Kindling

by Agnes H Hagadus

  Though Allison had pretended to enjoy the movie, Allison’s thoughts had been on one thing. It wasn’t about packing. It wasn’t about leaving everyone behind. It was about her relationship with Geraldine.

  The greatest factor for them both would be where they were to live. Allison was a Michigander, but she didn’t have a connection like others she knew.

  Yes, Allison had been born and raised in Michigan. But without family and friends, there was nothing keeping her in the great state. These were thoughts she had been having since she had discovered she would only have a job for a couple weeks.

  Rick had texted her a few times the past few hours. As she placed her extra pair of shoes in a plastic bag, her cellphone buzzed once again. She didn’t even bother glancing at it. She knew who it was.

  While Allison appreciated his concern and support, she needed Rick to realize she needed her time to figure out what she was going to do in the future.

  Allison shook her head. Though it hadn’t been that long since they’d finished the huge meal, her head was beginning to become fuzzy. It was probably the size of the meal and the fact she had had so many things she wasn’t accustomed to.

  It had taken restraint, but Allison had even chosen a small piece of the amazing dessert. It was probably too much sugar. That was the trick with her system. She had to balance things out, though she was more susceptible to low blood sugar than high.

  Though there was more packing waiting for her, Allison chose to take a moment and sit by the window. One of her protein bars was waiting for her, as was a couple bottles of water.

  Outside, it seemed the sun was about to ignite the horizon. It would look different in the morning. After all, Allison would be driving away from it.

  Her first segment toward home would be the bus station. Allison and Geraldine would have to say their goodbyes. In her heart, she knew it wouldn’t be their final ones. But it still caused pain in her heart and for her throat to swell.

  Allison nearly choked on her protein bar her throat became so restricted. She had to take several sips of water. How could one person affect her so?

  It was the question Allison had been asking since she had first laid eyes on Geraldine. Even before she had realized everything there was to know about the cowgirl, she had felt a connection.

  Even greater than a connection, Allison had felt an attraction. It was why she had fought so to remain in Geraldine’s life. Even fighting too much.

  Allison took another nibble of her protein bar. Soon, it would be gone. As would her first vacation ever. Oh, she had enjoyed days to the zoo or one day trips to various points of interest Michigan had to offer.

  But to be away from Michigan for so long? Allison smiled at the memories of her other day vacations. Most had been spent alone. Only one had entailed Rick, thankfully.

  A deep sigh escaped Allison. She had to force herself to finish packing. They had an early wake up as Geraldine’s bus was to leave the station half past eight.

  Geraldine would be back in her home before Allison was even a fourth of the way back to Michigan. It worried Allison. Yes, Geraldine had her mother, but what about the others?

  Though Geraldine had yet to confide in her, Allison knew something had happened. That there was a fear of returning home.

  It wasn’t even of a fear of having coffee intentionally spilled on the cowgirl. It was the fear of what was waiting for Geraldine when she returned to her ranch.

  Once again, Allison’s throat was becoming constricted. Once again, she was nearing tears. She downed the rest of the bottle of water hoping not to open the second bottle. In other words, hoping the tears would be held at bay or would find their release.

  At least before Allison was reunited with Geraldine for the night. It was the one solace Allison had. She would be spending her final night sleeping next to the cowgirl. Hopefully.

  The dangerous part for Allison was thinking how it could be spending it with the woman she loved. Why? Because she wasn’t certain Geraldine would ever be ready for that kind of commitment.

  Allison wouldn’t push her. She would allow Geraldine to make all the moves. She only hoped one day they could be more than friends. Time would tell. Time would tell.

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  Geraldine stared at her reflection in the mirror. It was something she didn’t normally do. After years of hating her body, why would she inspect it?

  Because Allison had done something to her. It was something Geraldine hadn’t expected. In fact, she had expected to run back to the ranch after the first night. If not even making it to the bed and breakfast.

  All the makeup in the world could not conceal how Geraldine hadn’t shaven since the morning. Already she had a five o’clock shadow brewing.

  It wasn’t merely how the shadowing foretold of a beard. It was not wearing her bra. It wasn’t even a padded bra like Geraldine had recently discovered. Her mother had taken the time to sew it so that it appeared she had small breasts.

  Geraldine hated the fact there was already signs of hair upon her chest. Jackeline had shown her a technique that would eventually cause the chest hair not to grow. And once she began hormone therapy…

  Until then, Geraldine’s body was that of a man, physically. Mentally, she had known she had been born into the wrong body, even if she couldn’t put a name to it.

  The tears threatened to fall. When would Geraldine not feel like crying? It wouldn’t end while she was residing at the ranch. After all, her mother could only protect her so much.

  The cowgirl did something she hadn’t done in years. Geraldine used the hand mirror as she had her back to the full-length mirror.

  Geraldine managed not to become ill at the sight of her scarred back. It was something the cowgirl knew she would have to confide in her best friend. Especially if they were to ever become lovers.

  It was nearly too much to hope for. That someone like Allison could truly look at her as all woman. That anyone could accept her as a true woman.

