I need a shower I need to wash the sins of tonight from my skin, the dirt and blood, pain and anger. Turning the tap onto hot I watch as the steam swirls up around me stemming over my blank face in the mirror, whipping my hand over the condensation that has formed I look deep into my blank eyes as I speak out in a hate filled voice to myself more than anything ‘ I wasn’t a hero until you come after my baby girl. Then it was war, you crossed the line and I don’t forget. I wont rest until you’re beaten and I don’t mean beaten down I mean dead. There isn’t a place you can hide I will find you, destroy you, I don’t much care how it happens I don’t need you suffer. I just need your cold black eyes extinguished. I love her, like really fucken love her and I wont play by the rules when it comes to saving her and bringing her back from the hell that you have placed her in.’ Stripping out of my clothing pulling the hoodie over my face I smile as I see the Reaper on the back of it, stepping out of my jeans I stretch out my tender achy muscles as I step into the hot scalding shower quivering as it sprays its intense heat over my
shoulder blades and my spine.Tilting my head back I allow the water to wash over my face placing my hands on the wall sprawling out I just relax, I plead with my mind to just go blank, shut it all out for five fucken minutes at least. All the events are running through my mind on a loop.
Shutting the shower off I grab the towel racking it through my hair and down my body, strolling into the wardrobe I pull on some boxers, walking back across the big empty room to the bed that now holds my real life Angel, I slip in under the cover. I pull myself into her tiny frame and fall into a light slumber listening to the slow rise and fall of her breathing along with the beat of a heart I want to hold forever. Waking to the shards of light spilling into my room, I try to focus my tired eyes, the sun was just starting to rise when I went to bed. I stretch out my achy muscles, my foot grazes Blue’s, looking over I see her lying there dead still, just looking at me vacant. Nothing’s there in them beautiful moss green eyes, nothing at all.
Pulling myself up onto my elbows, pushing my hair from my face, I lean down laying a light, soft kiss on her forehead. “Good morning beautiful,” I say brushing her hair from, her face. She doesn’t say a thing, and she flinches at the very small movement as she turns her head away to stare past me and out the window. I try not to let it bother me. Pulling myself from the bed I walk over to the window opening it to let the soft breeze fill the room. I look at her lying there so still and broken as I walk past. Throwing a T-Shirt on and stepping into a pair of sweats I head back over to the bed I check the IV line and bags. Nan has been in and changed them while we were sleeping. Sitting on the edge of the bed I pick up the Paw Paw cream Nan had placed down on the nightstand and apply some to her chapped and cracked lips.
“Baby do you wanna try a sip of water,” I asked picking up the cup with the bendy straw in it. Moving her head and just staring through me her eyes closed and her head nods parting her lips just a little. I place the straw between them, and she slowly pulls the cool liquid into her mouth. I see it travel down her throat as she swallows. She pulls her mouth free, and I place the cup down and kiss her forehead as she looks away from me. Standing I walk over to the door and look back over at her before I walk out pulling it shut quietly behind me I head downstairs. I need coffee and food.
“Ahh Bambino, how is your Bella Donna today? I let you sleep. I cook, I clean, I shoo all the nosey people away,” Nan says walking over to me, she kisses my forehead.
“And you? How are you.” she mouths into my skin.
“Tired Nan I’m just numb and tired.” I state, stretching out she places a steaming bowl of pasta and meatballs in front of me.
“Eat up then we shall bring her down for some food and some of a new day’s air that does the world of good for her soul.” I nod, smiling at her. “Nan I wish it was that easy,” I say in a sad broken voice.
“Oh you see Bambino all things great are a hard fight, all things don’t come easy, love is hard. Finding the strength to master the ups and downs that’s a game worth playing, she was broken, love will fix her that and cooking.” I laugh at her she’s always so positive even in the worst times, her smile never wavers, her hands shake, but that smile is always as strong as stone on her face, it brings comfort to you always. There is a rap of knuckles at the door.
“Ahhh, that will be the doctor,.” wiping her hands on her Apron she heads to the door letting him in.
“Doc,” I say getting up to shake his hand.
“Please call me Peter,” he says with a smile.
Well alright I think to myself. “Peter, it is,” I say letting go of his hand. Looking into his tired eyes as the long hard days have wrinkled them at the corners and the stress of being on call to the notorious Reapers Reign. His hair is salt and peppered his hand shake is firm and he has a sense of understanding mixed with fear about him. The old saying creeps into my mind as I look him over ‘Ask no questions get no lies’
“How is she,” he asks me.
“The same. hasn’t said a word, hasn’t moved, still staring blankly at nothing. I got her to take a few small sips of water, but that’s it.”
“Aaah I thought as much she was this way the last time, but I feel this time may have a tighter grip” his eyes look worried. “You Just need to go about your everyday life, like nothing’s changed, pull her when you think she needs it, talk all the time, bring her down during the days keep it all the same, it will take time, the drugs will take a while to come out of her body, and the withdrawals are going to be very testing on you all. Especially for both the women here.” I hope that my baby girl is strong enough to handle yet another body racking come down from a dury filled hell. Her small boney body is covered in the after affects of fighting for her life. And for the life of me I hope im fucken strong enough to pull her out of it.
