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My Heart be Damned

Page 16

by Gray, Chanelle


  “Fine,” I muttered. “Now I know where I stand.”

  “Amerie...” He sighed. “I didn’t mean...”

  I shook my head, trying my hardest not to stare at him through the window’s reflection. He could say he didn’t mean it all he wanted, but the words were out there, floating around the car like a toxic gas. And I was suffocating.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Costume

  After our miniature argument, neither of us spoke again, and the ride back to my house was a long and tense one. I mumbled a hasty goodbye and fled from the car before he had the chance to say anything. I didn’t want him to see me as I snuck back into my room, so I ducked around the side of the house and waited for him to drive away before climbing up the tree and swinging up to my window.

  I swapped out my damp clothes and climbed into bed. My head had barely hit the new, bouncy pillows, when my eyes had closed, and I had drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

  Until the next morning, when I was awakened by a loud bang on my door and Cindy’s chipper voice.

  “Morning!” She called through the white wood. “I’ve made breakfast. Please come downstairs and join us.”

  I grunted in reply and yanked the silk sheets further over my head. I must have drifted back to sleep because five minutes later, she banged on my door again and threatened to keep at it until I went downstairs.

  With a resentful sigh, I slid out of bed, catching a glimpse of my hair on the way. It was horrendous! Strands were matted together, and others stuck out at all angles. With a groan, I unlocked my bedroom door. With any hope, Cindy would think I was possessed and run screaming. Except, she didn’t. Unlike me, Cindy was already dressed, clad in boot cut jeans, a pretty blouse and her blonde hair was perfectly styled around her shoulders.

  “And sleeping beauty has awakened,” she said, pearly white teeth gleaming beyond bright red lipstick.

  I ignored her and followed her down the carpeted stairs. The closer I got to the kitchen, the more prominent the incredible aroma got - a sweet scent that made my mouth water.

  “Good morning,” Dad greeted the moment I stepped into the kitchen. He and Daniel were already seated at the breakfast bar, waiting on me. Daniel slumped over, his head in both hands.

  “Sit, sit,” Cindy instructed gleefully, gesturing to the stool next to Daniel.

  I obediently sat, spotting the source of the smell instantly. Cindy had set up an assortment of breakfast foods in glass dishes on the bar. The cinnamon rolls smelled amazing, but the eggs, bacon and muffins all looked great too. I reached out to grab a plate when Cindy’s pale, dainty hand whipped down and slapped my fingers.

  “Not yet! We all waited for you so that we could eat together,” she snapped.

  My eyebrows furrowed. “Dad,” I hissed. “Tell her not to put a finger on me again.”

  Dad sighed and shook his head. “Cindy’s trying to do something nice for us, Amerie. Be a little more appreciative.”

  Daniel swore under his breath, slammed his stool back, and stormed out of the room. Now why hadn’t I just done that instead? Not in the best mood, I grabbed a muffin and cinnamon roll, and then darted back upstairs to my room too, locking the door behind me. I was going to get a lecture for this later, but it was still a better option than sitting through this breakfast.

  Though Dad was supremely pissed at me, I still invited Sam, Chuck, and Mercy over to see my new house and have a Supernatural marathon. My bedroom in our old building barely fit a bed, let alone four teenagers, but this bedroom had more than enough space. Mercy and I lounged across my bed while Chuck and Sam sat amongst pillows on my floor.

  “I think he likes you,” Mercy concluded after I’d given her a very brief and very basic run down of Marshall’s harsh words to me last night.

  I dropped the bit of her hair I was playing with, letting it fall back to her shoulder. “No. If he liked me, then he’d be happy that I cared about him getting beaten up.”

  “Not necessarily,” Mercy said. “He’s obviously embarrassed you think what he’s doing is stupid. You know men and their egos.”

  “We can hear you,” Chuck said.

  “Yeah,” Sam agreed. “Not every guy should be painted with the same brush.”

  I bit down on my lip and nodded, pretending to agree. “You’re right.”

