My Heart be Damned

by Gray, Chanelle

  There was no triumph in my win. And now, Sam had the gun and was pointing it at Marshall. I jumped up and pumped as much speed into my legs as possible, needing to get there before anything happened. I didn’t know how Blessed weapons would affect Marshall, and I seriously didn’t want to find out.

  “Sam, no!” I shouted, diving between them just as Sam fired.

  It didn’t happen like they say it does, in books or in movies. Nothing happened in slow motion. The bullet burst straight through my stomach in a way that made me feel like my whole body was on fire. Instinctively, my hands touched the entry hole, and when I pulled them away, blood coated both palms.

  “Amerie!” Marshall caught me as my knees buckled.

  I couldn’t speak at first. My mouth opened and closed soundlessly. A tear of frustration leaked down my cheek. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. We were supposed to stop the ritual and win! And though the ritual was done, I was dying anyway. What a waste. Unless…

  “T-tell me what to say,” I croaked out.

  “What? Amerie, what are you talking about? Just hold tight, I’m going to get you help.” His grip around me tightened. “Chuck! Mercy! You’re gonna be okay, Amerie. Oh God, why did you do that, Amerie? Oh God...”

  “I’m dying.” The painful in my stomach was fading, and I knew I didn’t have long left. “A-at least let me d-die for you. Take my b-blood. I give it willingly.”

  “No. No, I won’t do it. You’re going to survive and be just fine.”

  Glass exploded inward, followed by the roar of an engine. Headlights shone in my face, but the black abyss had returned. I shut my eyes, though something told me not to, and allowed myself to drift into it. The darkness would keep me safe. It had to.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Recovery

  The gentle beep of the heart monitor next to me was the only sound in my hospital room. I’d been awake for a little while now, but I hadn’t wanted to open my eyes. From what I could sense, but, so far, had refused to open my eyes and confirm, two people slept in the room with me. Might be other patients, might be people I knew. I was too afraid to find out.

  Sam. He was the only thing I could think about right now. I didn’t care about Seal, or that I’d been shot, or even that Marshall was half-Damned. Sam was lost. All because I’d used him for my own selfish gain.

  Tears slid down my cheeks, and I made the mistake of moving to wipe them away. Some kind of tube was hooked up to that hand, and it tangled on the bed sheets, making way too much noise. I groaned and finally opened my eyes.

  Mercy and Chuck were asleep under the window in two armchairs they’d pushed together. Mercy’s head rested on Chuck’s shoulder, and his arm wrapped around her. They looked entirely too calm, entirely too oblivious to what just happened. Part of me wanted to shake them awake and tell them about Sam. Bring them into my pit of despair.

  Mercy’s eyes flickered and gradually opened, resting on me. When she saw that I was awake, she jumped up, the movement jolting Chuck awake, too.

  “Amerie?” Mercy hesitantly moved her armchair to the side of my bed and took my tube-free hand.

  My throat was dry, and I gestured for water. Chuck handed me a glass. I sipped it slowly, trying to buy myself time before they fired questions at me. To their credit, they didn’t push me to talk. They watched as I drank, occasionally throwing wary glances at each other. Then, when the door to my room opened, we all turned our attention to the newcomer.

  Marshall.

  He’d changed his clothes and showered. Fresh jeans and a striped sweater. Guilt etched across every line in his face. I wanted to rub his anguish away. I wanted him to hold me and tell me we’d get Sam back. That Seal lied and that I got shot for nothing.

  “I got you some things,” Marshall said, clearing his throat. He turned to Mercy. “When did she wake up?”

  “Just now,” Mercy answered.

  Marshall nodded once and dumped the plastic bag he’d been holding on the side table next to me. “Has she said anything?”

  “She is sitting right here,” I said, my voice was husky.

  All three turned to stare at me.

  “Sorry,” Mercy said, squeezing my hand gently. “We didn’t know if you’d be in shock or whatever.”

