“Well,” said Renie, “maybe tonight we should watch what Luke wants to watch, and tomorrow night it’ll be Jake’s turn to pick. Does that sound fair?”
“Boys, a gentleman would let the lady choose.”
Luke and Jake looked at him. “Um, okay. Renie, you can pick, just don’t pick horror,” said Luke.
“I want to watch Caddyshack,” she said.
“Caddyshack? What’s that?” asked both his boys.
“You haven’t seen Caddyshack? You’re kidding. It is just the funniest movie ever. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen Airplane either.” Both boys looked at her like she had three heads.
“Oh this is going to be a very fun week. Renie’s ride through the funniest movies ever made, before you both were born. We’re going to have a blast.”
Both boys were all in. “Are you gonna stay at my dad’s house?” asked Jake.
Renie looked at her mom, who nodded yes.
“Yay!” said Luke, jumping up and down.
“Do you remember how to get there?” asked Ben.
“I can probably find it,” answered Liv. “Are you sure about this?”
“Never more sure of anything,” he answered. “Tell you what, we’ll follow you to your hotel. You can check out, we’ll help load your stuff into your car and then you can follow us to the ranch.”
“Wait. Check out? I don’t know about that.”
“Liv, please,” he whispered. “Come and stay with me. Please. There’s plenty of room.”
“I have to talk to Renie about it first, make sure she’s okay with it.” Although, she hadn’t seen any sign of protest from her daughter about staying there tonight.
“It’s okay with me Mom, if it’s what you want to do.”
“Please,” Ben said again. “We are not letting go of this, not ever again. I’m not, and you’re not.”
***
It was dark, so Renie wouldn’t be able to appreciate the ranch for what it was until tomorrow. The boys fought over who got to carry the bags inside, and once they did, they had no idea where to put them.
“Where are you sleeping?” Jake asked Renie.
“I don’t know, I think maybe we should ask your dad. This is a very nice house, by the way.”
“My mom used to live here too, but now she lives in a different house, and she has a different husband,” added Luke.
He was wealth of uncomfortable information, thought Ben. “Okay pard’ner, let’s get Renie settled in the guest room upstairs and we’ll let Liv stay in the one downstairs.”
“Liv isn’t gonna sleep in your room Daddy?”
Luke again. Where did his kid get this stuff? “We’ll see about that later. Now how about that movie? If you don’t start watching it in . . . let’s see, thirty seconds, you won’t be able to watch it tonight because it’ll end past your bedtime. Follow me Renie, I’ll show you where you guys can set up your movie marathon.”
Liv stood in the family room, looking out the windows she thought she’d never see again. She still couldn’t believe she was here, with Ben. And Renie was with her. And she’d spent the day and evening with his boys. If anyone had told her last week that this would be happening she would’ve bet a million dollars they were wrong. Yet here she was.
“Come on,” Ben said, taking her hand. “They’re settled in and Renie promised she’d make sure she’d find whatever they needed on her own.”
They went upstairs to his bedroom and Ben closed the door behind her. And then somehow, suddenly she was in his arms. She pressed her face into him, so she could feel his heart beating and hear his ragged breathing. The warmth of his body seeped through the clothes she longed to rip off him.
“You’re shaking,” he whispered. “It’s okay Liv, this is where you’re meant to be. Kiss me Liv, give it all to me, every bit of you.”
Her eyes drooped and her breathing became labored, she was so close to turning herself over to him in that way he loved.
“Ben, we have to talk.”
“No Liv, we don’t. Not now. Now I want you naked, under me. Then later, over me. And then all around me. I love you so damn much I can’t think about anything else.”
“But—”
“Liv, I’ll get down on my hands and knees and beg if I have to. Please, just take off your clothes. Please, I can’t stand it another second.”
“Okay,” she said, as if the battle was lost and she had no fight left in her. “But you first.”
Ben’s clothes were off as fast as he could tear them away from his body and he was helping Liv get rid of hers.
“Baby, need you, God, I need you so much.”
“Ben . . .” There it was, the way she said his name, as if he hadn’t been on fire already. “Ben, stop.”
Something in the way she said it must’ve resonated with him, because he stopped and looked at her.
“Tell me,” he said, his breathing lumbered.
“I’m not on birth control anymore.”
“Liv, I—” What? What was he going to say? That he didn’t care? They were going to spend the rest of their lives together and if she had his baby it would make him the happiest man on earth? She’d run out of the house naked just to get away from him if he said any of that.
“Don’t worry sweet girl,” he said instead, kissing down her neck. “I’ll take care of you, you know that.” His mouth worked its way lower, across her breasts, down to her stomach. He put his arms around her and pulled her close, laying his cheek against her, imagining what it would be like to know his child was inside of her.
He stood and lifted her on to the bed. “I need to feel you baby, all of you.” He rolled so he was on his back and she was on top of him. “Just be still, just like this, remind me what this feels like, your skin on mine.
“Look at me.” He put his hands on each side of her face, so he could look into her eyes and started to softly sing to her. Having had your joy, having had your desire, and then, baby, you fall.