  He smiled, satisfied, and turned back to the TV. A part of me felt a little guilty because I actually wanted to talk about the other news I’d found out. The end of the world news. It seemed that Chuck and Mercy had gotten used to what I was; they even wanted to be kept in the know with anything Damned related, but because Sam was here, I couldn’t tell them just yet.

  “Oh,” Mercy suddenly exclaimed. “I have birthday plans for you.”

  I groaned. “How the hell did you find something to do with only a week left until the big day?”

  “I’m offended you didn’t have more faith in me,” Mercy said, pouting. I left her to pout, which only lasted about thirty seconds until she stopped and carried on talking. “Anyway, it’s this really sick party down in Putney, and we have to go.”

  Sam and Chuck’s heads whipped around to face us.

  “Party? What party?” Sam asked.

  “Will there be hot girls there?” Chuck demanded.

  Mercy ignored Chuck and addressed Sam instead. “Well, technically, it’s a Halloween party. But I thought hey! Kill two birds with one stone. Halloween plans and birthday plans. I mean, we should all go out for a meal or something first. Then go home, get ready, and meet somewhere to head down there.”

  “Will there be hot girls there?” Chuck repeated slowly.

  “There will be girls dressed up in costumes there,” Mercy snapped. “I don’t know whether that fits into your hot girl category.”

  Chuck sighed as though Mercy was completely thick. “Any girl who doesn’t look like the back of a cow fits into my category.” He shook his head. “Don’t you know me at all?”

  I could see the fire building in Mercy’s eyes, so I jumped in to change the subject. “Whose party is it?”

  “My cousin Dan’s friend. He has this really huge house down there, and his parents are extremely cool about letting him have parties. As long as you know someone he knows, then you’re free to come down. Invite only.” She reached into her bag and pulled out four pieces of card. They were black with writing sprawled across in a red, creepy font. “Dan hooks me up.”

  “I’m down,” Sam said.

  To be honest, I was expecting a lot worse. But a Halloween party? Where I could dress up and be someone else for a change? Great. I was so sick of being me.

  “We need to go outfit shopping,” I declared.

  Mercy clapped her hands together, a huge smile spreading across her pale face. “Yay! I’m so glad you’re down for it. I was kinda worried I’d have to persuade you a bit more.”

  “No, I’m definitely down.”

  “Okay. Next Saturday, we party it up,” Chuck announced.

  I flopped backwards, staring up at the ceiling. Finally, I didn’t dread my birthday. Excellent.

  I didn’t hear from Marshall again until Thursday evening, when he strolled into The Hut, took a seat in my section, and waved me over as if he owned me. There were fresh batches of bruises spread across his face, and I ignored them, knowing he wanted me to comment.

  “Would you like a drink while you decide?” I asked, keeping a calm facade.

  He raised an eyebrow at me. “What? No hello? No compliments on my new jacket?”

  “A Coke? Sprite?”

  He grinned, shaking his head slightly. “You’re pissed I haven’t called you.”

  “I’m really not. If you hadn’t noticed, I didn’t call you either.”

  “You didn’t? Oh, those missed calls from an unknown number must have been someone else, then.” He picked up his menu and began scanning through the options.

  Anger bubbled up inside me. He was baiting me. I’d be damned if I gave him a reaction. �
��Must have been.”

  “Hmm.” He looked up at me, grinning. “I’ll have the double cheeseburger. Extra side of fries. Oh, and, also, a training session on Saturday night. You might be obsessed with me, or whatever, but we still have to train. I’m willing to look past your weirdness.”

  My mouth dropped. “Obsessed with you? Obsessed with getting away from you, yeah, maybe. You’re something else, Marshall. And no, I will not train with you on Saturday.”

  “Why?” Suddenly, his face switched from cocky to serious. “Look, I know you’re mad at me, but this is serious, Amerie. We need to train. We need to get you ready and able to protect yourself. You know how important this is. Until we find out what else the ritual is missing...”

  I fake yawned right in his face. “I’m getting a headache from your annoying mood swings. What are you today? Mr. Arrogant? Or Mr. Wants-to-save-the-world?”

