Do You Trust Me?

by B. G. Thomas

  Sloan smiled.

  “Well, if someone that cute called me ‘my love,’ I sure as shit wouldn’t let six hours separate me.”

  My heart started to pound. “No?”

  “No fucking way,” he said.

  My heart took wing.

  “Look,” he said, eyes alight. “Let’s have lunch.”

  He grinned, and I couldn’t help but do the same.

  But he hasn’t called.

  “I probably shouldn’t. I’ve got all kinds of stuff to catch up on.”

  He shrugged. “You’re the boss.”

  And then I realized he was right. I was the boss, wasn’t I?

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “THERE’S MY bird,” I said and pointed upward.

  Cole and I were lying on the blanket again and munching on cinnamon rolls.

  “It’s a turkey vulture,” he informed me.

  “A what?” I looked at him askance. Vulture? What a letdown. I had imagined something far more elegant. A hawk or falcon or something. And weren’t bald eagles supposed to nest in this part of the country?

  Cole nodded. “Ugly up close, but so incredibly graceful. It’s their wings. It’s like they’re floating.”

  “Floating,” I said. “Just like that. So free.”

  “It’s so they can look for food. Dead things.”

  I looked at him again. “Not very romantic, Cole.”

  “You telling me I’m not romantic?” He looked at me, his eyes so deep, so breathtaking.

  And then we made love.

  Afterward, holding each other, we heard the camp bell.

  “Jesus,” he said sitting up. “That’s the one-hour warning!”

  And fighting back tears, I scrambled to dress. We jumped onto our horses, and they snorted their disapproval at being taken from the fresh wisps of new grass they had found.

  Cole helped me pack, and it was all I could do not to cry. When I looked at him, he seemed so crisp, so efficient. All business. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought he had affairs with all his guests.

  I knew it wasn’t true.

  Somehow it hurt anyway. I was dying. He looked so… so nonchalant.

  But then, just as we were snapping my suitcase closed, he turned to me, and I saw that his eyes were wet. “Neil. Daddy. D-don’t….”

  When he didn’t finish his sentence, I asked him, “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t forget me?”

  “My God!” I cried out while another part of me marveled that I had been using His name for days—something I had refused to do for years. “I will never forget you. Never! You set me free.”

  He shook his head. “No. That was you. I… I….”

  “Yes?” I asked, heart dying. Hoping.

  We looked at each other for what felt like forever. “N-nothing,” he said.

  Then he took my suitcase, and we walked to the main hall.

  We’d missed breakfast entirely, between riding naked and making love and packing. He took me to the kitchen and was able to get the cook to assemble me a big sandwich made of egg and bacon—those thick Black Bear Guest Ranch slabs. Heart attack between two slices of homemade bread.

  Then we joined the others.

  And there were a lot of them. Sixty people at least, and that wasn’t counting the wranglers.

  We got there just in time to hear Darla say, “Good morning, everyone. To everyone who is leaving today, we hope you had a wonderful time.” And her eyes found mine in the crowd. “I hope we’ll see you again.” She looked away. “Vincent and I loved having you, and our staff did too. They tell me you’re about the best darned group we’ve ever had.”

  “She always says that” came Amy’s whispered echo in my ear.

  “For all our new guests, welcome! I’m Darla Clark….”

  I couldn’t listen, and I pulled away from Cole and headed as fast as I could to Amy’s car. It was parked in a handicapped space.

  “Neil!”

  Cole.

  I froze and his hand fell on my shoulder. He turned me around.

  There were tears in his eyes.

  And he kissed me.

  It took my breath away.

  “You did set me free,” he said when we broke away.

  “And you” was all I could manage.

  Then we were packing the car. Cassie pushed through to give me a hug, and then Leo surprised me by shaking my hand.

  “It was nice to meet you,” he said. “I’ll miss you.”

  “You will?” I asked and couldn’t help but glance at Cole.