  “Sam...”

  Mercy looked down at my hand. Chuck’s eyes were fixed to a spot on the wall, as if, it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. And Marshall skulked over to the window and stared out of it, the moon shining in around him.

  “We don’t know where Sam is,” Mercy finally said. “When we got to Cane Hill, we gave Marshall the gun he’d made us stop and get from his place, and then we watched him go in after you and Sam. When none of you came out, Chuck panicked and drove us through the window to come and get you. Sam and that statue thingy were gone.”

  I shook my head. “He can’t be gone. We have to find him.”

  “Can you guys give us some privacy?” Marshall asked.

  Mercy nodded and stood up. She gave me a small smile. Chuck stood too and held the door open for her.

  “Your dad was here earlier,” she warned. “He’s pretty pissed, but glad you’re okay. They’ll be back in the morning. Thought you should know.”

  “Who called him?” I whined.

  “The hospital did,” Chuck said. “Marshall carried you in, they wheeled you off to operate, and while we hung around in the waiting room, they called your dad.”

  “Oh.”

  “Give us a shout when we can come back in,” Mercy said, closing the door softly behind them.

  Marshall watched after them for a moment, as if making sure they were truly gone before sitting down on the edge of my bed. He picked up the hand that Mercy had been holding, and brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly, his eyes closed tightly.

  “I’m sorry about Sam,” he said, clutching my hand to his chest. “You want to explain what I’ve missed about the situation?”

  I launched into retelling him what had happened as soon they dragged me into the chapel, including Seal’s story about my mum. Once I’d finished, Marshall looked horrified. He leant across me and took my face in both of his hands, kissing me softly. I closed my eyes and cried, my tears transferring from my cheeks onto his.

  “We’ll get him back,” Marshall promised, pulling away from me.

  I reached up to wipe my tears from his face. “I hope so.”

  “I’ll find out everything I can. Okay?”

  “And what about us? Marshall, why am I not dead? I told you to take my blood. You could be immortal right now. Does this mean you want to give us a chance? I mean, you controlled yourself once…”

  “There was no way I could let you die, not even so that I could live.” He shook his head. “Now that I’ve almost lost you once I know I would never risk losing you again. Just...just promise me you won’t do something stupid like that even again. Even to sacrifice yourself for me.”

  “Get over yourself,” I said, smiling at him. He didn’t smile back. “Okay, I promise. I won’t sacrifice myself for you again. But we do have to find another way for you to live past thirty, Marshall. I won’t give up on finding you a cure, either.”

  “Then we have a lot of research to do,” Marshall said, smiling sadly. “Once you’re up on your feet again, we’ll get back to training...” He trailed off, spotting the look of guilt on my face. “What?”

  “The Sisterhood knows where I am now. They’ve got me a mentor, and they don’t much care for you. Guess she’ll be training me from now on.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s cool, I guess. I’m gonna miss seeing your hot, sweaty body, though.”

  I swatted him playfully; glad the atmosphere had lifted. We could get over anything, including his curse – we had to. I shifted in the bed and gestured for him to climb up with me. He kicked off his shoes with a smile and laid beside me, his arms wrapped around me protectively. I turned my face to kiss him again. He stroked my hair back – God, I didn’t even wan
t to think about what that looked like – and I snuggled up to his chest, closing my eyes. A few minutes later, I was fast asleep.

  I awoke to the sound of someone flipping through a newspaper. There was only one person in the world that could make that much noise doing such a basic task.

  “Dad,” I said sleepily, turning towards him.

  He shut the newspaper and smiled grimly. “You’re awake.”

  “Seems like it.”

  He shook his head and took my hand gently. “I have never been more scared. Not even when I got the call about your mother.”

  The mention of Mum brought my conversation with Seal back. I had to know the whole story. Was my mum responsible for the way Seal had become?

  “I’m okay,” I waved away his worry. “Dad, who’s Freddie?”

  Dad narrowed his eyes. “Freddie who?”

