“Deb and Joe went to see you?” Cara said as a tear cascaded down her cheek.
“Yes, they came to tell me that they were taking you away from me. They told me I was… I forget the words they used, but they told me something along the lines that I wasn’t good enough to be your father. They were right. Mr. Lanza offered me money to get into a rehab. He told me that I had a gem of a daughter and I should straighten up my act, so that I could be a part of something spectacular. Those words I remembered.” He smiled faintly. “They loved you.”
“They’ve been wonderful to me.” Cara said through a sniffle.
“That’s good. They were good people as far as I can remember.”
“Did you get help after that?” Cara asked quietly.
“Not immediately, I didn’t see the point. They were going to take care of you. They were going to be everything you needed, leaving me free to be with my Corinne. I never tried to kill myself. I never had the balls, but there were nights when I would drink myself silly until she appeared to me. I lived with your mother’s ghost. I thought she was real at one point. Out of nowhere she stopped showing up, it was as if I lost her all over again.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Cara threaded carefully.
“Go ahead.” He urged.
“Why did you never put a tombstone where she rested?” It was a question she wanted to know answer to for a good part of her life.
“It was too final for me. I felt if I put a headstone there, I was admitting she was gone. You have to understand Cara, I was so messed up that a legit part of me really believed she wasn’t gone.” He sighed and ran his hand over his slicked back hair. “By the time I straightened my life out I went to her grave and saw the beautiful stone. It was real, she was gone. I said my goodbyes once and for all and then got the help I needed. That’s when I met Nancy.”
“One of the steps in my own recovery was making amends. Why didn’t you try to make amends with me?”
“I never thought I’d be able to redeem myself in your eyes. I didn’t want to be selfish anymore and use you in my recovery. I thought it would be best for you if I just left you alone. I couldn’t taint you anymore, I didn’t deserve you. I checked in on you from time to time after I left Riverdale, mostly when my job took me through the town. From what I could tell from afar you looked fine. You looked happy. I just…”He shrugged. “Why rattle that cage?”
Cara didn’t know what to say. On one hand, she was happy that he hadn’t completely forgot about her, but on the other she still wished he would’ve reached out. Maybe they could’ve had some sort of relationship, maybe if she understood the man he was and the battles he faced after her mom’s death, she would’ve been able to handle Jake’s death differently.
“Excuse me one minute. I’m just going to use the bathroom.” Jim said, breaking the heavy silence that fell over the room. Cara nodded slightly watching him walk out of the living room. Once he was out of sight she ran her fingers through her hair and let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She glanced around the room, taking in the pictures that lined the mantel, she was just about to stand and get a better look when Nancy joined her carrying a tray with a carafe of coffee and three mugs. Cara smiled at her as she set the tray down on top of the coffee table.
“Help yourself, Cara. Are you hungry? I can whip something up real quick.” Nancy said nervously as she sat down to hand Cara an empty mug.
“I’m fine. But I’m a sucker for a good cup of coffee.” Cara said taking the mug. She felt Nancy’s eyes on her as she poured and fixed her coffee. She took a sip of the piping hot coffee and lifted her head. “It’s perfect.” She said politely. She wasn’t sure what to say to Nancy so when Nancy broke the silence she was grateful.
“He always talked about you. Even after that horrible accident. He still always thought of you.”
Cara’s brows drew together. “What horrible accident?”
“Well, I’m not sure one would really consider it an accident about seven or eight years ago your boyfriend followed your father to a truck stop.”
“Jake?” Cara asked wondering why this was the first time she was ever hearing about Jake meeting her father after all the years that had passed.
“It’s as if it was just yesterday when the police showed up here.” Nancy looked down as if the memories were too painful. “They were very vague and when I arrived at the hospital, I wasn’t even sure he was alive. They finally let me see Jim. He was so badly beaten that his face was swollen and unrecognizable.”
“I’m sorry but are you saying that Jake beat him up?” Cara asked, holding up a hand to stop Nancy from continuing until she answered her question.
“Nancy…” Jim raised his voice in a warning tone causing both women to turn and look at him.
“Is that true?” Cara asked not willing to retract her question.
Nancy cocked an eyebrow at her husband as if to question if he was serious speaking in that tone towards her.“I thought she knew at first.” Nancy said firmly meeting Jim’s gaze with a steady glare.
Jim swiped a hand down his face, sighing heavily, he took a seat beside Cara. “I was at a truckers stop right outside Riverdale one night.” He began. “I was on my way to the Bronx and decided to stop off and get a coffee before the drive. I was making my way back to the truck when he stepped out from the shadows.” Jim looked at Cara. “That boy set a man like me straight and I don’t just mean with his fists but also with his words, and that takes guts”
“I didn’t know anything about that.” Cara said hoarsely before nodding towards his face dragging her finger along the side of her own face. “Is that how you got that?”
Jim looked down for a moment as if he was contemplating his words and his actions that would follow. “Cara, I look at this scar every day when I glance in the mirror and it reminds me of you. It reminds me of all the wrongs I made in my life and most of all it reminded me that somewhere there was someone who loved you fiercely.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “I’d look at this scar and think, there is someone out there taking better care of her than I ever could. He made me wish I was a better man.” He reached out, with a hesitant hand, but quickly took her hand in his. “I’m sorry you lost him. I’m sorry that I was never there for you when you needed me. I’m so sorry.”
