“I’m not imitating you and what did you mean by my tastes improving.”
“Don’t get all defensive. Let’s just say the last couple years the dames you’ve brought home have been a little bland for my tastes.”
“Well, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” Luke bit back sarcastically.
“Cara’s a good girl.” He said, ignoring his son. “Been through hell and back and deserves some happiness.” He puffed on his cigar.
“Agreed.” Luke said not giving anything else away in his statement.
“You deserve happiness too. Can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you smile as much as I have these last few weeks. It’s a good look on you, Luke.”
Luke studied his father for a moment and then decided to test him. “You think Cara and I can make one another happy?”
“I think you already do.” Joe said with ease watching Luke look out at the water. “Your brother would want her happy Luke and what I’m even more certain of is that he would want you to be happy too. My boy Jake, he had a big heart, God rest his soul. He brought that girl into our lives. He never asked us to love her, we just did, how could you not?” He flicked the ashes of his cigar. “It’s no surprise you fell in love with her, son.” Luke’s eyes shot to his father. “Don’t deny it, boy. It’s written all over your face.”
Luke snapped his lips shut and looked away from his old man. Joe leaned forward and flicked the back of his head. “Eyes over here.” He ordered and Luke reluctantly looked at his father.
“That night in the hospital when she was in the accident you were frantic. You blamed yourself for what happened to her, took the blame for your brother dying, any dark shit you could pile on those shoulders of yours you did. It’s time you lighten the load, Luke. You gave your brother the only shot he had. You saw to it that Cara got the help she needed. You paid whatever dues, you thought you owed. Enough is enough, it’s time for you to put yourself first. You got something going with Cara, make it work.”
“She’s worried about you and mom.” He confessed.
“What about us?” Joe asked, leaning back narrowing his eyes at his son. “We’re fine.”
“She’s worried what you will think of her.” Luke said, swiping his hand along his face. “Or at least that’s the excuse she’s giving me.”
“Is that so?” Joe almost laughed out loud. “I tell you what I think of that girl, and I’ll tell her too. She was a damn good friend to my boy. She was an even better girlfriend. Not many people will stick by you like that when you’re dying. She’s a good woman and deserves to be loved and all that. I think her finding love with my other son is nothing short of a miracle. Maybe even a heaven sent one.” He cocked a brow at his son just as his fishing pole began to wiggle. “Well, I’ll be damned, it’s true.” Joe said, grabbing hold of his pole to reel in his catch.
* * * * *
Cara ran to the gift shop in the hotel lobby to get some more sunscreen for Ava, leaving her with the Bingo playing grandma’s. She was walking out of the store when she looked up to see Luke and Joe walking into the lobby, carrying a cooler. Luke’s eyes found hers and his grin widened across his face, causing her to smile in return. Why was she so torn between her heart and her mind? She wished she could confide in Jake, not like that wouldn’t be awkward or anything. Hey Jake so what do you think about the fact that I’m completely and utterly stupidly falling for your brother. No answer. Shocker! Glad we had this talk.
Luke walked straight towards her, forgetting all about his father as he wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her body against his.
“I’ve got something to tell you… but first things first.” He said with a sly grin as he eyed her mouth. Cara’s eyes scanned the lobby finding Deb and Ava talking with Joe. Joe turned around to point to Luke just as Luke dipped his head and went to kiss Cara. She shoved her palm hard against his chest and took a step back.
“Don’t!” She stammered.
Luke looked at her for a moment, watching as her eyes drifted nervously to Deb and Joe who started to walk towards them.
“Are you kidding me?” He asked incredulously, hurt flashing in his eyes quickly turned to anger.
“Please don’t make a scene right now.” She whispered and then plastered a smile on her face as Ava squirmed her way between the two of them.
“Cara, did you hear the good news?” Deb said with laughter in her voice. “These two fishermen actually caught some fish today.”
“You’re leaving out the impressive part.” Joe said as he winked at his wife.
“And they’ve convinced the head chef to cook the fish for us tonight.” She glanced at her husband. “Feel better honey?”
“Much.” He said with a wide grin.
Luke kept his eyes on Cara. “Mom, Dad, you think you can give me and Cara a minute?”
Deb looked at her husband before glancing back and forth between Cara and Luke.
“Luke…” Cara pleaded.
He turned and looked at his parents expectantly.
“Come on, granddaughter. Let’s go get some ice cream.” Joe said taking Ava’s hand. He gave his son a firm look before he turned to his wife. “Deb, ice cream, now move it.” It was time he and his wife did a little talking of their own.
Chapter Twenty Three
Luke escorted her outside the French doors that led them straight to the beach. He glanced around and dragged her off to the side of the hotel. He wasn’t one for making scenes, yet he couldn’t seem to control himself anymore. The waves crashed along the shore, the sound reminding him of the night before when he took her with his mouth on the balcony of her room.
“Luke, I don’t…”Her words faltered as he turned around abruptly and stared at her with not a drop of patience in his dark eyes.
“I’m done, Cara, so fucking done.” He said, combing his fingers roughly through his hair. “I tried, believe me, I tried, but I can’t go on like this anymore.”
