The Golden Hairpin

by Qinghan CeCe

  “I really wanted to tell her that you’d immediately thrown her hairpin away. I kept it from her for three years.”

  Now Little Shi paused, staring and biting her lower lip. “But when I got to the palace and saw Empress Wang, I realized Xuese and I had made a huge mistake. When I gave Empress Wang that leafy hairpin, she had no doubts about my identity. It was her own engagement present, after all. Because its silver didn’t reflect aristocratic wealth, she had an identical gold one made for me. I fantasized about the wealth and status of being a Princess and how its power would allow me to find Xuese’s sweetheart. But, then in the rear hall, the person standing before me was the Prince of Kui and . . .”

  “That is why you reacted so strangely,” Huang Zixia said.

  Her lips trembled violently as she choked up. After a time, she covered her face and began sobbing. “I knew heaven had it in for us. Xuese and I were finished. I had nightmares about taking Xuese’s sweetheart from her and wanted to die, but I also couldn’t help but look forward to the glory of being the Princess of Kui.”

  Huang Zixia looked at Li Shubai and found him staring expressionlessly at the lanterns rotating over the porch. She thought about what a waste it was to go through so much suffering and longing for a man that felt nothing for you.

  “In my trouble sleeping, I let the secret out. I don’t know if Feng Yi knew, but she must have been suspicious. And I knew that once it got out, my life in Changan would be ruined. And then Empress Wang had someone ask me privately if Feng Yi was reliable. I don’t know why, but I shook my head.”

  “Then Empress Wang poisoned Feng Yi and disposed of her body?”

  Little Shi’s body went limp, but she managed to nod her head. Sure enough, it was Empress Wang who killed Feng Yi and put her body among the Youzhou migrants to make it look like she died of disease.

  Huang Zixia and Li Shubai glanced at each other. She thought Empress Wang must have long been planning on getting rid of Feng Yi, so why would it matter what Little Shi said?

  Huang Zixia sighed and bent down to Little Shi. “Get up,” she whispered. “The Empress has spared your life, which is very lucky indeed.”

  “What did she tell you to do now?” Li Shubai asked.

  Little Shi opened a parcel and took out a small jar. Her hand trembling, she held it close to her chest for a time. “These are Xuese’s ashes. I’ll take her back to Liuzhou and bury her next to her father. From now on, till the end of my life, I’ll look after their graves, never leave them.”

  Huang Zixia stood in front of her, looking at the string of hair hanging loose over her cheek. It wavered in the night breeze like rootless grass—no way back, and no future ahead.

  Li Shubai took the two halves of the silver ingot from the drawer and gave them to her. “Take it back.”

  Little Shi looked at them and spoke quietly. “Xuese knew you might never come back but was determined to wait for the rest of her life. She often said that if she ever saw you again, you’d give her the leafy hairpin, and she’d give you the silver ingot, and these would be your engagement gifts. So I left it there, thinking that there was some small chance it would remind you of us.”

  Huang Zixia sighed and pointed at one half. “This half came from the woman outside the academy. It was Xuese’s proof. Maybe she was ambushed in that room, just before I got there.”

  “All of this was fate,” Little Shi murmured, holding that silver ingot. “My fate, her fate, doomed from twelve years ago.”

  Huang Zixia sent Little Shi off to her carriage, out into the quiet Changan night toward an uncertain future.

  When Huang Zixia got back to the palace, Yong Ji and Zhang Qing waved to her. “Mr. Yang, the Empress said no matter how late it is, however you’re doing, whether you got sick from falling in the pond or not, she still wants to see you.”

  There it was, the indication of her death. Empress Wang knew if Little Shi, who was so important to the case, came for an audience, Huang Zixia would attend and so she waited here!

  Huang Zixia made a bitter face and glanced at Li Shubai.

  He nodded slightly, indicating for her to go.

  Her eyes widened as she looked at him, trying to say, Empress Wang wants to wipe me off the face of the earth!

  He just looked back at her calmly and quietly, leaving her helpless. How unreliable people were. She’d just helped him solve the difficult case of the Princess’s disappearance, and now he was going to forget about all that and let Empress Wang destroy her.