“Ok doc, I mean, Peter sounds good.” I say shaking his hand again. He then heads upstairs with my Nan right behind him. I head to the spare room rapping my knuckles on the door.
“Yup” is all I hear.
“It's Knox the doctor is here, to see the girls, my Nan, Erabella, has some food made up for us and soup for the girls.”
I hear footsteps as he walks over opening the door, the lady with the purple hair hasn’t moved she is still stock still just like my Blue.
“God brother what are we to do,” I say pushing my hands into my sweats, Arlam just looks at me with dead eyes, walking over to the bed he bends down speaking into her ear. She just closes her eyes, walking towards me and out as he pulls the door to the bedroom that they occupy shut.
“I haven’t a fucken clue,” He answers. Walking back to the kitchen I grab him a bowl of food and put it in front of him
“Coffee or beer?” I ask him as he picks up the bowl.
“Got any whiskey?”
“Do I ever,” smiling I walk to the bar, pull down a bottle of Glenfiddich, two glasses and I dump some ice in them. Walking back over I pour us both a heavy hand full.
“Is this good of you brother? Me being here. You don’t know me. And well I’m a hard man to crack and well, all this is hard to look past.”
Waving his hands over his whole body of tattoos there isn’t an inch of skin left uncovered. His body looks like it has been stripped bare and all you see is his skeleton and organs, he’s the walking talking zombie man.
“Hey, don’t sweat it, brother, you’re a Reaper and now my brother.” his eyes change then from black and dead to a little lighter and clearer. I think that maybe I’m getting somewhere but then
Peter and Nan walk in just as he’s about to say something and just like that the death stare is back his body goes rigid as stone and the black rolls back over his iris.
Nan walks up to him.
“Aaah boy you’re alive I was starting to worry, placing a kiss on the back of his head squeezing his shoulders.
“You eat I feed you right up, you too skinny, but first we go see your young girl then you boys ar
e to bring them out to the deck for their supper” walking away in a wish of her apron and air mixed with the smell of home I smile down at Arlam.
“Sorry, she’s full-on” pulling out the bar stool I sit down.
“Is she always like that?” he asks me with a look of puzzlement like she has two heads.
“Yep but hey you get used to it, you’ll weigh twice a weight by the time she’s finished” laughing for the first time we both smile into our glasses. Taking a sip, the amber liquid stings as it hits the back of my throat, lighting a trial of sweet fire as it travels down warming the pit of my stomach, reminding me that I am human.
After Peter leaves, we both head to get the girls as Nan sets up outside, walking up the stairs with heavy feet dragging as I go, my mind darts to all the things she was before, this one bad move that played out like a horror movie before my very eyes. I couldn’t save her in time, God help me I hope I’m strong enough to do this and save her now. The thing they call ‘Junkie Love’ has her claws deep into my baby’s soul, she’s lost and it’s my job to pull her out, whether she likes it or not. Walking up to the bed I look into her dead eyes.
“Baby I’m going to take you down for some air and food, Nan has cooked you your favorite tomato and basil soup, Arlam is here too with a young girl from where you were.”
At the sound of Arlam’s name, she wavers in her stare just slightly. I see a spark of light zap through them, before she closes her eyes at the mention of that hell hole.Silently I curse myself for even mentioning that place knowing just how fraigle she is. Swallowing hard I pull the covers back picking up the folded sweat pants from the chair that sits next to the bed, I lift up her boney legs one at a time placing her feet inside them and slowly and very carefully pull them up her tiny frame and over the scraps bruises and cuts that pepper her white flesh. My blood boils as I do this, shaking I try to retain the anger. Lowering my arm behind her back I sit her up slowly, she is not willing to assit me at all and all though she is tiny her dead weight is hard to manover. Picking up my hoodie from the same spot on the chair, I gentally lower it over her head and lift her arms one at a time, poking them into the slevees. I hope that my scent will surround her, pulling her back to us, giving her a sense of home. When it’s on I pull her long firey red locks free from the back of the hoddie and pull the hair tie from my wrist that I use for my own hair. I pull her hair back gentally tieing it back up away from her face in a messy bun that I have watched her do so many times before.
Pushing on of my arms under her bum and thighs and wrapping the other around her back, I pull her up into me one knee on the edge of the bed and the other standing on the floor next to the bed, hoisting her into my body her head falls to sit just under my chin on my chest. Breathing her deep into my lungs, I send up a silent prayer to whoever is listening. I love the way she smells and feels in my arms even if my heart is breaking for her. She is home with me and in this moment, safe and I vow to keep her this way.
Carrying her in my arms, I take the stairs one slow step at a time.
“Breath baby.” I breathe into her hair.
“It’s ok” I whisper.
“I got you.” she just closes her eyes, not letting go of her breath till the last step. I know each one of them is painful for her. Each movement, even the slightest shake to broken ribs sends the most intense fire through your body bouncing back off the bones, not able to escape.
Stepping out onto the deck, Nan is there fussing around setting up the mystery girl with the purple hair. When she sees us she spins on her heels to Blue, wrapping her hands around either side of her face.