“I dreamt of this,” she said. “Or maybe fantasized about it would be a better way to put it.”
“Oh yeah? When?”
“Only all the time.”
“Tell me.”
“Better to show you.” Liv reached over and opened the drawer on the night stand. Ben held up his hand and showed her he already had what she was looking for.
“Put it on for me,” he said.
Liv’s cheeks turned pink, but she took the small package from his hand.
“We could go without, if you wanted to,” he ventured.
“Ben—I don’t . . .”
Why had he opened his mouth? Now wasn’t the time to have this conversation. “I’m sorry. Forget I said that. Keep doin’ what you were doin’ baby. Don’t stop.”
She rolled it on, then straddled him until he was buried deep inside her. She leaned back, but her hands drifted to hold on to his chest. Ben held her still, then started to move beneath her. He leaned up, moving her so he could get closer, feel more of her against him as he drove himself into her. Her hands dug into the skin on his back as his moved down hers, to cup her bottom and bring them closer.
“Liv, can’t wait. Waited so long for this. Oh baby, God, I love you.”
His mouth moved over her lips, his teeth scraped hers and he bit her swollen bottom lip.
He rolled her over so she was beneath him, the way he saw her in his fantasies, writhing under him. “Here,” he said, “right here Liv.” He drove into her, relentlessly, pushing her to go where they both needed to go.
Liv put her face against his sweaty neck and licked up to beneath his ear. She breathed in deeply, as though she was going to say something. Ben stilled, waiting. But nothing. Her lips kissed from his ear, over his jaw until her mouth found his. She kissed him hard, putting her arms around his shoulders to hold herself closer.
“Tell me,” he said, easing her back down on to the pillow.
“Ben.”
“Don’t just say my name. Tell me. You know
what I want to hear. Just tell me.”
She closed her eyes and turned her head on the pillow, looking away from him. Here he went again, pushing her harder than she was ready for. What was wrong with him? She was back in his arms, they were joined together, two as one, but he still pushed her.
“Liv, open your eyes and look at me.” He waited until she did. “I’m sorry, I won’t push. I need you so much baby, but I’ll only take what you’ll give. I won’t keep asking for more.”
She nodded and reached up again to put her lips on his. “Ben . . . will you catch me if I fall?”
“You know I will baby. You know I’ll catch you.”
He eased off of her and went into the other room to get rid of the condom. He looked in the mirror and shook his head. Why was he always so impatient with her? What was it he had to know right now? That she loved him? He knew she did. He could feel it. Something was stopping her from saying the words, but he knew the feelings were there. He wondered what she wanted to talk about, and if it had anything to do with the insecurity he was feeling.
Ben got back in bed and pulled her closer to him, so her back was to his front.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“So much. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow.”
God, she was going to kill him. He wanted everything, her body, her love, and now her thoughts. This woman made him crazy with desire to get inside her in every way possible. He could never be close enough to her and yet, the harder he tried to hold her close, the more she inched away.
“Okay, I’ll talk now then.” He felt her body tense up just slightly. “I was so afraid I’d lost you forever. I never would’ve allowed myself to think about you being here, like you are right now. That it could ever happen again.”
“I know. I felt the same way.”
“I think the universe is trying to tell us something. You know we keep coming back to each other. Maybe we should try harder to stay together.”
“It isn’t going to be easy to do Ben.”
“Why not?”
“I’m going to race again. I’m going to give it all I’ve got. It’s going to take so much hard work and training. And travel.”
“Okay, we can work with that, as long as we’re both committed.”
“And what about you? You’re going to keep touring.”
“Am I? Have you been on Facebook darlin’? You watchin’ my tour schedule?”
“I’m a stalker, remember?”
“We need to get you setup with your own fan page, so I can watch you when you’re not lookin’. See you in those tight jeans and cowgirl shirts. The way your body bends and moves when you’re racin’. Jesus that gets me hot.” What had it been? Five minutes? And he wanted her all over again. He planned to wear her out tonight. She might not have enough strength left to ski tomorrow.
Oh, now there was a good idea. Renie and the boys could go, while he and Liv stayed here at the house. They were all kinds of places he imagined her naked, beneath him.
“What are you thinking about back there cowboy?”
“You. Naked. All over my house.” He felt the shudder travel up her spine. Evidently she liked that idea as much as he did.
***
Luke was the one who woke them up. He climbed up on the bed and situated himself between his dad and Liv.
“What’s up there pard’ner?” Ben groaned, his voice still thick with sleep.
“What’re we doin’ today Daddy?”
“Well I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“Let’s go snowmobiling around the ranch.”
That wasn’t a bad idea. They had several, he wondered if Renie would be interested in doing that. He could show her and Liv all the best places on their land, the best views.
“How’s that sound Liv?”
“Good to me. I don’t know about you little guy, but I’m starving. What do you say we get up and make a giant ranch breakfast?”
“You know how to make a ranch breakfast?”
“I do. I live on a ranch myself. Guess you didn’t know that.”
