The Love of a Libertine

by Jess Michaels

  The Love of a Libertine

  The Duke’s Bastards Book 1

  Jess Michaels

  Copyright © 2020 by Jess Michaels

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  Author Note

  The Duke’s Bastards

  1. Excerpt of The Heart of a Hellion

  Also by Jess Michaels

  About the Author

  For everyone who ever feels like they made a mistake that couldn’t be forgiven. And to Michael, who always forgives mine.

  Prologue

  Spring 1811

  Running away from home in order to marry in secret had been a decision Elizabeth Margolis doubted from nearly the first moment she escaped into the night. But now, huddled before the fire in the tiny cottage, clenching and unclenching her fists before the flames, she dared to let herself believe it was a mistake.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t care for Aaron Walters. She did, with every fiber of her being. She loved him, or at least she thought she did. She didn’t have much experience with such things. She’d been taught by a tutor, and her small circle of friends was as sheltered as she was. But she read a lot of books and the feelings those books described when it came to love were certainly something close to what she felt.

  And she had to love him now. She had to. After all, she had given herself completely to him the night before, when they stopped for the second time along the long road to Gretna Green and the marriage that awaited them there.

  “You’re being silly,” she chastised herself softly.

  “Silly about what, my love?”

  She pivoted to find Aaron standing in the doorway of the small adjoining dressing room where he had been readying himself for bed. She shifted at the sight of him, his shirt undone and revealing his flat stomach, with his hair mussed. He was a handsome man, there was no denying that. And when she looked at him, some of her doubts faded.

  They would be happy.

  “My nerves,” she explained with as bright a smile as she could manage. “I only wish we could have made it across the border tonight and to Gretna Green at last. I’m tired of this madcap escape.”

  “So anxious to be my wife,” he drawled as he entered the main room of the cottage and reached out to touch her face with just his fingertips.

  She forced herself to stay right where she was and allow that caress. She wasn’t quite accustomed to being touched so intimately and knew she needed to learn. Aaron didn’t like it when she hesitated, and she so wanted to make him happy.

  “I am,” she said, hoping that saying those words would make the feeling clearer. “My only regret is that my brother isn’t here. That we had to deceive him.”

  Walters’ face fell and his hand dropped away from her as he scowled. “We’ve been over and over this, Lizzie,” he said, his tone a bit sharper than it had been. “I grow tired of repeating it. The Duke of Brighthollow is a snob.”

  “No!” Lizzie burst out. “Hugh is stern, yes, but he isn’t—”

  Aaron ignored her and spoke louder. “He would never accept a common man such as myself to be linked to you forever. This is the only way we can be wed. And he will forgive you, will he not? He loves you so much, or so you tell me every day.”

  She worried her lip at his suddenly hard tone. She’d upset him and she didn’t like that. So she moved toward him, hoping to placate him. His eyes lit up as she did so, tracking her movements with what felt like an almost predatory light.

  “I know you’re right,” she whispered. “Hugh can be protective, but once he sees how happy we are together, he will forgive the method of our union.”

  She hoped that was true. She did adore her older brother, as serious as he could be. After her parents’ untimely deaths, he had all but raised her and was more father than sibling. She missed him and his kind, steady counsel desperately.

  Aaron interrupted her thoughts by reaching out to catch her hand. He drew her forward a few more halting steps, then touched it to his bare chest. Her hands shook as she wound them around his neck, and he drew her closer as he looked down at her.

  “I don’t think we should talk about your dear brother anymore, my love,” he drawled. “I have far more pleasant activities to occupy our time before tomorrow, when our marriage will be complete.”

  She smiled, though the expression felt false. “Will it be like last night?” she whispered. “P-Painful?”

  His brow wrinkled. “Every woman experiences pain the first time, Lizzie. Something about God’s punishment for the apple or some nonsense. But it will get better as you accept it more. One day you may even come to like what we share. Crave it.”

  She worried her lip again. She did like the parts that led up to the claiming. The kissing was very nice. Some of the touching felt good. But the act itself? She couldn’t imagine she would ever long for that the way he said she would. But perhaps if she had more practice…

  He smiled at her and she relaxed a little, lifting up on her tiptoes to seek a kiss. He lowered his head, but before he could touch his lips to hers, there was a great crash at the door.

  Lizzie couldn’t hold back a scream as she clung tighter to Aaron. They watched as the wood splintered and the lock broke, allowing her brother to tumble into the room. She stared at Hugh, unable to speak as he straightened to his full height and ran a hand through his curly, light brown hair. He stared straight back at her, standing in Aaron’s arms, her sins laid out for him to see. She dropped her stare in shame and humiliation.

  Aaron, though, seemed less concerned by her brother’s unexpected arrival. He stared directly at Hugh and smiled. “Brighthollow, we did not expect you. Come to witness our wedding, have you?”

