by Merry Farmer
“We’ll keep the door open,” he said, leading her to the bed, then kicking off his shoes and shrugging out of his jacket, waistcoat, and suspenders. “Just in case she wakes.”
“I hope she doesn’t,” Ruby admitted breathlessly. She felt like laughing as she pulled her blouse up over her head, then unhooked her loose corset.
They shed their clothes as fast as possible, then reached for each other. Ruby gasped at the brush of her skin against his. He was warm and fit, far more so than his clothes hinted at. Her body molded perfectly to his as he embraced her. She lifted a leg against his, and he caught it, pulling her knee up over his hip. The gesture brought his thick, hard staff right up against her belly.
She hummed, unable to find the words to tell him how much she desired him. His mouth covered hers, drowning out any words she would have found. She dug her fingertips into his back, so happy to be touching him and bringing him pleasure that she could have wept for joy. But she was done with tears. Now she wanted only sighs of pleasure.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he sighed against her ear, kissing her cheek and her neck, then nibbling lower. “I want this to last forever.”
“Me too,” she managed to say before nudging him toward the bed.
He followed her cue, lifting her and turning. They spilled across the bed in an ungraceful pile, still reaching for each other. Ruby stroked his side as they lay facing each other, lips alternately teasing and locking in deep, passionate kisses. She could hardly believe he was real, that he was truly in her arms at last, and indulged in touching as much of him as she could to prove it to herself. She lingered on the firm muscles of his backside, teasing his cleft. He jerked at the unexpected touch, then growled as though he liked it.
There were things she knew, things she had learned in the darkest moments of her life, that suddenly felt exciting. Everything she’d hated about knowing what men liked from a woman in bed took on a new sense of excitement. She pushed Gil’s shoulder gently, rolling him to his back, then straddled him. He met her eyes with a look of confusion, but that vanished as she bent forward to kiss him.
His hands traveled up her thighs to caress her backside as she teased his mouth with her tongue and lips. A rare feeling of control filled her as she threaded her fingers through his hair. She shifted down his body, kissing her way over his shoulders to his chest. His light dusting of hair tickled her nose as she stroked one of his nipples with her tongue. He made a sound of enjoyment deep in his throat, his hands splaying across the back of her shoulders. His cock was hot and hard against her stomach.
She wanted more of it, more of him. He’d relaxed into the pleasure of their love-making, but as she moved lower, drawing her hands down and reaching for the tight sack hanging below his cock, he tensed. A sound that was half passion, half question rumbled from his throat, but she didn’t stop. She shifted lower, fondling him and stroking the area just behind his sack. Heat radiated from him, and a fine sweat broke out across his skin.
Her heart pounded, and her whole body ached with need as she slid a hand up his staff, holding it so that she could close her mouth over his head. He sucked in a breath as she kissed him, brushing her tongue over the pearl of moisture weeping from his slit.
“Ruby,” he gasped, tangling his fingers in her hair.
His tone was tense, and she was afraid he would ask her to stop, but she didn’t want to. She had to erase the memories of every man who had forced her to do what she was doing and replace them with the power of making the decision for herself. She drew him in farther, stroking her tongue along the underside of his flared tip, teasing the spot she knew was most sensitive. Gil gasped, and she could tell he was trying to hold himself back from thrusting into her mouth.
She lowered herself farther, taking more of him in, then sliding out, only to repeat the motion. He tried to swallow a groan of pleasure as she splayed her hands across his thighs, moving faster and deeper on him. It was an utter paradox that she felt so powerful while doing something that had once been so demeaning, but she was bringing him to his knees, rendering him incapable of anything but desire and primal urges.
“Enough,” he gasped, gripping her shoulders.
Ruby stopped and lifted to her hands and knees, panting. “Do you like it?”
A laugh rumbled up from him, sending tingles across her skin. “My love, I like it so much that I’m afraid this will all be over in a matter of seconds if you don’t stop.”
She giggled, surprised by the ridiculous sound and the lightness in her heart, and slid up his overheated body to kiss him once more. He took charge, flipping her to her back and lifting her leg over his hip.
