by Alex Riordan
Eventually, she stood up, flipped everything off and went back upstairs. Walking into the bedroom, she grabbed a suitcase and started stuffing clothes into it. An hour later, bags packed, Jessie carried everything out to the car. Resolve firmly in place, she went back into the house and made some phone calls.
“Mom? It’s me,” Jessie said into the phone.
“Jessie,” her mother said. “It’s not Wednesday, why are you calling?”
She took a deep breath. “I was just calling to let you know that I’m leaving town for a little while. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m uh…not sure, yet. I’ll let you know when I get there,” she answered.
“Not sure? Jessie, what’s going on? What’s happened? Where’s Stephanie?”
“I’m…not sure right now, Mom. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you when I get where I’m going. Bye.” She could hear her mother’s protests as she hung up the phone, but ignored them, and called Lacy next.
“Hello?” Lacy’s voice came over the phone.
“Hey, Lacy.”
“Jessie? What’s wrong? You sound awful, Baby,” Lacy said, obvious concern for Jessie sounding in her voice.
“Umm, well…I need you to do me a favor, Lace.”
“Sure, Babe, anything you need.”
“Well, I need you to cancel our gigs for the next few weeks.”
“What? Jessie, what’s going on?” Lacy was worried, now. Jessie never cancelled a gig.
Jessie sighed loudly. “It’s Stephanie. I really screwed things up, Lacy. I’m leaving town for a while.”
“Jessie, where are you going? You can’t just leave and not fix things with Stephanie. She loves you, Baby, and I know you love her.”
“Theresa can fill you in, Lacy. She’ll know everything in a couple of hours. I’ve gotta go. Tell everybody to take care and give the boy’s a hug for me.” She hung up, not giving Lacy a chance to say anything else. Then she turned off her cell phone before her mom tried calling her back. She didn’t want to talk to anyone else until she’d spoken to Steph.
Checking the house one more time, she set the alarm and left, heading for Theresa’s. Twenty minutes later, she pulled into Theresa’s driveway. Taking a deep breath, she got out and walked up to the front door. It took her a minute to work up the courage to knock, which was absurd. In all the years they’d known each other, she’d never been afraid to knock on Theresa’s door before. But this time was different. This time, no matter what happened, her life would change forever.
* * * *
By the time Theresa got out to the car, Stephanie was in the passenger seat, crying. She was inconsolable, as Theresa drove them back to her place. She was actually starting to worry that she wouldn’t be able to get Stephanie out of the car when they got there, but when they arrived, the redhead opened the door and managed to make it to the front door by herself.
Theresa opened the front door and disarmed the alarm system when they went in. Stephanie followed her and managed to make it into the living room, before collapsing on the couch. As she sat there, crying and shaking, Theresa sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.
There wasn’t anything she could do about Jessie, and the way she’d treated Stephanie, but she could damn well make sure the redhead didn’t spend her last night in town alone. “Come here, Steph.” Stroking her hair, Theresa held her until she seemed to calm down a little. “Stephanie, I’m so sorry. I never thought Jessie could do this. She seemed so happy.”
“It’s not your fault, Theresa,” Stephanie said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffed. “I knew going into this that Jessie had a lot of baggage. I do too, if I’m being honest. I don’t exactly have the best track record, either. Maybe I shouldn’t have let it get so far.”
Theresa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Stephanie was blaming herself for what had happened? “Stephanie, stop it. This isn’t your fault. Jessie’s the one who screwed everything up, not you. I can’t even believe she let Alex in the house, let alone let Alex kiss her. She told me nothing happened, but…”
“She didn’t, Theresa…let Alex kiss her, I mean. She pushed Alex away,” Stephanie said.
“I’m not sure I…”
“Jessie didn’t cheat on me. Alex was saying goodbye. She just…well, you know how she is.”
“Yeah, I do. I also know how Jessie is. She’s never been known for her control.”
“She didn’t do anything with Alex, Theresa. I flew off the handle last night, but I did hear part of what they were saying to each other. Jessie had told her earlier that we were spending the night together, just the two of us. Alex was saying goodbye. That was it.”
“Are you sure, Stephanie?” She knew what Jessie had told her, but still…this was Jessie, they were talking about.
She nodded. “I’m positive. I just…lost it, when I saw Alex kiss her and started yelling at Jessie. She wasn’t lying when she told you nothing happened.”
“Then why the big blow up? Once you realized what really happened…?”
Stephanie sighed. “I guess I just got scared. I’d been in a bad mood all day. It was just easier to argue than listen to what she had to say.” She started crying again. “I really didn’t handle this very well. I’m sorry.”
Theresa sat there and held her while she cried. The entire time, cursing Jessie under her breath, for her inability to speak up and talk to Steph when she needed her most. For the first time in her life, Jessie had what she’d always wanted, and the only thing she’d done was sit in silence. All she had to do was speak up. If she had only had the guts to look at Stephanie…Seen the pain in her eyes…She knew Jessie’s resolve would have melted, then.
