“You know your mom’s home right?” Rhett whispered like he was trying to keep a secret.
“Yeah, I know.” I kept my voice low too, just to mess with him.
“I’m not looking down, just so you know,” he muttered and looked away.
His face was redder than a firetruck and I giggled. It was the first time I’d laughed since the accident and we both realized it. He raised his hand and caressed my cheek. He leaned in for a kiss, but stopped just before reaching my lips.
“I missed that sound, and I mean it. I’m not looking down, but I still want to steal a kiss.”
“My gentleman,” I teased.
He moved that extra quarter-inch and our lips touched. They moved in sync with each other and it was just like kissing in the rain.
After we parted for air, we focused on washing off. True to his word, he never looked down. Upon getting out, I quickly realized I forgot to get him a towel, so I gave him mine and got another one for me.
I went into my room for some fresh clothes, but Rhett just put his previous ones back on since he didn’t have a spare.
“I can sleep here tonight if you want me to,” he offered as he emerged from the bedroom.
“What would your parents think?”
He lifted his left shoulder in a nonchalant shrug. “They aren’t home, but I don’t think they would care either way.”
I got into bed and patted the empty space next to me as an invitation. “Why aren’t they ever around? I’ve never even met them yet.”
He slipped his pants back off and crawled under the covers with me. “It’s one of the prices of having a lot of money. They’re never around to spend time with their son. They’re always off doing something whether it’s for business or pleasure and typically just leave me behind.”
“But weren’t they here the other night for Christmas Eve?”
“They popped in to say hey and give me some money before leaving for Paris. It’s like they try to buy off my feelings with money.”
“Aw, sweetie. I’m sorry.” My body pressed as close as it could to his and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“I think that’s why I’ve always wanted a sibling. At least someone else would be sharing the misery with me. It’s true what they say. Misery loves company.”
“Having a sibling is just something else for you to love and lose obviously.”
“I’m sorry about Maddox and I’m sorry you couldn’t change things.”
“How about we have a marathon of comedy movies to pull ourselves out of this funk? If only for a little while.”
He grinned. “Sounds good to me, babe. I want you to know that I love you and I’m not going anywhere, so don’t you dare consider me as something to lose.”
“Everyone’s fair game at this point.”
“That’s not a very good way to think. It’s very pessimistic.”
“Maybe not, but it’s the way I feel right now. Maybe I’ll feel differently in the future.”
“I’ll make sure of that,” he promised and kissed my nose.
Chapter Fourteen
Rhett helped me out of his car because my body wasn’t cooperating. We were at Maddox’s funeral and Mom and Dad insisted on having an open casket. I didn’t think I could handle seeing him and my wobbly knees were proof of that.
I felt sick. I’d thrown up twice before getting into Rhett’s car and now the water I drank on the way was threatening to come back up. My stomach continued to churn as we approached the church the ceremony was going to be held in. My feet stopped outside the door. Rhett pulled me forward but I shook my head.
“I can’t do this. It just makes it that much more real.”
Rhett sighed and enveloped me with his large arms. “Babe, the sooner you grasp that this is reality, the sooner you can move on. I know it’s hard, but you can do this.”
“Oh, you know huh? So you had a sibling that died?” I snarked and immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset. Take it out on me if you need to, but keep in mind that it won’t change anything. I hate to keep pointing it out, but I’m hoping it’ll help.”
“I know it happened and I know I can’t change it, so you can stop pointing it out. I’m just not ready to give up. Maybe if I go back one more time—”
He cut me off by gently grabbing my face and he forced me to look at him. “It won’t make a difference and you know it in your heart. Who else are you willing to sacrifice chasing that idea?”
I knew he was referring to himself and it made me feel ashamed.
“I don’t want to upset you,” he stated and pulled my face closer to his to give me a quick peck. “I’m worried you’ll change something you can’t go back and fix.”
Mom chose that moment to come out looking for us. “We’re ready to start, sweetheart. Just waiting on you. You don’t have to look if you don’t want to.”
I was astounded that she was able to get out that many words with the crazy amount of tears that were raining from her eyes. But, I pushed that thought away and solemnly followed Mom with Rhett behind me. He kept his hand in mine and the contact helped me keep moving forward.
As we strolled through the pews, I kept my head down. I didn’t want to see Maddox like that. Lifeless and pale. I wanted to remember him as he was and not how he is. Like our last day together. Those were the memories that needed to be kept intact.
I sat in between Mom and Rhett and Autumn sat on the other side of Rhett. I was thankful she’d shown up but wasn’t surprised. She was a good friend and I knew she thought of Maddox as a little brother too. Her silent sobs said it all.