  He gave me a brave, flickering smile. “You helped Cole. That’s all that mattered. And you gave us a story we’ll talk about for years. The black bear of Black Bear Ranch!”

  Then Vincent and Darla were there, Vincent surprising me by skipping the manly handshake and hugging me roughly instead—“You’re a hero,” he said—and Darla taking me into her arms, and if she didn’t hug me as tight, she hugged me close and long. As we parted she looked up into my eyes and told me not to be a stranger. “Please,” she said.

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Really,” she said.

  I cleared my throat. “I guess that depends on Cole.”

  Her eyes grew sharp. “It takes two, Mr. Baxter.”

  “Neil,” I said automatically.

  “You come back and I’ll call you anything you want.”

  And then with one long look, I climbed into the car, and when all were aboard, we backed out of the parking spot. But Cole…? He was already gone.

  Amy shifted the car into gear and then looked at me.

  “You sure?”

  I took a breath and almost sobbed. I couldn’t answer. I nodded instead.

  She shrugged. “Okay.”

  “What else can I do?” I managed.

  “Whatever you want,” she replied, and when I didn’t answer, she started the car into motion and down the road away from Black Bear Guest Ranch.

  “WHAT DID she mean by that?” Sloan asked.

  “I don’t know. And I wasn’t in the frame of mind to ask. Especially with the kids in the backseat.”

  We were at a local hamburger joint that put McDonald’s or Burger King to shame.

  “Everyone was inordinately quiet for at least the first half hour we were on the road.” And that made it overly uncomfortable as well. Todd kept his face ridiculously close to his electronic game, Robin and Crystal whispered between themselves, and Amy stared at the road. “It was horrible,” I said.

  “I bet.” Sloan nodded sympathetically. “And he hasn’t called?”

  I shook my head. “We talked last night for a few minutes before he was cut off.” It had felt like my heart was being cut out. “He was funny.” Warm and distant at the same time.

  “Funny?” Sloan asked.

  “Like…. Like…. It felt like he didn’t want to be on the phone. God, Sloan, I was suddenly reminded of when Crystal—my daughter—had her first kiss when she was a sophomore.” This was just a few months before Em died. “I was beside myself, and Emily thought it was so sweet. I wanted to get me a baseball bat with nails sticking out of it, but Em calmed me down.” I realized suddenly that Sloan had no idea who “Em” was, but thankfully he wasn’t asking. “She said it was normal. But then that was all it took for Crystal to fall in love and fall hard. But the boy? He’d lost interest within a day or so and had moved on, and my daughter cried for a week. That really made me want to get that baseball bat, and Em calmed me down about that too. She told me that was normal and that you had to fall in love once and have it end badly. It was a part of it.”

  My chest grew heavy.

  I put my fork down and clenched my hands tightly in my lap. Otherwise I might’ve started acting like a fool. God! Tears were wanting to come.

  “Sloan… is that what this is? My ‘fall in love and have it end badly’?” Please have it not be so. Please! I couldn’t stand it.

  “I don’t know,” Sloan said. “
I don’t know enough. I’m sorry, Neil. I hope not.”

  He hoped not! Me, it was the worst nightmare I could imagine. I had finally found myself. I was truly happy for the first time in my life. How could I bear getting through this? And after that, what? Go to gay bars and find someone? Look on the Internet? The idea was too horrible to even think about.

  “I’m acting like a high school girl, aren’t I?” I said.

  “Well, I don’t know if girls have any exclusivity on what you’re feeling, Neil,” Sloan said.

  And the realization hit and hit hard. “It’s just like Amy said….”

  Sloan looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

  “She said that in a way I am a teenager because I never went through what was natural for me. That what I was going through with Cole was my inner twenty-something trying to get out. Except it’s worse than that. It’s my inner fourteen-year-old.”

  God, I didn’t like this. I hated it. How did anyone cope with—

  My cell phone made its little bah-rrrrring sound. I’d just gotten a text.

