Cut Too Deep

by Marissa Farrar

  I’ll show him, she decided. If he no longer found her attractive, she’d know soon enough.

  With her heart thumping, she broke the kiss and reached to the bottom of her t-shirt. He understood what she was about to do, and pulled back slightly, giving her space. Taking another deep breath to settle her nerves, she pulled the t-shirt up and then awkwardly over her head, yanking her bra off with it.

  Naked, except for her panties, she lay before him.

  She was so conscious of the way her breasts squashed together, of the rolls of fat pressing against the mattress, of the expanse of her backside. But more than any of that, she was aware of the thick, twisted red and white scar that ran from the mid-point of her back, around her waist, to end right above her groin.

  Ryker didn’t run. Instead, he moved in toward her again and lowered his mouth to her neck, teasing her skin with tiny nibbles, kisses and flicks of his tongue.

  Jenna squirmed in delight.

  He moved lower, his face level with her breasts. He took the huge mounds in his palms, gently massaging while he buried his face in their soft pillows. His lips found one of her large nipples and he took it into his mouth, grazing her pebbled flesh with his tongue and teeth. Her fingers laced in his thick, soft hair, her eyes slipping shut. His hand ran lower, his fingers trailing over the raised scars without so much as flinching. He reached the band of her panties and slid beneath. His hand moved down, between her thighs, and she opened up to him, allowing him access to her soft, wet heat. He lifted his mouth from her breast and stared into her eyes as he gently pushed a finger inside her.

  Jenna gasped, biting her lip.

  Ryker smiled and turned his attention back to pleasuring her. He worked his way down across her stomach, planting feather-light kisses on the red and white scars she had hated for so long. With every kiss and caress, he healed her heart just a little more.

  He slipped his finger from her body and pulled her panties down her legs, leaving her completely naked. Then his face was between her thighs, his breath heating her most sensitive flesh, his tongue pressing against her, licking her open. Jenna spread her legs, allowing him access, and he pushed his tongue inside her, making her moan and grip his hair in her fist.

  Her back arched against him, all thoughts of how conscious she was about her body vanishing from her mind. Using both his fingers and tongue, he built her higher and higher, desire coiling low and deep in her belly. Her breathing grew ragged and punctuated with moans of pleasure. Every muscle in her body tensed as she knew the inevitable was about to break. His tongue moved to her clitoris, his flicks firm but fast. His fingers pushed deep inside her, and she convulsed against him. He brought her to her peak and then she tumbled over the edge, her orgasm wracking through her body in waves, powering through her again and again.

  He left her breathless, her chest heaving, her skin pink and damp with perspiration. He crept up her body, a wicked grin on his face.

  “Oh, wow,” was all she could manage.

  He grinned again. “We’re not done yet.”

  She reached out to him, tugging the shorts he still wore down his thighs, freeing him. Ryker helped lose the underwear, lifting his body so she could pull them down his legs and then he kicked them away. Her palm met with his hard length, her fingers wrapping around his girth. His skin felt hot and silky smooth, and she moved her hand up and down, watching his expression for his reaction. His lips fell slack, his eyes closing. He grew even harder, if such a thing was possible, and she swiped her thumb across the top of him, a bead of his desire moistening her skin.

  “We need to be safe,” she said, sudden anxiety kicking in.

  His eyes opened. “Yes, of course.” He reached across her into his bedside drawer and pulled out a condom. Quickly, he ripped it open and sheathed himself, then he lowered his head to kiss her again.

  Jenna could taste her own desire on his tongue, and something about the intimacy of that taste fired her senses all over again. With Ryker positioned above her, she wrapped her thighs around his, pressing her heels into his hard ass, and bringing their bodies together. His hardness pressed against her wet heat, meeting only the slightest of resistance before sliding deep inside her.

  “Oh, God,” she gasped as he filled her completely.

