Identity of the Heart (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 1)

by Mary Crawford

  Marcus looks at Tristan and stammers, “Um…okay. I’ll shut up now.”

  After Marcus’s near-death-experience by compliment, I grab Rogue and practically drag her up the elevator to her room. I thought our room was large, but their room is even bigger. When I comment on it, Rogue tells me that the hotel immediately upgraded Tristan’s room as soon as they saw the color of his credit card. He tried to tell them that he didn’t need the executive suite but they wouldn’t listen and they insisted that he take this suite.

  Since I really did have to use the facilities, I about had a heart attack when I saw the bathroom. “Please tell me you spent a couple of hours in this shower at least.”

  Rogue chuckles, “I did spend an unhealthy amount of time in the shower, I will admit that.”

  “Oh? Were you showering alone or in pairs?” I tease.

  That’s none of your business, Sis. Not that it would really matter anyway since you could fit a whole class of kindergartners in this shower and still have room left over.

  “That’s not really my scene, but I guess if it works for you—”

  “So, do you want to tell me why we’re hiding up here in the room instead of enjoying the breakfast that probably costs as much as a term of college tuition?” Rogue interrupts my banter.

  “Oh that… well I’m worried about you,” I confess. “You seem really stressed out about Tristan moving here even though it looks like things are working out between the two of you so I figured that maybe you would like to talk about it.”

  “How do you know that? I didn’t even say a word?” Rogue asks, then shakes her head as she adds, “Oh never mind it’s just the twin thing again. I forgot I’ll never be able to have another private thought again in my life.”

  Her words feel like a slap in my face. I wasn’t prepared for the sting and I visibly flinch. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to help,” I whisper, hoarsely.

  Rogue sways a little as she takes in the expression on my face. “Manita, lo siento mucho. I never meant to hurt you. I know you’re trying to help. I’m just overwhelmed by all of this. It seems like everything is changing in my life and I can’t slow down to take a breath. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster that doesn’t end. One minute I’m really excited about what’s happening in our lives and the next minute I’m totally terrified. As if the family drama with us isn’t complicated enough, I’ve got all the stuff with Tristan to worry about.”

  “I thought things were going really well with him? You guys certainly seem cozy enough,” I ask, trying to clarify the situation.

  “They are going well. Almost too well. He’s almost too good to be true, if you know what I mean. Don’t you think it’s really strange that he wants to totally relocate his business to be next to me? I mean, we just started dating. Sane people don’t do that! I know couples that have been married for years that still commute and only see each other on the weekends. For all he knows, he could make that huge move —then get to know me better and decide he hates me. It’s just bizarre.”

  “So, let me get this straight. You’re having a meltdown because you really like Tristan and he’s too committed to you? I know it’s early and I stayed up really late last night, but I’m not following your logic here.”

  “Funny. Very funny.” Rogue says as she sticks her tongue out at me. “This is serious stuff. I don’t want Tristan to hate me forever if things don’t work out. I can be a bit of a hothead and I’m not very cooperative when I’m cornered. I don’t know how great I’ll be in a relationship. I’ve never really tested it out. I’ve been too busy trying to survive on my own. The few times I’ve tried, have been colossal failures. In the few months that I’ve known Tristan, he’s already become important enough to me that I don’t want to chalk this up as another failure. But, I’m not sure I want him to make the huge commitment to move all the way here. What if I can’t make this work? That’s not fair to him. It would cost him thousands and thousands of dollars to start a new business.”

  “Rogue!” I interrupt her tirade of self-doubt. “Take a breath or you’re going to pass out and if you pass out, I’ll be right behind you. I really want to go back and eat breakfast because I’m hungry. So, breathe.”

  Rogue takes a deep breath and blows her bangs out of her eyes and then takes a couple more for good measure. “There. Are you happy?”

  “Much better. Thank you. Now, Tristan is generous to a fault. But I’ve also noticed that he is very much his own man. That guy doesn’t do anything that he doesn’t want to do, regardless of who tells him to do it. So, if he tells you that he wants to open a business near you, It’s likely that he’s put a great deal of thought into it and has planned for every contingency.”