  I looked at Sloan. He looked at me.

  “Well, are you going to look?” he asked.

  “It’s probably just Crystal.”

  Sloan sighed. “You won’t know if you don’t look. Dammit, Neil. The anticipation is killing me.”

  I waited one more heartbeat and then couldn’t stand it anymore.

  I activated my screen, clicked the message button and…

  Missing you more than I can stand—Cole

  A joy so immense passed through me, I thought I might faint. I laughed. I was a fourteen-year-old!

  Me too, I typed back.

  There was a long pause while I forgot to breathe.

  Bah-rrrrring!

  And oh!

  I love you was the reply.

  The relief was beyond imagining, and I really did think I might cry.

  “Well?” Sloan asked.

  I showed him.

  He grinned. And finally he said, “Are you going to type it back?”

  I grinned back. Then I did it. I typed it back, heart skipping.

  I love you too.

  The day went a little better after that.

  WE TALKED every night thereafter. Once or twice at lunch. There were a few places he could ride to get good reception, and he didn’t want to use the office phone. Especially the night we masturbated together. Who knew phone sex could be so hot?

  And we said, “I love you,” a lot! Oh, it was heaven.

  And hell.

  He was so far away.

  But as Sloan said, I wasn’t going to let a mere six hours keep me from Cole. Not when he felt for me what I felt for him.

  We made plans for six weeks from then. That’s when his season had a brief calm period and he hadn’t been assigned to any guests. I had no idea how I was going to wait that long.

  Crystal teased me about it.

  Amy loved it.

  Then around seven o’clock Friday evening my doorbell rang. I’d already gotten the pizza—pepperoni—so I couldn’t imagine who it was. I went to the door, and there stood Cole.

  I was stunned. Numb.

  Noises amplified.

  Boys several houses down playing basketball in their driveway.

  Mr. Mulhaney mowing his yard across the street.

  An old lady walking her dog.

  And then I leapt forward and took Cole by the collar and pulled him to me and kissed him. Hard. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t care what anyone thought of me.

  CHAPTER 15: An Unexpected Suggestion (Request)

  AND SO we started our long-distance relationship—which was both heaven and hell. Heaven when we were together, hell when we were apart.

  And boy, the “together” truly was heaven.

  A six-hour drive wasn’t so bad when you knew who was waiting for you at the end. But it was pretty bad when you were driving home.

  It was October, and I was at Black Bear, which had officially closed for the season the week before. Cole was in the corral giving a local riding lessons—just because there were no staying guests didn’t mean everything had to stop quite yet. I was planting some bulbs out along the parking lot when Darla came up to me.

  “Hey, Neil,” she said. “You have a moment to talk?”

  From where I was kneeling, I looked up and wiped my sweaty forehead. “Sure.”

  I got up and dusted off my hands as best as I could, and I followed her to the house. Darla pointed to the porch swing before she went inside and then returned with a pitcher of lemonade.

  It was delicious. Freshly made if not locally grown.

  She looked at me long and hard.

  “Darla?” I asked, growing concerned when she didn’t say anything.

  “This thing between you and Cole….”

  What about it? I wondered. Hadn’t she said she supported it?

  “I think it’s pretty clear that you two are serious.”

  My chest swelled, and I grinned foolishly. “God, yes.” Once again tears pinpricked the corners of my eyes. Very serious. I was so in love.

  She nodded.

  “And I guess Cole is going to come stay with you for a few months? While we’re closed for the season?”

  Now it was my turn to nod.

  “See if you two feel the same way about each other when you are with each other day by day instead of just the occasional weekend?”

  Occasional was right. Cole had to be at Black Bear on the weekends. That was the last day and first day of each group of guests. Leaving wasn’t a good thing. And while I wasn’t sixteen, driving those six-hour trips on Friday after work and driving back on Sunday so I could be at work was taking its toll.

