Reflections of a Stranger

by Linda Hanna

  They went to the kitchen and sat on stools at the counter while Dahlia poured three cups of coffee.

  Cora looked at her sister. “I honestly thought I’d come to terms with Jocelyn being a part of the festivities. Now, my resolve is crumbling.” She covered her face with her hands.

  “Sis, I understand that Jocelyn will never replace your daughter.” Emily nervously sipped her coffee. “Dahlia says she’s a charming young lady, so I don’t understand why she upsets you.”

  As she studied the tile floor, Cora fidgeted, embarrassed that she’d revealed her animosity. With a swift glance up and a swifter glance away, she contemplated her reply. “Fine, you want to know all the reasons?” Her eyes narrowed. “James and that perky adolescent married only a few months after Vanessa died.”

  “Yes, I know, and you feel like he’s cheating on her, right?” Emily countered.

  “Of course. He was so attentive to Van. I thought they had a perfect marriage. Then after her death, James up and married the first young thing that crossed his path. He quickly changed from a grieving widower to a lovesick teenager. Disgusting. It’s a betrayal to her memory.”

  Dahlia’s tenor voice cut in, “Is there a timetable for grief, Sugar?”

  “Well, it’s certainly more than a couple months.” Cora paused. “It makes me wonder, d-did he know Jocelyn before the accident?” It was out. That nagging suspicion she had never verbalized. “You know, there could’ve been something going on and none of us knew it.”

  “Give them the benefit of the doubt.” Emily patted her hand. “Was Vanessa happy?”

  “She was always happy and full of zest. Van doted on those kids and always said James was her knight in shining armor.”

  “Then ya can be thankful she had such a wonderful life,” Dahlia said.

  Cora nodded and sighed. “That’s what Ed always tells me.”

  “A lot of folk can’t lay claim to that.”

  “Was Van ready to be with the Lord?” Em asked.

  “Yes, she was at teen camp when she gave her life to the Lord. We were thrilled to watch her grow closer to Him through the years.”

  “I’m glad to hear that, Sis. Since she was such a loving wife and mother, don’t you think she’d want someone to care for her family?”

  Cora’s voice intensified. “It was only eight months before the pimple-cream model lured James to the altar. What kind of respect is that for a loving husband to show?”

  “Sometimes in our grief, we do things out of the ordinary.” Emily leaned over to put her arm around her. “We don’t know his heart, so let’s not speculate on all the reasons behind his decision.”

  Dahlia held her cup midair and looked over her shoulder. “Did y’all hear somethin’?”

  The twins shook their heads. “I reckon I’m just hearin’ things again. Anyway, I knew Vanessa, an’ she’d want them babies to have a mama.”

  Cora dabbed her eyes. “Yes, I know. However, James’ new trophy wife had to have the big house in Las Vegas and he gave in. That move took them so far away, I feel like I lost the rest of my family. It’s just Ed and me, now.”

  Emily placed her hands on her hips. “Well, I like that,” she teased. “No, it’s not just you and Ed. Look at all the friends you have in this community and you do have a drop-dead-gorgeous new sister, you know.”

  Cora’s eyes gravitated to Emily’s as a spontaneous giggle escaped.

  “An’ look at that brood of kinfolk she’s brung with her.” Dahlia released a throaty chuckle. “Ya ain’t never gonna be alone again, girl.”

  “That’s right. We’ll get together all the time,” Emily assured her.

  Cora knew they meant well, but she longed for her own grandchildren. Emily’s relatives were still strangers and not substitutes for those babies she’d bonded with from birth. She wrapped slender fingers around her cup and peered into the tepid coffee.

  With a serious tone, Dahlia added a spiritual reference. “Ya also have God. He’s never left ya. Just look how He’s protected ya here lately when your life was in danger.”

  “Good point. We could’ve been killed,” Emily agreed. “The Lord never promised that believers would be free of problems, but He does promise to make a difference in our lives when we trust Him.”

  “I know all that,” Cora replied. “Exactly where was God when Vanessa had her accident? He allowed her to die instead of protecting her.”

  Emily’s answer was gentle. “He did protect her, Sis, just not the way you wanted Him to. The Lord cared enough to gather your sweet daughter in His arms and take her out of her pain.”