“That’s more like it,” he said, kissing her lips, her neck, then her shoulder.
“Yes, it is,” she sighed.
The pleasure that coursed through her was the last thing she expected to feel as he took charge. There was no shame, no fear, and no discomfort as he stroked her skin, closing a hand around one of her breasts. He didn’t squeeze too hard or demand too much. He wasn’t using her for his own pleasure, he was giving her as much as she gave him. Nothing in her entire life had ever been so wonderful.
“You have beautiful breasts,” he said, his voice thick with desire, as he cradled one and kissed the other. “I nearly changed my mind about not touching you that first night when you showed them to me.”
“Really?”
He nodded, teasing and licking her nipple. As with that first night, her breasts responded to his intimate touch, leaking slightly. He lapped gently at the wetness, sending spears of desire straight to her core, and making her writhe with need.
He must have felt that need. His hand left her breast to travel over her belly and between her legs. She gasped with surprise and pleasure as he delved between her curls, brushing against the button of pleasure that felt alive with need.
“You’re wet,” he whispered, dipping down to tease the part of her that ached the most for him.
“I want you,” she said, both as explanation and as a plea. Her body felt as though it would burst at any moment. It had taken so little to arouse her so thoroughly.
“And I want you,” he replied.
He shifted, nudging her legs farther apart, still circling her clitoris with deft fingers. Her breath came in shorter and shorter gasps as pleasure built and swirled inside of her, like a dam about to burst. He settled between her thighs, positioning himself to plunder her. The expectation of feeling him inside of her alone was enough to drive her mad with wanting.
At last, when she didn’t think she could wait another second, he plunged deep inside of her. She cried out at the joy of the sensation, and with the blossom of emotion in her heart. Her body shattered into orgasm as he pressed home, milking him inside of her. He groaned at the sensation and began to move with all the urgency she’d felt in him earlier. He thrust into her with hard, desperate strokes that felt like heaven as her body squeezed around him.
He let out a long, victorious growl, the tension in his body pitching before spreading into warmth and an amazing sense of completeness that filled Ruby from head to toe. The rush of orgasm faded slowly, and a beautiful feeling as though all were right with the world swept in to take its place. They lay tangled together, panting and spent, though still joined.
Only when it grew too cold to stay on top of the covers did they move enough to climb under them. As long as Faith was still napping, Ruby had no desire to do anything but lie in Gil’s arms. The heat of his body infused her, making her feel loved for the first time in as long as she could remember.
But as Gil’s breathing slowed to the deep, steady, rhythm of sleep, other, sinister thoughts began to poke at the edges of Ruby’s consciousness. Pleasure was one thing, but reality was another. Worry crept up on her, and she began to tense in his arms. She’d gone to bed with him without a second thought. As glorious as it’d been and as healing as it’d felt, anyone who found out about it would use what was beautiful against her. The mo
re Gil looked at her with desire in his eyes, the more other men would think she was available for a price. Even if he married her, her past would be there to haunt her.
Ruby dozed off with those anxious thoughts and awoke to the sound of Faith fussing in the other room. With a gasp, she wriggled away from Gil and jumped out of bed, snatching up her clothes and dressing as fast as she could. Gil stirred awake moments later.
“Is she all right?” he asked groggily.
“Yes,” Ruby answered, fastening her corset and throwing her blouse over her head. “But she’s awake.”
He seemed to accept that answer and rose, slower than her, to dress as she rushed into the main room.
“Mummy’s here,” Ruby said, fetching Faith from the bed. She’d sat up and was rubbing her eyes and reaching for Ruby when she hurried to the sofa.
As drastically as the world had changed in those precious moments with Gil, proof that the larger reality was the same snuggled into her arms. Faith hugged her, burying her face against Ruby’s shoulder as she slowly woke from her nap. Ruby rocked her, kissing her forehead and reassuring her that she was there for her.