  Yong Ji and Zhang Qing were still staring at her. She had no choice but to grit her teeth and go.

  “Real person,” Li Shubai said quietly.

  Huh?

  She thought she’d heard wrong and leaned to look at him. He was indifferent, not even looking back. “It gets wet out this time of night. Be careful not to catch a cold.”

  Real person. What did that mean?

  Huang Zixia filed out of the palace with Yong Yi and Zhang Qing. In the carriage on the way to Taiji Palace, she thought hard.

  She thought and thought about what Li Shubai could have meant but figured he wanted her to roll over and die. That coldhearted man really wouldn’t try to save her life at the crucial moment?

  When she was about to pound the wall and scream, Yong Ji spoke. “Mr. Yang, we’ve arrived at Taiji Palace. Come.”

  She felt a shiver run down her spine, but she could do nothing but follow. The palace looked completely deserted. It was as if Empress Wang really had been forgotten. Soft, thick grass grew up from the slate path, making her steps feel less sure. The stone hanging lanterns had become smooth and spotty with time. In their light, one could make out the moss marks on their tops. Meanwhile, the succulents drooped, and paint was peeling off the pillars. The once-magnificent palace had long been neglected. The rear hall was dark in the distance. Only the Lizheng Hall had some lights on, which shone on its red walls.

  Huang Zixia followed Yong Ji and Zhang Qing toward the Lizheng Hall.

  Empress Wang’s people were very efficient. She hadn’t been there long, but the Lizheng Hall was already set up very comfortably.

  Though it was nearly dawn, the Empress clearly hadn’t slept. She was sitting on a couch, perhaps in anticipation of Huang Zixia’s arrival. Ladies brought out four exquisite small dishes and sorbet. Empress Wang ate slowly and quietly. She looked elegant and comfortable. When she was finally finished, they removed her tray. Empress Wang rinsed her mouth out and took a sip of tea. “Mr. Yang,” she said slowly, “do you feel this palace seems deserted at this hour?”

  “If you’re feeling lively, you can always go downtown,” Huang Zixia said. “If you’re feeling down, everywhere seems deserted.”

  Empress Wang looked into her eyes and spoke gently. “Mr. Yang, I was moved here because of you. I’m down because of you. How should I thank you?”

  Huang Zixia felt a burning in her chest, and her back began to sweat. She thought desperately about Li Shubai’s “real person” and said, “The Empress is fortunate to be living in such a place and should be tolerant of others too.”

  “Tolerant?” The Empress smiled slightly, but her eyes were cold. “You slandered me in front of the Emperor. Were you tolerant of me?”

  Were you? You killed people from your past and your own family and never expected to end up here? Huang Zixia couldn’t say what was on her mind. She just stood there and watched a bead of sweat fall from her forehead to the ground.

  Empress Wang looked around and said, as if to herself, “How can this be considered fortunate? Emperor Zhang Sun’s wife died here. People die in all kinds of palaces.”

  “She was a virtuous woman whom the Emperor loved very much. You could be like her, endlessly in love.”

  “Hmm . . . it’s a little late for all that, Mr. Yang. If you had been half as clever as you are now, you’d know that whether you decide to say something or not can determine whether you live or die!”

  Say something or not . . . live or die. The wo
rds resounded in her ears and woke her up. Real person, real person, that’s what that awful Li Shubai meant! She suddenly understood and kneeled, pressing her head firmly on the ground. “Please allow me to say one thing. Once I’ve said it, I will gladly die here today!”

  Empress Wang smiled coldly. “What?” she said casually. Then she raised her hand, indicating for her attendants to leave, and stared at Huang Zixia.

  Huang Zixia pressed her head harder into the ground, then looked up. “Your Highness, I know I deserve to die. Does it matter when and where? I just want to know if you’d like to tell me the charges?”

  “Do I need to?” Empress Wang said with a contemptuous sneer. “You know my greatest secret. Isn’t that a capital offense?”

  “Of course,” Huang Zixia said respectfully, “but there’s something I want to tell you, which might give you room to change your mind.”

  “Say it.”

