by Tiana Cole
“That is the heartbeat you hear and it’s good and strong. Healthy.”
Eyes closed tight, she let the sound of the tiny heartbeat wash over her as tears dripped from the corners of her eyes. This was real. No matter how the baby came to be in her life, Amanda was determined to give her baby all the love she could. “That’s amazing.”
Another small smile and the doctor pressed a few keys before turning back to Amanda. “Based on the size as well as the results of your tests, you’re about ten weeks pregnant. Give or take a week.”
That was the answer she’d been looking for. Sometime during that fantastic weekend she’d thought was the beginning of something, they’d created a life. At least something lasted beyond that weekend. “Thank you, Doctor.”
She gave a terse nod and wrote a few things on a pad. “You’ll need to start prenatal vitamins right away, take each one once a day with a glass of water. And make sure to eat healthy with lots of vitamins and minerals.”
Amanda soaked up all the information and filed it away in her mind until later before getting dressed again and setting up her appointment for next month. The drive back to her apartment was quick, almost sneaking up on her.
Scanning her small apartment, she realized the first step she needed to take was to find a house for her and her baby. The postage stamp room was nowhere near large enough for her and a baby, plus the millions of things babies required. “And I need to move while I’m still small enough to do it myself.” Blowing out a long, frustrated breath Amanda plopped down on her lumpy sofa and let her tears fall for all the changes in her life. For the things she’d wished for as a girl, that she now couldn’t have.
Nearly an hour later and her tears had long dried. The time for crying was over. Now was the time for action.
~
“You summoned me big brother?” Alex stood, dressed casually in jeans and a crisp white Oxford rolled up at the sleeves to reveal a sprinkling of golden blonde hair.
Stefan gave him a quick onceover and smiled. “I like this new casual version of you, it’s more relaxed.”
“Less stuffy, I think you mean.” He laughed and it felt good this time. Maybe it was because Stefan was awake and they’d finally gotten word that there was no lasting brain damage. “Want to go for a walk?”
Stefan smiled, looking exactly like he had the day Alex left for America. “Why not? I could definitely use the sun.”
Alex shook his head and took in his brother’s pale skin. “No comment.” He laughed at Stefan’s fake look of outrage.
“Before we go though, I have a few things I want to talk to you about.”
Alex stiffened at his brother’s words, wondering what in the hell kind of drama he was in for now. “I’m listening.”
“Relax, it’s nothing you need to worry about.” His words were calm but the tight intensity of his gaze told Alex otherwise. When a stack of expensive white envelopes were slid in his direction, Alex groaned.
“Where did you get those?” The last thing he wanted to think about were the letters he’d sent to Amanda, returned without ever being opened. “And why in the hell are you shoving them in my face now?”
Stefan’s sent a bemused smile Alex’s way and shook his head. “Do you want to talk about them?”
Alex was glad he hadn’t taken a seat since the question hit him with the force of a fist. “What’s to talk about? I sent her letters, quite a lot of them actually, and she returned them. Every single one of them.” He didn’t understand why. Didn’t he deserve an explanation?
“The first letter I see in this stack was written just a few weeks ago brother but you’ve been home for months.”
“Yeah I’ve been kind of busy, with my brother in a coma and taking over his royal responsibilities!”
“Too busy for one phone call to explain why you lied to her and then left without a trace?”
“I told her why I kept my identity a secret and why I had to come home.” Amanda was an understanding woman, she had to understand why he’d left. His family needed him.
“And you’ve been away from her for months. With no phone calls or text messages, no emails? Am I right?”
Dammit, Stefan was right. “She was so mad at first I wanted to give her time to cool off.”
“And now?” Stefan’s blonde brows rose, telling him exactly what he thought of his excuses.
“I wrote her. She didn’t want to hear it.”
Stefan shook his head and sat up straighter. “I can’t say I blame her, Alex. You lied and then basically forgot about her, and now you think a letter is going to say what she needs to hear from you?” He shook his head. “You are, as the Americans say, totally screwed.”
His brother’s levity threw him for a loop and he laughed. “I see that now, but what can I do?”
“Well I’m healed, mind and body. I’m being discharged tomorrow so there’s no reason for you to be here anymore. Go back to America. To your Amanda.”
Alex sighed, wondering why he didn’t feel happier. “What if I’m wrong? What if she isn’t mad, what if she’s happy to be rid of me? I mean she also hasn’t called me in all this time.”
“Are you so sure about that little brother?” They shared a long look and Alex knew they were both remembering a time not so long ago when Stefan and Elena were still trying to figure things out between them. “Mother was happy she was a royal but not pleased that she wasn’t rich and was something as common as a scientist. So she interfered. Badly.”
She’d lied, making Elena believe that Stefan was sleeping with someone else. It had almost broken them up. “That’s too duplicitous, even for her.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Elena walked into the room with an angry scowl on her face. Arms crossed she walked into the room, kissed her husband and graced him with an infectious and loving smile. “You guys won’t believe what I found out from Carlita.” Pausing for a deep breath, she turned sad eyes up to Alex. “Amanda called and wrote you letters nearly everyday for weeks. The Queen instructed her to burn the letters and never let you know about the calls.”