  Ryker grabbed both of her hands and pinned them above her head against the bed. He pulled back out of her, as far as possible without leaving her body, and then thrust back in, hard, drawing another cry from her throat. She lifted her hips to deepen his strokes. Her breasts jiggled and bounced as he drove into her, again and again. Her stomach wobbled, but the sound of their flesh hitting was one of the most erotic sounds she’d ever heard. For once, her body wasn’t something to hate. Instead it was a vessel that both gave and received pleasure, and she didn’t care about the extra pounds or her scars—all she cared about was Ryker inside her.

  Their movements grew more frantic and he let go of her hands and buried his face in her neck. She reached around his body, her fingernails digging into the tensed muscles of his back. His breathing was loud in her ear, turning into almost angry groans. Her climax built once again and she closed her eyes to focus on the wave of pleasure that gripped her body.

  “Oh, Jenna,” Ryker gasped. “Ah, fuck, Jenna.” And he gave a final thrust, and held himself deep as her inner muscles clenched against him.

  They came down from the high of their climaxes, their heart rates and breathing slowing to match the others.

  Sated and together, they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jenna woke nestled in Ryker’s arms, her cheek pressed against his chest, one leg slung over the top of his thigh. Her body ached with pleasurable pain—a reminder of what they’d done last night. She never thought she’d ever reach this point again, where she would be naked with a man. Not only a man, someone as sexy and sweet as Ryker Russo.

  She glanced at the clock. Wow, she’d slept for almost twelve hours straight. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that. And she was starving. All she’d eaten yesterday were the snacks from the food stalls, which was nothing for her. Plus, Ryker had given her a workout. She smiled secretly to herself. She’d definitely burned off some calories. What she needed now was a hearty breakfast, but she couldn’t get up by herself in Ryker’s house. She needed him to wake up.

  Feeling mischievous, she slid her hand down Ryker’s torso, across his taut stomach, and to the most sensitive part of him. She wrapped her hand around his girth and gently massaged, while propping herself up slightly to watch the expression on his face. It didn’t take much for him to respond to her caresses, and slowly a smile spread across his face, though his eyes were still closed.

  Jenna loved the feel of him hard in her hand. Ryker opened one eye, the smile still on his face. He twisted to her, and she adjusted her grip on him, biting her lower lip in sudden coyness.

  “Well, now, isn’t this just the best way to wake up?” he said, pressing himself against her. His hand traced across the curve of her hip and her ribs, to settle on her breast. His thumb trailed across her nipple, sending a tingle all the way down to between her thighs.

  Jenna ducked her head and flicked her tongue across one of his pierced nipples, licking the two nubs of metal either side of the small bud of flesh. From Ryker’s reaction, growing hard as a rod of iron in her grip, she guessed the move excited him as much as it did her. She’d never been with a man who had anything pierced before.

  Lifting her mouth from his chest, she pushed him back on the bed and swung her leg over to straddle his thighs, pinning him to the bed. She never did this—exposing herself to a man like this. Normally, she was the type of girl who hid beneath the covers with the light switched off, but the way Ryker looked at her with pure, unbridled lust gave her a confidence she’d never known before. She leaned across to the drawer where he’d gotten the condom for the night before, and found a new one. Quickly, she tore open the condom and sheathed
him, before lifting herself above him. His hard length pressed against her opening and with a slight adjustment of her hips, she sank deep, letting him fill her.

  Ryker’s hands grabbed her backside and the flesh of her hips as she rocked up and down. Their movements grew more frantic as their pleasure built. Faster and harder, her breath coming in gasps, she slammed herself down. Their flesh slapped together, Ryker’s hips bucking to meet hers.

  She tipped forward as her pleasure pulsed through her, making her toes curl. Ryker let out a groan and held himself deep inside her as her inner muscles gripped him tight. She hid her face in Ryker’s neck as he held her against him, feeling the last of his orgasm judder through his body.

  “I could get used to waking up like that, Jenna Armstrong,” he said, softly, stroking her hair.

  She couldn’t answer. Saying me too would have been a lie because getting used to waking up with him was one thing she couldn’t let herself do.