When the knock came on the door two hours later, Theresa was still sitting in the same place. Stephanie had finally stopped crying, and had dozed off. Sliding her arm from around the redhead, she got up and went to answer the door. When she opened it and saw Jessie standing there, she rolled her eyes and sighed. Angrily, she said in a low whisper, “Jessie…what the Hell are you here for?”
Jessie sighed, defeated. “I need to see her, Theresa.”
“She finally fell asleep, Jessie. Jesus, can’t you just leave her alone? You had your opportunity and you fucked it up. Now, she’s blaming herself for this mess. All you had to do was say something and you couldn’t even do that.”
“I know, Theresa. And no, I can’t leave her alone.” Taking a deep breath, she whispered, “I have to try and fix this, T.”
Not willing to give in, Theresa shook her head. “You’re not welcome here anymore, Jessie. Leave.” She tried to shut the door, but Jessie was faster, and caught the side of it with her hand.
“I’m not leaving, Theresa. Call the cops if you have to, but I’m coming in there to talk to her.”
“Jessie…” Theresa said, shaking her head, tired of arguing with her.
From behind her, Stephanie’s voice sounded. “Theresa…”
Theresa turned to look behind her when she heard Stephanie. “Steph…” shaking her head again, she tried to keep her from giving in to Jessie’s stupidity.
“Let her in.” When Theresa didn’t look like she was going to open the door, she asked, “Please?”
Sighing, Theresa stepped aside and opened the door angrily. Jessie stepped in, eyes only for Stephanie, who was standing in the hallway looking lost. “Thank you, Theresa,” she said, as she walked past the blond.
She walked up to Stephanie, but stopped short of touching her. Licking her lips, she said quietly, “Stephanie…I…I’m sorry I couldn’t…” her voice trailed off, unable to articulate what she wanted to say. Taking a deep breath to collect her thoughts, she started over.
Looking nowhere but into those beautiful green eyes, she started again. Quietly, and with every last ounce of love she had, she spoke the truth of her heart. “Stephanie…every time I feel your lips…every time your hands slide down my bo
dy, you leave trails of desire like I’ve never felt before. You totally…completely…unravel me. You look at me and it splits my soul wide open. It renders me totally, hopelessly, in love with you.”
Tears were running down Stephanie’s cheeks again as she listened to Jessie’s words. When Jessie reached out to caress her cheek with the back of her hand, she couldn’t help herself. “Jessie…” her voice came out as a strangled whisper.
Jessie placed a finger on her lips. “Shh, let me finish.” Stephanie nodded, still looking into Jessie’s blue eyes, as she continued. “I am so sorry I let everything go to Hell earlier. I was just so damned…afraid. But…I do love you, Stephanie. I love you more than anything in this world, and I would happily give up everything I have to spend the rest of my life with you. Can you ever forgive me?”
“God, Jessie…” she shook her head, tears streaming down her face freely. “There’s nothing to forgive. I shouldn’t have flown off the handle the way I did. I’m so sorry.”
Only now did she pull Stephanie into her arms, hugging her. “I love you, and I want to go with you to LA. At least for a while.”
“You…you do? You’re sure?” she looked into those blue eyes and sniffed.
Jessie nodded. “My bags are packed and I’m ready to go. I’ve called Lacy and had her cancel our gigs for the next few weeks, and I called my mom and told her I’ll call her when I get where I’m going.”
Stephanie’s eyes lit up with excitement. “You’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything for you, Steph,” she answered. “I love you.”
Theresa, still standing by the front door, shook her head in surprise. When she’d left Jessie sitting on the bathroom floor, she’d never expected her to rise to the occasion. Truthfully, she’d believed Jessie would let Stephanie go without a fight. She was just about to say something along those lines, when Jessie turned to her.
With a huge smile on her face, she said, “You don’t mind if I take some of that vacation time that’s been adding up, do you, T? I know we’ve been backed up, but…”
She shook her head, stunned. “Not at all, Jessie. Go.”
“Good. Thank you, so much, Theresa.” She turned around and looked at Stephanie again. “You wanna finish talking about this?”
Stephanie nodded. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”
Chapter 37
Two hours later, they were curled up in bed and Jessie was busy dragging her fingers slowly up and down Stephanie’s arm. “Mmm, that feels so good, Jess,” the redhead said, rolling over to look at her.
“Good,” she whispered. “Because I want to make you feel good, Steph.”
“You always do.” Then, licking her lips, she said, “Jess, could I talk to you about…something?”
Jessie noticed her hesitation, but nodded. “Sure, anything.”
“Even if it’s about…” Stephanie hesitated again, unsure if she should bring up Alex.
She felt her brow wrinkle in question. “About…?”
