Gathering myself up, I walk over to him throwing his hoodie at him, “In my world, I’m constantly in the thought of either killing myself or everyone around me. You want to find out who I am, why don’t you fucking ask me? See me, see this.”
Jabbing my fingers into his chest and back to mine, I reach out and wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him down until my eyes are meeting his,
“I’m real; I’m alive, I’m here. Look at me. Not through me for the angel they all say you seek.” Turning fast and hard on my heels, I walk away before I crack the son of a bitch for being a weak ass man. I heard his thoughts, those demons he speaks to are just as fucking loud as mine.
Watching as she stomps away from me all sass, hair billowing around behind her, I smirk to myself. She’s five feet of pure fury. I fucking like it. She has my blood boiling in a good way, not in a ‘need to smash some cunt’s bones’ kinda way. Knowing I have hurt her is fucking awful; I don’t want to be the cause of more pain.
Before I know it, I’m walking up behind her rigid, stiff body needing to have her back in my arms. I don’t have a single thought in my mind right now that makes a stitch of sense. At the moment, all I know is I love her, my angel. But I could also be falling in love with this wee firecracker. I’m fucking scared as all hell, for this feeling that I have frozen out, is starting to climb back in. How can one look, one smart ass comment, turn the tables on a beast as fucked up as I?
Resting my chin on top of her head, my six-foot-six frame towers over her tiny, wee five foot of fuck all. Closing my eyes, her hands shakily find my arms that are wrapped around her chest. “Just take a part of me. Let me fix the fractured cracks in you, and you can fix the fractured promises they all made to me,” her words send chills over my body.
There is no more running. There is nowhere left to run to. She sees through this mask I have, and the empty graveyard that I seek solace in is fading from me as she and her thoughts enter me. Bringing her hands up and out I pull her fast around into my chest and breathe her in as a squeal slips out from her in shock and happiness that we can be this, do this, after the intense night we have just shared. “No more running, hey?”
Pulling her back, my feelings cloud my judgment and my rules. I lean down into her kissing her hard, taking us both by surprise. Closing my eyes, I let her take me as I bleed all this out into her and she does the same to me, our kiss deepening and my cock rising in my sweats, craving to enter her, send her down to hell. Shaking that image free, I step out, breaking the kiss. I leave her standing there, just as breathless as me. Racking my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, baby girl, I can’t,” taking a step forward I kiss the tip of her nose and step down the last step and walk away not looking back.
I head to where I dumped my gym bag. While I’m here, I’ll train before I fuck her and leave her weeping. I said I would keep her safe. Pulling out my headphones I push them into my ears flicking through my playlist. I push play on Yelawolf’s Devil in My Veins. That always gets me pumping and ready to go to war. Hitting the bags, I punch it out. one, two, one, two. Thinking how did I allow her in? How did she make it under my skin? Is angel right with what she says? How I need her just as much as she needs me. There is something dangerous about her; I can sense it.
Watching him punch that bag takes my breath away. I survived them, I survived Dublin and its horrors, surely I can survive Knox Ambrose. I just don’t know how, yet I let him in last night, I told him so much. Things I have never said before to anyone, then what? He just gets up... leaves like it’s nothing, how do I get him to see me?
I freaking need Lilly, and fast. This brother is deep in my head and I’m not liking it. She knows me better than anyone.
Showering I throw on ripped jeans, a tank, my flannel top, and after lacing up my combat boots, I throw my hair up in a messy bun. Walking past thisbeast of a man, I jab him in his ribs, flipping him the bird, as I head to the exit. Before I can even think, I feel arms around the backs of my knees lifting me into the air; squealing out as he slaps my ass, flicking my body down to the mats lowering his massive frame over mine, pinning my hands above my head.
“Wanna play dirty do you, babe?” he drools out over my lips, casual, like he just didn’t do that.
“Who said it’s not how I roll?” Looking up at him I breathe the words out into his mouth that’s just settling above mine. Bringing my legs up I cinch them in place around his waist. Locking my eyes onto his, I can see the pain laced in them. Grinding my hips up to meet his crouch, I can feel the thickness of his shaft through the cotton of his sweats that hang so loosely around his hips. Oh hell, he does things to my insides. Licking my lips, I allow a slight smile to creep across them. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Assassin? This?” I push my hips up to meet his slightly formed erection circling them around and around, never taking my eyes off his.
