FetteredLove

by Michelle Polaris

  “Now explain to your Master and Mistress why your mother left.”

  Evan gasped again as Kirk reached to slap the skin of his buttock from the side, not a hard strike, but she knew from experience it was close enough to his erect shaft and the other clamps to make the effort a bolt of sensation.

  The cue was enough, along with her instincts, to have her moving behind Evan. She positioned her hand, pulling back and landing another stinging slap to his ass, spanking with only the flat of her hand, a symbol of childhood punishment, a goad to past hurt.

  Evan began, half stuttering, half wincing with the words between each measured hit. The darkness of his pain splashed his face with the twist of his lips. “She left. She couldn’t stand me. I wasn’t good enough.”

  Her hand swung down again and he grunted.

  “You screamed at her? Called her names? You stole things? You kicked and bit and went crazy on her?” she insisted.

  Smack!

  “No.” Evan grimaced with his response.

  Kirk latched on to the answer and continued his own relentless attack. “Then what the hell did you do bad enough to make a mother leave? A mother whose most important job is to love you and take care of you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Smack!

  “It must have been something,” Kirk demanded.

  Another. Evan cried out.

  “I didn’t appreciate her enough. I made too much noise in the house. I was loud outside her window in the mornings. I don’t fucking know what I did, but it wasn’t enough.”

  “So you behaved exactly like any damn eight-year-old boy. And for that you’re to blame? Is that why your Mistress needs to spank you like a child?”

  Smack! Still measured.

  “No. That wasn’t it.” The voice was desperate.

  “Then what was it?” Kirk continued, relentless.

  Smack!

  Sarah paused. Held back. Watched as Kirk refused to give Evan relief. A shark circling his prey.

  Kirk paced back and forth in front of Evan with the questions, coming close then distancing, keeping their sub from relaxing.

  At Kirk’s pause, she stepped around into the space. “You don’t know what it was because you did nothing. She left you for no good reason. To meet some selfish need of her own. A mother doesn’t do that. It is her blame, Evan. Not yours.”

  Sarah reached to cradle his cheek with a hand, dropped it down his chest to brush his constrained nipples with the tenderest caress of pain. “Do you remember the day she left?”

  Evan’s eyes squeezed shut tight. “Yes,” he hissed.

  “Tell me.” She reached down, grabbed his penis to increase the pain of the clamps. She twisted it slowly, watched his eyes widen and contract with pain.

  “She came into the playroom.” His tears were falling faster. Snot ran down from his nose and his gasping continued. He remained as hard as ever, his body all mixed up in the memory and lust and agony.

  “She had a stuffed animal, a dog, in her hands.” He panted. “Handed it to me. But I’d given all my stuffed animals away. Thought a boy shouldn’t,” he gasped, “have them at eight. Too babyish. But she brought one anyway though I’d told her the day before I was too big for them.”

  “And then?” Kirk’s gentle question told her how much Evan’s pain got to him.

  “She said she was tired. Too tired and she needed to leave. She told me all a boy needed was his dad. And that mine would take care of me. Told me to be good. Then she left.”

  “That was all?” he asked.

  “Fuck yes. No hug. No kiss. No words of love. Only a grim face and the sound of the door slamming after her. I can’t get rid of that sound in my head sometimes. It fucking kills.” He gave another low, ragged groan. “She didn’t mean to slam it, but the wind came in the open window of the room I guess. And it swung shut fast. God, if only the damn door hadn’t slammed. Sometimes I think I remember the door more clearly than her.”

  He was crying harder, the stains from the past clear all over his face. She wanted to envelop him in her arms, to make it all better. But they’d tried that already. It hadn’t worked.

  Kirk got close but didn’t touch, standing next to her as she kept a grip on Evan’s suffering cock. It didn’t suffer half as much as his heart.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Evan,” he said.

  “Fuck.”

  “I know. It stabs, but it wasn’t your fault. You’re a good man, the best I know. And she wasn’t cut out to be a mom. That’s not about you. Do you understand?”

