“Nobody Liv. I told you that. There isn’t anybody else for me. I would have become . . . what did you call it? A redo-virgin if you hadn’t come back to me.”
Liv laughed. “Me too.”
“Really? But you and Patterson.”
“No, it wasn’t ever like that.”
Ben exhaled, loudly. “Thank you for telling me. God, just the thought of you in someone else’s bed. Ugh. I can’t think about it.”
“Come on Daddy,” Luke tugged on his coat sleeve. “Let’s go ride some more.”
Ben looked over at Jake, who hadn’t said more than two words this morning. He was so wrapped up in Liv he hadn’t noticed. “Sure thing buddy, in just a minute. Why don’t you see if your grandma has any cookies you can snack on?” Ben pushed Luke in the direction of the house. “And don’t forget to wash your hands. Oh, and bring me some.”
Liv looked at him and Ben motioned with his head in Jake’s direction. She nodded that she understood.
“Come on Renie, let’s go see what we can do to help.”
Ben sat down on the porch steps waiting to see what Jake would do now that it was just the two of them. He turned and faced the mountains, so his back was to Ben.
“What’s on your mind Jake?”
“Nothin’.”
“You’ve been awful quiet. Not that you’re talkative to begin with, but this seems quieter than normal.”
“It’s nothin’ Dad. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Well if you decide it’s somethin’, let me know.”
“It’s just that . . .”
“Yeah, I’m listening.”
“It seems like you really like her.”
“I do.”
Jake kicked at the snow with his boot. There was something else he wanted to say, but Ben couldn’t figure out where his son was headed with this.
“What’s worrying you man?”
Still nothing out of Jake. Ben couldn’t figure it out. He waited for a while but all Jake looked was uncomfortable.
“Okay, well let’s get your brother, take the sleds back to the house and get the truck. We can talk later if you feel like it.”
Jake got on one of the snowmobiles and started it up, without answering his dad.
Bud came out on the porch. “I’ll ride one back with you. That way if you want to go out again this week, they’ll be up at your place.”
“Thanks Dad. Hey, somethin’s bothering Jake. Any idea what it might be?”
“Nope. But I’ll see if I can get him to talk to me about it later on.”
“Where’s Luke?”
“He’s stayin’ here. You won’t be able to get him away from those two pretty girls Ben. Not sure who he’s more taken with, Liv or her pretty daughter. Although I think Liv’s winning out.”
“She’s pretty easy to get taken with.” Ben knew that first hand. “She okay? I mean should I go in and see if she needs anything before we leave.”
Bud put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “She’s fine, you can be out of touching range for another five minutes or so, don’t ya think?”
“No. But I’ll leave her be anyway. Her and mom getting along?”
“Like they’ve known each other for years. Ya know, she kind of reminds me of your mama. She’s just got that way about her.”
Chapter 22
Ben went into the kitchen in search of Liv only to find her seated at the center island, deep in conversation with Allison and Maeve. Whatever they were talking about looked serious. He wondered if he should try to back out of the room before they noticed him.
“Heya Ben,” said Maeve, stretching her hand in his direction.
“Am I interrupting?”
“No, Liv was just telling us about the fall she took. Pretty serious stuff. I cannot believe she’s skiing and riding all over the ranch on the back of a snowmobile, four months later. Isn’t it unbelievable?” Allison, Matt’s wife, asked.
“Unbelievable,” answered Ben. He could still feel it, the pain, the worry, the hurt. He tried to push the hurt down deeper. She was here now, he didn’t want to think about that. He looked up at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and tried to shake the ghosts away. When he opened them again, Liv was studying him. She’d been right yesterday. They did need to talk.
“Looks like everything is cleaned up in here. Liv, you ready to head back to the house?”
“Sure.” She hesitated before she stood up, then stretched a little.
“Are you going skiing again tomorrow then?” asked Maeve.
“I don’t know. Liv, is that what you want to do?” Why did he suddenly feel so uncomfortable? There was more going on in this kitchen than was on the surface.
“I think we should. That’s what we came up here for.”
And why did that hurt? It was the truth. She and Renie came up to ski. And he bumped into her. She didn’t come to see him, he already knew that.
“Ready?” Liv asked.
He realized he hadn’t been looking at her. What the hell was going on with him? Suddenly he felt as though he was having trouble breathing.
“Yep, let’s go. Night ladies.”
Ben carried Luke to the car, he’d passed out sitting next to Renie on the couch. Jake sat on the other side of the room, sullen.
Bud and Ginny lingered on the porch saying goodnight. Ben came back up after he got Luke in the truck.
“Any luck with Jake?”
“Nope,” answered Bud. “He was closed up tight. Not interested in talking about anything, not even baseball.”
It seemed that Jake wasn’t the only one suddenly in a funk. Ben felt it and he figured Liv was feeling it to. Maybe it was just that the euphoria was wearing off a little bit. They were coming down from the heady rush of being together again, and the reality of their recent past was raising its ugly head. That explained how he was feeling, but not what was going on with Jake.