  Huang Zixia felt her heart pounding in her chest. She knew her life was on the line and hoped Li Shubai’s advice would work. “When I was fourteen, and you first summoned me, you said, ‘If I had a daughter, she’d be as old and as cute as you.’”

  Empress Wang’s gaze stiffened and her expression flickered in the lamplight. She was silent for a time. “You? Three years ago?”

  Huang Zixia bowed again. “The murderess Huang Zixia is before you.”

  “You know I hate you and want you dead,” she said coldly. “Why further debase yourself?”

  “I believe the Emperor has already forgiven you for your secrecy, and you’ll be back to your life soon. But my secret really is life or death. I’m telling this so you know that if I ever do anything to hurt you again, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll be put to death.”

  After a period of silence, Empress Wang’s steady, gentle voice said, “So you think putting your life in my hands will make you seem useful, and I’ll forget what you did to me?”

  “Of course not!” she said earnestly. “But I think you know about Emperor Tai and Wei Zheng’s past, and how Shangguan Wan’er’s fortunes changed after Emperor Wu took power. Things change, even hatred. As long as I can be useful to you, what does the past matter?”

  Empress Wang slowly walked toward her. She examined every inch of her prone body. After a long time, the strong woman sighed weakly. “That being the case, I’ll keep your life in my hands. If you disobey me in the future, I’ll end it.”

  “Thank you so much for your mercy!” Huang Zixia, still bowing, felt sweat coming from every pore. But she didn’t dare wipe it.

  “If it weren’t for you, people wouldn’t know about Xuese’s death or that it happened by my hand.” She clenched her teeth, then exhaled. “If you hadn’t exposed it, I wouldn’t have known how horrible I was until I met her in the underworld. I don’t know how I could have faced her . . .”

  Huang Zixia wondered how she would face Jin Nu and Feng Yi.

  “I killed my own daughter. Today, I won’t kill anyone.” Empress Wang turned and sat on the couch. Leaning on a cushion under the window, she looked up at the dim stars in the dawn sky.

  The lanterns were out, and the stars over the palace looked like flowing dust.

  “Exile. What’s it matter?” Her voice was cold and firm. “If I can get to Daming Palace from the music hall, I can get back to Daming from exile! No one in the Tang Empire, in the whole world, can defeat me!”

  Huang Zixia stayed silent on her knees.

  In the dim light and the desolate quiet of the ancient palace, the Empress looked at the stars and suddenly covered her mouth as if trying to keep something in.

  Huang Zixia pressed her head on the ground and was about to stand when the Empress spoke again. “Huang Zixia, in your life, have you ever thought it’d be better to die?”

  “Yes. When my family was killed, and I was accused of the murder. But I didn’t want to die with those charges on my head!”

  “I really had wanted to die.” Her black hair flowed softly over her brilliantly embroidered clothing, her face haggard with fatigue. “Have you seen Xuese? Did we really look alike?”

  Huang Zixia shook her head. “No. I just missed her at the academy.”

  “Oh. I’ll never have the chance to see what my daughter looks like.” She sighed.

  “The last time the I saw Xuese, she had just turned five, and I was twenty-three.” She told Huang Zixia the story of her past.

  The Yunshao Court had music and dancing, and was full of self-respecting performers. Her husband, Jingxiu, didn’t approve of their daughter being raised at court. After arguing with Jingxiu several times, the Empress talked him into moving the family north to the capital, where he might get recognized for his painting.

  Jingxiu went out and tried his luck, but without contacts, he had no chance. Before long, he’d tried everywhere and gave up. In Yangzhou, Jingxiu was cheerful and charming. As long as he could paint, he was happy. They were good together. But Changan had broken Jingxiu’s spirt. And Xuese got sick. They had to pawn the leafy hairpin Jingxiu got the Empress as an engagement present. They were out of money, hungry and cold. They couldn’t afford a doctor, so the Empress had to beg. Jingxiu came and got her. He told her that she was debasing herself.

  “All I could do was hold my daughter all night, rub her body, listen to her breath in fear, and watch the sky outside the window slowly brighten. On those nights, it felt like if I closed my eyes, I’d lose control of our desperate situation . . .” Even though it happened twelve years ago, she looked cold and desperate.