  “Can’t I be both?”

  “I can’t train with you on Saturday, not because I’m holding a grudge against you for being an absolute tool, but because it’s my birthday. And I have plans.”

  “Oh.” Relief washed over his face. “That’s fine then. So, what plans you got? Sweet seventeen, hey?”

  “I’m heading to a party up in Putney. If that’s okay with you.”

  “I know what party you’re talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you’re going to be there in a costume.” He winked and leaned back in his seat.

  “I’m going as a homeless person.”

  “Sexy.”

  “I’ll be back with your order. By the way, I won’t be mad if you decide you have better things to do and leave.”

  “No chance. I’m starved.” He smiled widely. “And if you can’t train on Saturday night, guess we better do it tomorrow then.”

  Mercy was not impressed when I told her that we had to reschedule our shopping trip until Saturday morning. I scooted my chair a few inches away from her as she clutched her knife so hard, her knuckles turned even paler than usual. Around us, the rest of Maxwell was buzzing. Halloween meant the chance to put on a mask and get up to stuff they couldn’t usually get away with. I’d already heard of at least three groups of people planning on gate crashing the same party we were heading to tonight.

  “Mercy...” I stared down at the knife in her hand pointedly. She didn’t even need a knife; she was eating a sandwich.

  “We’ve left it late as it is,” she said through gritted teeth, “because you had shifts at The Hut you couldn’t let down. And now, you want us to go looking on the day?”

  “It’s not my fault, and you know it.” I slowly pried the knife from her grip. “I’d go with you if I could, but I need to train.” I hissed this last past quietly in case Sam was listening in.

  “And you needed to do extra shifts at The Hut too.”

  “Well, yeah. I’ve paid off the window. Now this money is hitting my pocket for a change. How am I supposed to pay for an outfit with no money? You answer me that, Einstein.”

  Mercy sighed and tugged one of her spiral curls. “You make me crazy.”

  “Love you.” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “Look, we’ll be fine. We’ll hit every costume shop in London if we have to. I promise we’ll be fine.”

  “You haven’t got your costume yet?” Sam asked, turning away from his conversation with a guy at the table behind us.

  “Thanks for bringing it up, Sam,” I snapped.

  He looked guilty. “Sorry.”

  “Have you got yours?” Mercy asked. Her left eye twitched. She hated leaving things to the last minute, which made her a good person to go to if you wanted to copy one of her essays. You could bet she’d already done it by the time you’d even thought about it.

  “Yep,” Sam said, smiling proudly. “Not gonna tell you what, though. You’ll have to wait and see.”

  Mercy turned to me. “I hate you, Amerie. We’re gonna have to dress up like the Village People or something. They’ll be the only costumes left.”

  “Oh, have faith,” I said. “You gonna finish that sandwich?”

  Chapter Twenty

  Party Pooper

  “You’re distracted today,” Marshall declared after having bested me in a training fight for the third time that evening.

  I flipped to my feet and yanked out my hair band, retying it so that it was tight on my head. “No, I’m not.”

  That was a lie. How could I not remember that this time last year, my mum had still been alive and decorating the house for my birthday the next day. Hugging me goodbye before leaving and never coming back. Now she was dead. Murdered by a Damned who had some kind of vendetta against her. A vendetta I knew nothing about.

  “I’ve never been able to floor you three times in a row before.” He flexed his hands before heading over to our ‘snack’ table and taking a large gulp of bottled water.

  I watched him, furious at myself not only for caring about his wounds, but also for wanting to reach out and stroke his face. I shouldn’t have had mixed feelings between thinking about him and my mum. It would always be about her first.

  “I’m ready to go again,” I said, my chest heaving.

  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and walked back over. “I was thinking you need to focus. I’ve got a couple yoga exercises we could do.”

  I shrugged. “Sure, whatever. You’re the trainer.”

  He reached out and pulled me to stand in front of him. His palm was cool against my hot skin. “I want you to completely relax.” His breath tickled my ear.