  Hadn’t Geraldine come farther than this during her vacation? After all, Jessie nor Thelma never once even hinted they had known what lay beneath her clothing.

  Melissa had only welcomed her with open arms. In fact, the only ones who hadn’t accepted her were locals that were full of hatred.

  Meeting Jackeline had been eye-opening. Geraldine had the older woman’s contact information. If the cowgirl needed any direction in how to proceed, she would be there for her.

  Geraldine hastily covered her body. She hated looking at it. She hated studying it. One day, after she could afford even the hormone treatments, it could make all the difference in the world.

  It was time to finish packing. She would leave out her clothing for her travels. It would be an outfit that wouldn’t draw as much attention as her signature pink blouse. Perhaps her black one. Or maybe her royal one.

  Her mom always loved her in the royal one. She said it brought out her daughter’s eyes. Geraldine wasn’t so certain of that, but it caused her to choose that blouse.

  There was the cookbook Geraldine had acquired for her mom. She made certain it was protected from being scratched or the pages bent.

  A dark thought entered her mind. What if Geraldine’s father did his usual? What if her brothers stepped in? She’d never left home, but they might just search her bag when she made it home?

  The thought caused Geraldine to turn a dangerous shade of green. There was a way around it. Not having a lot of money with her, she could give some to either Allison or Thelma. Ask them to send the cookbook to her mother.

  At least that way, Geraldine would know most likely her mother would receive the book. It wouldn’t be marred or even burned by her father or brothers.

  No one should have to live under the conditions Geraldine was forced to live under. Slowly, she made her way to the window. It was the view of the back of the bed and breakfast. It was just as breathtaking as the front.

  Would being homeless be better than living
on the ranch? Geraldine wondered. There was her mother, as always. But not even she could make it bearable anymore. Not since remembering what she had.

  Allison would take her in, as would Jessie and Thelma. Geraldine was certain anyone she had met at the bed and breakfast would take her in.

  Geraldine knew she now had many people she could count on. But the fact of the matter was she had yet to truly count on herself.

  The cowgirl knew the bravest thing she had ever done was to leave the ranch, even if it were for less than a week. So wouldn’t it be better if she were brave and alone?

  It was a question Geraldine wasn’t certain the answer to. As she turned from the beautiful scenery, she knew only time would give her the answer she was so desperately seeking.

  It wasn’t long before her duffle bag was packed. The clothes for the morning were placed upon it. Her smaller bag full of her makeup was placed beside it.

  What was Geraldine to do? It was nearing eight. They would need an early start to the day. So it was time to take possession of her meager belongings.

  Sadly, what resided in her bags were nearly all she owned. Geraldine had a small library and a few other clothes, but she had no keepsakes.

  It would be easy to move about. Perhaps Geraldine could wander from town to town. See if any of her many skills could come in useful.

  Maybe Geraldine could find a place that was accepting. And if she did find somewhere she felt comfortable, could she find the courage to ask Allison to join her?

  ()()()()()()()()()()()()()

  For once, Lucy was in her own room. It wouldn’t only be for a few more moments as she was to spend her final night at the bed and breakfast in the arms of the woman she loved.

  Out of habit, Lucy was making the bed. She would tidy the room, before she began to pack her few belongings away. Should she call her mother?

  Lucy hesitated as she tucked the bed spread beneath the mattress. She should definitely call her mother. Her mother needed to know approximately what time she would be headed out. It was the least she had to speak to her mother about.

  Already, Lucy had informed her mother she had met someone. That she and Dallas intended to continue seeing one another.

  Why couldn’t Lucy bring herself to brag about the fact she was now engaged? It wasn’t because there was no ring upon her finger.

  It was because everything had happened so rapidly. Lucy wasn’t exactly a romantic but didn’t not believe in love at first sight. So it wasn’t that she didn’t believe it could happen so fast.

  So, it wasn’t because it had happened so rapidly, though her head spun when looking back at the week they had shared together, it wasn’t because time had flown by.

  It was because of how Lucy, just a short time ago, wouldn’t believe in herself. She couldn’t allow things to happen to her. In fact, she had had to call her mother just for reassurance.

  But now that Lucy had an amazing woman waiting across the hallway for her, she couldn’t bring herself to tell her mother of her engagement?

  Lucy pulled out her cellphone. Her cellphone remained on vibrate since dinner had ended. She hadn’t missed a call or text. So why did Lucy feel like she had missed out on everything?

  Because Lucy spent a majority of time with her mother. They lived together. They worked together. They ate together. Dinner, movies and other things were spent mostly with her mother.

  As if sensing she was thought of, Lucy’s mom texted. It was wishing her a decent night sleep. Also a reminder to stop when she became tired. And to inform Lucy the shop was only barely making it without her.

  A sense of humor. Lucy wished she’d inherited it from her mother. While Lucy did have a sense of humor, she was far too serious at times for that side of herself to shine through.

  Lucy hastily texted back. First was the ‘ha, ha, ha’. She had to tell her mother she wouldn’t be on the road as soon as she wanted to be.

  The inevitable question of why was replied. How to answer that? Lucy didn’t know if her mother realized the bed and breakfast offered car service.