  “Xuese was lucky to get over that illness, but Jingxiu, because his mood was so low, got sick. We were about to get kicked out for not paying rent. I had no choice but to go to the West City to look for opportunities behind Jingxiu’s back.”

  “I remember very clearly, on a winter day, the leaves of the trees along the West City street were falling. There was a fifty- or sixty-year-old woman dressed in tattered brown linen, sitting there begging. She had a beat-up old pipa and was singing “Forever Together” in a hoarse voice. Her dirty hair was in a messy pile on her shoulders. Her face had dirt in its wrinkles like moss on weathered stones. Her rags couldn’t protect her from the cutting wind. Her fingers were frozen; her lips were cracked. The pipa was way out of tune. How could she perform like that?”

  Empress Wang’s cold eyes filled with tears. She put her hands on her face and choked up. “You wouldn’t understand how heartbroken I was. I stood and watched that woman for a long time. I watched her like I was watching myself in thirty years. I didn’t want to end up like that.” She took a long, trembling breath and continued with difficulty. “That afternoon, I realized that I wanted to live, and I needed to live well. I would never beg like that!”

  Huang Zixia looked at her in silence.

  “Around that time, I ran into someone I’d studied with. I went with her to the Langya Wangs, said I was her distant relative who’d fallen on hard times after the death of my parents. Everyone admired my pipa skills and I was asked to stay. I went back for some clothes and brought some money my friend gave me to Jingxiu and told him I’d send more when I got my salary,” she said faintly. “I hadn’t even told him where I was going. Xuese hugged my leg and cried. They stared at me as I left.” Her voice trailed off, but her gaze burned frighteningly.

  Huang Zixia was quiet for a time, then spoke gently. “It must have been very hard for you to leave Xuese.”

  “Yes. I couldn’t take care of her.” Empress Wang looked at her. Her tears had dried and the cold smile returned to her lips. “But I ended up meeting my husband, even though I had to lie to him. I was like a moth being drawn to a flame. Even if I died, it’d be wonderful!” The Empress sounded short of breath, and her extreme emotional shifts unsettled Huang Zixia.

  “The world is that absurd. I’ve spent these twelve years in the palace living in bliss. I somehow beat out Princess Guo Shu to become the Empress, and raised the Emperor’s children, who are bound to become Emperors themsel
ves. He loves my children the most—I know the court is where I belong! I’ve been one of the most loved people in the world. What’s it matter if I lost my husband and daughter? I live in the greatest city on earth, the envy of the world!”

  Huang Zixia sighed inside and said quietly, “But your daughter wasn’t even willing to come to the capital to see you. You gained the world, but doesn’t it make you sad or guilty to have the blood of your friends and family on your hands?”

  “Sad? Guilty?” Empress Wang’s cold eyes flashed briefly with pain. She raised her chin and sneered. “Twelve years ago, I was as innocent and romantic as you, thinking if I had my husband and daughter, even in sickness and poverty, I could be happy. But people change.”

  Huang Zixia thought a moment. “So you never saw Jingxiu and Xuese again?”

  “No. After I decided to enter Yun Palace, I asked my friend in the carriage to buy the hairpin back and tell them I was dead. From that day on, Mei Wanzhi was dead to the world.” Her bleak tone couldn’t cover up her iron stubbornness.

  She waved her hand for Huang Zixia to go. Only when Huang Zixia had gotten up and was about to leave did she hear the Empress speak softly. “What I said three years ago was true.”

  Huang Zixia looked at the cold woman, stunned.

  “When you were fourteen and I saw you in the spring sunlight wearing a bright-red dress like a rose in the breeze. I thought if Xuese were there, she’d definitely be that beautiful.”

  The Taiji Palace at night was empty and quiet.

  Huang Zixia retraced her steps toward the exit.

  The stars overhead were dissolving, and the lanterns along her path had been extinguished. Insect songs echoed through the air.

  Huang Zixia looked up at the dense, dim stars.

  If each star were tied to a person’s fate, humanity’s luck, at that moment, was running out. Human life was disposable. If all the stars suddenly fell like a wild storm, it would only cause our descendants to sigh thousands of years later.