“I’m happy for you. What should I do?” Annalise said slowly.
Lianne looked at her sister closely. “What do you want to do?”
“Make Dominic as happy about this as I’m becoming. Pretend I never heard of his first wife. Make everything come out happy.”
“And if you can’t?”
“What can I do? I’m pregnant. That’s not going to change—at least for nine months. It was a shock to me when I first realized it, but now I’m growing to love this baby. I’ll have to go on, I guess.” She said the words, but she couldn’t really believe them. Dominic wouldn’t end their marriage over this. Even if he did, he’d still be a father to their child. Had he thought of that?
“Go on?” Lianne asked.
“I make a good living. I could support myself and the baby.”
“I don’t mean that. I mean, what plans are you making—contingency plans in case he doesn’t come around—to change his mind?”
Annalise lay back against the cushions, resting her head and looking up at the ceiling.
“I don’t have any. I’m relying on his good sense.”
Lianne sighed. “Sometimes people don’t have good sense. Especially if they have some phobia from the past.”
“So how do I combat something like that?” Annalise asked. “He needs to come to the realization that this is not the same.” She didn’t tell her sister the rest—how he’d felt relieved, then guilty, when his first baby had not lived. There were some things too sacred to be shared outside of their marriage.
“So you and the baby would just live with him and hope he comes around?” Lianne asked.
“Not exactly. Perhaps I need to put myself first. I can’t afford to wait for Dominic to come around.
Maybe I could look into buying a home to live in with the baby. One was listed a while ago with our office which has loads of potential. It reminds me of Grandma Carrie and Grandpa Paul’s home. It would require a load of work to bring it up to the kind of place I envision.” She looked at her sister. “I don’t see the apartment as a baby’s home. I’ll need different furnishings, a place for a stroller and later a bike. And a yard for a kid to run around in.”
“We’re planning to raise our child in this flat,” Lianne said.
“I know, but somehow I want a more traditional home for my baby. I haven’t had a lot of time to think it through, but I’d love to have a place like we had growing up—complete with yard and friendly neighbors. Anyway, I’ll have to think about it some more.”
“If you find a home, buy it. It’ll give you something to think about besides Dominic. He has to make his decision for himself. You have to make yours. I hope they coincide, but if not, you have a life to live,” Lianne said.
“I want to live it with Dominic. Perhaps if he sees how serious I am about our future—all of our futures—together, he’ll want to be a part of it.”
“You have your baby to think about now. Whatever happens, I’m in your corner.”
When Annalise left her sister’s after lunch, she drove by the home she’d mentioned to Lianne. She’d seen it on a home tour months ago. Now, stopping in front, she could see it definitely needed a lot of work. The yard was a mess; the house needed paint. But it had good bones and the lot was spacious. She could imagine children running on the lawn, playing tag or catch. Maybe they’d even get a small dog.
Whoa—she hadn’t even convinced her husband to be happy about the baby, and now she was envisioning them all living happily ever after in this run-down house?
Dominic would probably freak when he saw it. She’d never seen his childhood home in Pennsylvania. His father had lived in an apartment by the time she’d met him. But she’d have to make this a showplace to convince him it was a wise move. If she decided to do it.
Feeling marginally better with the idea, when Annalise reached home, she went to the den to pull out the listing for the house. She spent some moments calculating the figures. With luck, she could swing the purchase of the house herself—without Dominic’s support. It wouldn’t leave much money to renovate with, but she’d do what she could as the money came. She’d just have to sell a few more higher-end homes.
Dominic had been right. The baby would bring changes. But change wasn’t necessarily bad. The apartment suited their current lifestyle. A cozy family home would suit their future lifestyle.
Later that evening, she pampered herself with a long soak in a hot tub, then went to bed early with a good book. But she couldn’t read. It was the first time since she’d left Lianne’s that she’d let herself think about Dominic’s past, and she couldn’t let it go. She tried to imagine him as a husband to another woman—with a totally different life. But their life kept imposing itself. The parties they’d given, which they’d both enjoyed so much. The boating trips they shared in summer came to mind. What about skiing in Aspen? An annual event she took for granted. And the week they’d spent in Switzerland one winter had special memories. She couldn’t imagine life being different.
Her mother and grandmothers had stayed home with their children. Was that the right way to raise kids? How could she give up the work she loved?
Maybe she would cut back, but she couldn’t imagine staying home with a baby all the time. Beside, once the child grew and was in school, she’d be bored staying home with nothing to do.
Had Phyllis planned to stay home with their baby? What had she wanted for her life before she got pregnant? Maybe Dominic hadn’t been the only one whose dreams shattered. Had he considered Phyllis at all?
She admitted to herself that she was incredibly hurt that Dominic had not confided in her before. Did that show a fundamental lack of trust and commitment in their marriage? Was she good enough to be part of a fun-loving couple, but not for the intimate details of life?
That made her angry. She fed that anger when she thought of Dominic’s reaction to the news about their baby. It had been just as much a shock to her as to him, darn it. Where was his concern for her? Didn’t he consider she was going through some major readjustments herself?