  The words pierced her conscience. Cora shifted restlessly. He did protect her, just not the way you wanted Him to. She looked at Em, then, turned her head.

  “Unfortunately,” Emily continued. “As long as we’re on earth, we’re subject to the frailties of human life. He promises that we don’t have to go through it alone. We just have to trust and lean on Him.”

  Dahlia refilled their cups. “Here’s another thought. My baby died ‘fore I could hold her. Oh, Sugar, bask in all them years ya had with Van an’ stop wrappin’ yourself in the mem’ries of her death.”

  Silence hung in the air as they drank their coffee. A few minutes later, the grandfather clock chimed, and broke into their thoughts.

  Emily carefully set her cup down. “Sis, have you ever tried to look at Jocelyn’s point of view? Marrying into a ready-made family of teenagers has to be hard. The poor girl can’t be expected to be the perfect mom, yet.”

  “Yes, but the fact remains she’s far too young to know what those children need,” Cora argued. “Did you know her dad’s that movie producer playboy, Gregory Cassell? And her mother’s actress Kiki Lane, who’s divorcing her fifth husband? What kind of morals are my grandchildren being exposed to?”

  “You’re right about her being young, but that doesn’t make her a bad mother, and neither does her family background,” Emily countered. “That’s why it’s vital for us to pray for her.”

  Cora twisted in her seat as her sister’s wise counsel hit home. Pray for Jocelyn? She and God hadn’t been on speaking terms since Van died.

  “You can play an important part in helping her become the kind of parent your grandchildren need,” Emily added. “If you let God use you.”

  A choked cry came from the living room, then Jocelyn darted to the bathroom and slammed the door.

  The three women stared at each other, their mouths agape.

  “Oh the poor li’l thing must’ve been here the whole time. I bet she heard everything ya said.” Dahlia slid off the stool and hurried to calm the young woman.

  Emily hugged her sister, then joined Dahlia.

  Cora’s heart pumped with deep shame. Tears filled her eyes as she became conscious of the obvious pain her words caused Jocelyn.

  This wasn’t just about the loss of Van. Two years of bitterness had resulted in a judgmental attitude for James and his young wife. It also drove a wedge in her relationship with Ed. Worse yet, she felt separated from the Lord’s presence, which kept her shackled in pain. She had been its prisoner for too long. This negativity hurt everyone and it was past time for an attitude adjustment.

  She lowered her head and whispered, “Dear Heavenly Father, I’ve been wrong and need Your forgiveness. I’ve hurt everyone around me, including my grandchildren.” Tears streaked her face. “Like the Serenity Prayer says, help me accept the things I can’t change and please give me strength to change my bitterness towards James and Jocelyn.”

  As Cora wept, she felt the spiteful restraints break away. Her heart lifted at the first genuine prayer she’d uttered since her daughter’s accident. The warmth of the Lord’s forgiveness and healing presence enveloped her.

  Filled with the urgent need to apologize, Cora took a cleansing breath. Would Jocelyn forgive her? She sheepishly tugged at her blouse and joined the vigil at the bathroom door.

  Cora’s vision blurred with tears as she gave Dahlia a
hug and whispered, “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to work out.” She knocked on the door as Emily and Dahlia went to the kitchen.

  “Jocelyn?” No answer. Compassion swept over her. She called again, this time with a gentler voice. “Josie? I’ve made some terrible mistakes. Let’s talk. Please?”

  The lock turned and the door opened slowly. Jocelyn released a shaky breath and looked at the floor.

  The older woman held out her hand and led her into the bedroom for a private chat.

  Cora cleared her throat. “I’m not sure how to begin—”

  Jocelyn’s voice was clipped as she interrupted her. “Look, I was standing there a long time and heard everything you said about me. There was no affair.”

  “I should’ve known.” Cora sat on the satin comforter. “My only excuse is that Van’s death hurt me deeply. I couldn’t handle James’ sudden remarriage. It’s like he forgot about her.”

  Jocelyn paced alongside the bed. “We met when I modeled for his advertising agency and that was after Vanessa was gone.” She stopped and looked at Cora. “I was amazed at how James handled his loss. He still had a joy and peace about him.”

