And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series)

by Heather A Buchman

  “I guess I’ll see you in November then.”

  Was she kidding? “Maybe you could come meet me out on tour somewhere.”

  “Maybe.” She was looking out the window again.

  “Where are you?”

  “Let’s not try to figure this out right now.”

  Okay, what was this all about? He took a couple of deep breaths, trying not to let her see him do it. He needed to learn to let go, he didn’t need to know right this minute when the next time he’d see Liv would be. He could do this.

  “I think I will go ahead and try to sleep for a little while, if you really don’t mind.”

  “No, go ahead.” He needed time to think anyway.

  ***

  They’d been lovers for almost five months, off and on. And when it was on, it was so intense, it threatened to rob him of his sanity. Ben wasn’t sure if his lust for her hadn’t cooled because they’d been off more than on, but it hadn’t diminished at all. Not even close. Today it seemed worse than ever. Every time Ben thought he had a handle on not wanting to pull the truck over and bend her over the tailgate, she’d make some soft sexy noise. Or she’d turn, trying to get more comfortable and the buttons on her shirt would strain just enough that he could get a glimpse of her skin. He was getting to the point where he thought he’d be better off if he just didn’t look at her. They were only an hour into this drive. Five more until they hit Walsenburg where he’d get in his truck and drive west, and she’d head north.

  He couldn’t believe that last night, this morning too, was the last time he’d be with her for . . . he didn’t know how long. Skin on skin, that’s what he was thinking about now. Morning was the best time for it, in his book. Although with Liv, anytime he could get as much of her skin next to his was the best time.

  Ben’s hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. He took off his hat and started fiddling with the air conditioner. Man it had gotten hot in here all of a sudden.

  “Ben?” The way she said his name, the perfect little lilt in her voice, made him crazy.

  “Need a break baby? Let’s stop at the next exit.”

  “Okay.” There it was again, that melodic voice that made his jeans more and more uncomfortable with every word she spoke. How in the hell was he going to just say goodbye to her in a couple of hours? He needed to feel her underneath him. He needed it. He wondered what she’d think if he said so.

  “What’re you thinkin’ about Ben?”

  Oh God, his mouth just went dry. Bone dry. “That when you say my name like that . . . it burns me up baby.”

  Liv knew exactly what Ben was talking about. She hadn’t slept, but instead imagined him pulling the truck over and taking her up against her pickup—fast, hard and dirty. Oh God, what was she doing?

  She looked over at him and the expression on his face was, she didn’t know the right word. Dangerous.

  “Tell me what you want baby.”

  “I don’t think I can wait.” Her body was on fire.

  “Lick your lips, like you did when I told you I loved you.”

  Her tongue ran over her top lip, twice, just like she had then.

  “Again.”

  She did.

  The sound that came from deep in his throat made her eyes close.

  “Stay in the truck.” Ben had pulled into a service station. Bill was in Ben’s Tahoe behind them, and Paige and Mark were right behind it in their car.

  Wait? What? Where was he going?

  “I have to talk to Bill.”

  “Why? Ben, what are you doing?”

  Liv tried to see where he went, but the trailer blocked her view. She went to jump out and remembered that he’d told her to stay in the truck, and right at this minute, she would do whatever Ben told her to do. That was how badly she wanted him. If he came back and told her to take off her clothes in broad daylight, she doubted she’d be able to deny him.

  Ben got back in the truck and slammed his door closed.

  “What’s going on?”

  “They’re goin’ on ahead.”

  “Ben—”

  “Not now Liv. Just listen to me. Please. And I’m begging you, please don’t fight me on this.” He looked at her as though he was waiting for her to agree. She nodded.

  “We’ll meet them back at your place. I told them I wasn’t sure when we’d be there.”

  Liv didn’t think she had ever seen Ben quite like this. His eyes were fiery. There was no sign of his sweet smile. In its place, he was almost scowling. She wouldn’t dream of arguing with him about anything when he looked like this. She also didn’t think she could possibly want him more.

  She launched herself at him, throwing herself across his lap. Her mouth crushed down on his as her hands fisted in his shirt.

  “Want you right now. Now Liv.”

  She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t move. She hoped he had a plan. Her need for him was almost primal. She wanted to be taken by this man—in every way he wanted to take her. She was ready to jump out of her skin.

  “I’m thinking. God, I can’t even think.”

  Liv pointed across the road, to what looked like a chain hotel.

  “You make me crazy Liv. Only you. What I want to do to you.”

  “Anything you want Ben, just . . . hurry.”

  “Wait here.”

  Ben walked up to the desk and tossed his credit card on the counter. “Need a room.” Jesus, he couldn’t even talk.

  “Sure. Just one night for you?”

  “Yep, that works.”

  “Would you prefer a king-size bed or two queens?” What was that? What did she just do with her eyes? Oh no, was she flirting with him? No, he didn’t have time for this.

  “Whichever one would be ready first.”

  “Either one.” There it was again, the eye thing. He recognized it, but it was the last thing he wanted to see right now. He just wanted the damn key card for the room.

  “I’ll take the king. Listen, I’m kind of in a hurry here.”