“Maybe we should see if we can get our room back,” Liv murmured when Ben got in the truck.
“What? No. Why? Why would you say that?”
“Feels like something has changed. Shifted maybe,” she ventured.
“No, everything’s good. We’re all just tired.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. We aren’t gonna get anywhere being apart, we have to work through this Liv. We have to learn to be together even when it isn’t all pretty.”
“So something did shift.”
“It isn’t anything that’s a secret. You said it yourself, we need to talk.”
“Yes,” she sighed. “We do.”
He looked behind him. Jake was sitting in the way back. Ben turned up the radio a little and motioned for Liv to lean closer to him.
“Somethings going on with Jake. He gets more withdrawn with each passing minute.”
Liv had noticed. Luke had become her shadow, but Jake kept his distance. Even Renie couldn’t seem to jostle him out of his funk. She had no business trying, or even offering, but she was willing to see if he’d talk to her. She asked Ben if he’d mind.
“I don’t think you’ll get anywhere, but I’m not going stop you from trying.”
Ben carried Luke in and put him in bed. Liv let Renie know she wanted a minute with Jake, so she went upstairs too. Jake was ready to follow when Liv stopped him. “Got a minute?”
She saw the internal struggle. If it had been anyone else asking, he would have shrugged them off and continued up the stairs. But he’d been raised to be polite. He didn’t know Liv well enough to refuse her request, so he turned around and walked back down the steps.
“Yeah?”
“Can you come sit down with me a minute?”
“I guess.”
Liv walked over to the chair next to the fireplace and motioned for Jake to sit across from her.
“I can tell you have a lot on your mind,” she said softly.
“I don’t know. Maybe I do.”
“Does it have something to do with my being here? Would you rather I wasn�
��t?” She kept her voice low and soft, hoping she was making him feel less threatened by her.
“No!” Jake was immediately embarrassed by his response.
“Okay. I was just checking. It sounds as though you might be more worried about my leaving.”
Jake looked away from her and into the fire.
“Jake, I care about your dad.” That was it, she saw him flinch, just a little.
He turned back and looked Liv right in the eye. “He told us about you.”
She nodded, hoping he’d continue if she didn’t speak.
“He really wanted us to meet you. It was after he went to visit you. While we were in Arizona with our mom and Joe.”
Liv leaned forward just a bit, so she could hear him better. He looked at the fireplace again, so she bent her head to try to see his face. “Go on.”
“Luke and I were really excited to meet you, ’cause my dad told us you meant a lot to him.”
This must’ve been when she was here and then turned around and left. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you that visit.”
“My dad . . . he was so sad. He tried to cover it up, but Luke and I could tell. He didn’t want to talk that much, and my dad loves to talk.” That got a little smile out of him. Liv smiled too.
“He does. Sometimes too much.”
That made Jake laugh.
“Go on,” she said, softly again.
“Then you had your accident, and my dad was on tour. And then all that stuff happened when he thought you were in a coma, but you weren’t.”
“You’re looking out for him.”
“He was just so sad.” Liv could see the tears well up in his eyes. Jake tried to turn his head further away from her, so she wouldn’t see.
“Your dad tried to hide it from you, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, but I knew anyway.”
“I think maybe your dad tried to hide his sadness from you to protect you from it. Just because he was hurting, he didn’t think you should too.”
“Is that why you lied to him?”
Ouch. Now that he was talking, he got right to it, didn’t he? “Yes Jake, that is why I lied to him. I didn’t want him to worry about me. I wanted him to enjoy the tour, and be successful, and have all the things he’s been working so hard to attain all these years.”
“But you know it didn’t work.”
“I do know that. What I did jeopardized it all. He hadn’t lied to anyone, but some people thought he did.”
“My dad did his talking thing though, and people didn’t stay mad at him. I don’t think they did anyway.”
“Your father is a very good man, and as soon as people get to know him, even a little bit, they see it. Even if it’s just seeing him on stage. They know he wouldn’t lie.”
Jake nodded and looked back at the fire.
“You’re afraid I’m going to do something to hurt him again.”
He didn’t turn to look back at her, but he nodded. “You kinda do it a lot.”
Ow, another one. He sure got right to the heart of it. “I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for how it’s affected you. I want you to know that I care about your dad very much.”
Jake turned to look at her, maybe to see if she looked like she was lying.
“I’m going to do my best to never hurt him again.”
“That would be good, ya know, if you didn’t.”
Liv marveled at the depth of caring Ben’s son possessed. He was so much like his father.
“Do you ride Jake?”
“Horses? Yeah.”
“Maybe you and I could go for a ride, just the two of us, while I’m here. And someday soon, I’d really like it if your dad brought you and Luke to my place. I board horses at my ranch, I don’t know if you knew that.”
“No. I didn’t.”
“Think you might like to take a ride with me.”
“Yeah, it’d be okay.”
“And maybe come and visit?”
“Sure. I’d like that.”
“How about coming to see me race some time. Would you like to do that too?”
Jake sat up straighter, Liv could almost see a smile forming.
“That’d be cool I guess.”