Alex felt the blood drain from his face, and his heart slowed until the beats were easy to count in his head. The world stopped spinning. It just…stopped as he looked around, nothing seemed to make any sense to him. “No…she…no.” Shaking his head, Alex felt his hands tremble and he began to pace the room. Amanda had tried—and failed—to get in touch with him since he’d left. “No wonder she returned all my letters.”
Princess Elena’s laugh echoed in the room. “Well even without the Queen’s help, you’ve done nothing to reach out to her until recently.”
He glared at his sister in law. “You’re not helping Elena.”
“And you deserve it Alexander! You said you love this woman but you’ve just forgotten all about her, haven’t you?” Alex opened his mouth to speak but Elena popped up and left the room in a huff.
“You’ve done it now brother. Pissed off the only person who can help you get your woman back.”
“If that’s even possible anymore.” He stopped and faced his brother. “Come on, let’s get started on that walk.” Alex had a lot of thinking to do and he wouldn’t get it done inside the antiseptic halls of the hospital.
“Yes, lets. I have a few ideas.”
Chapter 11
Oh hell, just kill me now. Amanda was bent over the metal trash bin inside Dean Hart’s office, emptying the contents of her stomach with a ferocity she hadn’t expected. Morning sickness had struck hard and fast, lasting all day and night, never letting up until she was in her bed still as a corpse. Good, near done…not quite, she thought and dumped a stomach full of bile into the bin. “Sorry,” she said with an apologetic smile as she wiped her mouth.
Dean Hart simply looked at her, face blank and murky grey eyes taking in every detail. His messy hair stood up in a silver halo, his flappy jowls somehow moving despite his frozen posture. “Feeling under the weather Ms. Haze?”
A
manda nodded and took a closer look at the Dean. His face was carefully blank, too careful and his tone had been a little too devoid of emotion.
He knows. “Something like that.”
The Dean slowly nodded, taking in every word. “Right. Well Ms. Haze there have been rumors swirling over your recent illness.”
She frowned. “I don’t see why. It’s perfectly understandable for teachers to pick up germs in a building full of children. My health is no one’s concern but my own.”
“I wish that were true, but it isn’t.”
Finally she saw what was happening here and felt her resolve strengthen. “Actually according to the law, my medical issues are private.”
“Yes well, as an educator there are certain expectations.” Loosening his collar, Dean Hart squirmed in his chair but his gaze held hers, locked together in challenge. “You are an example for the students and we expect it to be a good example.”
With her fiercest expression plastered on, Amanda tilted her head up and glared at the Dean. “How am I not being a good example for the students?”
After a brief moment of spluttering and stumbling for words, Dean Hart cleared his throat and spoke. “You are quite clearly pregnant, Ms. Haze. And unmarried.”
“Correct on both counts, though neither have nothing to do with my job as an educator.”
“That’s not entirely true, actually.”
Amanda spoke right over him. “In fact many of the students who attend Elite Academy live in single parent homes, they’re just far larger, more expensive and nicer than my current living arrangements. So tell me Dean, am I to set a better example for my students than their own parents?”
“Well no, but you have to see that it sends the wrong message.”
“And if I lived with my boyfriend, would it still be a problem?”
“Well no, of course not. But you’re not, are you?”
Amanda pasted on her most patient smile and folded her arms in front of her. “You know that you’re not even allowed to ask these questions, Dean, so why don’t you tell me what is the point of this meeting?”
“I hoped you would see reason here, Ms. Haze. But since you refuse to do so I’m afraid that we’re going to ask you to take a leave of absence from Elite Academy until your situation changes.”
She scoffed at his attempt to whitewash her life experience. “What exactly does that mean Dean Hart?” If the school wanted to try and take this stand, she would force them to use their words.
With a heavy sigh, the Dean dropped his head forward, shaking it stubbornly. “I hate to do this Ms. Haze considering how excellent your students are doing, but until the baby is born or until you have a husband we need you to take a leave of absence.”
Unbelievable! She couldn’t believe the board or the Dean thought this was an acceptable way to behave towards a teacher. So much for the job of my dreams. “You know Dean Hart, thanks for asking but I’m good.”
“You’re good?”
“Yep.” She flashed him a smile that did nothing to hide her contempt for him, or for the entire school administration.
“What does that mean, exactly?”
She smiled and stood. “It means that I think I’ll pass on your offer of a leave of absence.” She stood and smoothed the red knit sweater over her slightly rounded bump. “See you after winter break, Dean Hart. Happy Holidays.” She held her smile as she walked through the overdone halls of Elite Academy, suddenly feeling disillusioned with the school she thought was the start of her newest chapter. Well it is, in a way, she smiled sardonically.
“Not so smiley anymore, I see Ms. Haze. Lost without your lover boy?” Missy Stevens sneered as she passed the hall of administrative offices.