“You do?” Luke’s voice caught a little bit with the worry that maybe everything wasn’t what he thought. “Does Renie’s daddy take care of it for you?”
“No, Renie’s dad died many years ago. He was a pilot in the Air Force.”
“Oh.” Luke’s voice shook a little. “Does that make you and Renie sad?”
“It used to, but we know he looks down on us and keeps us safe.”
“So who takes care of your ranch for you?”
“I do. And we have hands. Do you have ranch hands that help your daddy and your grandparents?”
“We do,” he answered and then proceeded to tell her about some of the more colorful hands that worked their ranch.
Ben eased out of the bed to let the two of them talk. He threw on some sweats and a T-shirt and went to the kitchen to start the coffee. Renie was up and standing by the windows that looked out over the valley.
“It’s breathtaking,” she said, hearing him behind her.
“It isn’t bad.”
“How do you ever leave it?”
“I could say the same thing about your spread.”
“It’s my mom’s spread, but you’re right, it’s pretty awesome too.” Renie walked over to where he was in the kitchen.
“Somethin’ on your mind young lady?”
“Just hoping you two figure it out this time,” she sighed.
“Me too,” he said, laughing and pulling her closer to hug her.
“I like you Ben, and I think you’re good for her.”
“What about the Patterson guy? What happened there?”
“Billy?” Renie blushed, then laughed. “They’re just friends, that’s all they’ve ever been.”
“Are you sure?”
“Um, yeah,” she laughed. “I’m positive.”
He wondered what Renie’s reaction meant.
“I want bacon,” Luke said, pulling Liv behind him by the hand. It occurred to him that he abandoned her under the blankets without any clothes, but here she was, wearing a big shirt of his and what looked like her long underwear from yesterday.
Ben raised his eyebrows as she walked into his arms for a hug.
“It wasn’t easy. Thank goodness little boys have to go potty.”
Ben threw his head back and laughed. “I wondered.”
Liv started rummaging around in Ben’s kitchen cabinets. She looked as though she was on a mission.
“Whatcha’ lookin’ for baby?”
“Just finding my way around.”
“Make yourself at home,” he winked. There’d be nothing better he’d like than that.
They spent the day exploring the ranch. Ben took them by his parents’ place mid-afternoon.
“Well, well, look who’s here.” Bud came off the porch and swept Liv into a big hug. “I prayed for you little lady.”
Liv buried her face into his shoulder to hide her tears. Just a few simple words, coupled with his unmasked joy in seeing her, sent her over the edge.
Ginny came out of the door and gasped when she saw Liv, who was now standing next to Ben, his arm around her shoulder.
“Aren’t you a sight for these old eyes. Come here girl and let me look at you.”
Liv was touched by the warmth and love these two people, who had really only met her one time, expressed so openly. Just like Ben did. She envied the way they spoke what they felt without hesitation. For the second time in just a couple of minutes, Liv was moved to tears when Ginny put her arms around her.
“When did you get here?” Ginny asked.
“We got into town the day after Christmas.”
Ginny raised her eyebrow at Ben, who just laughed. He pulled Liv back closer to him. His body craved feeling hers next to it. Riding on the snowmobile, with her arms around his waist, her body pressed against his back, felt like heaven to him. Whenever she moved away, he wanted her back, closer, so his hands could be
on her, somewhere, anywhere.
He leaned down and whispered. “My mama gave me a little lecture on Christmas. Somethin’ about getting off my butt and going after you. I think she’s givin’ herself credit for seeing you here today.”
“Ah,” was Liv’s only response. She turned back to Ginny and saw the happiness etched in her face.
How easy it would be to just fall into this family and never look back. They would embrace her and her daughter without hesitation or question. And life would be good. But would it be enough?
She still had to find out whether she could actually live her dream or not. It wasn’t something she was willing to give up, no matter how comfortable and inviting it was here.
“Let’s have a big dinner here tonight. We’ll get your brothers and their wives to come.”
“I’d like to help,” Liv offered.
“Me too,” added Renie.
“Why don’t we take the snowmobiles back to the house boys?” Ben turned to Liv again, pulling her close. “I can’t keep my hands off you. And seeing you in the kitchen . . . that’ll make me hot for you all over again.”
Liv laughed. “I don’t think there’s anything that doesn’t make you hot for me.”
“Seeing you in another man’s arms didn’t do it. I can tell you that.” There he went, opening his mouth again. He really needed to work on filtering.
“What are you talking about?”
“The rodeo finals, I was watchin’ them and there you were, with Patterson. Bigger than life on the screen in front of me.”
“We were there, but it wasn’t like that Ben. I wasn’t with him, not like that.”
“Not somethin’ I can let myself think about Liv. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
Other people, that was something they needed to talk about. Had Ben been seeing anyone else either while he was on tour, or since he’d been home? He spent so much time talking about her, wanting to know what she felt or thought or did, but he rarely offered up the same kind of information about himself.
“I can’t let myself think about you with anyone else either.”
And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) Page 25