He looks down at my lips as I pull the bottom one into my teeth and he lowers his head down. He pulls my lip out with his teeth whispering against my mouth, “I’ve told you not to do that.” His voice reaches my soul husky and rasp. Sending my insides to jelly. That’s it! I’m done. I have to be my sassy smart-ass self and fast.
“I get told not to do a lot of things, Knox, what makes you think that I would start listening now and to you? Brother, let’s not get shit twisted.” I smirk, as I suck the bottom lip back in just to really test this man’s self-control. “Playing Russian roulette with you is what I’m all about.” I laugh as my hands find his ass cheeks, pulling his thick, now rock-hard cock into my now throbbing core, so his tip is just teasing me through my sweatpants.
His eyes meet mine. I see the devil in them as my blood rises hotter. “Oh, babycakes, you will listen, that right there does things to me that I’m not even sure you are ready for. And that smart mouth of yours, now that’s a whole new story.” The hotness in his voice sends me into a whole new world of wanting this man, and rough, I want rough, not nice and sweet. I want what his demon has to fucking give.
“Punish me then I’ve been a bad, bad girl. I’m sure whatever you have to dish out, I’ll be more than capable of handling baby for I’m Jimmy the Brawler’s daughter, women’s UFC champ, cage fighter of the year. I’m Blue mother fucking James. The Celtic Goddess. Mayhem in the ring, famous for moves like the black widow, rack attack and northern lights suplex, let’s not forget this move either,” flicking myself to the side I get him in a Dis-Armor pulling his arm back taut, “so tell me again how unready you think I am.”
Wrapping my free hand around her waist, I bring myself up to my feet. She has no choice but to let go to counterweight herself; she’s good, she makes me wanna play dirty. I spin her so her legs are around my neck, the tight stomach against my face dragging her slowly up. My mouth is just brushing the entrance of her sweet, sweet pussy through her sweats, I bite down into her. Her body arches forward filling the carnal need to taste her. Turning I push her against the wall opening my arms so she can slide down into them and her legs wrap around my waist. “See Babycakes? that’s what I’m worried about. You disarm me to make me weak. The last to do that, got taken by my fists. I can't do that again. She locked me out of life, and I condemned myself to hell and the devil I became.” I run my fingers down the inside of her shirt over her skin. “Baby, your skin is pure, a brilliant shade of porcelain, my flames of Hell will lick up the pureness and destroy it, destroy you. Do you think you’re ready for that?” Bringing my lips down to her mouth I take her fast, hard, raw, there was no softness in this kiss, it was a pure assault for all I had lost and what I was so afraid I may gain by letting her dance with my demons.
She pushed into the kiss, taking it, giving me back just as much. I could taste the metal tang of blood as it hit my tongue when I bit down on her lip breaking the kiss. I searched her eyes for her pain but found nothing but understanding; a mirror of what I felt. She spoke shaking me to the core.
“Seek out fear, and you shall find the devil, seek out love, and you stumble
upon an angel, dance with someone else’s demons, and you shall find a fire that can make Hell look cold.”
Standing there blankly, looking into her eyes, I see it all flash before me in the mossy green pools. Her, us, love, hate, hurt, tears, Sarah-Jane, that night our story all going up in flames, purple flames of hell. Smoke swirling around us, I see the feathers of my angel fall. One lands on the tip of her nose sliding her to the ground, I hear the whisper of her sweet voice around me.
“I’m the wind that guides you. The smell of rain that falls on your face. The cool breeze that pushes you to her. Don’t be afraid to fly to let go and to be happy. Let her love you because she does already, and you love her. She can love you just as much as I do, maybe more.” My angel says, like this is her final gift to me from Heaven; a Celtic goddess to hold.
Bringing my lips down to her ear. “Baby, I’m the altar you pray to. The God you worship is me, the devil I am, baby, your guardian angel is a demon. It’s me. Wake up, you need to see me for who I am. I am not good for you, Blue.
As I slam my hands into his stone wall of a chest, I look him square in the eyes.
