Jane Doesn't Save the World

by Erin Grey

  “Have you ever been in space?”

  “No.” She went back to perusing Dooklr. “It’s expensive, so not many people can.”

  “Zhian said something like that. I just thought, since you stay here—”

  “I don’t freeload off him, if that’s what you think,” she snarled, pulling herself into a sitting position. “I’m not some parasite latching on to him because of his money. I do things for him. And I actually care—” She pressed her lips closed, cutting herself off, then flung herself off the couch. “I have stuff to do. Some of us don’t have time to laze around, waiting for someone to serve them hand and foot.” She slammed the door on her way out.

  “Okay, jealous much?” said Sandy.

  “We really upset her,” fretted Gwendolyn.

  “She didn’t help,” Mitch added glumly. “Knew she wouldn’t.”

  “No,” agreed Jasper. “I suspect our best hope is still Zhian.”

  “Well, maybe pretty boy needs some more pressure,” said Sandy. “This is taking way too long.”

  “He is pretty.” Gwendolyn beamed.

  “Don’t like pressure,” moaned Mitch. “Let me sleep.”

  “Wanna go home,” said Emmy.

  “Ask Zhian why he was hanging around Earth for so long,” said Sandy. “How could he afford to do nothing but watch trash for a whole year? And why would he want to?”

  I wasn’t crazy about Sandy’s approach, but no one could agree on a better one. I dozed on the couch, waiting for Zhian to turn up. It couldn’t have been more than an hour before I felt him nudging me awake. He’d brought me something to drink.

  “Thanks,” I said, wrapping my blanket around me and wriggling myself upright.

  As I sipped the cool rose-flavoured liquid, Sandy’s words came to mind, and I decided to dive straight in. “I’ve been wanting to ask—why did you leave Eorthe for an entire year? Don’t you have family here? Friends?”

  He sat in an armchair he’d pulled up to my couch, staring down at his slab where his finger idly sketched runes.

  “I have family,” he said simply.

  “And they didn’t mind you disappearing for a year?”

  “I hadn’t seen them for a long time before I left,” said Zhian.

  “Oh,” I said, toeing the edge of too far. “You’re not close, then?”

  Zhian ran his finger up and down the edge of his tablet. “I used to see more of them. But then, we had … differences.”

  “Okay.” I waited, hoping he’d feel compelled to fill the silence the way I usually did.

  The skin around his mouth dented as he chewed the inside of his lip. “It’s because of the healing,” he said.

  “Be patient,” advised Jasper. “Say nothing, and he may very well open up.”

  Zhian got sucked into the vacuum and threw down his slab. “My family has a … business. They help sick people … people who are not … strong mentally. They want to make things better in Caruthia, make people tougher, more resilient, so we can finally change things.

  “At first, I used my energy to help the business. If a drug is used, I can manipulate the cells in the body to enhance its effect. But, the mind is complicated. It’s hard to predict how my healing power will affect it.”

  “He worked with mentally ill people?” said Sandy. “That’s either a huge coincidence or suspicious as hell.”

  “Maybe he can help us!” said Gwendolyn.

  “No one can help,” said Mitch.

  “There’s a drug they used before,” Zhian continued. “It brought peace to those with mental disturbances. I could make it work so that the person was calm and happy. My parents weren’t satisfied with that. They wanted me to fix what was wrong in the brain, augment the patient’s abilities. I didn’t like the uncertainty of it. The healing process brought a lot of pain. They said it was helping people, that it was the key to freeing Caruthia. That the pain was worth it.” He looked at me, and his eyes pleaded for understanding. “But I hated seeing the suffering. And sometimes it didn’t work. They said we had to keep trying—” He broke off and looked away, anxiously rubbing his ear. “I couldn’t do it anymore. One day, I ran. And came here.”

  “And they don’t know where you are.”

  He shook his head.

  “When was the last time you saw them?”

  “Two annums ago.”

  “And now? Did they go back to using the drug?”

  He hesitated. “I’ve been gone a long time.”