  The girl all but jammed his credit card through the machine. Yep, he recognized that look too. He didn’t care how pissed off she was, as long as she hurried.

  “Around the back, number one-twelve.”

  The door had almost closed behind him before he remembered to say thanks.

  He opened the door and let her go in before him. Once inside, he plastered his body to hers. One of his hands slipped into her hair, threading his fingers through it and pulling her head to one side, so he had full access to her throat. His lips followed the curve of it up to her ear. “Driving me crazy. All day.”

  He stepped back, grabbed her hand and led her with him to the bed.

  Liv fisted her hands in his shirt, ripped it open and ran her hands over his chest. He shuddered and crushed his mouth into hers.

  “I can’t stop Liv. I can’t even slow down.”

  “Don’t. God, don’t slow down.”

  “Remember you said that.”

  His hands pulled at her shirt until it was off. Then her bra. Jeans and panties, and then he was on her. “Need you.”

  Before she knew it, she was underneath him and he was inside her. His lips moved to her neck and lit it on fire. The calloused fingers of his strong hands clamped down on her wrists and pinned them against the bed.

  He went perfectly still, his eyes boring into hers. His look was so intense her eyes closed. “Don’t. Open them. Look at me.”

  She did, and they filled with tears.

  “Do you know what you do to me? Every time, it’s so damn good.”

  “Oh Ben, please,” she arched against him, trying to get him to move.

  “Tell me, tell me what I mean to you.”

  A tear slid down her cheek, her heart was beating so hard it was almost all she could hear. She shook her head back and forth, hoping he’d relent. “Ben, I’m begging you. Please.”

  “Tell me Liv.”

  His fingers dug into her wrists. His powerful legs on top of hers kept her from
going anywhere. She cried out and tried to move out from under him.

  “Tell me,” he said again.

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. Tell me. Tell me now Liv.”

  He moved lower, kissing across her shoulders, then her wrists, where his hands had dug in.

  “Don’t let me go Ben. Don’t ever let me go. I need you so much.”

  He started moving. Fast and hard, taking her with him as he exploded into her.

  “I love you so much,” he said and rolled onto his back, taking her with him. She knew what he wanted, her stretched out on top of him, every bit of her that could, touching him. “Your skin, Liv, on mine. Where it’s meant to be.”

  ***

  “How long will it take us to get home from here?”

  It was so hard for him to answer her simply, when what he wanted to ask her was whose home she was talking about. But that would’ve ruined this perfect memory. It would carry him through the next days or weeks, or months, when she couldn’t be with him. The memory of today, when the need for each other overtook them to the point where they had no choice but to give in to it.

  “About five, maybe six hours.”

  “Think you can make it all the way there without stopping?” She was smirking at him.

  “I don’t know,” he said as he kissed her neck. “Think you can?”

  “Doubt it.”

  Yeah, they wouldn’t be leaving this room for a while yet.

  ***

  Ben’s Tahoe was sitting in her driveway when they pulled in.

  “When do you have to leave?” Liv asked, beginning to hate the question.

  “I’m not leaving until tomorrow morning. I’m trying to get in touch with my dad. I’m hoping he can fly over and pick me up. I can get the truck when we’re back for the show in Denver. If you don’t mind me leaving it here.”

  “I don’t mind. You can park your car in my garage anytime you’d like.”

  “You’ve been spending too much time with Mark. And by the way, you don’t have a garage baby.”

  “Minor detail. By the way, if you’re hungry, I don’t think I have much food in the house.”

  Ben knew Liv had enough food in her freezer to feed every one of the hands who worked the Patterson Ranch. He’d never seen so much food in one person’s house. “I think we’ll be able to find something.”

  She was unlocking the back of the trailer, chattering to Micah all the while. “You must be so tired of being on the road, boy. Mama got a little distracted on the way home. I’m sorry for that. I mean, I’m sorry for you, not so much for me.”

  Was she not just the purest thing that ever lived? He knew she was. Ben would miss her so much. Laughing with her. Talking with her. Just sitting in silence with her. Touching her. It hadn’t been six hours since he touched her, all of her, and he was craving her all over again.

  “Hey, are you sure you aren’t gonna need your truck Ben? I mean, it’s sweet and all of you to stay with me tonight, but you won’t be back here until when? Six weeks from now?”

  “I’ll be on tour baby, no need for the Tahoe.” Tour. God. How was he going to get through it without having her with him?

  Chapter 17

  Liv dropped Ben off at the airport in Centennial, but stayed in the car. They’d stayed up all night, talking, having sex, talking some more. She was so tired, but she wouldn’t have traded the time with him for anything in the world. The only thing was, when she was tired, she got very weepy. And she was weepy anyway, saying goodbye to Ben. She’d probably cry the entire way home.

  “I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he said to her before he got out of the car. “Every bit of me wants to take you with me.”

  “I’m not full yet Ben.”

  “I know.”

  Part of what they talked about last night was this dream of Liv’s and how important it was to her. For the first time in her life, she was doing something just for herself, and she had to do it. If she didn’t, she wasn’t sure what would become of her.