  “He was a friend of Mum’s.”

  At first, it looked as if Dad wouldn’t say anything. For a moment, he just leaned back in his chair with his lips pursed, but then he sat forward and nodded once.

  “He was your mum’s best friend. From the age of six or so, I think. They were together all the time. Made me jealous as hell. I could never get near her because Freddie was always around. Following her like a lost puppy.”

  The familiarity of the words made my stomach drop.

  “But then, when we were all sixteen, your mum went to his house and found his whole family slaughtered, Freddie about to be the next victim of these disgusting, murderous monsters. Don’t ask me how, but she managed to rescue Freddie, and get the hell out of there alive. She’s always been a hero, your mother.” He bent his head, staring down at my bed sheets wistfully. “And then she never saw him again. With no surviving family, the authorities had sent him to live with an aunt somewhere. Your mum always worried about him. Apparently, Freddie had always complained about that aunt. Called her aggressive and abusive.

  “One day, about ten years later or so, she opened up a newspaper and there he was. Freddie Lines – suspected serial killer died in a police chase. That destroyed your mother for a while. She took it terribly hard. Blamed herself, though I never understood why. She saved that kid’s life. I guess, maybe the toll of seeing everyone you love tortured and killed can turn anyone a little crazy.”

  “You call me crazy again, and I’ll make you wish you were never born.”

  Suddenly, I felt sorry for Seal. His family killed because he happened to be best friends with a Hunter. I didn’t understand why they had lured my mother to his house, but it didn’t mean he or his family deserved what happened to them. I thought about Mercy and Chuck falling to the same fate, and my heart skipped a beat. Then I thought about my dad and Daniel and....

  “I don’t know how on earth you found out about Freddie, but enough about that. We have some punishments to discuss.” And he sounded cheerful about that. Guess I deserved it for putting him through worry. Resolved, I pushed all thoughts of Seal and my mother to the back of my mind and accepted my punishment gracefully.

  “Knock, knock,” Cindy said, pushing open the door to my bedroom, Dad trailing along behind her. I’d been home for two days now, and the best thing about being shot was that Cindy practically ran around making sure I had whatever I needed. Today, that was fresh out of the oven cookies, delivered with a smile. I sat up, my mouth watering at the smell.

  “Yum!” I held my hands out, bouncing excitedly.

  “Save some for Daniel,” Cindy said, handing them over. “How’s your stomach today?”

  My stomach had healed yesterday, but I wasn’t about to tell them that yet. Especially not after the huge lecture that I had gotten. It was full of statements like: How can we trust you anymore? And This is why you’re going to be grounded until you’re sixty, young lady and my personal favorite Maybe getting shot was karma for not listening to me. Maybe now you’ll understand that what I say is for the best. Sure it is, Dad.

  “It’s getting there,” I said, adding in a groan for extra emphasis.

  “Well, don’t rush yourself,” Cindy said.

  “Yes, because as soon as you’re better, your never ending chores will begin and then you’ll learn what responsibility really is,” Dad added.

  Damned had not overrun the world, because of me. I was responsible for saving the planet. Too bad, he could never know. They left my room and then I held the plate away from me, letting the smell fill the air.

  “We got fresh cookies.”

  Marshall stepped out from behind the wardrobe and jumped on me, pushing me down onto my back. He took the plate of cookies and set them on my bedside table.

  “Those come later. Now, where were we?” His fingers stroked lines down my neck and the top of my chest.

  I shivered beneath him and grinned. “You were trying to make me forget my name?”

  “Ah yes.” And then he dipped his head and captured my lips in a battle I never wanted to end.

  About the Author

  Chanelle Gray

  Twenty-something graduate with a degree in psychology and counseling. She lives, writes and works in London, where she also enjoys shopping and eating out. She is a huge animal lover with two dogs that are practically her babies. When Chanelle isn't working, writing or socializing, she's with her baby nephew who she looks after whenever she begins to feel broody.

