Just Make Him Beautiful

by Warren, Mike

“How about the next time I see Keith, I start asking him questions about his family? If he tells me he has a brother and I get all the vital information, I’ll then tell him about my gorgeous granddaughter and that I wanna have a dinner party so they can meet. How does that sound?”

  I shook my head. “There’s only one problem, Momma.”

  “And what’s that, darling?”

  “Ah, you don’t have a granddaughter. Duh!”

  “I know that, and you know that, but they don’t know that.” She winked at me as she sipped her coffee.

  “So, what happens when they show up and this gorgeous granddaughter doesn’t?”

  “Baby, I just wanna get them all in one place. And the least of their worry will be my granddaughter,” Momma said with a devilish grin. “Trust me.”

  Chapter 22

  After a few weeks, Momma had Keith and Robin just where she wanted them. They’d actually started treating her as though she was their real momma.Whenever Keith mistreated Robin, she would go to Momma seeking advice and shit. I thought it was the funniest thing, because Momma would tell her to do shit that made no sense, but stupid-ass Robin would do it anyway. Which would cause Keith to be even more upset.

  Keith wasn’t any better, calling Momma at home and complaining about Robin did this and Robin did that. Stupid muthafuckas, they all had what was coming to them.

  When Momma first asked Keith about the dinner party and wanting to set her granddaughter up with his brother, Keith originally said he would pass on the idea, but by the time Momma finished babying him and catering to him, a week later he changed his mind. Told Momma he couldn’t wait to meet her granddaughter, and besides, his little brother needed to meet someone and settle down.

  When Momma told me that, I fell out. Momma also said that Keith said he had an appointment scheduled for that same evening and that he had to be there by eleven p.m. Momma said she assured him that the dinner party would be over no later than ten p.m.

  And as luck would have it, I didn’t have to make up some lame excuse for not being present because Keith actually lied to Momma and said his brother didn’t like homosexuals, that he didn’t know if Momma noticed but I was one flaming queen, and if she could talk me into making other plans so I wouldn’t be there.

  Ain’t that some shit? Flaming queen. The nerve. He don’t be saying that shit when he be dicking me down, the faggot-ass muthafucka. But little did he know, I was gonna be making my grand appearance, okay.

  Anyways, a few days before the dinner party, Momma said she wanted to visit my stepfather, Mr. William Jenkins, and get his ass straight about his threats towards me and my sister. And she also wanted to go see Ms. Gerdy and thank her for what she had done for raising her kids and to say good-bye.

  *

  “Well, Momma, what are you planning on saying to him?” I asked her on the drive headed towards my stepfather’s grocery store.

  “I’ma give his ass a piece of my mind,” she said, her lips poked out.

  “Momma, he doesn’t even know who you are. Why would he care what you say? Besides, am I to introduce you to him as my mother or Ms. Stewart?” I looked at Momma out of the corner of my eye. She was still in her Ms. Stewart disguise.

  “Suga, it really doesn’t matter at this point.” She opened her purse and showed me what looked like a gun.

  “Momma, where did you get that from?”

  “Don’t worry, baby. Momma, got this.” She sat back in the seat and twisted her neck from side to side.

  “You not gonna shoot him, are you?”

  “That depends.” Momma shrugged her shoulders.

  “Depends on what?”

  “Depends on whether he wants to keep on living, baby,” she said, looking at me.

  My eyes popped out as I continued to drive, and a lump got caught in my throat. I tried hard to swallow, but the thoughts that ran in and out of my head were making it hard to do so. I didn’t know what Momma was going to say to my stepfather, and worse yet, I didn’t know if she was actually going there to kill this man or not. Either way, I didn’t have a good feeling about this.

  I began thinking that may be Momma had spent too much time in that sanitarium and just might be crazy.

  *

  I found a parking space right out front of my stepfather’s store. I parked the car, and Momma and I got out and headed into the store.

  “Hi, Cameron,” Ms. Ruby stated. “Haven’t seen you around here in a while. How have you been?”

  “I’m good, Ms. Ruby. I just stopped by because I wanted to see my father. Is he in?”

