“I think I can handle that.” His face held a smug grin as they passed along the edge of the creek and up toward the mountain ridge.
A comfortable silence transcended between them, nothing but the songs of the birds and the leaves crunching under the hooves of the horses. She tried to push out all of the negative thoughts from her mind, but with each try she found herself coming back to the image of Knox’s face in the club. The fear of what could have happened to her written in every line. It was time she made a choice. She couldn’t continue to keep up this constant battle of who was right for her and who she needed to let go. She might not control who fate brought into her life, but she could control who she let walk out of it. Or who she’d refuse to let go of.
As they neared the end of the trail the colors of the sky reflected in every direction of the valley. The lush green tree tops rolled over the tops of the hills that seemed to span out for thousands of miles. She took a deep breath and exhaled all of her worries, all of her cares. She needed to stop evaluating every move she made and just live. If two people were destined to be together, they would.
“I love this view,” his words pulled her from her thoughts, “You know after you left for New York, I came up here almost every day that summer. It was the only place I could feel you. Everywhere else was bland and stagnant. I tried to get myself into a routine that didn’t have you in it and I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find my rhythm without you.”
She absorbed the love in his voice as he spoke, “I know it was hard on you, Cash, and I’m sorry for the way I left.”
“No need to be sorry, Ani. I didn’t care about anything but myself and because of that selfishness, I let you go. I was naïve, made decisions with my heart instead of my mind. I let my emotions take over and didn’t think things through. I should have supported you when you told me about New York,” he leaned down onto the horn of his saddle, “Hell, Ani, I should’ve went with you up there.”
“It’s ok, Cash. I’m back now.” She stared out at the sea of evergreens, avoiding the emotions that were welling up inside of her.
“Do you know how many plane tickets I bought?” he looked over at her, the raw emotion evident as he spoke. He wasn’t hiding his feeling toward her any longer. “Fifteen. I bought fifteen plane tickets to New York. I told myself that I would go up there and win you back. Even got on a flight once and flew up there.”
“I never knew you came to New York, Cash.”
“I never told anyone. I got into that city and was swallowed whole by those buildings. I tried, Ani, I really tried. I wanted to show you that I could live there and be with you. Make things right, but I couldn’t. I never once felt like that was home,” an apologetic look encompassed his face. “I’m just a southern boy, Ani; covered in dirt and grease. No matter how much I loved you, I thought I was in love with Tennessee more.”
“Cash, I was selfish when I expected you to drop everything you’d ever known to come with me.” It was time to take this burden from him, “To be honest I think a part of me never wanted to tell you about New York because I knew you wouldn’t want to go. You would have talked me out of it and we would be living in the cabin up on Mr. Baxley’s property with twelve kids,” she eyed over at him with a warm smile, “and as beautiful as those kids would be, it wasn’t what I wanted.”
“I know that,” his voice was a mere whisper as he acknowledged their broken future. They both knew that a lot would have to change for anything to work between them. They wouldn’t be able to settle back into old habits, they were both different from the kids they were before.
As they finished their ride and came trotting back into the pasture, a flash of silver caught Ani’s eye, causing her to pick up the pace. As she neared the barn she saw Knox’s black Harley parked at the side of the house. Her stomach twisted as she glanced over at Cash, his eyes were cut toward the motorcycle, irritation spread across his face.
“I’m gonna get Tank back home, I’ll see you in a few right?” he eyed over at her, taking in the look on her face.
“Yeah, I’ll give you a call when I get changed,” she smiled weakly as he rode off, tipping his hat toward the porch as he took off down the road.
Ani brought Catori up to the side of the barn, slipping down from the saddle as Knox came around the side of the house. His hair pulled into a tight bun with a darkened expression framing his face. He looked… worried. She hadn’t returned any of his calls for the past two weeks and it was now dawning on her that he had been worried.
“Been tryin’ to call you, Ani. I hadn’t heard from you for the past two weeks, like you disappeared or something.” He ran his hand over his face, exasperation and relief pouring out of him as he walked up to her.
“Knox, I really didn’t have much to say.”
“Do you know how worried I was about you? Worried that something had happened to you because of me.”
“Exactly, Knox, because of you,” the words tore at her core as they came out of her mouth. “I can’t live like that, afraid that anywhere I go something may happen to me because of who I’m with. That’s not my life, Knox. It’s yours.”
“I know what you’re doing and it’s not gonna work, love.” His dark eyes stared deep into her soul. She tried to keep her reserve as she spoke, she couldn’t give him any hint to the war path she was about to set ablaze between them.
“We don’t belong together. You and me, we’re cut from two different cloths, Knox. You’re dangerous and I’m not; you’re strong and I’m not. If I stay around you it’s only going to break that loving creature apart piece by piece. Sending cracks through my soul that can’t be fixed later.” The tears were burning at her eyes as the sharp pain began forming in her throat. She had to keep it together, but the hurt and pain were already tearing across his face, making it that much harder.
“Ani…” his voice trailed off, “You really feel that way?”
“Yes,” she looked down at the ground as she spoke. She couldn’t lie to his face.