The pastor stood at the front and began the ceremony. Every word he said went in one ear and out the next. My mind couldn’t focus on it, not with Maddox’s body so close. My thought process had frozen completely as if it just shut down or went to sleep. Rhett said something to me, but I didn’t hear it. Mom stood up to say some words about Maddox. Dad was next when she finished. I was supposed to go last. When Dad was done, however, I couldn't make my butt leave the pew. I was shell-shocked and the tears were long gone. They understood the fact that I wasn’t going up there quickly and the ceremony ended. A part of me wished I remembered it, but it was all just a blur of muffled sounds. It was like I'd been listening while underwater.
Next, we all followed in the vehicles to watch Maddox’s casket get buried. Mom and Dad were behind the hearse and we were behind them in Rhett’s car. More words were said about Maddox and they started lowering him into the ground.
I vaguely realized Rhett was escorting me to his car, but soon found myself home. Metal invaded my senses and I concluded that I’d skipped right through the ride home. If Rhett noticed, he didn’t say anything. It had me wondering if I’d skipped part of Maddox’s ceremony and burying too without realizing. Actually, I didn’t remember seeing them fully bury Maddox.
“You did skip some moments,” Rhett answered my unasked question. “I could smell the metal that surrounded you.”
“Reading my mind again? It must be pretty chaotic in there. I’m surprised it hasn’t given you whiplash.”
“Glad you can still joke about things.”
He must’ve seen how much that bothered me because neither of us said anything else as we strolled into the house.
Now that the funeral was over, Mom and Dad were having a get together, but I wasn’t up for it. Anyone who wanted to talk about memories of Maddox were welcome, so naturally, the whole family was coming. The last thing I wanted to do was mingle. I could remember him just fine on my own. Instead of going into the living room like everyone else, I pulled Rhett up to Maddox’s room and shut the door. I still hadn’t turn the game system off and I was worried it was going to overheat if I didn’t act soon.
“Rhett, I want you to help me get to the next checkpoint so I can turn the game off. I don't want to lose the progress Maddox and I worked so hard on.”
My hand held out th
e zombie control and it was torturous to give it to Rhett instead of Maddox.
“Are you sure you want to do this with me?” he asked hesitantly.
“Yeah, I am. Are you any good at video games?”
“I used to play them a few years back, but it’s been awhile. I used to be good, but not so sure how I’ll do now.”
“Well, just know that you are using Maddox’s control so try to do it some justice.”
“I’ll try my best.”
We ended up playing the game all night and beat it. Autumn watched us for a while, but got bored quickly and left with a quick ‘bye’. Other people came in and out to check on us and see what we were doing, but I ignored them. Aunt Berty was one of them, but she didn’t say anything to me. She most likely knew me well enough and knew I wouldn’t respond back. She did pat Rhett on the back with a ‘thank you’ though. He gave her a dazzling smile in response.
Beating the game with him wasn't as exhilarating as playing with Maddox. It was actually a depressing let down. Video games would never be the same.
That night, I persuaded my parents to let Rhett sleep over and in return I’d go to school with him in the morning. They were reluctant to agree, but wanted to get me back to school any way possible. Right now, this was their chance and they took it.
While Rhett ran home to grab some clothes and other personal items, I took a shower. I felt bad for putting Rhett on the spot the other day and making him jump in the shower with me. He seemed so awkward, but I wasn’t looking to get anything sexual out of it. I just wanted him to be there. I needed him to be there.
Rhett was back in no time and his hair was still wet from the shower he must’ve taken. Mine was soaked too and we both climbed into bed with cold hair. I cuddled into his warmth and it was the only reason I was able to sleep that night. Exhaustion wouldn’t have cut it, but Rhett did.
~*~
I was regretting agreeing to go to school today, but nobody was letting me get out of it. I was going whether I wanted to or not. Dad made that clear at breakfast. It was lonely without Maddox. Even Rhett couldn’t fill that void.
Rhett parked in his usual spot and we found Autumn waiting for us. They escorted me to school and the last thing I remembered was opening the front door.
“I can’t believe you skipped the whole day,” Rhett complained on the way home. “That’s taking the easy way out, Molly.”
“It’s not like I meant to,” I mumbled. “It just happened when I thought about it.”
He sighed, “What do you want to do for the rest of the day?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re going to have to do something one of these days.”
“I appreciate you trying to help me, but it’s only annoying me. Why can’t you just drop it?”
“Because I hate seeing you like this, babe.”
“Well, you consistently bringing the topic back up is like hitting my chest with a hammer. It hurts more than helps.”
“What can I do to help then?”
“You can leave me alone,” I seethed and was thankful we’d reached my house.
I got out of his car, and he didn’t follow. My feet stomped all the way to Maddox’s room and I fell on his bed. If only I could go back and relive those memories with him.
Wait, I can…
The idea formulated quickly and I put it into action.
I focused on the moment I wanted to go to and there he was. Maddox was setting up the game for us to play the Sunday of the accident.
“Aren’t you going get us some cereal?” He asked with an inquisitive brow.
“Oh, right, the cereal. I’ll just go get that now.”