“I thought we discussed this morning…” She said, shaking her head, clearly confused. “I asked you to give me until we got back home.”
“Cara you’re all over the place. Not even twenty four hours ago you were underneath me begging me to make love to you and now I go to kiss you and you shove me away like I’m violating you. I tried to put myself in your shoes. I tried to understand everything you were going through and for fuck’s sake, I tried to be patient. But I can’t do it anymore. I feel like Benny on a goddamn leash. I let you drag me along in hopes you’ll realize it’s me you want. It’s me, you want to move forward with.”
“I do want you.” She said frantically trying to get her words out. “I never said otherwise, Luke!”
“Right as long as I’m your dirty little secret,” he shook his head. He felt out of control. He hated himself for exploding right now, but he couldn’t find a lid for it. “I love you. There I said it.” He took a retreating step backward. “I love you so fucking much that it is driving me insane. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I made damn sure I never would either, but there you were with those damn eyes and I swear to God I thought I saw forever in them. I thought I saw everything I told myself I never wanted in those eyes of yours.”
Cara’s eyes softened and she stepped towards him, but he held out his hand and took another step backward.
“There are two things in this world I didn’t exactly plan on. There’s my daughter and there’s loving you. The two things that took me by surprise became the two things I breathe for. I’ll say it again because I’ve held onto it for so long. I love you, Cara. I love everything about you.”
“Everyone who loves me, I lose.” She whispered more to herself than to Luke. She felt tears pool in her eyes and she forced them not to slide down her cheeks.
Luke stared at her for a moment before he stepped towards her. He tilted her chin upward and forced her glistening eyes to look into his. “Get your head together Cara. Whatever you need to sort out, get it sorted. I want you. I
just don’t want glimpses of you and stolen moments, I want it all. So when you can give me all of you, then I’ll be here.” He cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I respect your past, but I want your future.” He whispered leaning his forehead against hers.
“I’m sorry.” She said as she held onto his wrists. “You should know that when I’m with you there is no place else in this world I want to be.”
He swallowed as he stared at her lips. “Be with me then. Give me all of you, Cara. I’ll spend my whole life making you smile. I’ll give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of. All you have to do is let go of all your fears. To hell, what people think, they’re entitled, but in the end it will be just our opinions that matter.”
She wanted so badly to believe him, but the truth was that Cara knew more loss and heartache than anyone else. She knew better than to believe in dreams and promises. They were only ever ripped away from her. Opinions did matter, especially when they came from the only people she had left. She lived through losing her mother. She lived through losing Jake. She was living through addiction, but she wouldn’t be able to live through losing Luke.
She let go of his wrists and pulled away, the tears falling freely down her face as she looked up at him. Gone was the relaxed look in his eyes from the night before, and back was the defeat shining in those dark pools. He deserved better than her. If she walked away now she wouldn’t have to worry about losing him. He would be able to find someone who could be the woman he needed, a woman that didn’t have reservations and a shitload of baggage.
“I’m sorry.” She said through her tears.
“Don’t be sorry if you’re taking time. Be sorry if you’re walking away.” He said hoarsely as he watched on while she wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hands. He searched her face trying to find hope that she was just going to sort her head out and not walk away from him for good, but there was nothing in those hazel eyes. Maybe she really had nothing left in her to give another person. He looked down at his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets, he stepped around her and walked back towards the hotel.
He had months to come to terms with what he was feeling for her. From that first night at Rudy’s, even though it wasn’t one of their best moments, she had burned a spot into his soul. Even when he thought she hated him, he couldn’t shake her from his system. The night of her accident, it became clear to him that despite his best efforts to fight what was happening, Cara became more than just a responsibility to him. Her time in rehab, those phone calls they shared, it was everything to him to be able to hear her voice. When she made amends with him at Lakeview hope was born within him. Since she had been home, she wormed her way into his heart, a heart that had been under lock and key for a long time.
He made peace with the fact that he was in love with her, but not before torturing himself with guilt over his brother. It was her turn to come to terms with it. He’d wait it out because she was worth it, because he owed it to himself and to Jake to take hold of the gift his brother had given him, the gift of Cara.
* * * * *
Cara couldn’t sleep, she also couldn’t stop crying either. She glanced down, blinking through her tears, at the blank pages of her journal. Sometimes her words to Jake came easy, other times she stared down at the pages not sure how to express herself. She needed him to talk her down, tonight. She needed Jake because the other option was the bar in the hotel or knocking on Luke’s door. Her body still burned from his touch. She closed the leather bound book and placed it beside her.
It’s funny, when she first found Jake’s journals she laughed out loud. She couldn’t picture her sweet Harley loving maniac having the patience to write on a Post It yet alone fill page after page in a journal. She understood now that it was a release for him and when the words were too painful to speak, it was easier to write them.