  “Yeah, but it’s so much money —”

  “Yes, it’s a lot of money. But, it’s his money to spend and as I understand it, the man could basically wallpaper every port-a-potty in the state with thousand dollar bills and still have plenty of money left over to build skyscrapers galore. What’s more, he’s probably got plans in his head for more cutting-edge computer programs that we can’t even begin to imagine that will make him a thousand times richer. So, until he tells you to be worried about money, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  “I just don’t want him to think I’m asking him to be reckless. He shouldn’t be making sacrifices just for me.”

  I sit down on the lushly appointed bed with Rogue. “You know, I don’t think he sees it that way. I think you are giving him something he’s never had in his life.”

  “What can I possibly give him? The man has everything!” Rogue argues.

  “Before you, he did not have everything. You’ve given him a center or a port in the rough sea of his life. I think for all of his outward success, Tristan was a very lonely man before he found you. I suspect that you are the one person he feels truly safe with. He can’t buy that kind of love and security. Only you can give that to him,” I reason.

  “Oh, Ivy it’s so scary. If I’m honest with myself, I can admit that this totally feels different. I want to trust the connection we have with each other and just go with it. But, things are moving so fast, my head is just spinning.”

  “Not that I’m an expert or anything, but I’m told that that feeling is called being in love.”

  “Enough of me being on the hot seat. How about you and Marcus?”

  I guess I should have anticipated her question and been prepared with a coherent answer. However, I had been so focused on trying to unravel her frazzled emotional state that I had given little thought to my own tumultuous thoughts.

  “Well, you were right. There’s a lot more to Marcus than he shows the public. But, I’m having a great time discovering the real man underneath all of the layers of social armor that he puts on.”

  “I hope that you’re able to look past some of the mistakes he made growing up because they helped forge him into the amazingly strong human being he is now. But, I don’t think they should taint your opinion of him.”

  “Oh, you mean his involvement with the street gang and his drug and alcohol use?”

  “Wow!” Rogue exclaims. “When you said you were discovering Marcus’s layers, I had no idea that he would be this forthcoming with you. I guess you guys really are getting close. We were friends for years before he told me any of that stuff.”

  I shrug as I explain, “I don’t know. In a weird way, it almost felt like he was giving me reasons why he didn’t deserve me. I think he was surprised to hear that it didn’t really matter all that much to me. I just told him that we all make mistakes and do things that we would do differently under different circumstances.”

  Rogue gives me a hug and murmurs in my ear, “It looks like Tristan is not the only one who’s found his port. Marcus has needed this so much in his life. I’m so glad that he’s found you. He’s such a good guy and no one can seem to look past his rough exterior and his goofy mannerisms to see his true heart. I am so glad that you’ve taken the time to see the real Marcus
.”

  I don’t know why, but having Rogue’s explicit endorsement of our relationship brings tears to my eyes. I haven’t known Marcus for years like Rogue, but it’s very clear from watching the two of them together that they have a very special friendship. I don’t want to intrude on that in any way.

  “Thank you Rogue. I’ll do my best to take care of him. He’s pretty special to me.”

  “Thanks for talking me out of my panic attack. Shall we go down and eat some breakfast before the guys eat it all? I should warn you that Marcus eats enough food to feed three professional linebackers in the NFL. So, if you want anything to eat in your relationship, don’t leave food laying around.”

  “Duly noted. Thanks for the warning.”

  As we pull into the driveway of the little ranch style house with the faux stucco finish, my heart is racing. My pulse is beating so hard, I can feel it pound at my temples. Vaguely, I hear Marcus muttering in my ear, “Breathe Sugar. You’re going to trigger an asthma attack if you don’t. Follow me. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth; slowly in and out. There you go. That’s much better.”