  “Fuck,” he said again.

  “Do you understand?” Kirk repeated. “She failed. You didn’t. But you and your father paid the price.”

  “I wanted her back so bad. Even if she was shitty to leave.”

  “Of course. Any kid would feel the same.” He swiped Evan’s tears away with his thumb, fingering his cheek with soft concern as Sarah timed it with another twist to his cock. Evan flinched. Life was like that, soft and hard at once. And acknowledging it gave Evan that final push.

  “But she never came back. She just sent the money to my father.” He was sobbing. “Nothing else. Not even cards. A bitch. A fucking bitch. So why the fuck do I still want her?”

  Kirk gripped the hair at his nape and kept it taut. “You survived. You grew up just fine. Into a wonderful man. She can never take that from you.”

  “Evan,” Sarah added, letting go of her hold and pressing into his side. “I love you. Kirk loves you. Listen to him. He’s right. You are just as you need to be, baby. I’ve always adored you for it. You’re so loving. You learned to love despite her, baby. We just need you to give a little more loving to yourself. You can have our pain if you need it, but you need to give a little less of it to yourself. I made it worse by leaving, I know. And my apology was real. I was selfish, thinking you didn’t need to share my new burdens. And even if I can’t stay now, you have to know I returned as soon as I could. Because you are worth it. Every moment we spent and all the moments I stole from you. Worth it, angel.”

  He tried to shake his head in denial, his brow restrained too much to let him move as he seemed to want.

  “We’re doing this together, Ev,” Kirk said. “I meet my part of the bargain and you pay attention if it helps you believe.”

  “Kirk, Master, damn it,” he sputtered.

  “You want me better?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then we heal together, even if it takes a lifetime. You understand?”

  “Maybe.”

  But the sound of his voice had changed. Something had loosened.

  Kirk barked a laugh, leaned in and left a quick, hard kiss on Evan’s lips, digging and tearing his teeth away from the bottom one as he pulled back. “Goddamn incorrigible sub.” His grip tightened on Evan’s hair. “You will understand. Now feel the burn of those clamps on your skin and pay attention. It’s time to fix this.”

  The fierce love on Kirk’s face left her breathless. Her belly twisted with how much she wanted to be part of that look.

  He let go of Evan and pivoted to her. She stepped back with his sudden movement, teetering with surprise.

  “I promised him the damn words, Sarah. And fuck me, but I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I’ve always loved you. I may not be good at forgiving, but I have grown up some. And I need to make love to you, even if it’s only once more.”

  He turned to Evan and gestured. “He needs to watch it. To know people heal.”

  She stood, unable to move her feet or make any intelligent sound come from her mouth.

  Kirk rested his large palm on her cheek. His voice dropped, broke with moments of hoarseness. “Will you, Mistress? It may not be in me to submit, but I can ask. Will you make love with me, Sarah? I want this. Not just to prove a point to Evan, but because you were my best friend and I need to remember some of that. Some of the joy with you. Even if we’re not put together right to make it permanent.”

  “Yes. Okay,” she w
hispered, afraid to speak any louder for fear he’d hear the tremor in her voice, the sound of her heart stuttering in her chest as she said the words.

  He drew her over to the bed, directly in Evan’s line of sight from the cross.

  Kirk went down on his back, moving toward the top of the mattress to make room for her.

  She gathered the pathetic tatters of her courage and climbed on after him, her body screaming for her to get her act together and take what it wanted, what it had always wanted. “I love you, Kirk.”

  “I know.”

  She sucked in a breath. “Good.” Her courage flooded back. She embraced her steel will and the acceptance of her desire for him, no matter what came of this.

  “Now come here.” He pulled her down on top of him. She straddled his body, sinking into the press of his skin against hers. His voice carried across the room. “You watch us, Evan. Watch her fuck me. My cock deep in her where it’s warm and tight and wet. Exactly what we both want but only I get tonight.”

  He refocused those dark eyes on her, the midnight in them sparking with lust and, to her relieved amazement, a hint of that love she’d seen in his gaze for Evan. “Fuck me, Sarah. Make it feel as good as I know you can.”

