Parents in Training

by Barbara McMahon

  “June.”

  “We’ll be back by then,” her dad said, giving her a hug. “Dominic’s a lucky man.”

  Annalise nodded, but the look in her eyes betrayed her.

  “What’s wrong, honey?” her mother asked.

  “He doesn’t want the baby,” she said, and burst into tears.

  Dominic turned onto the familiar road where the house in which he’d grown up stood. Slowing down, he stopped the car when he drew even with it. Staring at the place, he was surprised to see it had been refurbished, complete with lush green lawn and a flowerbed beneath the front windows. It looked nothing like it had during his childhood. A tricycle was overturned on the grass near the front steps, and a late-model car was parked in the driveway. Whoever lived in the home now had changed it completely.

  How much work would it have taken to make a green lawn? His mother would have loved a garden. She’d had a small vegetable plot in back, which she’d tended faithfully each summer, but Dominic knew she’d loved flowers. Hadn’t he brought in his share of dandelions he’d picked? She’d always made a big fuss over his gifts. How pitiful in retrospect.

  For a long time he just stared, remembering. The harsh words of his father echoed. He’d forgotten how soft his mother’s voice had been. What had she wanted from life? More children? A loving husband? Or had she mourned a lost career? She had died long before Dominic had matured enough to wonder—to even see her as a person in her own right. To him, she had been Mom.

  She and his father had once loved each other enough to create him. Or had it only been a one- night stand? Another fact he’d never questioned. He felt the guilt of his own failed marriage. The obsession he’d had about getting out of this town. The despair when Phyllis had become pregnant and he’d known he had to do the right thing. But the crushing blow had been the birth of their stillborn baby. Freedom mixed with remorse. Accepting the truth, regretting the longing for freedom that had been answered at a terrible cost.

  Finally he started the car again and drove to his father’s apartment.

  The building looked old and shabby. Was this a pattern for his old man? A little effort would have gone a long way when they’d lived at the house on Stanton Street. Dominic knew his father wasn’t in charge of this apartment complex, but it looked as run-down as the former residence of Steve Fulton.

  Dominic parked and entered, smelling the stale scent of meals gone by. He took the elevator to the third floor, and soon knocked on his father’s door.

  Steve opened it, and stared at him for a moment. “Come on in,” he said, turning.

  Dominic took a deep breath and entered. His father looked older than he remembered. And smaller. He followed him into the living room, where Steve sat down on a recliner in front of the dark television.

  Dominic sat on the sofa that Steve had bought after his wife’s death. It was brown, fading a little where the sunlight hit it each day.

  “How are you?” Dominic asked. For a moment, he contrasted the greeting with the ones he received from Patrick O’Mallory. As a son-in-law he received more affection than his own father offered.

  “Still hanging in,” his father said. He frowned. “You doing okay? Don’t need anything, do you?”

  “I’m doing well,” Dominic said. What would his father do if he asked for help—like he had when he’d been eighteen. Probably tell him to act like a man and find his own way out of any difficulty. He had never asked his father for a single thing after that.

  “Still traveling?” the older man asked.

  Dominic nodded, glancing around. The entire room looked drab. There was little color in it beyond the brown furniture and the faded yellow curtains. After all the years his father had worked, surely his salary would cover a few luxuries? He had only himself to care for.

  “Where have you been lately?” the older man asked.

  “Got back from Hong Kong and the West Coast a few weeks ago. Before that Annalise and I were in London.”

  His father raised his eyebrows, then lowered them. “I never get out of town.”

  “And why is that?” Dominic asked. Not for the first time he wondered why his father hadn’t taken off after he’d left home. His mother had died years earlier. His departure had left his father free—which was what he’d constantly said he wanted to be all along.

  “Too late. I was tied down since I was just a kid. I had a family to support, remember? Didn’t have money to go tooling around the world like you do.”

  “It’s part of my job. You could have gotten another job, one that involved travel.”

  “Didn’t have some fancy education like you.”

  “I put myself through university, Dad. You could have gone back to school. Face it, you had lots of opportunities and for some unknown reason you turned them all down. You’re not all that old now—not even fifty. You still have time to explore new options. Why don’t you?”

  It was the first time he’d challenged his father on this issue. But he was tired of hearing the same old story, tired of being the scapegoat for all his father’s problems.

  “Didn’t know how to do anything but work in the mill.”

  “Ten years ago, when I left, you were even younger. You could have learned some new skills, tried something different. Why haven’t you done something else? You don’t have to work at the mill your entire life.”

  “Too late. I’m too old to change.”

  Dominic rose and walked to the window, gazing out at the quiet street, feeling the turmoil roil inside him. “Truth to tell, Dad, you never do anything but complain. Was it so bad being a father?” Maybe he needed to get some straight answers.

  “Fatherhood ties a man down. Gives him no options.”

  Dominic turned and glared at his father. “I don’t buy that. I did for a long time, thinking everything you said was the truth. But now I’m really looking at other families, and I’m seeing that no one is grumbling all the time. They make their lives conform to their ideas, with kids fitting in.” The words were hardly said before he realized it was the truth. He and Annalise did not have to end up like his parents. She’d been right. They could make their lives as they wanted and fit in a baby. A precious new life to keep their family going.