Stephanie blew out a breath. “I don’t want you to get upset, Jessie. But I wanted to talk to you about…umm…Alex.”
“Alex! Steph, I told you…she doesn’t…” distantly, she realized the motion of her hand on Stephanie’s arm had stopped.
“Jess, I know. I know,” she said, trying to keep the brunette calm. “I trust you, Jessie. I know you didn’t do anything. I’m so sorry I went off like that.” She reached over and stroked Jessie’s cheek with her hand. “What I wanted to tell you…” she swallowed hard, before continuing, “was that I, uh…I went to see Alex last night…to her house.”
Jessie blinked slowly in surprise. “You…you…went to her house? Steph, why?”
“I don’t know. I needed to talk to someone. And, as odd as it sounds, I thought of her,” she said, shrugging and ducking her head to avoid Jessie’s eyes. Eyes which had suddenly turned a darker shade of blue.
“So…did you have a good talk?” Jessie asked, determined to hear Steph out without getting upset or judgmental.
Stephanie nodded. “Actually, we did. She’s really very nice, Jess.”
“Yeah, she is,” Jessie agreed slowly, still not sure where this was headed. “So, what did you two talk about?”
She really hadn’t intended to bring this up. She really hadn’t. But, for some reason, she felt like she needed to make sure that Jessie understood about Alex. For whatever reason, Jessie had never realized that the brunette was in love with her, and Stephanie just couldn’t figure that out. “A few things, actually.”
When she didn’t elaborate any further, Jessie waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts. She knew there was more to this than what she’d admitted to so far. However, when it didn’t seem like Steph was going to say anything else, she cleared her throat. “And?”
“And…did you know that she’s in love with you?” Stephanie looked into her eyes, seeing the truth of Jessie’s words immediately.
“What!” She shook her head. “No. She’s not…she never…I’m not…” she stopped fumbling and took a deep breath to calm down. “Steph, I don’t love her. I never have.”
“I know that, Jess. But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s in love with you,” the redhead pointed out.
Jessie rolled away from her and threw an arm over her eyes. “Oh God! If that’s true…Jesus, Steph! It must have really killed her…seeing me with you. Knowing all that time that I wanted you and not her.”
Stephanie noticed how tense Jessie had become. Propping herself up to look her in the eye, she pulled the arm from her eyes, and said, “Jess, don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t know she felt that way.”
“I should have,” she replied quietly, remembering a conversation in the studio one morning right before she’d gotten together with Stephanie.
“Why should you have known that? She never led you to believe she felt that way, Jess.”
Jessie reached up and tucked a lock of auburn hair behind Steph’s ear. Refusing to look anywhere but those green eyes, she said, “Steph…you remember the morning that I came in late? It was right after you started at the office? Before I spent the night at your hotel room?” When Stephanie nodded, she went on. “I woke up early that morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. Alex found me in the studio…listening to music. The first thing she said to me was, ‘It’s okay that you don’t love me, Jessie.’ I mean, why would she say something like that? I should have known then, that something…” she stopped talking and shook her head.
Stephanie, taking pity on her, ducked her head down to rest her forehead on Jessie’s. “Jess…”
Jessie shook her head. “I asked her why she slept with me, knowing that I didn’t love her, and she said she didn’t want to be alone.”
Stephanie closed her eyes. “Oh God. That’s almost the same thing I said to you, two weeks later. I understand now…why you didn’t want to stay at the hotel that night. You thought I was just…”
She smiled at the redhead. “As I told you then, I didn’t want a one night stand with you. I wanted everything I said or did with you to mean something. I knew that night that I loved you. I’d known forever. I just hadn’t been able to admit it to myself, until then.”
“Jessie, I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you…” Stephanie said. Now she felt bad for Jessie, too.
“No, you should have. I just…my God, why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t she at least mention that she wanted more?” Jessie asked, addressing the question to no one in particular.
Stephanie knew Jessie wasn’t in love with Alex. She was sure of that now, but she had to ask. “What would you have done if she had told you she wanted more?”
“I have no idea,” Jessie answered honestly, truly confused.
“So…if she had said she was in love with you…” Stephanie let the question hang between them.
Jessie sighed. “I don’t love her. To be honest, the thought never even crossed my mind. I mean, Theresa was always pushing me to ‘mak
e it official’ with Alex. For some reason, she thought we made a good couple.” She looked at Stephanie, searching her eyes for something. When she apparently found what she was looking for, she said, “Is that bad? That I was willing to just go on like that? If you hadn’t come along, Steph…” she shook her head. “I’ve treated her terribly and I didn’t even realize it. I really thought we felt the same about what was happening.”
Stephanie tightened her grip on Jessie. “Maybe…if I hadn’t shown up, things would have changed. She doesn’t act the same in private that she does in public. It surprised me…how funny and smart she is. I can see why you were attracted to her, Jess.”