“If you’re truly interested he had to go home because his brother was involved in a car crash.” At her fallen look, Amanda smiled. “Bitchiness ages you Miss Stevens.” Without waiting for the woman to respond, she continued down the halls and through the double glass doors until the crisp late autumn air hit her skin, cooling her instantly. Her smile widened and she realized something she’d been over looking the past few weeks, since Alex left if she was being honest.
She would be alright.
~
“Finally some good luck, Misty!” For the first time in much too long Amanda smiled, feeling as though something was finally going her way. “I’ve found a place to live!” In fact she’d more than found a place. She’d already put down a six month deposit, which had put a significant dent in her savings, and planned to move in before the next semester began.
“That’s great! But are you sure you want to commit to something like that right now?”
Amanda sighed, holding back her frustration because she knew Misty meant well. “I’m not putting my life on hold for him Misty. Or anyone else. Right now I have the time and the money to move, why should I wait?”
“What if he returns?”
“That’s not going to happen Misty. I’ve accepted it and it’s time you do the same. Anyway I have a place and I’m moving in right away.” Her earlier excitement was now gone. And I didn’t even get to really enjoy it.
“I’m sorry, hon.”
“It’s fine, Misty.” It was dumb to get so excited over a two bedroom house, anyway.
“No it’s not. You were excited and I stomped all over it, and I’m sorry for that. Andy and I will come down and help you move, okay?”
“That’s not necessary Misty. It’s already taken care of, you guys need to enjoy your holiday.” Now that her excitement over finding a home was dead, she just wanted to go lie down. “I’m tired, I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” She hung up, like a coward, before Misty could apologize again.
She didn’t want anymore pity or sympathy, no matter how much she deserved it. Seeing that look in people’s eyes and hearing that tone when she spoke to Misty, it was too much. It only reminded her of the one thing she was trying like hell to forget. Alex Baez. The man was a liar and a user. It didn’t matter that she still loved him and dreamed about him coming back to her and the baby. It was just a silly dream anyway. It didn’t mean anything.
Amanda spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day making up a plan for the next twelve months. She’d found a place to live and now it was time to bargain hunt for baby necessities and furniture. For once in her life, Amanda was planting roots. It felt good.
It also felt good to make progress on her own plans for the future. A few days after Christmas she moved into the small house with the barest amount of furniture—a sofa, a bed and a dining table—and the help of three burly movers. It had taken them just two hours to get it all done, which meant she’d saved a few hundred bucks. That made her smile. It would take some time for the house to feel like a home, but she had time. “Plenty of it,” she said, grateful the giant gourmet stove and fridge had come with the house because her budget couldn’t handle it. With a baby on the way she knew she had to be smart with her money. Kids were expensive and more so when there was only one person to pay the bills and buy the food, so she kept her diet simple and only bought what she absolutely needed.
It felt nice to be completely on her own. She’d spent so much of her childhood wishing for more. More family, more love. More. More. More. So wasn’t it strange that she’d found so much peace with less? She’d spent a week in her own little bubble of heartbreak and planning for the future, and it was somehow cathartic. Amanda knew the heartache she felt over Alex wouldn’t go away anytime soon, especially with his child growing in her body. Raising his son or daughter wouldn’t be easy either. Just my luck they’ll be his splitting image, she thought while she rolled dough for sugar cookies.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, she thought, being a single mother. She would finally have the family she always wanted. But not the husband, her conscious reminded her. As though she needed to be reminded that she was unlovable. She didn’t need it. Her own parent’s hadn’t kept her or stuck around to make sure she was alright. They’d left on another
adventure and never came back. Neither had any of the families she’d been placed with over the years or her boyfriends. None of them had and she knew they wouldn’t. Ever.
And she was—slowly—learning how to live with that knowledge. That feeling of total loneliness was her constant companion lately, but she had about five months to deal with it before more important things took over. I will be happy and healthy and whole for you, kiddo. I promise.
She’d been so much in her own world that Amanda hadn’t really paid attention to the fact that her phone hadn’t rung in almost a week. Misty probably had holiday plans with Andy and there was no one else she expected to hear from. No one at all. Yet, she was surprised to hear the doorbell peal on the afternoon of New Years Eve. She hadn’t even tested the thing before signing the lease, so hearing it had been a real shock. Though not as shocking as the person on the other side of the door. “How may I help you, Officer?” Yep. A police officer.
“Amanda Haze?”
She frowned and gripped the door tighter until her knuckles ached. “Yes. Have I done something wrong?”
“Are you alright, miss?” He looked past her, attempting to see inside her house. “Are you alone?”
“I’m fine Officer, but please can you tell me what this is about?” She was starting to regret opening the door. “Have I done something wrong?”
“I don’t know, have you?”
She released a long, heavy sigh, not finding his attempt at being cute very cute at all. “I have food on the stove, so if you’re not here to arrest me come in before I burn down my house.” She heard his laugh behind her and rolled her eyes again.
“Just moved to town?”
“No. I was living in housing provided by Elite Academy, where I teach literature.” She flipped her grill cheese sandwich and turned to him. “Care to tell me why you’re here, acting suspiciously?”