  “You try it—you’ll see. Seems to me you don’t know what you are talking about. You don’t have any children.”

  “I will soon. Annalise is pregnant. That’s why I came up today—to tell you in person you’re going to be a grandfather.”

  Steve blinked. Then a slow smile spread across his face. “So now you’ll know what I meant. You’ll be tied down to walking the floor at night, running to the doctor the first time the kid cries funny. Your wife will be too tired to do anything with you. So all your fancy degrees and traveling days will mean nothing.”

  Dominic shook his head. “And you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  “Naw, I wouldn’t wish it on any man. But you come talk to me about options when that kid is in school. Needing shoes all the time—some for gym, some for Sunday best. Kids grow out of their clothes before they wear them out. You come back then and tell me if I’m wrong.”

  “You’ll be the child’s grandfather. You want to even know him?”

  Steve thought about it for a moment. “Shows how old I’m getting—now I’m a grandfather.”

  “Time to think about the future, Dad. Go for what you want. Maybe you’ll take a chance and try for a job in New York, like you always talked about.”

  Steve rubbed his jaw, looking away.

  “What?” Dominic asked, picking up on the sign.

  “Tried it once. They turned me down,” Steve said slowly.

  “Sometimes it takes more than one try,” Dominic said, surprised by the response. But maybe it helped him understand his father’s bitterness better. The one job he’d talked about, to him the golden dream, was being a set designer in New York. It hurt to hear he’d been turned down.

  “Too old now.”

  “So try anoth
er avenue. You’ve always said you wanted to work behind the scenes in plays. There are plays given all over—in legitimate theater and little theater. Summer stock. Hell, school plays for that. Lots of different avenues to explore.”

  Steve looked at Dominic. “Now that you’re going to be a father you’re some smart man, eh?”

  Dominic laughed. “I’ve always been smart, Dad. Time you acknowledged it. And me, too.”

  “You weren’t so smart with that Phyllis girl.”

  The amusement died. “You’re right. That was downright stupid. I want to see her while I’m here. Know where she lives?”

  There were a few more things to for him settle. But for the first time Dominic began to believe that having a child would not be the end of life as he knew it. He had some serious thinking to do. Marriage wasn’t only for partying and good times. It meant sticking with his partner through all life threw their way. He’d forgotten that bit. And he’d acted like a fool these last few weeks. Fish or cut bait. Stay married or end up lonely and alone—like his father. If he was so smart, that would be a no-brainer.

  Saturday afternoon, Dominic pulled in front of a neat ranch-style home and parked. Climbing out of his car, he drew in a deep breath. This would be hard, but he had to do it. He walked up the path and knocked on the door.

  In only a moment Phyllis opened it. He stared at her for a moment without saying a word. She looked better than he’d ever seen her. Her hair was short, curling. She wore jeans and a sweater and looked younger than she had the last time he’d seen her.

  “Good grief—Dominic!” she exclaimed. Her expression was one of delight. “I never expected to see you again in this life. My, you are still the best-looking guy I ever knew. Come on in.”

  “Hi, Phyllis.” He smiled at her exuberance. What a change from the sad, dependent girl who had clung so hard.

  A toddler looked up when they entered the living room. The furniture was serviceable, comfortable. The carpet was cluttered with toys.

  The little boy looked at Dominic, then stood up and brought his truck for Dominic to see.

  “Not now, honey. This nice man has come to visit Mommy. Go back and play.” Phyllis looked at Dominic. “I can fix coffee if you’d like?”

  “No, I won’t be here long. Just wanted to see you again. I’m visiting my dad this weekend.”

  “Sit down. I wish Ray were home. Do you remember him from school? He was a year ahead of us—Ray Stoddard?”

  “I remember him. Played on the basketball team, didn’t he?”

  “Yes. He has an insurance business, and he stays open on Saturday for his customers. He takes Mondays off. What are you doing these days? I saw your father ages ago. He’s not the friendliest of men, so I didn’t ask after you.”

  She sat on the sofa, glanced at her son, then smiled back at Dominic.

  “Nice boy,” he said, studying the toddler.

  “I have a baby girl napping. I hope you get a chance to see her before you go.”

  He looked back to Phyllis. “You’re looking really good. Happy.”

  “Oh, I am. Lordy, I am so blessed.” She tilted her head slightly. “It didn’t work with us, did it? We were too young, Dominic. I was crazy about you in high school, but we were too young to have a baby, to set up house. I have never been so unhappy in my life. Now I’m so happy I worry something will happen.”

  “Why, you deserve to be happy. It seems everything is going your way.”

  “Oh, it is. I love my husband, my kids. Are you married?”

  He nodded.

  “Kids?”

  He took a breath. “One on the way, our first.” Where had that come from? First? Only, more like it.

  She smiled again, then grew pensive. “It’s not likely to happen again, you know,” she said.

  “What?”

  “Being pregnant and then not delivering a healthy baby. I was so afraid when I was pregnant with Tyler. Afraid history would repeat itself and I couldn’t deliver a healthy baby. But he came out perfect in every way. The second time was easier. I guess I won’t ever forget our baby, Dominic. But don’t let the past interfere with the present.”