  Relax. Right. Like I could do that with his chest pressed against my back. I nodded anyway. His hands grabbed both of my wrists and lifted my arms so that they stretched above my head.

  “Breathe,” he whispered. “In and out. Deep breaths.”

  “Right. So you can stare at my chest going up and down. I’m onto you.”

  He chuckled lightly. “I could do that anyway. But seriously, Amerie, I want to see your breathing technique. Close your eyes and just breathe.”

  I shut my eyes, relaxing my mind as much as possible and began to breathe deeply. His fingers trailed down from my wrists and ran down my arms, sending shivers down my spine. Then one hand dropped and the other moved towards my chest, his palm pressing against my heart.

  “There is nothing more relaxing than listening to the beat of a heart,” he said, and my eyes flew back open. “Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.”

  I gulped, letting my arms drop down behind his neck.

  “Dum-dum. Dum-dum. Dum-dum. Why’s your heart rate increasing?”

  I spun around, our faces inches apart. This time, he stayed still and my hand moved up to sweep across his black eye, his red cheek, the cut on his mouth. My finger ran across his top lip hesitantly. With reflexes as fast as mine, his hand flew up and snapped around my wrist, yanking my fingers back. But he didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. Didn’t step away. Feeling braver than I usually would have in a situation like this, I edged forward, hoping to place my lips where my finger had just been. His head dipped, and I kept my eyes open, not wanting to miss a single moment of this. Just as his lips brushed over mine, he whipped his head to the side, staring down at the floor.

  “Amerie,” he whispered. “We can’t.”

  Humiliation burned through me like a fever. I stepped back, shaking my head as if the near kiss didn’t bother me at all, when actually all I wanted was to scream, “Why don’t you want me?”

  “I’m not good for you,” Marshall said sadly, but there was a hint of guilt behind his eyes, too. As though, it was his fault that I had feelings for him because he’d done nothing to avoid it. “I’m only supposed to train you until your mentor is picked. Then I won’t have any more contact with you.”

  My head snapped up. “What? You were just gonna, what, back into the shadows and never talk to me again?”

  “There’s a reason I can’t stick around, Amerie,” he said cagily and with eyes that wouldn’t quite meet mine.

&nbs
p; “Yeah? Like what?”

  “Did it slip your mind that I do have a life? There’s other things I need to do with what’s left of it.”

  “What?”

  “And don’t forget The Sisterhood and what they want…”

  I grabbed one of the bottles of water and threw it at him. He sidestepped it easily. “I don’t give a shit what the Sisterhood wants!”

  “Amerie, please...”

  “No.” I shook my head again, and stormed across the room, ready to grab my coat and bag. “You actually did mean all that stuff in the car. We’re not friends. I’m just a job to you. Well, screw you, Marshall. I don’t want to train with you anymore, and I don’t ever want to see you again.”

  “But... what about Seal?”

  “Seal can kiss my ass. You get Albert to call me and tell me what I need to know.”

  Marshall’s eyes widened almost…desperately. “Amerie, wait. Come on – I’m sorry. You’re being a bit immature about all of this. I didn’t mean…”

  “Oh am I? I thought that I was making this easier on you,” I hissed. “We don’t want your leaving me to be hard now, do we? So I’m leaving while I’m still nothing to you.”

  “If you want to go home, please let me drive you. We can talk about this on the way...”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you.” I pulled on my coat roughly and stormed out of the warehouse, slamming the metal door behind me. As it clanged shut, I winced and sucked in a deep breath. Then with another deep breath, I took off at a run towards the bus stop and didn’t look back.

  I got off the bus five stops early and headed towards the cemetery instead – something I hadn’t been doing for a while. I found nothing. No Damned. No mischief. Nothing to distract my grief. In the end, utterly dejected and feeling extremely sorry for myself, I headed home.

  After a morning of intense shopping, Mercy and I were equipped with killer outfits and were at Mercy’s house, getting ready. She had a whole lot more makeup, and accessories, than I did, which made dressing up that much more fun.

 

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