  All evening had been the foreplay leading them to this moment.

  She reached for a condom on the side table, ripped it open and teased him with her straying fingers as she covered his shaft with it before letting go.

  His penis pressed against her pussy lips, the plumped labia folds and wet arousal clinging to his erection, wanting to suck him in. Just like her heart insisted.

  She grasped his cock, moved it where she needed it and sank down. She groaned as he moved inside her, hard, long, wide amazing fullness filling her cunt and filling her soul. Too long since she’d gotten this wholeness, the sharing of herself with this man she’d always loved. And it was even sweeter with the other beautiful soul of a man watching them. The heat grew intense with Evan’s blue eyes riveted on them.

  Kirk’s hips moved up against her, beginning a rhythm she matched as she rode him slowly at first then faster as she built closer to the lightning bolts of orgasm. The heat of it matched the warmth building in her chest, her heart expanding as it tried to burst free. God, the love for him was larger than ever.

  Her hands rested on his chest, his wrapped around her hips. They danced together in perfect synchronicity as they had all of this evening where their work with Evan had flowed even with necessary adjustments. Comfortable, and in this case, crazy pleasurable.

  He pumped faster and they both gasped out at the cutting joy, sounds of ecstasy as they fucked and loved and drove their bodies as close to one another as possible. Never enough. Not to make up for all the years.

  The force built, the rub against her clit as he surged into her over and again, driving her wild. She reached between them, wrapped her fingers around the base of him where they met. He grunted at the feeling. She moved the hand down his perineum, teasing the skin there.

  She moved faster, impaling herself on his cock deeper still. Kirk grunted at each wet slap when their groins hit full on, his shaft all the way inside her.

  “Jesus, Sarah. More.”

  “Close,” she gasped. And she wanted closer.

  His eyes, squinted and losing focus, never left her face. Her hair brushed his chest and abdomen, and he shifted a hand to twine his fingers in the long strands. His pull, the tension at her skull added an edge of desperation to their lovemaking. As if he grabbed her for a lifeline, needed her as much as she needed him. If only. His other hand moved to her breasts, brushing the aching tips. She moaned in reaction.

  Kirk grimaced, fucked harder into her, though losing his rhythm. “Close.”

  Almost there. She rubbed faster. The bursts of tiny contractions exploded into a deep, full cascade of orgasm. God. So good.

  She cried out, the noise mixing with Kirk’s lower growl as he jetted inside, losing it with her as they both came. Long, drawn-out orgasm. Kirk kept pumping up into her, ejaculating in pulses until he emptied. Tiny sparks of contractions still popped at odd times in her vagina, softer and allowing her to ease down.

  The sweat beaded down her chest, fell in tiny drops on Kirk’s equally damp torso as they shared this hazy pocket of time after the pleasure.

  Panting, she fell into his gaze, not sure she’d recover. Her heart never had even after so many years.

  The post-coital stupor fell away from Kirk’s expression. He tensed abdominal muscles and sat up with her still straddling him. Cradling her neck, he kissed her, slow, long, gentle, before he pulled away.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. Her thumb reached to trace his bottom lip, rub back and forth over the soft texture. “We never could get this right all those years ago. It never worked when I tried to sub for you.”

  “No, it didn’t.” He sighed, closing his eyes. But he let her touch at his lip continue. “But it went pretty well tonight, you think?” The question rang with sadness from the past despite that success.

  She nodded with so much regret. More than she ever wanted to feel. The quiet pocket of air enclosing them, creating their own small world for these precious seconds, encouraged the words she still held so protectively inside. Time to speak.

  “I’m sorry, Kirk. For leaving. I need to tell you again. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

  He froze, his eyes opening, lids at half-mast with a sudden guarded coolness. His muscles clenched. And she knew right then. Knew he couldn’t fully accept the apology. Knew no matter the magic of their moment that their story had ended. It was too late to make a happily ever after. He couldn’t let it go, couldn’t forgive.