  “He had to be strong for the children,” Cora rationalized.

  “No, it was real. He had the hope and inner contentment I wanted in my life. I had so many questions and he always took time to answer.” She reached for a tissue on the night stand. “Our first date wasn’t quite what I expected. He took me to church. Later, he introduced me to his pastor’s wife. She told me things I’d never heard before, like explaining the Gospel. After a few months, I realized what was missing in my life. That’s when I gave my heart to the Lord.”

  Taken aback by the revelation, Cora replied, “I’m sorry I judged you so harshly.” She looked into Jocelyn’s dampened eyes. “I understand now it was undeserved and I’m so ashamed. Will you ever forgive me?”

  Jocelyn ignored the apology and lashed out. “As for us moving to Vegas, I guess that was my fault. My mother lives there and I was stupid enough to think we could have a relationship now that I’m an adult.”

  The older woman cleared her throat. “Oh honey, I didn’t know that’s why you moved. I was feeling sorry for myself and missed my grandkids.”

  Jocelyn’s sad eyes pierced through Cora’s heart as she replied, “James’ folks aren’t living and I’ve never had a close relationship with either of my parents. In fact, I never experienced any kind of family life until I met James. Did you know I grew up in a Swiss boarding school?” She brushed away the tears that filled her eyes. “James spoke so highly of you and Ed that I prayed you’d be surrogate parents for me.” She turned and covered her face.

  Speechless, Cora stood as intense sorrow invaded her spirit. She drew Jocelyn close and held her tight until the sobbing girl relaxed in her arms. As they sat on the edge of the bed, she whispered. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

  Jocelyn released a deep, unsteady breath. “I wish we hadn’t moved so far away, Cora. It didn’t work out like I thought. The kids are with their new friends, and James has to work long hours, so I come home to an empty house.” She twisted a strand of her blonde hair. “Except for one time, he invited his boss and wife for supper without telling me. I’d been painting, and met them at the door in shorts, a tank top and bare feet. They were dressed up and expected a fancy dinner like Vanessa used to make.” Jocelyn moaned. “It was terrible. I just had a few hot dogs and hamburger patties on hand.”

  “Oh my!” Cora exclaimed. “What did you do?”

  “I sent Jason to the grocery store to get some potato chips and buns while I changed into something more suitable. After the impromptu cookout, James’ big excuse was that Vanessa didn’t mind if he brought unexpected company home for dinner. He was nice about it, but I could tell he was disappointed in me.”

  As her sympathy peaked, Cora patted the girl’s hand. “So, you’re not a domestic diva, yet. I’ve got a secret for you. Van always hated when he did that, too. Dahlia taught her how to freeze meals ahead of time for those surprise occasions. You could do that, too.”

  Jocelyn nodded and continued to unload her frustration. “The kids are always telling me their mom did things this way and didn’t do it that way. She did everything better. How can I possibly live up to Wonder Woman?”

  Cora lowered her head. “And my attitude and snarly remarks didn’t help either, did they?”

  “And now I find out you think I’m some gold digging adulteress who purposely laid a trap for James?”

  Ouch. The comment hit Cora between the eyes and it hurt. A long silence ensued as she regretted the months wasted in rejecting someone who needed her. Now she understood what James went through. He wasn’t being unfaithful to Vanessa; he needed someone to fill the hole in his heart. And love-starved Jocelyn sought after the emotional and spiritual security he represented. “I was lashing out at the easiest target.” She put her arms around Jocelyn. “I feel so bad, please forgive me.

  “Vanessa’s death consumed me.” Cora took a tissue from the nightstand and wiped her eyes. She took a deep breath, and wrapped her arms around the girl’s shoulders again. “When James remarried so soon, I became bitter and spiteful. There’s no excuse for how I treated you, Josie. Please tell me we can start over.”

  Jocelyn awkwardly returned the hug. “My whole life has been filled with my parents’ not wanting me. I hope you really mean it, Cora, because I can’t handle more rejection.”

  The depth of suffering Cora had caused increased her anxiety and regret. Her throat tightened with emotion, and she broke down once more. “Oh honey, both our hearts have been broken. We need to help each other heal.”