Cara wiped away the tears from her cheeks with the back of her free hand. “I don’t know what to say…” She said through a sob.
Jim squeezed her hand, his own eyes full of unshed tears, too proud to let them fall freely. “Don’t say anything. I owe you that apology, hell, I owe you a lot more, but that’s all I have. I can’t erase the past, but I’d like to be a part of your life. I’d like to know who you’ve become.”
“I’d like that too.” Cara whispered. She turned to face Nancy. “I’d like to know you too.”
Nancy smiled widely. “I think that would be wonderful.” She looked at her husband and nodded reassuring him that she was happy he could finally make peace with his first born. The front door opened and then slammed as a young boisterous voice called out into the house.
“Parental units, I’m home! Hello?” Claire said as she hung her coat in the hall. Cara went to pull her hand back from her father’s but he held onto it as he turned around. Claire walked into the living room, stopping short in the entryway.
“Claire.” Nancy said, rising to her feet.
The young girl looked back and forth between her parents before her eyes settled confusingly on Cara.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Clair asked, cocking her head to the side trying to place Cara.
Cara took a deep breath and looked directly into the eyes that were so familiar to her. She smiled slightly. ‘We’ve met before. You held a gift for me on hold at the hobby shop you work in.”
“I remember.” She raised an eyebrow. “Was it defected or something? We don’t own the shop or anything. I’m just an employee.” She looked at her parents confused.
>
“Claire, do you remember all the stories of the little girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead? The little girl with the eyes just like yours?” Jim asked his youngest daughter.
“Yeah…” Claire asked cautiously just as Nancy came to stand beside her.
“That little girls name was Cara.” Jim explained before pulling Cara closer to his side. “I’d like you to meet the girl from the story. I’d like you to meet your sister.”
Claire’s eyes widened at her father’s words before she turned and looked at Cara. There were no words spoken as Cara fell under the young girl’s scrutiny. She felt her palms begin to sweat and she released Jim’s hand so she could wipe them her denim cover thighs. If she could find the words, she was sure she’d be a rambling mess. This had to rate as the top awkward moment of her life.
“Sweetie?” Nancy urged, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“How weird is this?” Claire asked before slowly breaking out into a grin. “And totally fucking awesome!”
“Claire!” Nancy cried out as Jim and Cara chuckled slightly.
“Totally fucking awesome.” Cara agreed and winked at Claire. She hadn’t really known what to expect coming there today. She had no idea if she would be accepted or if she even wanted to be. What she found though was a chance at a new beginning with a family she wanted to get to know and hopefully be a part of. A father who had flaws, but maybe even he deserved a second chance, a stepmother who welcomed her with no questions asked and a sister who she saw shreds of herself in. It got her thinking about the family she had back home, the little family, she was already a part of. The family she missed and needed to get back to. The family she needed to claim as her own, once and for all.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Joe Lanza walked into his living room carrying a full plate of cold antipasto, taking a seat alongside his son-in-law. He leaned forward, placing the plate overflowing with cold cuts and Italian cheeses on the coffee table, nudging Nick with his elbow before motioning to the feast before them.
“Did I miss anything?” Joe said, popping a thin slice of dry sausage into his mouth.
“Jet’s intercepted the ball.” Nick said, reaching for a piece of provolone cheese. “Does Deb know you raided the antipasto?”
Joe waved a hand, dismissing Nick’s question just as the doorbell rang. “Deb! Someone’s at the door.” He hollered as the Jet’s took control over the ball. There was no shot in hell he was getting off the couch and missing the game. He had struggled with the decision to make a plate, in the end his stomach won the war and he gave in, hence the little buffet he and Nick were indulging in.
Sam strolled into the living room wearing a Jets jersey, flipping through “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”. She eyed the food on the table, snatching a piece of pepperoni before sitting down. “Mom’s going to kill you guys for eating in the living room.”
“What do you call what you’re doing?” Joe asked amused.
“She won’t care about me, I’ve got a grandbaby to grow.” She said with a smirk, laying one hand over her protruding stomach. The doorbell sounded again.
“Deb!”
“I’m coming! I’m coming!” She hollered wiping her hands along a dishtowel. She stopped short in her living room and took in the three of them sitting on the couch, munching away. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” She said in disbelief.
“What?” Joe asked innocently. “You’re being very rude to the person on the other side of the door, dear.” He said as a matter of fact. “It’s not like you to keep company waiting.”
“We’re not expecting company and I don’t see you getting up to answer the door.” Deb said, putting her hands on her hips to emphasize her point.
“That’s because I’m busy helping the cause.”
“And which cause might that be?” She asked, her eyebrows drawing together in suspicion.
Joe lifted a piece of salami wrapped around a mozzarella ball to his daughter, elbowing her to take a bite. “I’m just helping grow the grandchild.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Deb shook her head and walked into the entryway. She pulled open the door and smiled. “Cara! Oh, honey, I’m sorry for keeping you out here. Come inside, you must be freezing.” She said, moving aside to let Cara walk in.