The next five days passed slowly. Dominic called when he reached Hong Kong. With the twelve-hour time difference, it was hard to coordinate calling times convenient to both after that. She called him on Wednesday, but reached his voice mail. He had not returned that call.
She tried to keep busy, but more and more she ended up thinking about the revelation he’d made, and how that might impact their lives. Her anger simmered each day. She was unable to have it all out with Dominic, and yet unable to let it go.
Annalise plunged into working, determined to find each client the perfect home for them. And she toyed with the idea of buying that house. Lianne urged her onward. Annalise had driven by the house each day, and by Friday, had made up her mind. She’d buy the place and hoped things worked out the way she planned.
Annalise was able to get very good financing, due to her connections in the real-estate community. Offering a much lower price than the asking price, due to the work needing to be done and the length of time the place had already been on the market, she was delighted when the owners accepted. The house was tied up in probate, and her purchase would enable it to move along the process that much faster.
The attorneys agreed to a rent-purchase agreement that allowed Annalise access to the house immediately. She couldn’t wait to get started on renovations. Better to do them as soon as possible, before she became too limited by pregnancy.
With any luck, she would have all the renovations finished by the time the baby was born.
Everything would go more quickly if Dominic helped. He’d worked his way through college in construction, and he was much more knowledgeable about such things than Annalise, even though she’d been helping her father and brothers all her life.
Of course she’d ask for volunteers from her family. With that crew aboard, she’d probably have everything completed easily in no time. But she wanted the project to be hers and Dominic’s. Maybe having a j
oint goal would get them back on track as a couple.
The days seemed endless without him. She vacillated between anger and regret that so much had changed. Uncertainty plagued her. He hadn’t really suggested they consider separating. She’d interjected that idea herself, and it was one she hated.
The following Friday, she picked up the keys to her new place and stopped off after work. It was a sunny fall day, but colder than normal, and she could feel the chill in the old house. She’d called the local power company and arranged to have the power turned on. Tomorrow, when she came to begin work, she’d turn on the heat. But for today, she just wanted to wander through, decide what she wanted to do in each room and make a short list of priority tasks.
It was after eight when she arrived back at the flat. There was a message on the answering machine from Dominic. Had he deliberately called when she was not home to avoid talking with her? She checked the time. On other Fridays she would have been home at that time. She hated that she’d missed him. Dialing the number he’d left, she reached the hotel in Hong Kong. But he had already gone out for the day.
Taking one of the pregnancy books she’d borrowed from Lianne, she curled up on the sofa and began to read. Before ten, she fell asleep.
Waking in the morning, she had a crick in her neck and did not feel fully rested. But excitement about the new house had her rising quickly to get ready for the day.
She’d just come from the shower when the phone rang. Dashing out to get it, wrapped in her warm robe, she recognized Dominic’s voice immediately.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly. “Your timing’s good. I just got out of the shower. It’s almost dinner time there, right?”
“Yeah. I called to say I’m leaving Hong Kong tomorrow and heading straight for San Francisco.”
“Coming home through San Francisco?”
“Not yet. There’s a project there that needs some work. I might also swing up through Seattle and check on a couple of clients there, since I’ll be on the West Coast.”
Annalise sat on the arm of the sofa. “So when will you be home?” she asked, anger flaring that she was still to be denied their discussion. It was not one she wanted to have over the phone.
“You know how it goes. My job takes me everywhere. Sometimes for a day or two, sometimes for longer.”
“But generally you have a break between assignments,” she said evenly. She would not allow her frustration to show. He was deliberately staying away. But he couldn’t live out of his suitcase forever.
“I’ll call you from San Francisco.”
“Maybe I should fly out to join you.”
“No.”
Nothing more. She swallowed hard and bit her lower lip. The rejection hurt. Any other time he would have suggested she join him. She didn’t like this rift between them.
“Okay. I won’t. Take care.” She put the receiver back in place and congratulated herself for not slamming it down. Do your own thing and I’ll do mine, she thought in defiance as she went to get dressed. She had not mentioned the house. Of course he’d be surprised—but not as surprised as she’d been to learn of his marriage.
The thought still made her angry! She wasn’t sure exactly which was worse—to learn he had been married before, or not to have been told earlier in their relationship.
What would she do if he truly didn’t get over her pregnancy and left her?
She refused to even think about that. She had work to do today, and was glad for the distraction.
Arriving at the house some time later, Annalise turned on the heat and carried her broom, mop, bucket and cleaning supplies into the kitchen. That would be the first room she tackled. She had the vacuum cleaner in the car, and would bring more items with every trip. She had enough cleaning to last for days. Once the previous owner had died, her out-of-town heirs had not kept the place up.
There was a definite satisfaction in washing down the cupboards and counters and knowing the home would be hers for many years. She wondered if she was getting the nesting instinct from being pregnant—or was it just the next logical step in the maturing process? The apartment had been a great first home. But this was a house that would welcome a family through all its stages, from new babies through grandparenting.