  He kissed her on the shoulder, sending shivers of pleasure down her body, and she slid down onto the bed beside him while he quickly disposed of the used condom.

  She could happily spend all day naked in bed with him.

  “I don’t know about you,” he said, “but I’m starving.”

  She grinned. “Yeah, so am I.”

  “Well, as much as I hate the idea of putting clothes on your body, if we want to eat without embarrassing the hell out of Mikey, we’re going to need to get dressed, and then I’m going to cook you breakfast.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  She used the bathroom to freshen up, put on a clean outfit, and scrub her teeth. She trotted downstairs and into the kitchen to find Ryker standing at the stove, frying bacon and making waffles, filling the house with an amazing aroma. Mikey was sitting at the kitchen island, his nose almost attached to the screen of the phone. He glanced up as she walked in.

  “Jenna stayed over,” Ryker said to his brother, uncharacteristically embarrassed. “You know, like a sleepover.”

  Mikey rolled his eyes. “I’m almost fifteen, bro. I’m not a freaking child.”

  She sat down at the counter and Ryker slid her a cup of coffee, followed by a plate stacked high with bacon, scrambled egg, and waffles.

  “This looks amazing,” she said. “I thought you said you couldn’t cook?”

  He waved a spatula in the air. “I didn’t want you to think I was too perfect.”

  Mikey grunted and rolled his eyes again.

  Jenna and Ryker looked at each other and laughed.

  Ryker brought his own identical plate of food over and sat opposite her.

  Her hunger didn’t allow her any more small talk. Without saying another word, she wolfed down the breakfast Ryker had cooked her, glancing up at him now and then to make eye contact. He had the same look in his eyes she thought must be in hers, a kind of slightly delirious wonderment that they’d found each other.

  With breakfast eaten, she stood to do the dishes. She reached for Ryker’s cleared plate but he knocked her hand aside.

  “I’ll do them. You’re a guest here.”

  “Don’t be silly. I want to pull my own weight.”

  She thought she heard a snort from Mikey, but ignored it.

  He quickly shoved all the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet, adding a squeeze of detergent. “Nope, too late. I’m already doing them.”

  She didn’t like sitting around feeling useless, and she suddenly remembered she’d left her sheets in the washer. “Damn it.” That wasn’t like her at all. She hoped they didn’t smell damp, or she’d have to put them through the machine again. She couldn’t stand the smell of damp sheets.

  “What’s up?”

  “I forgot to hang my sheets to dry yesterday. Do you mind if I do it now?”

  “Of course not. Mi casa es tu casa.”

  She headed out back to the laundry room and bent to pull her sheets from the washing machine and into a basket. Luckily, she caught no hint of mold, so she carried them out to the back yard and pegged them to the line. The sun had already gathered strength, and the sheets would be dry in no time.

  How strange to think she’d slept in Ryker’s bed last night and hadn’t insisted on clean sheets, and she’d slept great. Only a few days ago, the idea of sleeping on someone else’s sheets would have sent her into a panic attack, but for some reason her OCD tendencies seemed to fade away when Ryker was around.

  As she completed the mundane, domestic task of hanging laundry out to dry, the sun warming the top of her head and shoulders, a strange nugget swelled inside her chest. She didn’t recognize the sensation at first, but then she realized it was happiness. For the first time in as long as she could remember, despite everything else that was going on, she was actually happy.

  Arms wrapped around her waist, making her jump. But Ryker nuzzled her neck and she covered his hand with one of hers, while reaching back with the other to lace her fingers in the back of his hair and press his face even closer. She closed her eyes briefly, relishing the sensation of being held by someone she loved.

  Her eyes pinged open.

  No, not love. She couldn’t love him. She’d only known him a few days. And if she admitted to herself that she had genuine feelings for him, then she’d never be able to bring herself to leave.

  She made herself pull out of his embrace. “So what’s the plan for today?” she asked.

  He pulled her back. “I was hoping we could just go back to bed.”