  “It’s good that you stood up for what you believe. You really care about people, and you did what you could to help. That’s amazing.”

  “Go Jane,” cheered Sandy. “Finally putting all that psychologist validation stuff to use.”

  He looked away, and his foot started tapping. “But I’m not helping anyone. Not anymore.”

  “You’re helping me.”

  His eyes snapped to mine. “Am I?” His voice was shockingly bitter. “Or am I doing the same thing I always do, the same thing I did to—” He clamped his lips together and glared at the ceiling.

  “The same thing you did to who, Zhian? You can talk to me.”

  He ran both hands through his hair and groaned. “How are you getting this out of me? I don’t think about this stuff anymore.”

  “Is that why you ran away to Earth? To forget?”

  “Yes! It was the perfect distraction. Until you—”

  “Distracted you in a different direction?”

  He snorted and half-smiled, as if laughing at himself. “Yes.”

  “So, what happened? Who were you talking about just now?”

  He sighed. “We were best friends. Only children. Then he … there was something wrong with him. I had just started to learn how to use my energy. I tried to help him. But he began … I became frightened and told my family. Men came and took him away. I never saw him again.”

  “Gee, this guy has issues,” said Sandy.

  “He hurts,” said Mitch.

  “Poor baby!” said Gwendolyn.

  “Do not become consumed with the emotion of the scenario,” said Jasper. “Pay attention to facts that could assist our endeavour.”

  “What happened to him?” I asked Zhian.

  “I don’t know. I could not forget him, though. I worked hard to control my energy, to learn how to use it effectively. When I was finally able to help people, I thought …” His eyes stared into the middle distance, not seeing anything in the room.

  “That you could make up for it. Do for others what you couldn’t do for him.” I knew what it was like to seek redemption in hard work, in working yourself to the bone, squeezing out everything you had to give in the hopes that it would make it all better, that you could finally be happy.

  He didn’t look at me, just watched his foot tapping the floor. “I’m not doing that, though, am I? You’re miserable here, and nothing I’ve done has helped.”

  “It’s only because I don’t have my meds,” I said. “I’m better on them than off.” Not that they fixed anything, only suppressed my anxiety enough for me to get out of bed most mornings and put on a brave face that soothed onlookers into thinking I was okay.

  His eyes widened. “You like being drugged?”

  “It’s not that,” I said. “The drugs have their limits and plenty of side effects. But they dull the pain, and that’s usually the best I can hope for.”

  “And that’s what would make you happy?” asked Zhian, brows and forehead and jaw and chin fighting their usual battle. “For the pain to go away?”

  Happy. Could someone as broken and mixed up as me ever be happy? Surely not with voices in my head. I’d never be normal, and that meant I’d never be happy.

  But if the pain went away, if I couldn’t feel it anymore … surely that would fix everything.

  “Yes,” I said. “I would love for the pain to go away.”

  Zhian’s eyes flicked back and forth between mine. Assorted expressions chased one another across his face as the w
heels turned, like shadows lightening and darkening while clouds passed overhead.

  “Ask him about getting home, while he’s feeling sorry for you,” pressed Sandy.

  “I don’t know about this,” moaned Mitch.

  My insides cringed. My outsides, too. Emmy whimpered.

  “Getting home would really help with that,” I said. “Making the pain go away.”

  Zhian’s mouth tightened. “It’s not that simple.”

  “I get it, ok?” I wanted to shout it, but Jasper restrained Sandy and forced me to hold back. I took a breath and tempered my tone. “I realize that you don’t know how to get me home. But we can’t just wait around like the answer is going to fall out of the sky. We need to ask someone, go somewhere, DO something to figure it out. Please.”

  His eyes were back on his slab, refusing to meet mine. “I’ve already explained the dangers of anyone finding out you’re here. I can’t just ask around for a way. I have to be circumspect.”

  “And I understand that, but could you be circumspect at a slightly faster pace?”

  Zhian looked me in the face, and his mouth softened. “This worry isn’t good for you.”