“You know what, Knox? I don’t think you’re as dark as you want people to believe. I’m bigger than your past, your pain, your anger. And boy, do you know it's your fucking fear that keeps you locked in this hell? I can heal those scars if you let me, let the fire lick at my skin you’ll be surprised by just how much I like it.” Pushing up onto my tippy-toes I kiss his sweet mouth, tasting juicy fruit chewing gum. I could feel him break under my kiss wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss. We fall to the floor. I pulled him tight to me letting our souls bleed into each other; mine not as fractured as his, but all the same not whole, a small sound escapes his lips.
“I don’t know how to love you, and her at the same time. She was my light, she was my heart, she was my soul. Pain is all I have left. How do you know you want to stay when I can’t give you any of that? Ghost or you, I can’t let her go. I can’t lose her again; I still repeat the things we said to each other in my head.”
Running my hands through his hair I just hold him, let him spew out whatever he needs to. The sobs come, then a tear leaves my own eye, falling, landing on his head. How could one man allow himself to stay so broken? Not knowing just how beautiful it is to love an angel as well as the girl of his present nightmare.
“Shit, Shit, Shit,” is all I hear as I wake from , the intrusion of cold air where a warmth had me wrapped up safe. . “Knox, what the fuck are you are doing?” clear, pure annoyance fills my voice as his eyes meet mine. They look different this time; calmer not so rough and raging.
“Babe, I’m like so fucking late. SHIT! Later baby.”
Just like that he's gone. Just like that an empty feeling seeps into the space where he used to lay. Wrapping my arms around myself, I start going over what he’d said. Was I meant to hear that I wonder? Pulling myself up I head out the back and up to my apartment above the gym. Daddy sure does like to keep me close either that or his little love doesn’t want me in the sprawling mountaintop mansion she made him buy, because she didn’t like living in the home we grew up in. Too many ghosts she said. Yeah, bitch, of my mother that’s what it really was, the memories made that your snaky ass could never make! And you sure as shit didn’t like her seeping into her dreams at night.
Flicking on my stereo, The Weekend’s ‘Earned It’ comes on. I turn it up as loud as it can go. Pulling out a bottle of wine from the fridge I start to pour a glass contemplating what to do tonight. Lilly has been acting all weird lately. I get she’s going through some shit, but hell, I so need my girl back. Walking over to the floor to ceiling glass door I open it to let the night’s breeze in to swirl around my face. It smells divine, summer and rain all rolled into one. I pick up my phone and see a message from Lilly, Ha, funny. speak of the devil,
Lilly- Wanna come over to the club tonight? Bonfire and a cookout?
Me- Hello stranger, why the fuck not? Not like I have a life.
Lilly- Hahaha, god I miss you
Me- I have always been here, you were the one that went MIA
Lilly- yeah ☹
Me- I love you. What time doll face?
Lilly- I love you too, say 6ish Bray has church.
Me- see you then babes.
All right party time. Nothing, like dancing and drinking at Brooklyn NY’s very own Reapers Reign MC. This calls for a short, skin-tight black leather skirt, little blood-red lace crop-top, a high ponytail, red lips and a killer pair of black Louis Vuitton six-inch heels. Turning on my heel gripping my drink, I head for the shower.
As the water runs down, I get a weird feeling like someone is watching me. Maybe it's just the drink warming my blood allowing me to relax. This is only the second time I have had a drink since I escaped Dublin and the mayhem and turmoil of a world so corrupt, full of misrule and chaos. An evil that had me quivering in my panties, and hey that’s not an easy task, I’m a hard bitch on a good day. I’m stronger now since Lilly got Bray to get me. I was a mess, a drug fucked, drunk, I mean rolling fucking drunk. My hair a mattered dirty ass mess. But I had shown them all just how much they had underestimated the little storm in a fucking teacup they so arrogantly named me.
The last thing I saw as I left was the oxygen waster, who had taken so much from me spit out, “You have a death wish baby.”
I leaned down razing up my switchblade to his throat with a bit of pressure. I ran it nicely around the curve of it, a small, warm trickle of blood ran over my fingers. Winking, I spat at him the blood that had formed from the punch to the mouth he had given me earlier. Pushing my dirty, bare foot into his neck, relishing in the feeling of his sticky warm blood as it seeps out over the bottom of my foot. Watching his eyes bulge, I am filled with glee at seeing him surprised that I’m doing what I’m doing. Feeling stronger than my broken body is, I look down at his poor excuse of a soul.