  “Yes,” I said. And I couldn’t wait.

  “That’s the point where we see,” she said. “When you find out your love leaves dirty socks all over the place or they squeeze the toothpaste from the top instead of the bottom or refuse to put on a new roll of toilet paper when they take the last of one before and there you are sitting there with nothing to wipe with.”

  I blushed. I’d only heard Darla talk like a regular person once or twice. Seeing this part of her was… well… surprising. She was normally the personification of a country lady. Mentioning wiping was somehow beneath her. As if country ladies didn’t have such bodily functions that needed caring for.

  “The third time I fell in the toilet in the middle of the night was almost Vincent’s end. But after he started peeing on the seat during one of his sleepwalking bathroom visits and I had to sit in that too, I knew I had to either kill him or accept that as a part of him and learn to look before I sat.”

  I laughed. It was that or flee.

  “I guess, ma’am.”

  “Ma’am?” She laughed with me. Then she said, “So I guess you’ll find out.”

  I nodded. Somehow I thought Cole and I would manage.

  “And so will he.”

  I smirked. Cole had already found out that I squeeze the toothpaste from wherever I pick it up. He didn’t like it.

  “But you know what? Somehow I think you and Cole will manage.”

  I smiled all the more as she once again seemed to be able to read minds. It was a gift of hers. Good skill for her to have out here in the middle of nowhere.

  “I think it’s what you said to me,” I replied. “About how you believe we come together in life for a reason. I truly do believe Cole and I were brought together. I don’t know how or by what or who.” God? I wasn’t quite there yet, but I knew that’s what Cole thought, and I was content to let him do so.

  “I was thinking the same thing.” Darla nodded and took a sip of her lemonade.

  “You know, I believe Cole had me the minute I saw his picture on your website.”

  Darla cocked her head back and laughed. “Oh! That’s wonderful, Neil. I love it.”

  I smiled.

  “You know what else I been thinkin’?” she asked me.

  “No,” I
said. “Tell me.”

  She winked. “I feel like there’s plenty of room for you here at Black Bear.”

  The words shocked me. “What?”

  “Your daughter’s going away to college, right?”

  I nodded.

  “So what say you leave that house and that town where you’ve been living and all those ghosts. Get away. Make a new home. We’d be glad to have you.”

  Here? “But…. But what would I do here? I’m no wrangler, although I’ve finally gotten over being afraid of horses.” Wondrous Mystic started that. And then Cole’s careful guidance had finished it.

  “Maybe not, but I sure can, and I miss it.”

  “Miss it?” I asked.

  “Being a wrangler, son. Riding every day. Leading the trails. Getting on that horse for more than the weekly surprise when I come riding in and shooting those targets.”

  I nodded.

  “And didn’t I hear tell about how you’re some kind of an office manager? And that you like it?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “A supervisor. It was a surprise too. How much I like it.”

  “Mrs. Radcliff—Amy—said you have lots of experience working with the public. She says you can calm down the angriest customers there are.”

  Yes. But I was glad I only had to take on the angriest. I had been glad to get off the phones. But then, that had been a different time. Only a year, but a lot can change in a year.

  “It sure would be nice if you took over the office and gave me more time with the horses.”

  My mouth fell open.

  “Well, Neil! What did you think I was gettin’ at?”

  “Just like that?” I asked.

  “Just like that. I’ve got a good feeling about you.”

  “You do?” I felt a sudden flash of fear. “Darla, isn’t this taking things a little fast? Cole and I… I mean, we’ve only been… ah….”

  “Seeing each other?” Darla filled in.

  I nodded.

  “If this living together test works, it sure would be a good solution. Long-distance relationships suck cow patties. Before we were married, when Vincent was in the Navy, when he got stationed overseas? I thought I’d die that long year. Toilet seats or not. I believe you bein’ away from that boy is just as much hell for you as it is for him.”