  “How can I not worry?” I exploded. “This is my family we’re talking about! If I don’t get back and fix things, they’ll lose everything!”

  “Trying to get you home could lead to our capture and probable death. You’ll be no good to your family then.”

  “I’m no good to them now!” I yelled.

  Zhian’s shoulders petrified into ‘can’t budge me’ position while his face maintained lockdown.

  “Impasse,” said Jasper.

  “Ditch him and run,” said Sandy. “You’re the only one you can depend on.”

  Gwendolyn sniffled. “He promised,” she said in a watery voice.

  I reached for Zhian, pulled away, then set a tentative hand on his arm.

  “I realize what a risk this is for you. Believe me, I wish there was another way. But I’m begging you to try. Or tell me what to do, and I’ll manage without you. But I can’t wait around here. I have to go.”

  “You can’t go off on your own,” he said, body stiff beneath my hand.

  “I’ll do it if I have to.”

  “Jane—” He puffed out a great gasp of air, and his shoulders caved. He looked at me, eyes tracking between mine. “Can you just trust me? Please. I will help you.”

  “It’s not enough,” said Sandy. “We need a plan. Specifics.”

  “I want to trust you,” I said to Zhian. “But could you tell me what the next step is? Please? I can’t stop worrying without knowing something is being done.”

  He nodded. “Fine.” He ran his hands through his curls, unknowingly augmenting his devil-may-care look. “What you said earlier made me think of something I hadn’t considered before. I thought I could do this differently, but … I’ve realised what you really need. And we can get it at the place where I used to work. As soon as you can walk, I’ll take you there.”

  The knot in my tummy released a few loops. “Thank you! I’ll do anything you ask if you can just get me back.”

  His lips turned up slightly. “I’m confident this will work.”

  I smiled. “My hero.”

  “I hope so,” he said, eyes glowing with something beyond his natural colouring.

  6 If being stuck in your head with multiple distinct personalities and an operating system can be termed ‘alone’.

  16

  Before

  17

  The bit where I discover the Truth

  Another day of rest passed before Zhian agreed I could walk well enough to make the trip. We headed out in his car, me with my scarf and hat back in position. Sandy took particular note of Zhian’s use of the various levers and gears as he drove, in case we needed to carjack and run.

  “So?” I asked. “Where exactly are we going?”

  “It’s a clinic that belongs to my family,” he explained. “I haven’t been near it since … well, it’s been a while. As far as I know, they haven’t removed my biometric data from the system.”

  “And you think we can find a way to get me home? Without putting you or me in danger?”

  “They won’t hurt us,” he answered. “I’m certain we’ll find a way to help you there.”

  “Thank you,” I said, squeezing his arm. “I know it’s hard for you to go back. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

  Amethyst trees dotted the mulberry fields that sped past, forming a blueberry yoghurt blur when my eyes grew tired of focusing. Knowing that getting home might happen soon brought Gwendolyn a wistful longing for all the strange and fascinating things we wouldn’t see on this planet we’d never visit again.

  “Does that mean we’re going to Caruthia?” I asked, forehead against the glass window, letting the building-free scenery wash over me. “Or does your family have clinics in other countries too?”

  “A couple, but we’ll be crossing into Caruthia,” answered Zhian. “The clinic we’re going to isn’t far from the border.”

  As we drew closer to Caruthia, the lush vegetation thinned and gave way to arid stretches of land, edged by bleak mountains. I began to see people walking on the road in small groups, large sacks tied to their backs. Many balanced parcels on their heads too.

  “As in Africa,” observed Jasper. “I wonder if bureaucracy functions in the same manner as our world, too?”

  “How will I get across the border?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?” said Zhian.

  “Won’t there be security checks to prevent foreigners getting in?”

  “No, there’s nothing like that,” he answered. “Skant is an ally of Caruthia. The border between us remains open. There are no officials to guard it.”

  We passed more groups of people walking.

  “Where do they all come from?” I asked. “Skant?”