  Lizzie caught her breath at his dismissive, jovial tone. It certainly didn’t fit the circumstances and she tightened her grip on his arm to try to send him that message.

  “Hugh,” she whispered, blinking at the tears that flooded her vision.

  Hugh’s face had been bright with anger — no not anger. Rage. But she watched him take a few breaths, master his control. And then he extended his hand and said, “Lizzie, come.”

  His voice was so gentle. The same voice that had soothed her hurts and celebrated her successes over the years. The voice that always made her feel safe and loved. She leaned toward him and felt Aaron’s fingers dig hard into her arm. Hard enough to hurt. She stared down at his fingers and let out a shuddering sigh. She pulled from his grip and went to her brother. He took her hand and gently pulled her behind him. Her hands shook as she clung to his.

  “She is sixteen,” Hugh said, his voice strained with upset.

  Aaron arched a brow and shrugged one shoulder. “It hardly matters now.”

  Lizzie cringed at the coldness of her intended’s tone. He was very angry, it seemed, at the interruption. And she supposed she ought to be upset, as well. Only she was so relieved to
see her brother.

  Hugh sucked in a deep breath through his nose. “Lizzie, go outside. I’ll join you in a moment.”

  “No!” She tightened her grip on his hand as panic swelled in her. She needed to protect Aaron from Hugh’s outrage. To take responsibility for her own part in this terrible mistake. It was too late to go back on it, at any rate, considering what she’d already done. She had to do everything in her power to make peace between these two men who would soon be family. “Please, please, no, Hugh. Please don’t. We—we care for each other.”

  Hugh jerked his gaze down at her and when he met her gaze, she saw home and peace. Tears gathered in her eyes, and one slid down her cheek.

  He shook his head as he wiped it away gently. “He does not care for you,” he whispered.

  She flinched because when her brother said those words, they felt…true. Certainly when she glanced at Aaron, with his arms folded and a smirk on his handsome face, she didn’t feel that he cared for her. It was like some balloon had burst, or a mask had fallen and now she questioned herself and all she had believed.

  “One way or another, I get what I wanted, don’t I?” Aaron said, his tone smug and mocking.

  She stared at him, unblinking, trying to find the man she had told herself she loved. The man who had wooed her and convinced her to escape with him. He wasn’t there.

  “What—what do you mean by that, Aaron?”

  He looked past Hugh to her. “My dear, I would have married you, and engaged in all those pleasures you and I had just begun to explore.”

  Heat flooded her cheeks at his crude revelation of their wicked activities. Hugh was a smart man, he had to have guessed what she’d done, but there was no need to flaunt it in his face.

  And it generated a reaction. Hugh let out a grunt and lunged for Aaron. Lizzie clung to his arm with all her might, digging in her heels to keep him from pummeling Aaron to a pulp.

  “But as you can see, Brighthollow will never allow it,” Aaron continued with a shrug.

  “I will not,” Hugh said through clenched teeth.

  Aaron tilted his head and held her stare. “So you remember that when you look at him. He took your future from you, not me.”

  Lizzie recoiled. Aaron wasn’t trying to reason with her brother, or declare his devotion. He was just trying to hurt Hugh. Worse, he was trying to make her hate her brother. Not that she ever could or would.

  “Don’t you dare act like a gentleman thwarted by my cruelty. You are only interested in my sister’s inheritance,” Hugh spat.

  Those words landed in the room with a resounding thud. She stared at Aaron, waiting for him to deny the charge. Waiting for him to say anything that told her he truly cared for her. But he didn’t, and the truth of everything began to rot its way into her chest, throughout her body, into every bit of her. She found herself curling inward, trying to make herself smaller, trying to escape what now felt so obvious.

  “It is a very nice inheritance,” Aaron said at last. “But I won’t need it now.”

  “A-Aaron,” Lizzie whispered and wished her tone weren’t so broken, so vulnerable.

  “What do you mean you won’t need it?” Hugh asked, his voice shaking, this time with more than just anger. He sounded…afraid.

  “My driver, the woman who owns this home, my friends…everyone knows that we snuck away under your very nose.” Aaron sneered at Hugh. “And that we have been alone for several nights.”

  “But—” Lizzie began as nausea rose up inside of her, threatening to deposit onto the cheap carpet what little she’d eaten that day.

  “Hush now, Lizzie, your brother and I are negotiating,” Aaron said, never looking at her, never seeing how the sharpness and dismissiveness of his actions and words cut to her very spirit. Not looking because it was becoming evident he didn’t care. “You don’t want all this to be unleashed into Society, do you? This thing that will ruin all her chances at a future?”