“Aaah Bella Donna look at you, so small, so tiny, here eat the soup, heal your bones right up.”
Sitting her down on the chair that is over stuffed with cushions and blankets I’m surprised that her body can sit in there without falling. I sit down next to her picking up the bowl of steaming soup, I bring the bowl down to her hands. Shaking she reaches out to take the bowl but then just turns away shutting her eyes. Breathing out in an exasperated breath, which sounds deeper than I had wanted it to, I try again. Nan pushes me out of the way
“ Here let me, I’ll do it shoo with you,” allowing her to take over I walk to the edge of the deck looking out over the river and hills. The sun is setting down to kiss the mountains good night before the moon comes to grace us with yet another night filled with sleeplessness, nightmares, and terrors. They rake through her body shaking not only the bed but my whole soul.
Nan got some food into Blue as well as the other girl. Arlam and I spoke a few words to each other but nothing of general importance, we both have our own struggles going on. I’m still trying to figure him out. After supper was finished and Nan had come back from showering he took the purple headed girl to the room and bed for the night. Arlam still hadn’t been able to get her to tell him her name. Stretching out in the chair I swirl the ice cubes around in my glass of whiskey, the clicking sound is all that graces the silent dusk as the last of the red clouds slip away from the mountains. Arlam walks back out from the room onto the deck his boots sounding out as he walks past me. “I gotta go see Bray if something happens here text me.” He says his tone still cold and clipped.
Looking up at him over the rim of my glass, I bring it to my lips downing the last of its contents. I stand placing it down on the outdoor table, “sure thing,” I say biting down on an ice cube as I walk back into the house.
Lilly is sitting with Blue in the front room, the oversized cushions on the couch shallowing her ting body. Her body is shaking as Nan wraps her in a Faux Fur blanket shooing me towards the fire wanting me to light it. It’s not cold at all, the spring air is warm and sweet but I do as she says on the off chance that it stops my baby girl from shaking. Stepping away from the now roaring fire and placing the fire guard over the front to stop any sparks spitting out over the floor rug, I step back and sit into the arm chair. I watched her from the corner of my eye as I go over the reports and quotes the builder sent me for her house. I’m getting them to finish it off so we can’t start a fresh up there away from here, away from the nightmares. I know deep down that they will follow us and still haunt her, but I have to try and stomp out some of the old painful memories and add new ones.
Lilly stayed for just over an hour, no Kash though, that seemed weird he’s been stuck to her like glue since the night that changed all of our worlds. She’s looking better now that Blue is here. Lilly has her colour back in her delicate face, and her blonde hair falls in curls around her face. I like to watch her when she’s nervous, she twizzles her hair around her finger over and over. She talked away to Blue, looked at me a few times with sadness laced in her tired eyes, I gave her a smile, knowing how hard it is to talk to a ghost and at the minute that’s what we are doing the old Blue is in there somewhere we just have to fight to pull her back out. I am thankful that Lilly is here. I know if anyone can reach Blue it will be her. I let my mind flick to the fact that I haven’t seen, felt or even heard my Angel, since the night in the shower. I need her now as much as I need Blue, not for love, not for comfort, simply just to talk, to reassure me that Blue will be okay. I’ve only ever felt this lost and helpless once before. Standing I walk Lilly out and put the plans away in my office, walking back to the table beside my chair I throw back the last nip of Jack in my glass before walking over to the couch where she lays starring into the flickers of the fire.
“Right babe let’s go upstairs. It's bath time.” I say to her vacant stare, warning her. I know the pain that’s about to surge through her body at the small movements of me picking her up and taking her up the stairs to the bedroom.
She looks up at me with blank empty eyes, pulling her lids closed she takes in a deep breath, like she is preparing for the pain of me getting close to her, kneeling down in front of her I hold her face in between my hands, so she can’t look away.
“Blue it’s me. Only me, you're safe now. I promise I will never let anyone hurt you ever again. I wil
l do my best to keep your pain to a minimum.” Kissing her lightly on the forehead, then trailing my fingers over her cheekbone down to her chest, I let my hand sit over her heart. “I’m in here, we are in here, love will get us through the dark.” My voice falls flat as the last word falls from my lips.
A small shudder leaves her body as she wraps her arms around my neck, giving permission for me to pull her up into my arms, nestling into me she places her lips to my neck and just rests them there the feeling sends small shards of hope through me. A hope that I may be breaking through and getting my Blue back. Breathing in and out I start to climb the stairs, Nan is walking from my room with the dirty bed linen.
“Bambino I placed clean sheets on the bed, have a bath and you rest it’s going to be a run of long nights ahead.” Kissing my cheek and Blue’s she mouths a silent. “I LOVE YOU, it’s ok,” to me, and in a flurry of washing and the sweet scent of oranges, she’s gone down the stairs to do god knows what. More cooking no doubt. Smiling I head into the bedroom. I am thankful that she is here. She helps me keep positive, she saves me from entering the dark and joining my Blue there.
Fractured Promises (Reapers Reign, #2) Page 27