  “I’d like that.” Jocelyn’s eyes anxiously searched Cora’s. Finally, the corners of her mouth crinkled into a smile, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “Yes, let’s start over.”

  Cora prayed as the two women clung to each other. Her freed spirit soared, and she was eager to share her victories with Ed.

  27

  Saturday morning dawned clear and sunny. Late autumn breezes tugged at the colorful balloons that swayed blithely on the patio. It was a perfect day for a family reunion.

  Cora and Emily were up early, and Dahlia arrived shortly after with her tasty contributions for the dinner.

  Countless pictures were taken of Cora and Emily, as their smiles cut across the lost years. Introductions were made as their guests arrived.

  Tears pricked Cora’s eyes at the sight of her grandchildren. She threw her arms open wide and pulled the teenagers close. “I’ve really missed you kids.” She smoothed Heather’s long, dark hair as they walked into the living room. “I like your new hairdo. Did Josie help?”

  “Yeah, and she helped me pick out this new outfit, too.”

  “Stylish.” Cora turned to her youngest grandson, Todd, who sported a hint of a mustache. “You look so debonair.” She looked at sixteen-year-old Jason. “I hear you’re driving.”

  The lanky teen grinned and kissed her cheek. “Dad was gone, and I was stressing about the written test. Josie helped me study, and I got all the questions right.”

  Within minutes, Dahlia went into drill sergeant mode, and barked orders to the men who positioned picnic tables in the yard. She withdrew to the kitchen while their task was accomplished. “Get that BrewMeister cranked up, girls, an’ don’t skimp on them scoops.” Dahlia sighed and pushed up her sleeves. “I need me some high octane this mornin’.” She looked out the kitchen window. “It’s sure quiet out there. Now where’d the men-folk go?”

  “I believe your troops went AWOL.” Emily laughed. “Jeff told me they’re playing golf. Just nine holes so they’ll be back by noon.”

  Jocelyn and Heather entertained the La-La girls in the den, while their mommy and Aunt June prepared the picnic tables.

  Dahlia continued to busy herself in the kitchen.

  Cora and Emily filled serving dishes, in various shapes and sizes, and placed them in the refrigerator.

&nbs
p; “Josie,” Cora called. “Would you do me a favor? Our neighbor, Letitia called and asked for someone to pick up the dessert she made for us. Would you go for me? I don’t have time to chat with her today.”

  “Sure, I’ll be glad to.” Josie turned to her stepdaughter. “Want to go with me, Heather?”

  The teen shrugged her shoulders. “Let’s see if we can take the munchkins with us. It might get rid of some of their pent-up energy.”

  Cora carried a stack of dishes out to the patio while Rebecca and June discussed the seating around the picnic tables.

  Rebecca picked up her sister-in-law’s camera. “Hey! Are you sure you brought enough film?”

  “Becky, this is the 21st century. I’m using a digital camera. It doesn’t use film.” June carefully took the dishes from Cora. “That baby has enough space to capture the whole family several times over with no problem.”

  The whole family.

  Grief surfaced and once again, Cora’s shoulders drooped. Her entire family wouldn’t be together because Vanessa wasn’t here. The feeling of loss emerged with a vengeance. Her heart was crushed.

  Cora’s eyes misted as she watched her granddaughter play with the dog next door. The fourteen-year-old girl looked so much like her mother. She had Vanessa’s easy smile and dark hair that tumbled about her shoulders.

  For a moment, Cora imagined it was her daughter. It was difficult to pull away from the bittersweet scene and face reality. Vanessa was gone. She had to accept it and not allow the enemy to take her prisoner again.

  She turned to see the concerned looks of Emily and Dahlia at the door. Cora smiled and squared her shoulders slightly. “I’m fine.” She took a deep breath, and clapped her hands. “Let’s get busy, girls. Those men will be back from golfing soon and they’ll be hungry.”

  ****

  Golf clubs clattered and men’s voices grew louder as the golfers scurried into the backyard. All the men patted Jeff’s back, to congratulate him on his successful last round.

  “I taught him everything he knows,” Ed playfully announced.