The Demons We See

by Krista D. Ball

  “Don’t say the word,” Stanton ordered. His tone was harsh and unyielding. He glared down at Lex and said, “Don’t say anything.”

  ****

  Allegra tore her dress, but she didn’t have the strength to call for Nadira or another maid. So she wrangled herself out of it, and hoped the seams were repairable. Then again, she’d never wear the dress again, but perhaps it would fetch Nadira a good price in the city next time she went. That assumed, of course, they didn’t arrest Nadira, but Allegra hoped Stanton would shield her servants from the authorities as best as possible.

  Of course, Stanton was the authorities.

  Allegra was now wrapped in a simple wool dress with a linen petticoat and linen shift. She wore her most comfortable corset; hopefully, she wouldn’t be paraded naked through the streets of Borro.

  Allegra finished writing the note with instructions for her belongings. She placed it on the mantle and wrote CAPTAIN RAINIER on it. Hopefully, he’d see it before the confiscation of her belongings began.

  Stanton knocked on her door. “Allegra? It’s me.”

  Allegra squared her shoulders and brushed her sweaty palms against her dress. “Come in.”

  She was standing in the middle of her drawing room. The candles were all lit, but her fire had died down to embers.

  “Thank you for coming.”

  “Thank you for asking for me.”

  He shut the door behind him and approached her. She didn’t move, didn’t flinch. She barely breathed. Everything was about to change. Her entire life was about to end.

  “Lex said it was important.”

  “It is. Do you remember when I told you about Basina?”

  “Yes.”

  “I didn’t tell you all of it. During my tour, all I heard about was how witches were lustful sluts who had sex with demons. They were there because of their base desires. I was twelve years old. I didn’t even know what a slut was. I didn’t have the context of what they were discussing, other than I knew it was wrong to be a mage. I was wrong.”

  “Allegra…”

  “No, let me finish while I still can. Eventually, I was found out and sent to school. When I was fifteen, an older boy I liked kissed a girl in front of me. It was to tease me. I walked as far as I could away from the school and, in a fit of rage, I caught myself on fire.”

  Stanton’s eyes grew wide.

  Allegra held out the palm of her hand and a flicker of flame danced in her palm. “You see, I wasn’t just a mage. I was an elemental. I had no idea how to control it. And the emotions of a fifteen-year-old girl were too much for my untrained magic to handle.”

  “Oh, Allegra.” He was staring at her hand.

  “An instructor saw and threw me into the pond. I’d burned my hair and my dress, but I was thankfully fine. I lost my eyebrows, too, and was teased for a long time about that. The instructor lied and said I was playing with fire and had caught my dress on fire. I was put into a special class for girls interested in nature, to keep me out of trouble. It was a front, I discovered. All of those girls were elementals, just like me.”

  Allegra tossed the ball of fire into the fireplace. The dry wood she’d put there earlier sparked to life and the room was filled with the instant flash of light and heat. “Beyond those girls – some of whom are downstairs in the ballroom – there are four people who know about me. Rupert, Walter Cram, Father Michael…and now you. Nadira doesn’t even know.”

  “Why…why are you telling me this?”

  “I never believed in demons. I believed the only ones that existed were the ones who imprisoned mages for no other reasons than their own sadistic fears. I know now there are demons, real ones. But…” Allegra pressed her lips together. “I think…I think those demons wouldn’t need to come here if we weren’t all scratching to get away from the demons our laws have created. And I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired, Stanton. I’m so tired.”

  “Allegra.”

  Tears trickled down her cheeks. “I have been fighting whoever it is that’s been summoning demons into the abbey for months now. Months of my life I’ve been fighting the very thing I’ve been saying doesn’t exist. I’m tired. Just…make this end for me.”

  “This will ruin your life.”