  That seemed to resonate with Ben. He’d been there, more than once, when he knew that if he didn’t do something, he’d be lost. He’d felt that way about his music, he’d even felt that way about his sobriety, once he’d decided to own it.

  He’d also felt it when he showed up at her place unannounced, and stayed for a week. And again when he threw a bag in his truck and drove to Oklahoma, not knowing exactly what he was doing, but knowing he had to do it anyway.

  “Olivia Fairchild, I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

  “Me too.”

  “I like hearing you will. Anything else you need to say to me before I go get on a plane and fly west?”

  “I don’t want to let go of this Ben.”

  ***

  Liv did, in fact, cry the entire way home. She pulled off the highway in Castle Rock because she was sobbing, and was afraid she’d get in an accident if she didn’t. The funny thing about it was that it felt good. It wasn’t end of the world sobbing, it was I’m going to miss him so much sobbing.

  Jolene was coming to her place in the morning. The next two events were in Colorado, then she’d head up to Idaho. Those were events she’d do all on her own, and that’s the way she wanted it. She was ready.

  When she pulled into the driveway and saw Ben’s truck, she was afraid she was going to start crying again, but she didn’t. Seeing it there soothed her.

  She went in the house, climbed up onto the bed and fell asleep, clothes and all.

  When Liv went to change the next morning, there was another shirt of Ben’s hanging on the handle of her closet door. She loved that he did that. She wondered what he took of hers this time.

  She went out to get Micah ready and take care of the rest of the horses just as Jolene pulled in the long drive. She parked next to Ben’s truck and pointed at it. “He’s here?”

  Oh for crying out loud, what was Jolene’s deal with Ben anyway? “No. He’s not. His truck is here. Okay?”

  Liv could hear Jolene grumbling but the only word she could pick out was “good.”

  Jolene stayed for two days and then told Liv she was ready. They’d see what her times were at the next three events, Jolene would review the videos she was arranging to have taken of Liv’s rides, and then they’d get together to work out whatever kinks crept up.

  Liv had never felt more excited, or free.

  The first event was at the Douglas County Fair, in Castle Rock. Since it was only about forty-five minutes from the ranch, it was an easy trip, and she didn’t have to get a stall for Micah overnight.

  She did well all three nights, and ended up in the top two, and won $757.77. If she could get in the top three in just one more event she’d have her card for Kansas City.

  In Pueblo she placed second at the State Fair rodeo, which meant she had enough winnings to get her full membership in the Women’s Professional Rodeo Association.

  Next up was Idaho.

  ***

  They were on the bus, pulling out of Chicago, headed for the show in Cleveland the next night.

  “Go get some sleep,” Jimmy said to Ben, “and try not to be quite as much of an asshole tomorrow.”

  Ben wanted to tell Jimmy to go fuck himself, but he knew his friend was right. He was an asshole. They’d been on the road exactly nine days and every part of his body ached for Liv. After Cleveland they had one night off and then played four nights in a row, ending in Philadelphia. He had two days between then and the next show, in New York. He was going to see Liv no matter what. And his kids, he needed to see them too. He missed them so much, all three of them, his heart hurt.

  As much as Ben hated being away from Liv, and his boys, he loved touring, loved the audiences every night. These were by far the biggest venues and biggest crowds CB Rice had ever seen. When he was on stage, he was fine. It was the rest of the time he was miserable.

  It was Sunday night, which meant she’d be finishing up at the Magic Valley
Stampede in Filer, Idaho. It would be her first event as a full member rider. And she’d been worried about making enough to qualify in two months. She did it in two events. He was so proud of her he thought his heart would burst. He couldn’t wait to hear how she did tonight. He checked his phone for the hundredth time. Nothing. He’d keep it right next to him in case he drifted off before she called.

  Something woke him up, he had no idea what time it was. He checked his phone, almost two. No call from Liv, but there was one from Renie. It had come in just before midnight. And then a text from her asking him to call her as soon as he got the message, no matter what time it was. Fuck.

  “Ben?”

  “Yeah Renie—”

  “There’s been an accident.”

  Every muscle in Ben’s body seized. All the air left his lungs and he was sure, absolutely certain, he was about to have a heart attack. “Tell me.”

  “She’s in a coma.”

  Ben’s cry woke everyone on the bus.

  Jimmy was in the bunk closest to Ben. “What’s going on?”

  “Oh no, oh dear God. What’re they saying?” Pause. “Okay, I’m on my way. I’ll get there as fast as I can.”

  “What’s going on? Come on Ben, tell me what’s going on, so I can help you.”

  “It’s Liv. An accident.”

  “On it.”

  “Call my dad.”

  They were still three hours outside of Cleveland, by the time the bus got there, Ben’s dad would be waiting with the plane. From Cleveland it would take another six hours to get Ben to Twin Falls, Idaho.

  Ben talked to Renie again, then to Paige. Jimmy was on the phone with Frank, the band’s manager, working on canceling the Cleveland show.

  It was almost one in the afternoon by the time Ben walked into St. Luke’s Hospital in Idaho’s Magic Valley. Mark was waiting for him inside the front entrance.