“I hope it’s not a bad time.” Cara said and then heard the cheering from the living room, causing her to laugh.
“Football,” Deb explained with a roll of her eyes.
“Is everyone here?’ Cara asked nervously as she hung her leather jacket up in the coat closet. She tried to listen to the sound of the voices, trying to make out who was in the living room.
“Luke isn’t here yet. He had to take Ava to an ice-skating party.” Deb replied watching Cara’s body language intently. She watched her shoulders slump before she turned to face her, smiling. “But he’ll be here afterwards.” Deb added.
“Well I um…actually came to talk to you and Joe. If now isn’t a good time, I can come back.” Cara offered as she shoved her hands into her back pockets.
“I’m pretty sure a bomb wouldn’t get Joe off the couch right now, but I’m all ears.” Deb smiled and nodded towards the kitchen. “Come on, I’ll make you an espresso.”
Cara smiled in return and started to follow Deb.
“Deb, who was it?” Joe called out.
Cara stuck her head into the living room and waved at the three amigos stuffing their faces on the couch. “It’s just me.”
“We’ll be in the kitchen, having some girl talk.” Deb said over Cara’s shoulder.
Sam met Cara’s gaze and received a wink in return. “How’d everything go?” Sam asked concerned.
“It went well, surprisingly. I’m working on what we discussed the other night.” Cara told her with a smile playing on her face. “I’ll tell you all about it later, but right now I’ve kind of got to get something off my chest and see someone I’ve sort of left hanging.”
Sam smiled. “Get to it than, girlfriend.”
Cara laughed slightly before turning around and following Deb into the kitchen.
“What was that all about?” Nick asked, reaching for his beer.
“Oh, nothing…” Sam said innocently leaning against the cushions of the couch with a broad smile on her face.
Joe turned around and looked at his daughter for a moment. “You know too don’t you?”
“Know what?” Sam asked not meeting his stare.
“Nothing.” Joe said with a hint of a smile before turning his attention back to the TV. It was pretty comical to him that his whole family thought the wool was pulled over his eyes most of the time.
* * * * *
Cara followed Deb into the kitchen, the scent of whatever she was cooking, assaulted her senses, causing her to remember she hadn’t eaten since early that morning when she scarfed down a bagel in the car driving to see her long lost father. What a day, she thought, knowing it was nowhere near over either. She took a seat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and watched on as Deb worked the espresso machine.
“Is everything okay?” Deb asked as she measured out the black coffee.
Cara tapped her nails on the counter trying to figure the best way to discuss what she was about to, with the mother of the two men she loved. She shrugged her shoulders and decided the blunt truth would have to do because she was exhausted of running in circles.
“I need you to know that I am so unbelievably grateful for everything you and Joe have ever done for me. From the moment I became Jake’s friend you have done nothing but greet me with open arms. You’ve been my family. You swept in and without so much as a question, you took me in and became like a mother to me.” Deb placed the measuring spoon down on the counter and braced her hands along the edge. Cara watched her cautiously, but continued. “I don’t remember much of my mother, and it’s always made me sad, but the one thing that breaks me away from that sadness, has been knowing that I have you. I’ve never felt like
just a friend in this house and it’s important for me to know that you now know, how very much you all mean to me. How much Jake meant to me.”
“Cara…” Deb said softly interrupting her as she turned around, her eyes meeting hers. “I’ve always known that.”
“Yes, maybe you have, but for my own sound mind, I need to reiterate it.” Cara swallowed. “I loved Jake for the friend he was to me and for the man he grew to be. I would’ve loved to have been his wife. I would’ve loved to have grown old with him.” She heard her voice catch and forced a smile. Her words rang true to her heart, a bittersweet revelation. “He’ll always have a special place in my heart until this heart of mine doesn’t beat anymore.”
Deb wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes, but did not look away from the young woman before her. “I know, sweetheart.” She whispered hoarsely.
“I’m in love with Luke.” Cara said firmly before releasing a breath. She let the words that escaped linger in the room. The silence gave her a moment to relish in the truth. She felt free and she waited for the shame to engulf her, but it never came. It was okay to love him. It was natural. It was part of life. Cara was now a firm believer that one couldn’t control who the heart fell in love with. It was destiny.
“I know that too.” Deb said and leaned over the counter and took her hands in hers. “I’ve known that for a while too.”
“You have?” Cara asked surprised.
“Yes. I know you’ve been struggling with your feelings too.”
“At first I felt like I was betraying Jake and then it started to feel as if I was betraying all of you.” She shook her head. “I don’t want that. I don’t want you ever to think that I ever intended for this to happen, but I couldn’t stop it either, and I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t. I can’t take back what happened to Jake. I can’t bring him back, no matter how much I want to. But I can make peace with the fact that he is in better place and he isn’t suffering anymore. I can believe in my heart that he’d want me to be happy. He’d want his brother to be happy too, and if we could be the people to make one another happy, I think Jake would be okay with that.”
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 32