“Cool you guess? Sugar there ain’t nothin’ cooler than a barrel-racin’ cowgirl. The sooner you figure that out the better.”
There it was, he smiled. He had his dad’s smile, it lit up his whole face.
“Okay. It’s pretty cool.”
“You got that right. And Jake?” She tilted her head again, hoping she could get him to look her in the eye. “Thanks for talking to me.”
He looked at her, in the eye. “Sure. Anytime.”
She said goodnight and he went upstairs. Liv leaned her head back against her chair and closed her eyes.
Ben stood around the corner from Liv and Jake and heard the whole conversation. She might as well have been talking to him. All of Jake’s concerns were his too. When would she decide she needed to leave again? And when she did, would he have any idea when he might see her next? And finally, how much a part of her life did she want him to be?
She’d answered all those questions while she talked to Jake. She made plans with his son. Plans for them to come and see her ranch, and plans for them to come and see her race. Those were significant plans. Coming to see her ranch meant she was willing to let his boys in, to get to know here better. He knew Liv well enough to know that she wouldn’t take his sons’ feelings lightly. She wouldn’t lie to them and she wouldn’t let them think they mattered if they didn’t.
Ben was happy. Happier than he’d been in a long time. If he’d had the same conversation with her, he probably wouldn’t have let her talk as much. That was something he needed to work on. And before she extended an invitation to come and visit, he probably would’ve pushed for one. He also would’ve pushed to come and see her race, or just shown up. It was amazing how much more she was willing to give when she was afforded the time to come up with the offer on her own.
Ben came around the corner. Liv was sitting in the chair, he wondered if she’d dozed off. “Hey,” he said softly.
“Hmm? Hi. Come sit with me.” Liv stood and moved over the the couch holding out her had for him to join her.
“How’d it go?”
“Well, I think. He just cares about you. Wants to make sure I do too.”
“And?”
“You know I do.”
“I overheard your conversation with him.”
“I know.”
That made him smile.
Liv leaned into him, rested her head on his shoulder and put her arm around his waist. “You’re too used to being in control of everything to have let that go.”
“Really? You think that was about control?”
“Of course it was. I was talking to your son. The one you’re worried about. If things had started to go badly, you would’ve stepped in to make sure he was okay.”
“I guess I would’ve.”
“We have a lot to work on, you and I.”
“If you’re willing, so am I.”
Liv stood and held her hand out to him. “Come on, take me to bed cowboy.”
***
The next day they went back to the ski area. A long-time snowboarder, Jake wanted to ski instead, so Ben rented him ski equipment.
“He’s got the best snowboarding stuff there is, and today he wants to ski. What’s that all about?”
Liv raised her eyebrows at him. “Maybe you should consider this a good thing. At least he’s talking.”
She was right. If Jake wanted to be closer to Liv, or Renie, all day it was better to have him want to be a part of things than off sulking in a corner, or refusing to go along with them.
Renie decided at the last minute to try snowboarding and Ben’s groan was audible.
“Great. Now he’s going to want to go back to slidin’ down the hill. I know the guys in the rental place, I’m sure they’ll give me my money back.”<
br />
But Ben was wrong, Jake wanted to spend the day with Liv. The two of them went on several runs on their own and showed up twenty minutes late for their designated lunch hook-up.
Ben walked over and put his arm around his oldest son, “Tryin’ to steal my girl, are ya?” He messed up his son’s already mop-top hair.
“She enjoys my company,” answered Jake, standing up taller and throwing his shoulders back.
Liv and Jake went out on their own all afternoon too, and Liv got to know Ben’s oldest son.
“We’re making dinner tonight,” they announced when the group met back at the lodge at the end of the day.
“Who is?” asked Ben.
“Jake and I are.”
“What are you making?”
“You’ll see.”
“Are you makin’ pizza?” asked Luke.
Jake started to answer his little brother and Liv stopped him by putting her finger in front of her lips. “Shh,” she said.
Ben knew that if heaven existed, today was a slice of it.
“Just stop at the market on the way back to the house, Jake and I will run in and get what we need.”
“But—”
“Ben, please, just let us do this. Let go a little, it’s just dinner.”
God she knew how to call him out on his control issue. He’d always have those issues, he knew control meant sobriety, that part he couldn’t let go.
To let go with other people, that took trust. And with Liv, that part was even harder. He had visible tread-marks lingering on his heart when it came to her. If he was honest about it, every morning when they woke up, he wondered if that day was the day she’d leave him again. He wasn’t sure how he’d get past it.
***
Jake and Liv made a Spanish dinner for everyone, complete with paella. Liv also made an individual pizza just for Luke. The kitchen was spotless because Liv insisted they she and Jake clean as they go, which was the exact opposite of Ben’s approach. Throughout dinner Jake extolled the virtues of Liv’s style of food preparation at the expense of his father’s.
All Ben could think was how he much he wanted this to be their lives, all the time. He wanted to spend every day with Liv, and Renie too for at matter, and his boys. If this could be his world, he would give up everything else in order to have it.
And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) Page 26