  “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t. So shackle me, drag me out of here. I will not fight you tonight. If you take me, I’ll go. But don’t be there tomorrow, because I will fight come dawn. I will not arrive at one of those colonies. Dead or alive, no matter the cost, I will not be subjected to that life.” She raised her chin. “But I will no longer hide.”

  “But why now? Why tell me?”

  “I can’t lie to you anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  “Do I really need to say the words?”

  “No. I suppose not.”

  Stanton stared at her, the shock evident on his face. She had blindsided him. She’d done such a good job hiding and she couldn’t do it anymore. It was over. The farce had ended. She was cracking from the pressure.

  “Just…just say the truth.”

  Stanton took one step away from the door. Just one single step. He closed his eyes and said in a gentle voice, “Your secret shall ever be safe with me.”

  Allegra stared at him in disbelief. “I…I don’t understand. Why ever not?”

  Stanton took another step and took her face into his hands. He was breathing heavily now, and his voice was rough. “Would you like me to show you why I won’t?”

  And Allegra, Contessa of Marsina, mage, elemental, Arbiter for the Holy Cathedral let go. She grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him towards her. His mouth was hot on her. Her heart pounded in her chest.

  Stanton was pulling off his jacket, struggling not to disrupt the kiss. Allegra tugged off her overcoat and it pooled around her and the desk. Several letters and papers fluttered to the floor. She didn’t care in the slightest.

  She pushed Stanton away just long enough to tug his crisp linen shirt over his head, taking care to run her hands along the rippled muscles of his chest and shoulders. She had thought about this on too many cold nights over the winter, when all she wanted was to feel his nakedness under her.

  He tugged at the pins in her bodice until the fabric ripped and pins went flying. He tugged until seams ripped. Allegra managed to yank her arms out of the smock’s sleeves. Stanton pulled the dress down over her hips. He was kinder with her petticoat, but only because it had an obvious way to unlace down the front.

  He moaned at the sight of her breasts pushed upward in the modest corset she wore. He flipped her around and began unlacing the garment. Allegra placed her hands against the desk and stared at her papers. All of her work. Neatly arranged in piles. It would take her hours to resort everything.

  When he pulled her corset down over her hips, not bothering to completely unlace it, Allegra brushed her arm across her desk. Papers, ink pens, and a bottle of wine went flying. She could deal with it all later. She turned back to face him and scooted up the desk.

  She was breathing as heavily as he was. Stanton sunk himself in her and she moaned. She pulled herself tighter to him. Eventually, her shift came off and Stanton managed to stop long enough to tug his tall dress boats off, allowing his trousers to fall to the floor.

  ****

  Stanton was growing too close to the brink. He gave Allegra one final kiss before withdrawing. His body protested, but he resisted sinking himself into her wet flesh once more. He left a trail of kisses down the length of her body and ignored how one of her hands had the faintest glow. Yes, he loved her, but right now, he wanted her to quiver under the lash of his tongue. Her moans quickened. She grabbed his hair as she moaned, “Yes. More. More.”

  He obliged.

  And he slipped his hand over her glowing hand.

  ****

  Allegra felt the heat rise in her hand, and in other places, and it was difficult to release in one place while holding back elsewhe
re. But Stanton wrapped his fingers around hers and pulled her hands up over her head, pinning them to the desk. He didn’t care that they would have been warm to the touch. He climbed up her once more and only pulled one hand away long enough to guide himself in.

  They hadn’t spoken, for which she was glad. She simply wanted to feel him inside her. To push aside everything for one moment and…

  She gripped his fingers when she cried out. A handful more thrusts and Stanton grunted before collapsing on her, panting.

  “That was…unexpected,” Allegra said sheepishly.

  Stanton laughed. “I’m as surprised as you are. You don’t regret it, do you?”

  “No,” she whispered. “I’ll get my clothes on. You have a job to do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You can’t let me continue. I know that. So thank you for letting my last day of freedom be with you.”

  Tears trickled down her face, but she smiled through them. She would let him arrest her and, once handed off, she would burn herself alive. That would be a better fate than what was in store for her.