  Once again, Marcus’s calming ways allow me to collect myself and calm my breathing before it gets to be a crisis situation. Once I’ve gathered myself and given myself an albuterol treatment, Marcus asks Rogue and me if we’re ready to go in.

  As I sneak a glance, it is clear Rogue is as panicked as I am.

  Tristan rubs the back of Rogue’s hand and says, “I know this is hard, Baby—but, you won’t know any answers until you do this. You and Ivy can’t move forward with your lives until you settle the past.”

  “What if this is all a huge mistake?” Rogue asks in a shaky voice.

  “What if it’s not?” Tristan replies quietly. “You guys will never know until you talk to Rosa. Marcus and I will be right here.”

  “I know that, you’ll never know how much I love you for that,” Rogue says as she presses a kiss on his cheek. The two of them go up to the front door while Marcus and I wait in the car. Since we didn’t know what the story really is, we thought it might be too much of a shock for her to see the two of us together at her front door. So, Rogue and Tristan elected to try to ascertain her story first and break the news to her softly before presenting the visual of us together as twins.

  I’m at a complete loss of what to do with myself in the SUV. It seems artificial to try to have a conversation with Marcus. Yet, if I don’t talk the silence is completely deafening. Marcus wears an old pocket watch from his grandfather and I found out this morning that it still requires hand winding. It was quite a sight to watch him handle such a delicate task with his large hands. It was a weirdly domestic scene this morning as we were packing and he was winding his watch as we were watching Good Morning America. I had this weird vision of what our life might look like in the future trying to get ready for work and getting kids ready for school while catching a glimpse of the news and weather on TV as we head out the door. Right now, that pocket watch is ticking like it’s attached to a megaphone. The sound echoing through the SUV is reminding me of every second that Rogue and Tristan are gone. My brain can’t stop coming up with bizarre scenarios. What if she says that she never had twins and I’m not related to Rogue? What if she admits that I am hers but claims she never wanted me and doesn’t want me now? What if she never consented to the adoption at all and I was stolen from the hospital?

  Marcus senses my discomfort. He flips on the ignition and pulls down a DVD screen from the roof panel of the SUV. As the Netflix panel comes up, he searches for Robin Hood, Men in Tights.

  As the movie credits start to come up, I can’t help but laugh at his strategy. “Thank you. It is impossible to be upset when this movie is playing.”

  “That’s my plan, Sugar. We can’t change the outcome in there, so there’s no need to stress about it.”

  “I know, but it’s so hard not to worry.”

  “What does your weird, twin Spidey sense tell you?”

  “She doesn’t seem overly stressed out. So, it must be going pretty well. At least I hope that’s what it means. Maybe Tristan is just doing a really great job of keeping her calm. I don’t really know.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine, Ivy. Who wouldn’t want to meet someone like you?”

  “This is all such a giant mess. I almost wish I could put the genie back in the bottle.”

  “Well, I don’t. Because if it hadn’t been for this ‘giant mess’ as you call it, you and I would have never met. And I’m just not okay with that outcome.”

  “You’re right, I wouldn’t be okay with that either. I just wish we could have the good stuff, but avoid the pain.”

  “That’s the whole secret of life right there in a nutshell, isn’t it? I wish I could make this easier for you. But, unfortunately I think this is something that you and Ro are just going to have to get through the best you can.”

  Just then there’s a knock at the window of the SUV. Marcus and I were so involved in our conversation, we didn’t even hear Tristan approach.

  “They’re ready for you,” he announces with a grim expression on his face.

  I study him carefully. “What’s wrong?” I ask anxiously.

  “It’s a little volatile in there. It could go either way. I hate that this is so hard on Rogue. She’s trying to be so tough. But, I can tell she’s pretty shattered inside.”

  “Do you think someone could get hurt?” Marcus asks gruffly, as he pulls me closer, placing his arm around my waist protectively.

  “Only emotionally,” Tristan answers cryptically.

  “I guess we better hurry and get in there. I hate to leave her alone,” I say as my stomach lurches with fear.