Had Dominic and Phyllis rented a house or an apartment? Had they made plans for naming the baby, for raising a child? Had they ever thought about being grandparents?
Stop that, she admonished herself. She had gotten into the habit of questioning everything—trying to envision how that earlier pregnancy had been. She needed answers to her curiosity so she could stop dwelling on the past. It was like touching an aching tooth—it hurt, but she couldn’t stop. She needed to know all the details and hope she could then put it behind her and move on.
She took a quick break for lunch, and then swung by a hardware store to gather some paint samples to take back with her. Dominic’s favorite color was yellow, and that would be a perfect sunny color for the kitchen. She’d have one of her brothers help her paint the room. She didn’t relish climbing on ladders or stools to reach the high part of the walls. She was taking no chances with this precious baby she carried.
The weekend flew by. Annalise was tired Monday morning, but headed off to work, already counting the hours until she could be back at the house.
Dominic exited the jetway and merged with the other travelers heading for Customs at San Francisco International Airport on Monday morning. He was tired. Changing time zones had an effect, but his fatigue was due more to lack of sleep than to his flight back to the States. How long would he wrestle with what to do? He needed to make a decision and stick with it.
Was he less noble this time around? He’d thought marriage the best thing to do when Phyllis had gotten pregnant. The baby had been his; he’d lived up to his responsibilities. And he’d done his best to be a good husband. The affection he’d felt for her had faded with the day-to-day hardships of life, but he’d always done what he thought right. Just like his father. Only he hadn’t voiced his frustrations and disappointments to Phyllis. She’d had it hard enough without listening to his complaints.
This time he was already married, and his wife was expecting his baby. He should accept his duty and be there for Annalise.
Only, the circumstances were different. Phyllis had not had a high-paying job, nor a large family to offer moral support. She’d been in her teens. He’d been young, too. They’d learned a lot during the months they’d lived together. He’d never forget that year. The ups and downs and the ending.
He had never held the baby, only seen it at a distance. Since they had not decided on a name prior to her birth, she’d quickly been given his mother’s—Susan—to have something to put on the tombstone. They should have taken more time to decide on a name. Once he’d left the cemetery, that bleak winter’s day, he’d never been back.
What if Annalise had problems during pregnancy? He clenched his teeth. He couldn’t deal with the pain and guilt a second time.
Dominic moved up in the queue, and was soon through Customs and on his way to the downtown area of San Francisco. He was tired of thinking about duty and regrets and lost opportunities. He had just left one of the world’s most exciting cities and was entering another. Next week, who knew? This was the life he had craved as a teenager. The goal he’d set for himself all those years of working his way through college and honing his skills. Learning all he could, applying that knowledge and finding a job that would combine each aspect.
If he gave it up, would he turn out like his old man? Bitter, grumpy, and stuck in one place the rest of his life?
Not according to Annalise. But she’d slant things to go her way. He needed to get a clear view of the situation. Not be swayed by pretty blue eyes.
Two weeks of thinking still had not given him a clear-cut direction.
In the meantime, he missed Annalise.
After checking into his hotel and calling the office, he took off. San Francisco was a great ci
ty for walking. Compacted into a small space, the various neighborhoods could be reached in a short time.
Every time he thought about the coming baby, he felt hemmed in, and he needed to get out where he felt no walls were closing in.
The air was cool blowing off the Bay. He remembered the last time he and Annalise had visited San Francisco. They had taken a few days to explore the city, from Chinatown to Golden Gate Park to the financial district. Though summer, the weather had been cool, with a sea fog that blanketed the city each morning. Today’s temperatures were also cool, but he was alone. No Annalise to find enchantment in everything she saw.
Today, nothing held his interest.
Dominic walked along the wharf, looking at the sidewalk cafés, remembering how much Annalise had enjoyed eating fresh crab from the sidewalk vendors as they walked along. He continued toward Pier 39, the huge converted pier that housed stores, shops, restaurants and loads of tourist attractions. Schlocky, he’d thought. She had loved every inch. Consequently, he’d gone in almost every shop and caught some of her enthusiasm.
Stopping at a bench on the grassy area before the pier, he sat and idly watched the other people—families for the most part. For a moment, he wondered why these children weren’t in school on an October Monday, but he figured they were all tourists, taking advantage of a quiet season. Children ran around laughing with glee; mothers chased after them. One man was trying to help his little boy fly a kite. The wind was strong enough, but the boy kept trying to run after the kite, rather then let it soar.
Dominic wondered what was going through the father’s mind. He seemed to be having a good time, if his laughter was an indicator. For a long moment, Dominic watched. That little boy was going to have some wonderful memories. Having fun, sharing their day together. He remembered picnics his mother had taken him on when he’d been little. Those were happy memories. He didn’t remember his father being part of them.
Intellectually, he knew many families were happy together. He’d witnessed Annalise’s own family enough over the years. Patrick and Helen O’Mallory never seemed to resent having so many children. Would he and Phyllis have worked things out, found some contentment in their lives, if their baby had lived?
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