  “Careful, Mr. Russo, or I’m going to start thinking that’s all you want me for.”

  He nodded. “It’s a definite fringe benefit.”

  “But seriously, we can’t just go back to bed, especially with Mikey in the house. It would be kind of weird.”

  “What do you think about a walk around the lake?” he suggested.

  “Does it include ice cream?”

  “I think ice cream can be included.”

  She grinned. “Then I’m in.”

  Together they went back into the kitchen to where Ryker’s brother sat in the exact same position with his phone. The kid moved so little, Jenna wondered that he didn’t get bedsores.

  Ryker must have had a similar thought. “Mikey, we’re going for a walk by the lake if you want to come?”

  The boy lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, right. Can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”

  “Mikey …” Ryker said, warning in his tone.

  “I’m going to Conner’s to play Call of Duty. Seriously, you guys enjoy your walk.”

  Ryker glanced to Jenna and gave a shrug. ‘What can you do?’ the motion said.

  She gave him a smile of sympathy. “Just let me go grab my purse.”

  Within a few minutes, they were both settled in Ryker’s truck, heading toward the lake which appeared to be on the other side of town.

  “So, does Mikey answer every question with a form of sarcasm or disdain?” Jenna asked as they drove.

  Ryker laughed. “Yeah, I’m afraid so. It’s the hormones. I think even if a sentence sounded normal in his head, it would come out sounding as if we’d just asked him to roll in crap and run around the neighborhood naked.”

  “Were you like him as a teenager?” She wanted to know all about Ryker, from what he was like as a child through to who he thought he’d be in the future.

  “Yeah, except we had our dad around then, and he quickly put me into check. It’s different with me and Mikey, ’cause as much as I try, I’ll never be our dad.”

  She gave a sad smile and reached out to cover his hand with her own. “You’re good with him. All teenagers are hard work.”

  He glanced over to her. “What about you? Were you a difficult teen?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t feel like I was ever a normal teenager. I kind of hid away most of the time. I didn’t have many friends and I preferred my books over socializing anyway.”

  “What about your family? What are they like?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t hav
e any. My mom died when I was eighteen, and I never knew my dad. It was only ever just the two of us. Not long after Mom died, I met Garrett, and you know the rest.”

  He gave her a smile and squeezed her hand. “It all gets better from here,” he told her. “I promise you that.”

  Ryker pulled into a parking lot which served the lake and adjoining park.

  “Where’s the ice cream?” Jenna asked.

  He nodded toward a small wooden-clad café overlooking the lake. “Right over there.”

  Hand in hand, they ambled over to the café. They got a table and Ryker ordered two affogatos.

  “What are they?” Jenna asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  Within a few minutes the waitress brought over two glass coffee cups with espresso and a scoop of vanilla ice cream floating in the top.

  “There you go,” Ryker said, looking pleased with himself. “When I promise a lady ice cream, I get a lady ice cream.”

  She stared down at the silver spoon that had been served with the coffee, waiting for her panic to set in about the cutlery not being clean enough, or the possibility of there being lipstick on the glass that had been missed, but nothing happened.

  Jenna dove in with her spoon, scooping the creamy ice cream up before it got the chance to melt fully into the hot coffee below. “Yummy.” The cold sweet ice cream contrasted perfectly with the bitter, hot coffee.

  They sat watching couples walking hand in hand. Families with young children swung their offspring between them. Joggers ran listening to headphones and ignoring everyone else. Everything seemed so peaceful and normal, and for the first time Jenna wondered if it was possible to forget about her past.

  Ryker suddenly ducked his head. “Oh crap, don’t look now.”

  Automatically, she looked around. The long haired girl from the tomato festival walked toward them, a wide smile on her face. She wore a purple, halter-neck, skin tight work-out top which showed off her cleavage, and equally skin tight black Capri leggings, and sneakers. In her hand was a takeout coffee and her long hair was tied into a ponytail which swung back and forth as she walked.