She glanced through the door into the bedroom, which Gil was straightening after getting dressed. Her heart turned circles in her chest. Love was one thing, but life was another. As much as she wanted to, could she really saddle Gil with a child that wasn’t his along with her forever-tarnished reputation?
“It’s started to snow,” Gil called from the bedroom. He walked out to the main room a few seconds later, fully dressed and looking far more put together than she did. “We’d better head back to the main house before it gets bad.”
“You’re right.”
She rose, setting Faith aside, and finished straightening her clothes. Her hair was a mess, but there was little time to tame it. She thanked whoever had designed her nursemaid’s uniform for adding a cap, and set about settling Faith into her sling and putting on all her winter things.
By the time she and Gil started back to the house, Ruby wasn’t certain that anyone would have been able to guess what they’d just done. Her face was pink as a rose, as was Gil’s, but that could be explained by the cold. Their absences from the house had explanations as well. But from the moment they stepped through the kitchen door into the servant’s hall together, the looks everyone from Jonah, the hall boy, to Mrs. Carlisle, the cook, sent them were knowing and salacious.
“Mr. Croydon has been asking for you,” Mrs. Musgrave said, her expression dark with intense dislike as they passed her office.
“I’ll go up directly,” Gil said.
“Not you,” Mrs. Musgrave informed him, her jaw tight. She nodded to Ruby from her desk without getting up. “Her.”
Dread pooled in Ruby’s stomach. She sent Gil an anxious look, then rushed toward the stairs as fast as she could.
Gil walked a step behind her the whole way from the servants’ stairs, across the front hall, and into the afternoon parlor. Mr. and Mrs. Croydon weren’t alone. Along with James, Edward Croydon and Lady Evangeline sat enjoying afternoon tea. Surprisingly, Mr. Edward and Lady Evangeline brightened when she entered the room.
“There she is.” Lady Evangeline stood, her smile bright and charming, as Ruby came to a stop only a few paces inside the parlor door. “Our poor Miss Murdoch.” She swept away from the sofa as Mr. Edward rose behind her.
“Ruby.” James jumped off his mother’s lap and scrambled across the room to charge headfirst into her legs before Lady Evangeline could reach her. “I will visit you at Uncle Edward’s.”
Ruby’s mouth dropped open, but she couldn’t form a sound or a thought. The best she could do was to rest her hand on James’s head.
“We’ve heard all about the trouble you’re having,” Mr. Edward said, “and we’ve come to rescue you from it all.”
“I beg your pardon?” Gil asked for her.
Mr. Croydon walked over to join the group, and at last, Mrs. Croydon rose to join as well.
“As luck would have it,” Mr. Croydon said, “My brother here has been thinking of expanding his staff.”
“We’re about to be married, you see,” Lady Evangeline said, glancing with adoration at Mr. Edward. “And since we plan to entertain quite a bit once we’ve entered the connubial state, we shall need a veritable army of capable staff to assist our endeavors.”
“And we’re not too picky,” Mr. Edward added with a grin.
Ruby was certain he meant it as a compliment, but her heart sank. “Thank you, sir, my lady,” she said, holding Faith as she curtsied. Faith chose that moment to stir.
Lady Evangeline’s smile grew, and she craned her neck to get a look at Faith. “We’re perfectly happy to take your little girl with you,” she said. “In time, she would make a delightful scullery maid.”
The gnawing feeling in Ruby’s stomach grew. She was certain Lady Evangeline hadn’t meant to imply she would put Faith to work as soon as the girl could hold a brush, but it amounted to the same thing. At the same time, the fact that they were willing to let Faith stay with her was nothing short of a miracle. It would be virtually impossible for her to find a better position.
“I’m most grateful,” she said, lowering her eyes as she hugged Faith.
“Your offer is generous,” Gil said, “but it won’t be necessary.”
Lady Evangeline and Mr. Edward blinked in surprise and looked to Gil. Mr. Croydon frowned at him, and Mrs. Croydon glanced between Gil and Ruby.