  “Yeah, he’s back there in his office. Why don’t you go on back there and surprise him?”

  “I think I will. Thanks.”

  Momma and I headed towards the back, where my stepfather’s office was located. His office door was closed, so I knocked.

  “What are you doing?” Momma asked me.

  “Knocking on the door.”

  “Boy, please.” Momma opened his door.

  I walked in first with Momma right behind me. My stepfather was sitting at his desk looking at some reports and still hadn’t noticed us standing there.

  Momma cleared her throat.

  “Hey, Dad,” I said as nice as I could.

  “What da hell?” He raised his head and noticed that I wasn’t by myself.

  “Dad, this is…”

  “Janet, is that you?” He put on his glasses that were on his desk and stood up.

  Momma slammed his office door. “In the flesh, Bill.”

  “Wha-wha-what are you doing here?”

  “Are you gonna invite us to have a seat, Bill?” Momma asked, standing there with her hands on her hips.

  I didn’t know what was going on, but whatever it was, Momma and my stepfather knew each other, and he seemed a little scared of her.

  “Ah, ah, sure. Have a seat.” He too sat back down and started shifting around in his seat.

  “Don’t worry, Bill. No need to be nervous. I didn’t call the po-po on yo’ trifling ass.” Momma said sitting down.

  “Look, Janet, before…”

  “No, Bill, you look. I’m here because I don’t like anyone…do you hear me, Bill? I don’t like anyone threatening my kids, and according to Cameron, you threatened him and Keisha. Is that true, Bill?” Momma pulled out her gun and twirled it around her fingers.

  Chile, I felt like I was at a dayum movie or something. Momma wasn’t taking shit from this man, a man who had bullied me as well as Ms. Gerdy. And now to see him act like a bitch in front of Momma was freaking me out. What did Momma have on this man?

  “Yo, sis, you know I wouldn’t harm my own kin folk. Hell, I was just playing with the boy. I wouldn’t do such a thing.”

  “Sis?” I looked at Momma then at my stepfather.

  “Yeah, baby, this is Bill, my older brother…your uncle,” Momma said, looking at me. “So, now that the introductions been made, I need you to apologize to your nephew.” Momma stood up and walked to the back of my uncle’s chair.

  “Come on, Janet. I was just having a little fun with the boy. I wasn’t gonna hurt him.”

  “Cameron, did I ever tell you the time when my brother, your uncle here…” Momma pointed the gun at his head, “blew up our parents’ house with them in it, just so he could collect on their life insurance policy? And you sit here and say, he kinfolk and you wouldn’t have hurt him?” Momma hit him over the head with the butt of the gun.

  My uncle held the back of his head. “Ouch! Shit!”

  “Now, Bill, like I said, you need to apologize to your nephew. Or how ’bout I tell Gerdy that you just married her so that you could kill her and collect on her insurance policy as well? Or how about I just call the po-po and let them know you were responsible for killing one of their own? When was this, Bill, six or seven years ago when you came running to my house and cried like a little bitch because you thought the po-po was gonna catch yo’ punk ass because you didn’t wanna go to prison?” Momma circ
led him like a vulture.

  “I apologize,” he stated softly, still holding the back of his head.

  “Speak up, muthafucka! I couldn’t hear that shit. Did you, Cameron?” Momma looked over at me.

  I laughed. “No, ma’am.”

  “I apologize,” he replied, almost yelling.

  “Now, was that so hard? And the next time I hear anything about you threatening my kids, I will kill you.” Momma took her seat and put her gun back in her purse.

  I guess that was a good thing because at that point Ms. Ruby opened the office door.

  “Everything all right?” she asked.

  Uncle Bill responded, “Yeah, Ruby, everything is fine.”

  “Okay, I was just checking.” She closed the door.

  “So, you knew you were my uncle? Why did you treat me that way?”

  “Baby, he treated you that way because as a gay bottom man himself, he has a problem with feminine gay individuals. I think deep down inside, he wish he could be more like you, but he’s too dayum scared. Scared of what society might think. So he overcompensate by butching it up, even though you love yourself some dick too. Or don’t you remember telling me that when we were younger? Ain’t that right, Bill?”