  Visit

  chanellegray.com

  twitter.com/chanellegray

  Acknowledgements

  I can’t believe I’m writing an acknowledgements page! It’s been a dream of mine to be able to one day write my own page to thank the many people who helped me reach my dream of publication. And now look. Dream come true.

  Firstly, I have to thank my amazing agent Victoria Marini. Not only did she take a chance on me, picked me out of the slush and saw merit in my work, but she has constantly talked me down from the ledge, taken interest in my personal life as well as writing career, and made me a better writer. Not to mention just how much she got this book and exactly what I was trying to achieve.

  Then there’s my fantastic editor Cori Debnam Cole who seemed to rise out of the ashes like a phoenix and whip this book into shape (and me along with it!). Who knew the lyrics to ‘Juicy’ and agreed that early Dre was the best Dre. Who asked insightful questions and encouraged me to be the best author I can be.

  I’d also like to thank my family for putting up with me on my quest for publication. For spreading the news about my book to everyone they knew. For not judging me (too much!) when I sat at birthday parties or BBQs and worked on my edits.

  My friends – the family I chose – have been fantastic to me throughout this. Namely, Roisin Kelly, Erica Matthews, Jodi Marzetti and Harry Azariah. I love you guys.

  I can’t forget everyone in my office who cheered with me when THE email came through and gave me helpful opinions and suggestions when I needed it. Especially Gary Felix who – as a great film buff – helped me brainstorm plot ideas and motivations behind some of the characters.

  Now, although I’ve never actually met any of the following people, their help and my appreciation to them has no bounds. To Michele Reyes who designed my website. To my beta readers: Jenny Russell, Kaitlin Ward, Hannah Wylie, Tracey Buchanan, Loren Manns, Rachel Mercaldo and Raven Moore. To my YAtopians: Kelley York, Kelley Vitollo, Sharon Johnston, Wendy Higgins, DJ Symeter, Sarah Nicolas, Leigh Fallon. To every Apocalypsie author – you guys taught me a lot! And, last but definitely not least, my LBs. You girls absolutely, undeniably and completely RULE.

  I would also like to thank each and every person reading this. I wrote this story for you and I really hope you enjoy it. I would love to know your opinions, and I can be reached on the following mediums:

  Dissecting My Heart be Damned’s

  English language

  As you’ve most likely seen, this book was set in London. The characters are English and so is their language. So in case you didn’t know what I meant by a few choice words, here’s a helpful
(hopefully!) guide of word definitions.

  Conservatory – a glass house often known in the US as a Sun Room. An addition to a house usually backing onto the garden.

  Chicken Burger – it’s not minced chicken formed into a patty. It’s a breaded breast of chicken in a burger bun. Like a McChicken Sandwich. We just call them Chicken Burgers over here.

  The Tube – The English version of the subway system. Most of it runs underground but part of it runs above ground too.

  Jumper – Like a sweater. An outer piece of clothing you wear on top of a t-shirt if it’s cold.

  Trousers – Pants!

  Town – In the UK, we class a town as a place outside of the city because this province does not have a cathedral or university (college). These towns can be suburban, but can also be built up too.

  UK School Systems – Over here, you start school when you’re four year olds and turning five if your birthday falls after September of that year. You stay in ‘Primary School’ until the age of eleven when you then move to ‘High School’. A few years ago, there was a change in the school system stating that unless you leave High School to go to ‘College’, you now have to stay in school until the age of eighteen. Before, you could leave at sixteen. College isn’t the same as it is in the US. It only lasts a few years (usually two or three) and students can learn skills to use in certain trades (plumbing, building, farming etc). College can also be a stop gap before ‘University’. Our University is like US College which you can attend from the age of eighteen until you graduate! If you stayed at school until eighteen and didn’t go to college to learn a trade, you can go straight to University after you pass your exams. Usually courses are three years, but you can take longer courses, or do a course part time.