Amy eyed him suspiciously for a moment as she gave his explanation some thought. She was a shrewd woman, and if anyone could see through him, it would be her. Hannah was too trusting. “So, you’re not going to hurt Hannah.”
He sighed. “No, that clumsy woman does enough damage to herself; she certainly doesn’t need my help.”
Amy laughed at the truth of his statement. “She does have a way of getting herself into trouble,” she mused. “I’m surprised you feel comfortable leaving her unattended in your house.”
“Well, I leased her a new car and bought her a cell phone,” he began. “And short of baby proofing the place, there’s not much more I can do.” He smiled slightly.
Glancing at her watch, Amy stood and motioned that she was walking him to the door. “I have another appointment,” she explained sheepishly. Then she looked at him and heaved a visible sigh of relief. “At least I know where she is and that she’s being well taken care of.” She shook Gavin’s hand and then paused. “For a moment I was afraid you had taken my advice.”
“How’s that?” Gavin asked, momentarily confused.
“Oh, it’s silly, but for a moment I thought you had somehow managed to figure out how to turn Hannah into your hobby.” She shrugged and moved away.
“Yeah, silly,” he said, feeling incredibly low.
The court date snuck up on her, partially because she had been doing everything in her power to forget about it, avoid the worry, but mostly because once she had scanned and emailed Amy all of the paperwork she requested, Hannah had focused on other aspects of her life. She had spent countless hours in the studio, hours that had definitely paid off. For one thing, she had been able to take pictures and create a website to sell her crafts. Her walk-in closet had become the storage for her completed projects, easily accessible for when she was working online and preparing shipments.
After some contemplation, she had decided to combine some of her mediums. In addition to the hand painted glass container candles she had produced, she was now making a series of candles in coil pots. Smiling, Hannah admired one of her latest creations. For her, spending hours rolling the clay and shaping it into a coil pot was therapy. She sighed blissfully. Truth be told, living here was therapy.
The routine that they had developed worked to provide her the security she craved. She knew that every morning Gavin would join her in the keeping room for a few minutes to chat before going off to the office. Sometimes he rattled off what he needed of her that day, other times he simply seemed to want to visit. She had grown accustomed to dropping the girls off, running the necessary errands, and then working on a dinner plan before heading out to the studio. The kitchen was nearly complete, so she could look forward to resuming her cooking duties in the very near future. That, too, brought a smile to her face.
Some of her favorite times, however, were the times that she was able to work uninterrupted in the studio. Occasionally Madge would stop by to see what she was working on, but she never hovered for long. So, with the radio on or some of her mix cds playing, she was left to her own devices. And the result was astonishing even to her. Already she had sold several of the new clay pot candles.
That was it. Her guard was down. So when her iPhone reminded her that she had to be in court during what should have been her studio time, she was shaken to her core. Sinking down on the bed, she struggled to pull herself together. It was just a court hearing, nothing to worry about. Not only would Amy be there to support her, she would be fighting for her. Hannah tried valiantly to smile at that thought, but it was a weak one at best that couldn’t mask the fear in her eyes.
Downstairs, Gavin was pacing. He was used to sharing this time each morning with Hannah. He counted on it to get through the day. Hearing the chattering in the dining room, he hoped he might find her there. As he peeked in, however, he was disappointed to see the girls eating alone.
They seemed to be deep in a discussion and he didn’t want to interrupt. He had more important issues on his mind, like finding their mother. Yet part of their conversation caught his attention.
“Don’t worry, Zoe,” Rory said quietly. “Mommy must just be late. That’s all.”
Playing with her cereal, Zoe looked down sadly. “I hope so. I hope it’s not like before, in the apartment.” She sighed.
Laying an arm around her shoulder, Rory tried to comfort her sister. “No. Mommy’s better. You know it.”
She seemed to think a moment before answering. Her face brightened and she said, “Yup.” Then she began munching her Honey Nut Cheerios happily.
Gavin couldn’t help it. He had to ask. “Was your mom sick?” He felt his stomach clench as he awaited the answer. He would feel even lower if he had been giving her all these tasks to accomplish and she had been ill.
Shaking her head emphatically, Zoe was the first to answer. “No, just sad,” she explained. She received a poke from Rory for her answer and immediately looked down, ashamed that she had said too much.
He studied them for a moment. He had to dig deeper. “How do you mean?”
Zoe opened her mouth to respond, but Rory silenced her with a glare. Taking a deep breath, she answered anyway. “We could hear mommy crying at night, really soft, like she didn’t want anyone to hear. And she was really quiet and never had time to sing to us or play with us or read to us.”
This didn’t sound anything like the Hannah he knew. “When was this?” He asked to reconcile the image they painted with the woman he cared for.
“After daddy left,” Zoe said quietly. She looked as though she wanted to say more, but Rory interrupted her.