“As kind as your offer is,” Gil repeated, “Ruby won’t—”
“Thank you,” Ruby said, slightly louder than she should have, cutting Gil off. She sent him a firm, sad stare, willing him to be silent. He frowned in confusion at her. She took in a breath and turned back to Mr. Edward and Lady Evangeline. “Your offer is most kind. I could not possibly do anything but accept it.”
Gil stiffened behind her. Lady Evangeline smiled tentatively, peeking at him before focusing on Ruby. “We can make arrangements for the transfer to Edward’s house right away.”
“Since that seems to be the best course of action,” Mr. Edward said, finishing his fiancée’s sentence.
“Yes, please, sir, my lady.” Ruby lowered her head and curtsied.
“It’s settled then,” Mr. Croydon said. “I think this is the best outcome any of us could have hoped for.”
“I agree,” Mrs. Croydon said, though she didn’t sound as convinced.
“I want Ruby to stay,” James said glumly.
“We’ll still be able to see each other, Master James,” Ruby said, feeling as though it was a shameful lie to tell a child. “I’ll just be at your uncle’s house.”
“I want to go to Uncle Edward’s house every day,” James replied with a pout.
“Shall we go upstairs to the nursery now?” Ruby asked, glancing to Mrs. Croydon.
Mrs. Croydon nodded, so Ruby took James’s hand. He continued to pout as Ruby curtsied to her betters, then turned and started to lead him from the room. She glanced to Gil, only to find a mix of hurt, anger, and loss in his eyes that made her feel sick with guilt. But there was nothing to be done about it but to flee before she made things worse.
Chapter 8
Gil recovered from his shock as Edward Croydon clapped his hands together and said, “That went well, I think.”
A sudden burst of betrayal filled him. No, it hadn’t gone well at all. He cleared his throat and made a curt bow to Alex and his brother. “Excuse me, sir,” he said, his voice rough.
He turned to go, but Alex stopped him with, “Hold on a minute, Phillips.”
With his jaw clenched, Gil turned to face his employer. “Sir?”
Alex’s expression shifted from firm and businesslike to compassionate, almost pitying. He opened his mouth, but thought better of whatever he’d been about to say. Instead, he shook his head and asked, “Do you have the valet applications?”
Gil cursed under his breath. The envelope of applications was still sitting on the table bes
ide the door in the cottage. It had completely slipped his mind. At the same time, his lapse gave him exactly the excuse he needed to leave.
“I’ll fetch it right away, sir.”
He bowed once more, then turned and rushed out of the room. Strictly speaking, he should have waited to be dismissed, but with his world on the verge of falling apart, he was willing to risk a little insubordination.
He caught up with Ruby on the second-floor landing.
“What was that?” he hissed, glancing around to be sure that no one, other than James, was around to overhear them.
At least Ruby respected him enough not to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. She sighed, resting her hand on his chest, over the coat that he still wore.
“I knew you’d be upset,” she began in a low voice, her eyes downcast. “But it’s really the best outcome we could hope for.”
“Best outcome?” Gil sputtered. He was on the verge of losing his temper in a way he hadn’t in years, but with James standing by Ruby’s side, holding her other hand and glancing curiously up at him, he had to keep it in check. He leaned closer to Ruby and whispered, “The best we could hope for is that you marry me.”
Ruby’s face pinched its way through half a dozen emotions before settling on painful resignation. She looked up at him. “I love you, Gil,” she whispered. “But we both know that marriage would be a disaster.”
“It would not,” he argued, louder than he should have been. Agony raged inside of him, making him restless and reckless.
Ruby remained far calmer. She glanced quickly to James, then back at him. “My reputation is in tatters,” she said. “And your star is rising. You could be a truly great man someday, but the world will always know who I am. You will always know who I am.”
“You’re the woman I love,” he insisted, taking her hand from his chest and holding it with both of his.
She shook her head all the same. “I want to believe that the world is a good and forgiving place, Gil. I want more than anything to think that everyone we meet will be kind and understanding, and that they will take the circumstances of my fall into consideration. But people aren’t like that.”