“No darling, the little junkie you tried to turn me into doesn’t have a death wish, come for me again and you will fucking regret it. I’ll rip your fucking face off next time, not just slash it. You’re lucky the only reason I haven’t killed you is my fucken drug and liquor filled brain isn’t strong enough to have that swirling around in there yet, but push me and you never quite know how crazy I’ll be that day.” Blowing him a kiss I ran and didn’t look back.
Shivering at the sudden intense memory, even though I’m standing under a warm stream of water, I decide I need to get moving, I get out of the shower wrapping the towel around me more for comfort than to dry my body. Walking across the hall to my room, a chill forms on my skin; something doesn’t feel right. There is a different smell in the air. It’s not right. The hairs are sticking up on the back of my neck.
I see it as soon as I enter my room, carved into the wall above my bed in large angry letters.
DEATH WISH BABY! I’M BACK!
My stomach drops as vomit pulls up from the depths of my belly to sit in my mouth.
I run locking all doors pulling my windows shut, snapping the locks on them. Fuck, running to the kitchen I rip the draw open and rumble through it in a panic, trying to find a knife. If he’s still here I won’t be letting him take me again without a fight. Checking all the rooms and cupboards I run back into my room kicking the door shut behind me as I let out the breath I had been holding. I sink down to the floor, my legs like jelly, my breathing rapid and heart pounding I can hear the thud in my ears my mind is racing, I am willing it to think of anything other than the fact that Viper was just in my house and my bedroom while I was in the shower. I’m going out That’s what I’m doing I’ll be safe there at the club with the boys all around me. I’ll drink it away; yeah that’s what I’ll do I’ll drink. Fast walking my scared, amped up ass to my room. I dress in my outfit that lays untouched at the end of my bed. Tying my hair up in a high ponytail, pinching some color into my pale ass cheeks I apply some cherry red gloss to my plump, quivering lips. I grab my jack
et, leather of course, with cutouts of lace inserted in the elbows and shoulders. It’s my brother’s jacket with the lace of my Mom’s wedding dress in it, a little something I got made after he got taken from us. Grabbing my bag throwing my phone in it and my keys I’m done, ready to go.
Great! Approaching my car parked out back, I see my tires are slashed. I will be checking dad’s surveillance in the morning; he’s not going to get me a second time. No fucking way. I worked fucking hard to walk again and to breathe without the itch of my old self in my blood. Fishing my hand inside my bag, I pull out my phone, dialing a taxi. My mind wonders as I wait, why the fuck can't he leave me alone? My eyes dart out into the inky night as the small flicker of light comes from the street lamp outside the back of the gym and carpark. Scanning back and forwards to the back of the carpark and the bush lined back drop, an errie feeling washes over me and I will the Taxi to hurry up before my nerves eat me alive. Pushing my hands inside the pockets of my leather jacket I pull it around the front of me as the sound of tryes rolling over gravel sends a shiver through me, it’s laced with releif as I see the tell tail yellow signally, it’s the Taxi. Jumping in I pull the door closed hard behind me, pushing the lock button on the door down as I rattle off the directions to the club. I see the driver roll his eyes as the address hits his ears. Yes Yes the notorious Reapers Reign MC god they arent as bad as you all think. Leaning my head back onto the headrest I watch as the street lamps zoom past my vioson in zapping lines of blurrred light. My mind travels to the night I finally snapped in Dublin and chose to fight my way out.
I know I should have killed him and burnt them all, but that little silly part of me still loved him enough not to kill him and well now I regret that don’t I. He’s back and he’s after more than my blood. Pulling onto the road that leads down to the club the joltting of the pot holes brings me out of my thoughts and back to the now. As the Taxi pulls to a stop I fist into my bag for some twenties, pasing them over to the driver I thank him and pulll on my best fake I got shit together smile just as Lilllly rips open the Taxi door. Stepping out I can see so much sadness in her eyes as they meet mine, I realize we both need this night and I vow that I shall make it as fun as I can. “Ready for a good night, babes?” I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulder practically skipping towards the club.
Fractured Promises (Reapers Reign, #2) Page 8