  He stopped her. “I gave you my word. I will not turn you in.”

  She touched his cheek. “You gave the Cathedral your word when you took your oath.”

  “And I gave you my oath just now. In my eyes, that is worth more than any ceremony to men. Allegra, I am in love with you. Tell me you know that.”

  “I know.” She closed her eyes.

  “Then, believe me when I say nothing will change.” He smirked. “Except hoping to sneak into your bedchamber on occasion.”

  She laughed. She had endured months of loneliness next to this man she had fallen in love with, and she could have told him all along. He would have understood.

  She cracked open her study door. The drawing room was empty of servants and footmen, thankfully. They were all still downstairs dealing with the ball. She grabbed Stanton by the arm and tugged him to follow.

  “Let me grab my clothes first,” he said, stumbling after her.

  “You don’t need them,” she said and led him to her bedchamber. Where, as it happened, he didn’t need his clothes after all.

  Chapter 31

  Lex paced the corridor of the Contessa’s rooms under the guise of providing security and discretion for a secret meeting taking place. Lex fiddled with the sword that dangled at their hip. It slid easily from its sheath.

  Lex gulped, but raised their chin and continued the pace of impatience. If Rainier brought her out against her will, Lex would defend her. That was their job. They were assigned to that very task: the personal defense of Her Excellency, Allegra, Contessa of Marsina. To allow her to be dragged from her own residence in irons…

  Lex gulped again. Captain Rainier was more than just a man. He was a hero. Lex’s hero. They did not want to fight him, but Lex also knew they would pull out that sword and stand in his path if the Contessa was arrested.

  There was the rub of it all: Lex would defend the Contessa to their dying breath because they’d given an oath. Somewhere along the way, that oath became cemented in friendship. Lex admired the Contessa’s strength in the midst of this entire shitstorm of impossibilities.

  And they felt a little responsible if the Contessa confessed her secret to Rainier. Her words last night to Lex cut so deep.

  I’m going to go enjoy a waltz. It’s probably going to be my last.

  Lex should have done something right there and then. They should have grabbed the Contessa by her petticoats and dragged her off to a closet, locking her there until she came to her damned senses! What was she thinking! She was the most powerful woman in all of Serna right now, even more powerful than Queen Portia. She would do more harm than good by coming out and…

  Lex drew in a deep, steadying breath.

  “Damn it all to the abyss.”

  “It dawned on ya, huh?”

  Lex whipped their head around to see Dodd leaning against the opened door. He was still in his uniform, sword also at his side. His bottom two buttons were undone, the way Dodd’s jacket always ended up when he was expecting a fight.

  “What do you mean?”

  Dodd stepped inside, closing the double doors behind him. He didn’t move closer. He held on to the door handles. “Us asking her not to tell Rainier she’s an elemental is like when your mother…”

  Lex drew in a deep breath and looked away. “Dammit, Dodd. You’re not helping. He’s going to arrest her. She’s going to be killed, you know it.” Lex gritted their teeth. “All I had to deal with was disappointing my mother! She is…she is trying to lead us away from a damned war. We need her.”

  “I know, Lex.”

  “And I can’t…I can’t let him. I can’t let her. I made a promise.”

  “I know, Lex. That’s why I’m here.”

  An overwhelming feeling of…Lex didn’t know what the word was for it, other than it was overwhelming. Lex wanted to slap, punch, kiss, hug…

  Instead, Lex smiled and said, “Thank you.”

  Dodd made a face. “Aw, you’d just get yourself hurt if I wasn’t here.”

  “I hope…” Lex frowned and looked back at the door to the Contessa’s private apartment. “I hope she didn’t tell him.”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  ****

  Allegra opened her eyes and experienced a moment of disorientation of wondering who was in bed next to her. Her heart pounded when she looked over at Stanton’s naked form, partially obscured by the heavy quilts she favored. He was so handsome. The portrait in the Cathedral’s hall of heroes did not do him justice. It didn’t capture the gold undertones of his skin, nor did it capture the way his deliciously full lips seemed to always be in a state of a half-formed smirk, even now when he was fast asleep.