  “It’s good you came back,” he answered.

  Avoidance.

  Her thumb dropped from his lip. She couldn’t look at him any longer. Not with the crashing of hope burning her mind and body. She raised herself off him, his spent cock leaving her body.

  “I’ll clean up.” Kirk removed the used condom, gestured over to Evan, still restrained, still aroused and watching them. “Bring him over to us, Sarah. We’ll remove the clamps here. We need to finish this.”

  “Yes. We do.”

  She stood, walked, placing one bare foot after another down on the hardwood, focusing on the resistance of the surface against her skin, the coolness against the soles of her feet. When she arrived, she smiled at Evan. He smiled back, a shaky response.

  He was the reason she was here. His needs. Pay attention, girl.

  She reached over and swept fingers over his brow, letting herself memorize the texture of his skin. “Are you beginning to understand, baby? Are you beginning to believe? If for no other reason than you trust us. Trust our belief in who you are.”

  “Some. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Mistress. For what you gave to him tonight.” His serious face, full of compassion despite his excitement and restraint, saddened her all over again. He loved Kirk deeply. She appreciated that. It was right, and the way it should be.

  She shrugged, pretending hard she was keeping it together. “You wanted the scene, Evan.”

  “And it was damn hot, Mistress.” He managed a mischievous smirk.

  He’d heal. She knew it now.

  “It was. Now let me unbuckle you and you’ll join us. Though no coming for you tonight, baby. You gave us too much trouble.” She swatted his reddened, engorged cock, more a caress than slap. She rubbed a finger over his leaking slit. “Think of it as better penance than the self-blame rubbish you had going.”

  He groaned. “I’ll try, Mistress.”

  She unlocked him from the cross, helping him across the room as he walked gingerly with the clamps still in place. Sarah assisted him onto the bed next to a reclining Kirk.

  His Master laid Evan flat, bent over and kissed him hard, long, with tongue and teeth.

  “So we keep doing it together, yes, sweetheart?”

  Evan chuckled. “If it involves more tastes of you like that, I’m all over it.” />
  Kirk raised his brows. “Now for the fun part. We remove the clamps. Don’t worry, it’ll only hurt like a son of a bitch. But you know the drill.”

  “Yes Master. Hurt so good.” His saucy grin drew a laugh from Kirk.

  “You do the honors, Mistress Sarah?” Kirk asked.

  She pasted on her own smile, covering the low plunge to her emotions. “Of course. Breathe through it, baby.”

  Taking off clamps was worse than putting them on as the blood rushed to return to the constricted skin, bringing a flood of pain.

  Evan cried out with each. A stray pulse in her cunt accompanied every cry and sight of the red skin emerging from under the clamps. She loved those marks. Evidence he’d been hers again, if only for a short time. Evan gripped the sheets as she finished the job, biting his lip and clenching the fabric hard.

  Once he lay panting, body unencumbered, Kirk applied soothing oil, rubbing circulation into all the affected areas and checking on the health of the skin. He dipped down to coat Evan’s cock with the oil, squeezing it in his big hand while Evan’s hips rose off the bed.

  “If you beg nicely, I’ll take care of that tomorrow morning for you. Tonight you suffer.”

  “So I was told,” he groaned. He captured Kirk’s gaze. “Will Sarah be there tomorrow when you decide if I can come?”

  Kirk’s hand stopped its motion. “I don’t know.” He released Evan’s shaft.

  “It makes sense, Kirk. You know it does. For us and for her.” He turned to her, determination on his face. “I’m surprised you used the condom at all, Sarah. Fear of pregnancy can’t be all that high for you with your condition.”

  Oh my god. Air whooshed out of the room. Her face went cold. “What?”

  “We know, Sarah. The premature menopause. Is it too late? I’m assuming you can get pregnant since you offered.”

  She turned to Kirk, fighting the numbness. “You both knew?”

  “I saw a web page about it loaded on your phone. I noticed an appointment card. Put two and two together.” He didn’t look at her as he admitted his knowledge.