  Hugh released Lizzie’s hand. He did not move forward, he didn’t move at all. He just held the stare of a man she’d thought was her future and said, “I will kill you.”

  Aaron seemed unmoved by the threat. He just smiled. “Do it, go ahead. If you do, it will only make this scandal all the larger and drag down your entire legacy…along with her.”

  Lizzie lifted her hands to cover her mouth. God, Aaron was right. If what she’d done came out, if her ruin was public knowledge, it would affect Hugh’s future as well. Her beloved brother, who had spent years carefully building his reputation, would lose it all because she had been such a little fool.

  “What do you want?” Hugh asked, his voice choked.

  “For you to do what any loving brother would do in this situation. You will pay me handsomely to cover up your sister’s foolish, youthful mistake.”

  Lizzie staggered forward, her hands shaking even as she tried to manage the trembling. Her body tingling with all the consequences and lies and fears that now burst in her one after the other. This man, Aaron Walters, had done that to her. Callously. Because she was such a fool, such an easy target.

  “How could you?” she whispered. “How?”

  Aaron looked her up and down, his face devoid of any emotion he’d ever created to manipulate her. He shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand. You’ve always had everything you ever wanted.”

  “Get out,” Hugh said, his hand shaking as he pointed toward the door behind them.

  Aaron grinned at her brother. “I’ll go to your solicitor’s in London in…shall we say two days? I will assume my very generous payment will be waiting for me there. Good evening, Your Grace,” he said as he strode past them. At the door, he paused and turned back. “Oh, and Lizzie?”

  She had been staring at the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She lifted her gaze toward this man she didn’t know. This man who had played her like her favorite pianoforte. “Yes?”

  “It’s been a pleasure,” he said, and walked out, laughing the whole way.

  The moment he’d gone and shut the door behind himself, Lizzie tipped forward, dropping to her knees on the floor beside the bed. She buried her head in her hands and began to weep, even though she hated herself for it. She didn’t deserve to cry after what she’d done, but she couldn’t stop. She’d thought there was a future for her out there. A happy life with the man who had just crushed her.

  And all the while it had been nothing but a cruel illusion.

  Hugh rushed to her, dropping down beside her and gathering her into his arms. She felt him rocking her and it brought her back to so many nights he had held her when she was a little girl, troubled by nightmares. But did she truly deserve that after what she’d brought down on their family? On their name?

  “I’m sorry,” she finally hiccupped against his shirt. “I shouldn’t have thought he could truly love me. I was such a fool!”

  Hugh slid a finger beneath her chin and tilted her face toward his. She saw all his kindness and gentleness and love for her, just as it had always been. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t judge. He just looked sad on her behalf as he sighed, “No. Sweetest Lizzie, if you believed he cared for you and he took advantage, it is he who is the fool, not you.” He cleared his throat. “But I do wonder why you thought you could not tell me about him.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. “He encouraged me to sneak out. Said he’d tried to talk to you and that you were uncertain based on his lack of title.”

  “You thought I would be so cruel as to separate you from someone you truly loved, even if I believed he had your best interests at heart?” he asked gently.

  She worried her lip at the question. “You are…protective. I know you wish for me to be safe. To be settled well. Oh, and now I’ve ruined everything,” she said, putting her head back into her hands and returning to the sobs. “And after you’ve taken care of me for so long.”

  He wrapped his arms more tightly around her and smoothed a hand over her hair. “You’ve ruined nothing. I adore you, and being y
our older brother and your guardian has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Even if I have made a muck of it, it seems.”

  His kind words permeated the pain and slowly her sobs subsided. She rested her head on his chest and let out her breath in a long sigh. “You haven’t made a muck of it. I thought he loved me. But he didn’t. So what will happen now?”

  Hugh hesitated a moment before he said, “I will pay him a handsome sum.”

  She flinched. Her brother might have the funds to do so—she knew he was well off and managed his estates as impeccably as he did anything else. But why should he suffer for what she’d done?

  “Take it from my inheritance,” she suggested as she pushed from his arms and used the edge of the bed to get back to her feet.

  “I shall do no such thing. I have more than enough money. Once he is paid, we will…move on. If you think you can do that.”

  Her answer was no. She couldn’t move on. What she’d done, who she’d trusted…that would haunt her for the rest of her days. She knew that. She could never forget it. But she lifted her chin slightly, so that Hugh wouldn’t feel her regret.

  “Yes,” she lied.

  She turned away and quickly fixed her hair, her cheeks hot once more as she thought of what she’d done with Aaron. With what Hugh must have guessed she had done. It was all so humiliating.

  “I will do my best, Hugh,” she said, forcing herself to look at him. “And I promise I will never do anything ever again that will force you into such a situation. I will look for respectability. I shall never seek out love. I promise.”