  It had been wonderful. He’d been a gentle and kind lover. She was glad for the memories that would hold her for what was about to come.

  Carefully, Allegra slipped out of bed and began the business of dressing herself. Some of her underclothing had made it to the bedchamber, and she struggled into the special riding corset for which Lex’s mother had so graciously provided the instructions. Allegra laced up the sides over her shift, her hands shaking the entire time.

  She pulled the wool petticoat over her head, likewise lacing up the neck and tugging the shoulder straps into place. Tears trickled down her cheeks, but she continued her work. She would get the tears out of the way now so that he wouldn’t see them when he was forced to betray her.

  Allegra understood the rules. His words last night were sweet and loving, and she believed Stanton meant every single one of them. But it is easy to confess one’s love and devotion by candlelight, and it is much more difficult to live with those consequences by the sun’s glaring dawn light.

  She leaned on the memories of his love and his touch, and pushed aside the anger and blame that wanted to well up. She wanted to hate him for what he was about to do when he opened his eyes. She would not allow herself to do so. He would turn his back on her, but she would not.

  “Why are you up?” Stanton murmured from the bed.

  Allegra gulped audibly, pushing down the lump in her throat. When she was certain there would be no quiver in her voice, she spun around. A flickering smile twitched on her lips, but she likewise forced them into submission. She gave him a bright smile that she knew didn’t touch her eyes. “I’m getting dressed.”

  “You don’t need to work this morning. Come back to bed,” Stanton urged.

  Allegra lifted her chin and stood so tall her old dance and decorum teacher would have been proud. “I felt it would be easier for you if I prepared myself.”

  Stanton frowned for a moment before realization crossed his face. Pain flickered in those beautiful eyes. “You think I’m going to arrest you. After what happened?”

  “I understand that…” Allegra’s voice quavered and she closed her eyes to gain control over her composure. When she was certain s
he was in command of her emotions, she continued. “You have a duty to the laws of the land. I respect that, and I know you will do that duty, even if it means arresting the woman you profess to love.”

  “Profess? Profess? Is that what you think happened? You think I lied to trick my way into your bed? Is that what you think of me?”

  The salt of her tears stung her cracked and bruised lips. “What do you want me to say?”

  “That you love me. That this wasn’t a game.” Stanton pulled the blankets to cover his lower body and stood up. “I want you to trust me.”

  “I don’t understand,” Allegra said between small sobs. “You’ve made it so clear. Elementals are dangerous. They need to be shackled. It’s your duty –”

  Stanton took three long strides to stand in front of her. One hand firmly held his quilt in place and the other touched her face. “Protecting you is my duty. Handing you over to vultures is not protection.”

  “I love you, Stanton.” The words hitched in her throat. “It has been a long time since I’ve loved anyone, but I love…love…I love you.”

  He let go of the quilt and wrapped her in his strong embrace. Allegra drew in deep breaths, trying to control the sobs that sat on the surface of her feelings. “You are simply too exhausted to see what is plain in front of you. I believe a restorative is in order.”

  “I don’t need drugs,” Allegra said angrily. “I simply wish to not feel this oppression weighing me down. I want to feel normal.”

  “Allow me to take some of your burden. You can trust me with it.”

  Allegra didn’t hear anything he said through her sobs of relief.

  ****

  Stanton stared down at the note he’d left upon his pillow.

  My dearest love,

  Lex and Dodd are pacing in the corridor so I must face my own music. I shall call upon you as soon as duty allows.

  Nadira wishes me to tell you that several individuals drank far too much of Father Michael’s good brandy last night and have all canceled their appointments with you today. You should have seen her grin when she discovered me half-dressed in your chambers.