  “No,” said Zhian. “They’re refugees from Jenju. There’s a seaport not far from here.”

  “Refugees?”

  “Things are bad in Caruthia, but not nearly as bad as Jenju. Fredzenberg did the greatest damage there. There’s no food, no work. In Caruthia, they work like slaves for a pittance, but at least they can eat.”

  “How sad,” whimpered Gwendolyn.

  “Life sad,” said Mitch.

  I went back to my perusal of the scenery, trying to distract Mitch and Gwendolyn from the horrors that so closely mirrored those of my home country. “It looks very different from Skant here. Do you ever miss it?”

  When Zhian didn’t respond to my question, I turned to watch his face. It was full of creases.

  “I don’t know,” he said finally. “It’s home, I suppose. But I’ve enjoyed the freedom that comes with being somewhere I’m unknown. No expectations. No pressure.”

  “Wouldn’t that be nice,” mused Sandy. “Breaking free of all ties and striking out in the wild. Starting fresh with nothing to hold you back.”

  “How wild?” queried Gwendolyn. “Do you mean lions and tigers and bears?”

  “Oh my,” said Sandy with a snigger. “But I was thinking more along the lines of motorbikes and leather jackets and the open road. Maybe dying my hair pink.”

  “Oh!” squealed Gwendolyn happily. “I like pink!”

  * * *

  It took four hours to reach the clinic. The flamboyant orange exterior was an architect’s wet dream7. The entryway gave the impression of a fun-house entrance, an arching threshold above sporting rounded, comforting letters. At least, they looked comforting to me. I had no idea how they would appear to an Eorthan.

  Zhian marched inside with the aggressive determination of a bull elephant chasing down a mate, minus the flapping ears and trumpeting. He flicked his wrist across a waist-height scanner, causing the receptionist’s eyebrows to jump up towards her rose gold hairline before she nodded to the guards to let us all through.

  Inside, bright murals splashed across the walls while jingly, directionless music
tinkled down the passages.

  “This music makes me sad,” said Mitch.

  No matter how far we walked, the passages were disturbingly free of people.

  “That’s the administration offices down there,” said Zhian, pointing down a passage, “and over there is the recreation area. We’re going towards the residences now.”

  Closed doors lined the walls in all colours of the rainbow, but no text or signage indicated what was inside.

  The residence was creepier than any ‘house of horrors’ ride I’d ever seen. The technicoloured theme continued, but the music became hauntingly similar to a carnival soundtrack. I hadn’t been scared of clowns in the past, but the clinic’s aesthetic caused an abrupt paradigm shift.

  There still wasn’t a single person in sight. I started to wonder if I was leaving this place alive.

  “Here’s the part I wanted you to see,” said Zhian, reaching towards a lime-green door.

  Inside were the elusive patients, a rainbow of skin and hair colours that would never have occurred naturally on Earth. They reclined on large plastic-looking couches decorated in shades of orange and yellow. Each person was completely relaxed, subdued, motionless.

  “They’re awfully still,” observed Gwendolyn.

  “Probably dead,” said Sandy.

  “I believe they are resting,” said Jasper quickly, before Gwendolyn could start screaming. “If one concentrates, one can see the chests rising and falling.”

  “Move,” commanded Emmy. She wanted to poke them.

  A young man with frizzy green locks suddenly opened his eyes and stared at us serenely. He rose and shuffled his large frame over to us, extending his hand to me. He laid it on my shoulder and bowed his head twice in quick succession. Then he peered into my eyes, raised his eyebrows, and grabbed my hand to pull me towards another door in the far end of the room.

  Emmy started giggling. “All gween!” she squealed.

  “It is pretty funky, isn’t it?” said Sandy.

  “Zhian?” I asked a little frantically as I was tugged away.

  He stepped in front of the determined patient and laid two hands on his chest, whispering something I couldn’t catch. The young man stopped suddenly and released me, stepping away and looking down at the floor. No one else in the room had budged an inch. My hands shook.