“Look me in the eye and tell me that,” his voice was commanding as he stepped closer to her. “Look me in the eye and tell me that’s how you feel.”
She fought it, the fissures rupturing through her heart. This all felt so wrong but she knew she had to do it, she had to let him go. “Cash cares about me, Knox. More than you could ever imagine; he was my first love, my first everything. He can be there for me in ways you can’t. I owe it to him to try and give it a fresh start; a second chance.”
“Second chance? That’s not how it works, Ani,” his voice demanded her full attention, “Fuck you’re first love, let’s all give him a round of applause for ripping your heart out. No, Ani, a second chance is something new, something different.”
“Knox, you don’t know anything about my relationship with Cash,” her words were poisonous as she spoke.
“Aye, I don’t. But he didn’t respect you, Ani; that I do know. He didn’t support your dreams, your goals. If he had you would still be together. He didn’t respect you and he doesn’t deserve you.”
“And you do?”
“Aye. I do. Never thought I could love something before in my life, Ani. Then you came into it and turned my world upside down. Do you know the fear that I felt at the club that night, the fear of losing you?” His words cut through her flesh, exposing the weaknesses of her heart. “I can’t promise you a happy ending, darlin’, but happy endings are for pussies. I can promise you our own ending, the one that we get to create together. It’s not like anyone else’s and at times we might have to fight for it, fight for each other. But I know that would mean more to me than to just… settle.”
The tears now flowed freely down her face; Knox reached for her, but she stepped back from him. Never before had anyone spoken so deeply toward wanting her affection. She tried to regain her composure as he turned and took a few steps toward his bike.
“I will fight for us, Ani. But you have to fight for us too.” He dropped his
hands in surrender by his side, “If you want to fight for us you know where I’ll be.”
As he took off down the road, she could hear the growl of his engine as he hit the throttle. The sound ripped through her body taking every last doubt with it. She led Catori into her stall and collapsed onto the bale of hay sitting in the corner. The sobs shuttered through her body relentless and unforgiving. She clutched at her stomach as she let them out, no longer holding back. She could feel Catori’s warm breath blowing against the top of her head, nuzzling her neck in comfort.
She reached up and gently rubbed the top of her head, “I know.” She wiped at the tears flowing down her cheeks as she looked up into those crystal blue eyes. “I know that I have to.”
KNOX
“Tell me where she is, Kate,” Knox’s voice was mixed between worry and sadness.
Two weeks had gone by and his world has ceased to exist. It was no longer filled with her beautiful laughter, or the warmth of her touch. He knew he should have never left the night after the attack; he shouldn’t have left her alone, but he had. In the midst of his fury he had stormed out and left her standing there in the middle of his room. He choked down the eruption that was brewing inside of him as he thought back to that night. The thought that someone had threatened her because of him fueled the chaos that was burning in his mind. And then when he’d gotten back, she was gone.
“I can’t tell you, Knox,” Kate frowned over at him, “You just gotta give it time.”
“Fuck that. I’m not doing that, next thing I know she’ll be gone. I have to go make it right. Please, Kate. Please, just tell me where she is.” His face was long and somber as he looked over toward her. He could see that she was teetering between telling him and going upstairs. He could only hope that her devotion to Ani would persuade her to tell him.
Kate let out a deep breath, “Here.” She let out a slight growl as she grabbed the notepad and pen sitting on the side table and jotted something down. She ripped it off, bundled it up, and threw it right at his head.
He didn’t flinch as the ball of paper smacked against his right temple. He reached down and picked it up off the floor, unfolding it to see the address to Ani’s house. “Thank you,” he said to Kate as he bounded for the door.
At that moment he knew his purpose, he knew that all of the roads, the paths he’d taken in his life had led him to her. His future was Ani and he wouldn’t let her go. He couldn’t. Because without her his world didn’t exist. Without her he didn’t have a purpose in life. He ran toward his bike, cranking it and speeding off down the driveway, ignoring the shouts of Repo’s deep voice that trailed off behind him with each turn of the throttle. Nothing would be able to stop him from his future, he could only hope that time would be on his side and that he wouldn’t be too late.
Chapter Twelve
o gi na li
She pulled up the dark drive, stopping as she reached the gate. She had stopped thinking with her head and started thinking with her heart. It was her head that had gotten her in trouble so many times before. She had to stop calculating every move and start doing what felt right and from the moment he’d left all she could think about was being in his arms once more. She waited as the calm set over her body before punching in the code and driving on up the steep driveway. She could see the lights of the house sparkling in the night sky as she parked. This was what felt right, what felt familiar.
She crossed the front lawn and walked toward the door, knocking lightly. The anticipation fluttered throughout her stomach as the handle turned and the door swung open. She smiled up at those eyes that she loved so much. She didn’t give him a chance to speak, only wrapped her arms up around his neck as their lips crashed into each other. The passion re-ignited stronger than it ever was before. His hands grasped the hair at the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him, devouring her as she melted into his touch. The touch she had missed so much.