  Uncle Bill never said a word. He just hung his head low, looking down at his desk.

  I wanted to feel sorry for him, but how could I?

  “Well, baby, it’s time for us to leave. I’ve said my piece.” Momma got up and opened the office door.

  We walked out to the front of the store, where I saw Ms. Ruby waiting on a customer.

  “See you, Ms. Ruby. Have a nice day,” I said, as Momma and I walked out of the store.

  Momma and I got in the car, looked at one another, and cracked up. Momma was something else.

  “Now, I wanna go see Gerdy,” she said, putting on her seat belt.

  “Okay, Momma. But, wow, I can’t get over the fact that you and the man I knew as my stepfather are brother and sister. Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

  “Baby, you find out things in life all in good time.”

  “But you said you didn’t have any family. I knew that your parents had died in a fire, but I didn’t know it was because of Uncle Bill.”

  “So, now you know.”

  “So, Momma, had you thought about where we would go after the dinner party?”

  “I sure have.”

  “Where?”

  “I’ve always wanted to go to New York. Even as a child, I thought that someday I would go there but never had a chance. Now I do, and I can hardly wait.”

  “Why New York, Momma?”

  “It’s the city that never sleeps, baby. Not like tired-ass Omaha, you know. I wanna walk through Times Square. I wanna see the Statue of Liberty in person. Let’s just say, I wanna take a bite out of The Big Apple.” Momma laughed.

  *

  Minutes later, we pulled up in front of Ms. Gerdy’s house. This time I parked in the driveway because I no longer feared my uncle. I was with Momma, so he knew better than to fuck with me ever again.

  We got out of the car and walked up to the front door.

  “Do you want me to introduce you as Momma or Ms. Annabelle Stewart?”

  “Let’s see if she recognizes me first,” Momma said, ringing the doorbell.

  “Wait a minute!” I heard Ms. Gerdy yell.

  “She must be cooking because I smell something that sure smells good,” Momma said.

  “Well, Cameron, why are you ringing the doorbell?” Ms. Gerdy asked as she opened the door.

  “Hey, Ma,” I said as we walked in. I gave her a hug. “I brought a friend of mine by for you to meet. “Ma, this is Ms. Stewart. Ms. Stewart, this is Ma.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Stewart. Y’all come on out in the kitchen ’cause I got food on the stove.” Ma led us out into her kitchen.

  “Same here. You have a lovely home,” Momma said as we entered the kitchen.

  Ma took a closer look at Momma. “Janet?”

  “Yeah, girl. How have you been?” Momma gave Ma a big ol’ hug.

  “Well, lawd, Janet Wilson, as I live and breathe.” Ma looked at Momma up and down. “Well, what…I mean when…what do you have on, honey chile?”

  “I know I look older than you, but I’m going to a little get-together and we’re supposed to dress up like an old person. So, don’t even go there. You know I’m still all that.” Momma took off her wig and straightened out her jazzy bob hairdo.

  “Well, you surprised me. Cameron, you didn’t tell me your mother was out,” Ma said, looking at me.

  “I know, Ma, but Momma asked me not to say anything because she wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, y’all sure did that. Why don’t y’all have a seat? Y’all hungry? I can fix y’all a plate. And I know you hungry, Cameron. You just so thin, sweetie.”

  “Ma, I’m thin because I wanna be. I have to watch my figure,” I said, laughing.

  “Janet, that child of yours, I swear…”

  “I know, Gerdy. You ain’t gotta tell me. And, yes, I would love a plate. Everything just smells so good.”

  We all sat and talked for hours. I watched Ma and Momma go back and forth talking about the good ol’ days and how they used to go out from time to time. Ma told Momma that she remarried and how much she loved her husband, but the interesting thing was that Momma never told Ma that her husband was her brother. I definitely had to ask Momma about that later.

  But I enjoyed watching them talk, and laugh until they cried. I truly loved these two women, one very meek and mild, the other strong and aggressive.

  “Well, Gerdy, before we leave, I seriously just wanna thank you for what you did for my kids. I thank you and love you for doing that.” Momma had tears in her eyes as she looked at Ms. Gerdy.