It was extremely hard to restrain myself from pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. Instead, I maintained control and grabbed the box of cereal. I ended up booking it to his room because I didn’t want to miss a second.
He handed me my blue control.
“Just know this one’s harder than the other games we’ve played,” he warned.
“I think I can handle it,” I said with a wink, just like I remembered and we started playing.
It was time to break for lunch but I suggested that we played while we ate so we could beat the game in one day.
“Since when did you become such a hardcore gamer?” He smiled at me. It had only been a few days but I sure missed that dimpled smile.
“We’ve never beaten a game in one sitting, so I thought it’d be fun to try.”
“I’m game for it.”
Mom brought us some sandwiches that we nibbled on in between scenes.
“Have you been holding out on me?” he asked as we finished a scene.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re really good and even anticipate some of the attacks. Have you played this before?”
Oh crap…
I wasn’t a good liar. “The first time I played it was with you.”
Which was technically true.
By nightfall, we’d come closer to beating the game than before when Dad poked his head in. “You guys having fun?”
“Yeah, Dad. We haven't beat the game yet, but we’re really close. Molly’s the best.”
“You mind running to the store with me then, squirt, and you guys can pick back up on it when we get back?” Dad asked Maddox.
“Yeah, I’ll just pause it until we get back,” Maddox replied.
“You’re welcome to join us,” Dad directed at me.
“That’s okay. You two go,” I replied. It was weird having the same conversation again and it was interesting to see it playing out the same way.
“Okay, sounds perfect. Let’s go, squirt. Maybe we can go out to eat when we get back,” Dad offered.
“Yeah,” Maddox exclaimed. “We can go to my favorite place. The one with the peanut butter milkshake.”
“That sounds good,” I said weakly. I needed to go get a milkshake just for him since he never got it.
“You okay, sweetie?” Dad asked me and Maddox raised his eyebrows in question.
I nodded my head and hugged Dad bye. When my arms snaked around Maddox, I held him as tight as I could, but not for as long.
“Bye you two,” I said, trying to bypass the rest of the conversation.
It worked because they both said bye and left.
With a lingering tear, I skipped forward to my time.
Chapter Fifteen
Rhett was in my room when I returned. He didn’t look too happy either.
“How long have you been here?” I questioned in the most innocent voice I could muster.
“I’ve been here for about two hours. From that smell, you went back to the past.”
“Was I here the whole time you were here?”
“Nope, you sure weren’t. This is the first exchange we’ve had. Nothing’s changed so where did you go? Or when did you go fits better?”
“I went back to relive the last day with Maddox,” I admitted.
He didn’t say anything in response.
“I’m surprised you’re even here after our fight.”
“I didn’t want to end it like that.” He averted his eyes. “I don’t want to fight with you so I won’t bring it back up again. You’ll move on when you’re ready.”
“Thank you.”
“But, I want to say one more thing before I hold my tongue. I don’t think it’s healthy to keep visiting him in the past and just be careful. You don't want to slip up.”
“Yeah, I know. Changing the subject, I’m not here when I’m in the past?”
“I don’t think so. At least you weren't for the couple hours I was here.”
“Why is that?”
“You may’ve skipped too far into the present and you didn't exist in this time zone for the hours you’ve skipped.”
“That didn't happen before. Like when you were cooking dinner for me. I was there even when I skipped.”
“Let me say it differently. When you skip into the future, it’s as if you're just h
itting fast-forward on your life. When you go back in the past, this present doesn't exist yet. You're on a whole different timeline. When you come back too far into the now, you technically weren’t in this world for that time because you were in the past.”
I processed his words for a minute. “You lost me there for a bit, but I think I get the gist of what you’re saying. So, does this civilized conversation mean we’ve made up?”
“I guess so. If that’s what you want.”
“Of course it is. Aren't we supposed to kiss or something?”
He chuckled and pulled me into a sweet kiss.
After we parted, I inquired, “It’s strange that I could remember everything that happened in the past, even different scenarios, but I can’t remember anything when I skip into the future. No matter how hard I try, it never comes to me.”
“It’s probably because things that happened in the past are stored as memories. Your brain probably can’t remember what it hasn’t seen for itself, even at one hundred percent capacity,” Rhett reasoned.
“That’s probably it,” I agreed.
“You may not be able to change the past, but you could still use your gift to meet some pretty amazing people. For example, you could meet George Washington or Abraham Lincoln.”
The thought of traveling back in time to me Jane Austin was squandered the day I couldn’t save my brother’s life.
“You’re pretty smart, you know that? I never noticed it before,” I teased.
“Yep, I’ve already caught on to that. It’s nice of you to finally notice.”
“What can I say? I’m pretty observant.”
“I can see that,” he muttered.
“Was that sarcasm I detected?”
“Maybe,” he joked and pulled me in for another kiss. This one lasted longer than the previous one. It was only halted because of my angry, growling stomach.
“Shall we go get you some dinner?” He patted my stomach.
“We shall.”
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