  A friend needed a ride to the airport. It wasn’t exactly a lie. But it wasn’t exactly the truth, either. After all, Dallas was so much more than a friend. Plus, Lucy knew there were other ways for her fiancée to gain a ride.

  Was this the same friend Lucy had been talking about? Lucy sighed. It would be so much easier to say she was now taken. That there would, down the road, be a wedding to be planned.

  As far as Lucy had grown, she was still a coward it seemed. Yes, it was the same friend she had been spending a great deal of time with.

  Was it serious? The question Lucy had been wanting to desperately avoid. All friendships could be considered serious, could they not?

  Avoiding? Lucy was definitely avoiding truthfully answering the question. But she couldn’t tell her mother that. So how did she respond?

  Finally, Lucy decided to tell her mom a partial truth. That she and Dallas were close. Even had a romantic relationship. Details to follow in person.

  Of course, her mother would not allow it to drop there. Lucy sighed. She decided to tell her mother she was spending the rest of the evening with Dallas and the others. Goodbyes were hard to say.

  When Lucy’s cellphone finally was silent, she was relieved. Though she knew she would have to tell her mother the truth. Why couldn’t she call or text her the news?

  Because Lucy remained in shock she had a fiancée. Could that be it? As she finally returned to her packing, it was a truthful admission, for once.

  Truthful? Lucy paused as she placed her shorts in her small bag. She wouldn’t be needing those for a few more weeks once she returned to Michigan.

  The thought of being a liar was unsettling. But Lucy realized what it truly meant. It wasn’t a liar to others, though she could, and did, tell white lies when necessary.

  It was the fact Lucy couldn’t always be honest with herself. It could be because of past experiences causing her to ‘cover’ the truth so she could deal with it.

  It could be because Lucy needed more than the truth so that she could be brave in a certain situation. A situation such as traveling alone across the country and meeting untold number of strangers.

  It could be because we all do it. No one was a hundred percent honest the entire time. Human nature being what it is was a part of that.

  Still, Lucy hated the thought of lying to herself or her mother. Honesty was the best policy. Especially when it came to the people who loved and supported you, unconditionally.

  So many things Lucy had learned about herself during this vacation. She was how old and had forgotten one of the truths of being a human being.

  What was that? We are ever evolving. We change with the times. The times change us. Sometimes we force those changes and sometimes those changes are forced upon us.

  Lucy couldn’t help smiling. With those kinds of thoughts, she could remain positive. She could continue to progress and evolve.

  The greatest part of the revelation was Lucy hopefully would stop being so hard on herself. That she would continue to grow and evolve.

  And that Lucy could learn to trust her relationship with Dallas. It wasn’t even trusting her truckdriver. It was trusting what they had between them was real and everlasting.

  ()()()()()()()()()()()()()

  Dallas wiped the sweat from her brow. It wasn’t going to be easy leaving her rig behind. Not because money would not be flowing, but because it was like an extension of herself. She’d been driving the roads since right after high school.

  There was no way Dallas could leave the rig at the bed and breakfast. They had a business to run. Her rig would take up three potential parking places.

  There was the possibility of leaving it behind the stables. But what if it rained? What if it became stuck in the Georgia clay? It would cost more for a specialized truck to pull her out.

  Dallas pulled herself up into the driver’s seat with ease. Her life was in the cab. It wasn’t me
rely every article of clothing or the bedding or even the souvenirs she had collected over the last couple of decades.

  This place was where Dallas lived. It wasn’t only to save money that she would refuse to stay in a hotel. It was because she loved her solitude. Even parked at a roadside rest area or in the parking lot of a grocery store, she had more privacy than she felt in a hotel room.

  The bed and breakfast had only been slightly different. Why was because of the owners and her fellow boarders. People made all the difference in the world.

  Was it sad Dallas would miss her big rig, nearly as much as she missed Lucy? The truckdriver couldn’t help the sneer. The rig was an extension of herself. But Lucy was everything in the world to her.

  It was like comparing apples to oranges. The inanimate object and the flesh and blood woman both had their place in her life. However, it was the human being she would do whatever she could to make happy.

  There wasn’t much in the rig Dallas could take with her, besides packing a bag of clothing. It was another reason she was loath to leave her rig with Jessie and Thelma. They would be devastated if anyone did anything to it on their watch.

  Still, there weren’t many options. Dallas could leave it at the airport. But the amount of money when she came to collect it would be astronomical. There weren’t too many garages that would keep a rig without similar monetary considerations.

  If only her momma hadn’t done her usual. Dallas couldn’t be mad. It might have been her mom who taught her to be a tomboy of sorts, it was her momma who had taught her to be a fighter and push herself to the limits.

  Dallas made certain everything was out of sight. There were hidden compartments that had their own locks. She knew if anyone wanted to steal, they would find their way.

  Her cellphone ringing startled her. A picture of her mom startled her even more. “How’s Momma?” Dallas didn’t even allow for a greeting. She was that concerned about her momma.

  “I love you too, Dallas.” The voice was lighter than it had been before. Was this a good sign? Or was her mom attempting to be jovial so that whatever negative news she had to share wouldn’t be so harsh to deal with.