  “I remember how hard it was being married,” he said.

  “I know it was.” She looked around her home. “We wanted this kind of life, but we weren’t ready. You had that awful job at the mill, I had the killer job at the five and dime. God, my feet ached at night. If we’d taken better precautions, we would never have been in that situation. I’m so sorry that baby died, but in the way life has turned out, maybe it was a hard lesson we both needed to learn. I won’t ever entirely get over it, but I sure appreciate what I have that much more.”

  “Not fair on that baby, never to have drawn a breath.”

  “I used to think I wished it away,” she said slowly.

  Dominic gave a small start. “I thought I had,” he replied.

  Sadly, she shook her head. “We can’t wish things like that. Once I got over the initial shock and grief, I knew better. Still, we could have made

  something work if she’d lived.”

  “But not the lives we each have now,” he said.

  “No, but something fine, I’m sure. You were always destined for great things. Tell me what you’re doing now and about your wife.”

  Dominic spent a surprisingly friendly half hour with his former wife. Some of the guilt from the past faded as her happiness shone in every word she said. And before he left, her baby girl woke and he got to see her, as well.

  He felt a wave of affection for Phyllis.

  “I’m glad you stopped by. Come some time to see Ray,” she said when he said he had to leave.

  “I’m glad I came, too. You’ve made things easier for me.”

  She held her baby in one arm and reached out with her free hand to touch his arm. “You were a good husband to me, Dominic. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t easy to live with. You never blamed me for getting pregnant, or for losing the baby. I’ll always be grateful for that. Tell Annalise how lucky she is to have you. You’re still the best-looking guy I know.”

  He smiled at that. Leaning over he kissed her cheek.

  “Have a long and happy life, Phyllis.”

  * * *

  One more stop and then he’d head for home.

  He turned into the open gates of the old cemetery and drove along, hoping he could remember where the stones were. He had not been back since the day they’d buried their daughter. She was next to his mother, the only family either of them had in the cemetery. There, he remembered that tree. He parked and walked over to the stones he remembered. His mother’s and his daughter’s. He stood there for a long moment, studying the words on each, the small lamb that rested on top of his daughter’s. Her birth had not been the cause of celebration as it should have been. Was Phyllis right, a hard lesson to cause him to appreciate what he had now.

  Which was what exactly? A wife he’d driven from home. An empty apartment to return to?

  “I think I’ve made a mess of my life,” he told the cold stones. His mother would not be proud of his reaction to Annalise’s news. Nor would his daughter had she lived.

  “Maybe I can change it.”

  He thought what Annalise had said once, he was not his father. He was not a clone of Steve Fulton. He had his mother’s genes in him, as well. And genes from her family. Who had given him his drive and determination? Who had passed along the brains that enabled him to understand and troubleshoot complex software problems?

  What would he pass on to his child?

  Annalise sat in the living room of her sister’s apartment. The weekend had been hectic. And emotionally draining from the family’s discovery of her pregnancy to her stupid burst into tears. She still felt embarrassed to have had her entire family witness that. But her mother and sisters had whisked her away to semiprivacy to learn the entire story. Later she gave an abbreviated version to the others. To a person, they were surprised to learn Dominic had been married before—and
no one understood his reason for not telling her years ago.

  Her father took her aside on Sunday and asked if she was certain she knew what she wanted from the future. If staying married was not an option, she could always come back home to regroup.

  His offer had touched her. For the first time she really considered a future without Dominic. While living for the moment, she’d always assumed they’d be together until old age. Now she wondered if that was to be. She loved her husband—or the man she’d built him up to be. He was showing flaws. Did she love the person he really was? Or did she only want the dashing man who took her around the world; who bought her beautiful things; and partnered her to parties and plays?

  What did that say about her? It was the first time she spent thinking about what she wanted from the future. How she saw herself with a child to raise. What were the values she wanted to pass on? What philosophies and beliefs to share and hope her child would embrace? Could she be a part-time mother, sharing the child with a father who lived elsewhere? Or would he ignore their baby entirely, leaving the child to Annalise to raise alone?

  The trip to Richmond had been well worth it from many aspects. She felt relief her secret was out and that her family had rallied around her so strongly. She’d spent some time with Lianne alone and discussed options. She’d picked up a few more pointers about renovation and had another idea for one of her bedrooms. But tonight she was not in the mood to think about all the work facing her. Her family had agreed to come for a work weekend in a couple of weeks. She’d have to list all that needed doing to utilize their labor. Lianne was a pro at that. Maybe she could get her sister to do it for her house?

  It wasn’t the remodeling that her thoughts dwelled on, but Dominic. What had he done all weekend? She’d called the apartment when they reached Washington, but there’d been no answer. She had not tried his cell. Was he still in Pennsylvania? Had the meeting with his father gone well?

  She didn’t care a bit about that—she was more worried about his meeting Phyllis again, and the results of that encounter. Why had he wanted to see her after all these years? Just when she’d begun to think he would come around, he’d surprised her and taken off to see a woman she had had no knowledge of only a few weeks ago.