake up.”
Ally?
She groaned again before blinking her eyes open. She squinted against the candle light and said, “Lex? What…oh!” She bolted upright. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Contessa, I’m sorry for waking you, but you were missed at tea.”
The Contessa gasped. “The Bishop!”
Lex nodded. “Cram said you were suffering a severe headache last night and that was most likely why you hadn’t sent word. You were sleeping it off.”
“Thank you,” the Contessa said. “I’ll go see him immediately. Is he still in his rooms?”
Lex nodded. “The Bishop? Yeah, last I saw he was still in there. He and Cram were…bonding. Do you want me to let the Bishop know?” Lex asked. Then, clarifying, “I mean, that you’re just sick or late?”
The Contessa shook her head. “I’ll be right there.”
“Yeah, I’ll leave you be. Sorry to…interrupt.”
****
“That was awkward,” Stanton said.
“I suppose they are all talking about us now.”
“I’m sure they were talking about us before.”
Allegra smiled. “That is less comforting than I’d hoped.”
Stanton put an arm around her and said, “We know what happened, and what didn’t. That’s all that matters.”
“Stanton, I am sorry…”
He pulled her close and said, “None of that. I am not a child. I can wait, even if it’s for something that might never come.”
“I feel…lighter.”
“You were holding back a lot of tears,” Stanton said. He pushed a stray hair out of her eyes. “My room is closer. Get yourself tidied up and go meet the Bishop before he murders Cram.”
Allegra grinned. “Don’t encourage me to go slow.”
They looked into each other’s eyes and, for a brief moment, Allegra considered kissing him. But instead she smiled, nodded, and walked out of her attic hideaway.
And she really did feel so much lighter.
****
Lex stood in Rainier’s office and lied. They were growing accustomed to it, though the prick of guilt never did completely fade. Still, Lex felt it was the lesser of the evils. The Contessa’s protection was Lex’s primary duty, so by the Almighty’s grace and Lex’s hand, she would be protected.
“No new concerns?” Rainier asked stiffly.
“About this morning,” Lex began.
Rainier looked up sharply. There were granite bricks softer than his clenched jaw. “This morning is none of your business.”
“I hate to disagree, but it is. You see, from how I look at this, the Contessa is my responsibility. And I need to protect her, even from her friends.”
Rainier put his quill down and leaned back in his chair. “You think I wish to hurt her?”
“I believe you might not be given much of a choice, sir.”
Rainier stretched his arms out. “Enlighten me, Lex. What am I going to do to hurt her?”
Lex knew the Contessa was an elemental. They had little proof, admittedly, but in their heart, Lex knew. It would destroy Rainier if he had to arrest her. It would kill Lex, as duty would force them to stand in between the Contessa and Rainier’s sword. Lex knew they were good, but Rainier was on an entirely different level. If they came to real blows, Lex would die.
But duty was duty. More than that, though, the Contessa was a good woman. She was trying to change things. Lex could respect that.
“Sir, I worry that…what if one of her enemies accuses her of being an elemental? By law, you’d have to arrest her.”
“No one would dare,” Rainier said. “Lex, seriously? That’s what is bothering you? You’re afraid I’m going to drag her out of here? I thought you had a better opinion of me.”
“It’s not about opinion, sir. It’s about your job.” Lex licked their lips. “And mine.”
Rainier narrowed his eyes. “Are you threatening me?”
Lex shook their head. “The opposite, in fact. If word of last night gets out.”
“It won’t.”
“But if it does, I worry about the consequences.”
Rainier sighed. “Lex, you’re a good soldier. More than that, I know your heart is in the right place. So let me say this. It seems like there is something between Allegra and myself, but there is not. We are in a delicate situation here, and there is no place for personal indulgences. Last night was a very rare exception. We ate, we talked, and we slept. There is nothing else.”
Lex knew Rainier was lying, but they also knew there was something in Rainier’s eyes that hurt him. Something clearly happened between them last night, but it wasn’t going to happen again, if he was any judge of the disappointment in the Captain’s eyes.
“All right, sir. I’m sorry to pry.”
Rainier didn’t reply. He merely dismissed Lex with a quick nod and went back to his paperwork. Lex stepped outside, closing the door behind them. Dodd was leaning against the opposite wall.
“Well?”
Lex looked back at the door. “He says there’s nothing between them and not to worry so much.”
“He’s right about that last one. Seriously, Lex. You gotta relax.” Dodd glanced at the closed door. “We’ll keep her safe.”
“Thanks,” Lex said.
And the two friends walked off in search of gammon pie and pear pudding. Though Lex couldn’t get the image of a chained Contessa dragged screaming through the corridors out of their mind.
“Dodd, can I trust you?”
“That’s a dumbass question.” He eyed Lex. “What’s this about?”
“Walk with me to the stables. There are things I need to tell you.”
Chapter 30
Allegra was a vision. She wore a dark vermilion gown, a daring choice for an unmarried noble woman on the wrong side of thirty. Whispers filled the room as Allegra strode confidently into the room. The dress was cut tight across the top of her breasts, with a translucent vermilion organza covering her arms and shoulders. The gauzy fabric was gathered at the neck in a thick, pearl choker.
Her dress was the least voluminous of anyone’s in the ballroom, adding to the authority and confidence she exuded. She did not need massive panniers and farthingales to make her important; her title was all she needed.
Her corset was tightened beyond anything he’d ever seen her wear previously. Her shoulders were back, and her chin high. Her dark hair was piled on her head, all tight curls. Pearls hung from her ears. Pearls adorned her fingers, her wrists, and even her dress.
“I’m speechless,” Dodd whispered. “The Contessa’s pretty and all, don’t get me wrong, but wow.”
“She has everyone to impress, and has decided to be the most impressive.” Lex laughed. “Well played, Contessa.”
“All right, let’s be on the watch for anything suspicious,” Stanton said, still not peeling his eyes away from Allegra. She’d not yet looked in his direction. Instead, she was speaking to Queen Portia.
“Yes, Captain,” Lex said. “Everyone’s in position. All entrances and exits are guarded. I’ve deployed six men to patrol the perimeter. That doesn’t count the Holy Father’s people, and all of the guards for the various dignitaries. If anyone makes a move, we’ll be ready for them. You should dance with her.”
Stanton looked down at Lex and scowled. “I should do my job.”
Lex let out a long-suffering sigh. “Love is dead. Come on, Dodd. Let’s go see if the food is poisoned. I’m starving.”
Stanton wore his dress uniform, which was basically the same as his every day uniform, only cleaner and less faded. Tonight, he wore all of his honors. Normally, he wore then sheepishly, but tonight he wore them proudly for hope that his reputation might fend off any dispute. He’d use any tactic at his disposal to keep them all safe.
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