She pushed him back through the door, kicking it shut with her foot as the fury of their devotion to each other buzzed in the air. Fireworks exploded around them as they became entangled into one body. He lifted her up as she hooked her legs around his waist, scrambling to remove every piece of clothing that hindered the touch of his skin. They bounced against the walls as they made their way into the open space, whistles and hoots resounding from every corner of the room as Knox carried her up the stairs and toward his room.
“Love me, Knox.” She ripped the buttons of his black shirt off, exposing the rippled muscles below.
“Aye, baby,” he spoke between kisses as he threw her down onto the bed. “Always.”
She pulled at the clothes covering her body as he undressed on top of her, trailing kisses down her neck. Every nerve, every fiber of her body was exploding from his touch. She felt his length at the apex of her thighs, teasing her gently as he rocked his hips back and forth against her sex. His touch softened as he spread her legs, pushing the tip of his cock into her. She longed to feel all of him, needed it to survive. How could she have ever doubted this man, doubted his feelings for her?
He grabbed her hips and pulled her onto him, filling her with every inch of his cock. She moaned out in pleasure as the need for his devotion coursed through her. He knelt between her legs, rocking back and forth into her. His erection drug along every nerve, a sweet slow torture toward her release. She pulled herself up, hooking her arms around his neck as he lifted her and turned to sit on the edge of the bed. She rode up and down on his length, crying out his name as she got closer to finding her climax. She could feel the pulsating throb from her core as he thrust into her. His hands traveled to her face, cupping it gently as his lips found hers. For the first time he made love to her, claiming his ownership over her body and soul over and over again.
They found their release together as she gently rocked back and forth on his cock. She devoured every delectable ounce of him as he came inside of her, slowing as she lay her head against his chest, sated and content.
“I can’t promise you the world, Aiyana, but I can promise you my devotion,” his words were breathless as he lightly brushed his fingers across her lips.
“I know, Knox. That’s all I want.” She placed a light kiss against his lips as he stood, placing her down onto the floor.
“Sometimes it’s gonna be hard, it’s gonna get scary at times; but I promise to always tell you the truth about what you want to know. But I can’t leave out pieces of myself to make you comfortable, I cannot be afraid of my truth. I need to know that you are in this with me; that no matter what, you will be by my side in the end.”
She wasn’t sure what parts of that truth she wanted to know just yet. She’d have to take that one step at a time, “I promise to always be understanding.”
“That’s all I want.” His lips found hers once more as he stared down at her with his steel gray eyes. “Never thought I’d love someone. Didn’t think I could, baby.”
“I know, Knox.”
She made her way to the bathroom to freshen up before they headed downstairs to the party.
He grabbed her hand as they made it to the bottom of the stairs, pulling her under his arm they walked toward the music and chatter in the next room over. She smiled brightly as they made it into the common room and it erupted in shouts. She rolled her eyes as the blush spread across her face.
“Bout damn time!” Rage shouted from where he sat at the bar next to Kate, “He’s been moping around like a bloody woman for the past two weeks.”
“I will dump your lifeless body in a back alley if you keep talking that shite,” Knox eyed over at him sarcastically.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Kate smiled as she engulfed Ani in a tight hug, “It hasn’t been the same without my best friend.”
“Yeah, sorry I shut you out. It was a lot to deal with,” Ani gave her an apologetic smile.
“I knew why you needed to, it’s ok. How are you though?”
“I’m good. Earlier tonight sucked, but it’s done
.”
“I guess he didn’t take it very well?” Kate asked; she’d known Ani was going to see Cash before she came here.
“He took it better than I thought he would, which seems to make it even worse.”
Ani knocked at Cash’s front door, hoping and praying that he hadn’t already started fixing a four course meal. When he opened the door she could see that something was off. His face was sullen as he let her into the house, closing the door behind her and heading to the kitchen. She looked around when she walked in, no food on the stove or on the table and she let out a sigh of relief. That was until she saw the half empty bottle or bourbon and the dripping shot glass on the table. She was timid as she sat across from him, unsure of the words to ease the pain flowing through his heart.
“Cash…” He held his hand up to stop her. He knew where she was going with this conversation and maybe to ease the crevice forming inside of him, he was making his effort to prolong the whole thing.
Silence settled in the room until the sloshing of the liquor bottle being poured cut through it, clinking when he set it back down on the table. His eyes were swollen and worried as he turned the shot back and swallowed it whole. Seeing him like this broke Ani’s heart, she had caused this pain in him. She had tried so hard not to, but her actions had led him on. She’d been so unsure of herself and her future that she portrayed it toward him in a different light.
“I know what you came here to say tonight, Ani,” his voice slurred as he spoke, “I see the way you look at him. I get it.”
“Cash, I don’t think you will ever know the ghosts from our relationship that I’ve never been able to overcome. I’ve tried, so many times, but it never works.”
“Bullshit, you haven’t tried. Not one time have you tried to make things right between us since you got home. You tell me one thing, leave me hanging on to the end of your rope, and then you saddle up on the back of his bike.” He looked up at her, anger and hurt swirled throughout his eyes.
Wild Heart (The Wild Heart Series) Page 13