  As we open the door, it’s immediately clear where Rogue and I get our hair as an older lady with straight dark brown hair shot through with silver strands answers the door.

  When she sees me she exclaims, “Hay Dios mio! You are real. The nurses told me that you died. I tried to argue with them, but they told me that you were too sick to live. They told me to go home and raise my living daughter and to be thankful that I still had one.”

  I gasp. I can’t imagine how shocking this must be for her. I can feel my fingers tremble as they touch my lips.

  “I’m sorry Bebita, I need to sit. This is quite a shock. For twenty-two years I’ve prayed for your soul. Now you’re here in front of me. I do not know what to think. It is obvious that you are my bebita.”

  “Yes, please sit,” I reply, quickly pulling out a wooden kitchen chair and helping her into it. “I’m sorry, but my high school Spanish is really rusty. Could you please translate bebita?”

  “Oh no! You have no knowledge of the language of your people? How sad. Bebita means my baby girl. You must know that I’ve never forgotten you. They told me that you passed into the arms of the angels. I never knew what to believe because in my heart I felt that I should know if you were gone, but I always felt your spirit around me. Then, when Rogue felt her mysterious pains, one of the priests at my church said that it was your ghost haunting us and suggested that your presence in our life made Rogue evil somehow. After that, I just stopped telling people about it because I didn’t want them to think that Rogue was possessed by the devil.”

  After I hear the explanation that I’ve been waiting to hear for months, I feel surprisingly numb. I thought this explanation would answer all my questions. But, instead it’s raised so many more. Why would they tell Rosa that that I’d passed away when I was, in fact, very much alive? If she did visit me in the NICU, wouldn’t she have been able to tell that I wasn’t doing well but I was holding my own? Wouldn’t the nurses have been able to figure out that she was a loving and caring mother? What about my pediatrician? Wouldn’t he know that I didn’t die? Wouldn’t he tell my mom the good news? The sheer number of questions is mind blowing.

  “Mama, why didn’t you tell me that I was a twin? It would’ve made things in my life so much easier to understand.”r />
  Rosa wipes away tears as she hugs Rogue. “There was no way to tell you without opening Pandora’s Box. I didn’t have any answers about why she died and you lived. It was just easier to pretend she never existed. Then, when I ordered your birth certificate for your school records and they had written only one baby. It seemed like God had spoken. I took that as a sign to mean that I was only meant to have one baby from God.”

  “So, you have nothing to remind you of me?” I ask, my heart strangely shattered at the thought.

  “No, bebita only in my mind and heart,” Rosa replies regretfully.

  “That’s really sad. It’s kind of like I really did vanish from the planet.”

  “What happened to you after I left the hospital?” Rosa asks as she blows her nose on a Kleenex that Tristan quietly hands her.

  “I’m only able to tell you what I was told, of course. But, from what I understand, I spent about six months in the hospital recovering from a blood clot that they had to surgically remove, so I could gain weight and adjust to medication. I was lucky that it did not travel to my heart or to my brain. For a long time I took blood thinners to ensure that I did not get another blood clot. I also had to take doses of surfactant to make sure that my lungs matured.”

  “Were you immediately adopted?”

  “I was. A very nice teacher named Lenore Montclair and her husband, Roger Montclair, who is an accountant, adopted me and provided a very nice home for me.”

  Rosa’s face turns pale and she takes a quick drink of water.

  Apparently, I am not the only person to notice Rosa’s odd reaction. “Mama, are you okay?” asks Rogue with alarm in her voice.

  Tristan rushes over with a cool washcloth and places it on Rosa’s forehead as he murmurs, “It’s all right ma’am, this is a stressful situation for everyone. Take your time.”

  For a couple of moments, Rosa just sits there with the rag on her forehead. I’m not sure what I should be doing or saying. Marcus steps up behind me and puts his arms around my waist as we just stand there silently watching the situation unfold. A lone tear trickles down the fine lines in Rosa’s face. It’s one of the most heartbreaking sights I’ve ever seen.