The last six months of her life flashed before her eyes like a movie reel. The steady beep of the heart monitor, signaling Jake had left her, sounded in her ears. Every fistful of pills she swallowed, every bottle of booze she finished, every disgraceful memory. She saw Deb’s pleading eyes when she awakened after her accident. She heard her own voice ask Luke for help. She could almost feel his arms around her as he hugged her at the entrance of Lakeview. She felt the coldness that surrounded her as she shivered and begged for mercy while she detoxed. She felt her eyes fill with fresh tears as she remembered the ones she shed when she remembered feeling as if she betrayed Jake when she realized she had first had sex with Luke at Rudy’s. She relived the moment Luke turned around and handed her a bouquet of flowers. She could still feel his strong embrace after she had made amends with him on the terrace. He whispers “Spunky”, and a smile blossoms on her face. Every phone conversation that got her through the lonely nights as she fought the power of addiction, they all replay in her head. The first step she took into the Lanza home, hits her just as the eager puppy who jumped into her arms that same day.
Cara felt dizzy as the memories hounded her and when she closed her eyes all she saw was Luke’s face. The way his cheeks reddened when she called him a Stud Muffin, the gruff voice she couldn’t get enough of, the struggle in his eyes when he tried to control himself around her. The way he looked at her that night when she drove him home from Rudy’s, as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Their kiss in his truck, she still remembered how badly she wanted him to remember how her lips felt on his. Somewhere she became the one struggling to control herself around him. She became the one fighting the pull she felt towards him, not sure if it was right to feel the way she was feeling when it came to the man who picked up the pieces of her life. Luke may never admit it, hell he may never even notice, but he was the reason Cara was whole again.
She was on the beach sitting with her knees drawn to her chest as she stared out into the darkness of the ocean. Luke’s words echoed in her ears, telling her he never planned for her, well, she didn’t plan on him either. Yet, somewhere he had become her plan, the only plan that mattered. There was someone, somewhere, who had a plan for Luke and Cara, who had planned for them all along.
A hand closed over Cara’s shoulder, startled she glanced up at the figure that stood before. Her eyes widened and she blinked through her tears. His lips curved in a mischievous smile. She held her breath and waited until it came. There it was. He wiggled his eyebrows at her, as only Jake ever could.
“Hey Babe…” He said as a gasp escaped her lips.
“Jake…” She choked out, reaching her hand up to touch him. “Is it really you?” She whispered.
He took his hand from her shoulder and laced his fingers with hers as he sat beside her in the sand. “Close your mouth Cara, or you’ll catch flies.” He said with a smile and squeezed her hand affectionately.
“How?” She whispered in awe.
“Saw you re-enacting Dirty Dancing, thought maybe we’d make it a Swayze marathon and do a little skit from Ghost.” He said with a laugh and bumped his shoulder into her’s.
She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his face. He was beautiful. There were no traces of sickness. He wasn’t pale, his eyes weren’t sunken in, and his lips were pink just like they were in all the beautiful memories she cherished. His skin glowed as if he had never been sick. He was perfect. He was her Jake.
He slung his arm around her shoulders and drew her closer to him, pressing his lips to the top of her head, reminding her of the night he first took her for a ride on his bike. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall from beneath her closed lids.
“I miss you.” She whispered.
“I miss you too, babe.” He squeezed her shoulder and leaned his head against hers. “But that’s not why I’m here.” He kissed the top of her head again before he pulled back and lifted her chin with his fingers. “Talk to me, let me help you.”
She stared at him for a moment. “Why now?” She shook her head slightly. “I mean of all the times I needed you, why would you show up
now?”
“Because you really didn’t need me then,” he said simply.
Her eyes widened as if death had even made him more nuts. “I was addicted to pain killers. I crashed my car and went to rehab. My life completely spiraled out of control after you died, but you didn’t think I needed you?”
“No.” He shook his head, crossing his arms against his chest, he was standing his ground. “You made it through all that.”
“Barely!” She shouted and then her shoulders slumped in defeat when he raised his pierced eyebrow.
“Are you done?” He asked and she just scowled at him. Jake rolled his eyes but smiled. “Luke was there for you.” He chuckled to himself. “I was on the money with that shit.”
Cara peered at him. “What does that mean?”
Jake cleared his throat and stopped chuckling. “Before I dipped out…”
“You mean died?”
“Dipped out, died… it’s all the same. Babe, focus, we’re veering off track here.” He watched her raise an eyebrow yet she gave him her undivided attention. “As I was saying…” he shot her a warning look, not to interrupt him again. “Before I checked out, I had a heart to heart with Luke. I asked him to look after you. I made him promise that you would go on to do great things. You know, like live your damn life.” He pointed an accusing finger at her. “Don’t try that shit again, Cara. I’m warning you. You of all people should know that tomorrow is not a promise.”
“I knew you asked Luke to look after me. He was relentless.”
“It worked you’re clean, you’re smiling, shit, you’re happy… even though you’re fighting so hard against it.” He watched as she looked away, no doubt contemplating his words and wondering to herself if she was in fact happy. “Why don’t you ever allow yourself to be happy?”
“I was happy once upon a time. I took that gamble. You remember, don’t you Jake? You were happy right along with me and then just like that…” She snapped her fingers. “It was all gone.”
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 28