  “Janet, I should be thanking you. Your kids have brought so much joy in my life, and for that, I’ve been blessed. Thank you.” Ma got up and hugged Momma.

  “Y’all need to stop that because y’all gonna make me cry too.” I got up and hugged them both.

  “And, Gerdy, I need one last favor.” Momma sat back down at the table.

  “What, Janet? What’s wrong?”

  “Everything is fine, Gerdy, but like I said, Keshia has been staying with me. This Saturday, I want her to stay here with you, and I will pick her up on Sunday. Is that okay with you?”

  “Sure, baby. That’s not a problem at all. This is still Keisha’s home, just like it’s still Cameron’s home.” Ma smiled at me.

  “Thank you, Gerdy,” Mommy said in a genuine tone.

  “Look, Janet, you gonna have to stop all this thanking-me stuff. These kids have been calling me Ma for the past almost five years. Now stop it, you hear me?”

  “Okay, Gerdy, I just love you for what you’ve done for my kids. I can’t help but say thank you.”

  “Okay, Janet. You’re welcome,” Ma replied, looking at Momma with her head hanging down. “Hey, maybe you can do the same for me one day.” Ma laughed while holding Momma’s chin up with her hand.

  And with that, Ma and Momma were back at laughing and talking about the good ol’ times once again.

  Chapter 23

  Today was Saturday the first, the day when all the shit was gonna hit the fan, as Momma would say. It was high noon when I picked up Momma and Keisha, and then dropped Keisha off at Ms. Gerdy’s house.

  “Momma, why can’t I come to the dinner party with you and Cameron?” Keisha pouted.

  “Look, Keshia, it’s for adults, okay. I promised we will hang out tomorrow, maybe go to the mall and do some shopping.” Momma kissed her on the forehead.

  “What time you gonna pick me up?”

  “What time you want me to pick you up?” Momma smiled.

  “Ah, eight o’clock.”

  “Girl, the mall don’t open until ten a.m. Why eight o’clock?”

  “We can stop at Micky Dee’s for breakfast.”

  “Hmmm. Okay, okay. Love you. Mean it.”


  “Love you, too, Momma,” Keisha said, getting out of the car.

  “Hey, what about me, little girl?” I pouted.

  “Love you too, Cameron.” She was smiling and waving at me as she walked up on Ma’s front porch.

  We headed back to the mansion because Momma said Uncle Bill was stopping by to do her a favor and that he was supposed to be there by one p.m. I didn’t know what kind of favor, and I didn’t bother to ask. I knew Robin had left out earlier this morning to get her hair done, and a pedicure and manicure, as well as pick out a new outfit for tonight’s dinner party, so I knew she would be gone most of the day. Keith on the other hand was to pick up Junior and have him back at the mansion by six forty-five p.m. because dinner would begin promptly at seven p.m.

  Momma had gone all out by buying a black-and-white maid’s outfit, along with one of those little white hats that maids used to wear back in the day. We went grocery shopping yesterday and purchased all that Momma had on her list like lunch meats, a variety of cheeses, Ritz Crackers for hors d’oeuvre, a variety of fruit, whipped cream, honey ham, a roast, turkey, yams, white potatoes, rice, stuffing, biscuit mix, and cake mix. You name it, Momma got it, along with red and white dinner wine.

  Fortunately, Momma cooked most of the food last night, so today it was just a matter of warming most of it up.

  Momma and I pulled up at the gate just in time because Uncle Bill had pulled up right behind us. I input the code and waved him to go around me so he could enter first. I then re-entered the code and proceeded through.

  As we all got out of our cars, I noticed that Uncle Bill had a large black cloth bag that he carried over his shoulder. “What’s that for?” I asked, looking at Momma and then at Uncle Bill.

  “Don’t worry about that, baby. Let’s just let Uncle Bill here do his job, okay,” Momma said as we entered the kitchen area.

  “Where do you want me to begin?” Uncle Bill asked.

  Momma told me, “Baby, why don’t you go check and make sure no one else is here, all right.”

  “Okay, Momma. But no one’s car is here but mine, so I know we are alone.”

  “Go check anyway,” Momma snapped.