“That doesn’t matter now. Mommy’s all better. Everything is better.” She scowled at her sister, daring her to say anything else.
Gavin thought about what they had said. If Hannah truly had been as sad as the girls described, then she was better. He’d heard her singing as she cooked and cleaned. He had seen her playing and dancing with the girls. He’d listened in fascination as she passionately read to the girls at night. He smiled. This place, this job, and maybe even he had a hand in healing her soul. Her spark had been rekindled; she had hope. Her happiness was infectious. He couldn’t imagine life without her. And that was why he needed to see her before he left for work.
More determined than ever, he left the room and headed directly for the stairs. Gavin had to know what was preventing her from keeping with her routine. He knew how important it was for her to function. He needed her consistency, her constancy. Ascending the stairs as rapidly as he dared, he walked purposefully down the hall, pausing before the double doors.
For some reason, he couldn’t even bring himself to knock on them to attract her attention. So with one hand braced on either side of the doorframe, and his gaze trained on the floor, he called to her. “Hannah?” There was no response. He was ready to panic. “Hannah, just let me know you’re all right so that I can go to work.” There was still no sound from the other side of the doors. He straightened and moved his hands to hover just over the knobs. He flexed his fingers, ready to grasp them and fling the doors wide.
In the bathroom, Hannah sighed. She wasn’t ready to face anyone yet, especially him. She could still hide her moods from the girls, but Gavin would see through her. And once he realized that she was upset, it would only make it more difficult for her to concentrate and make it through her day. Slowly, she practiced smiling. And after a couple more tries, she had one that she thought might just be passable, and pasted it to her face.
Striding to the door, she opened just as Gavin was about to grasp the handles, forcing him to very nearly stumble into the room. The sight was comical enough to force a true smile to her face. He was quite sweet, for an overbearing overprotective jerk. Just thinking that made her giggle.
Reassured that all was well in his world, Gavin beamed at her. But his smile quickly faded as he realized just how attached he had become to this woman. “Why didn’t you answer?” He asked with a scowl. “I thought somethin
g had happened to you.” He folded his arms across his chest and frowned at her.
Smirking, she said, “Were you worried about me?” She knew how to deflect and deflate.
Bristling, he responded, “It’s just common courtesy to respond when someone speaks to you.”
Hannah laughed. “You spend a lot of time lecturing me about ‘common courtesy.’ I had no idea I was so uncouth.” She gazed up at him. He clearly was unsure how to respond to that. “Come on, you big crank. I need my tea and you clearly need your coffee.” And with that, she grabbed his hand and led him down the stairs to the keeping room.
At one that afternoon, Hannah found herself sitting in a crowded courtroom, waiting for her hearing to begin. There were men, women, and even some children from all walks of life in there. Ah, court, the great equalizer. There, everyone was the same. She sighed. Her phone had been vibrating repeatedly for the last ten minutes. Glancing at who was trying to contact her, she sighed once more. It was Gavin…again. Maybe she should have told him where she was going. Maybe he really needed her for some last minute errand. Maybe he wanted to talk about dinner or check up on her. It really didn’t matter. She wouldn’t be able to respond to him until she left the courtroom. As it was, a bailiff in the corner kept giving her angry eyes. The phone was supposed to be turned off completely during court proceedings.
Glancing across the room, she rolled her eyes heavenward. As if the cell phone was the biggest infraction. Across the courtroom and one row forward, Brett was sitting there with Krystal draped around his arm. Who brought their mistress to their divorce proceedings?
After calling her five times, Gavin had given up. He had worried about her periodically throughout the day and thought that calling her during his lunch break might cheer both of them up. Instead, it had only heightened his anxiety. She hadn’t answered. She always answered. And that’s what he counted on; hearing her playful tone through the phone always warmed him and fortified him for the remainder of his day.
As a last ditch effort, he had called the home phone, thinking she might not have heard the cell phone ring or the battery might have died. He struggled with any excuse for her suddenly falling off the grid. Instead, he now faced more questions than answers. Madge had picked up after the third ring. And when he had asked to speak to Hannah, he was told that she wasn’t there.
In fact, Madge seemed as confused and concerned as he was. The facts were these: Hannah hadn’t been herself all day. She left the house around noon wearing business casual attire. She expected she would be back at dinnertime with the girls, but not a moment before. And armed only with that limited knowledge, his mind imagined the worst.
First he thought that she might be going to another job interview. Maybe he worked her too hard, or she wasn’t challenged enough. Maybe she had an opportunity to put her degree to good use. He hadn’t given her that chance. Maybe there was another man who wanted to be her sugar daddy. Maybe she wasn’t her normal perky self because she was planning on turning in her notice. His heart pounded in his chest as he imagined having to say goodbye to her and the girls.
Once he was able to move past the fear, the anger took hold. Hannah had some explaining to do. She couldn’t just go off and ignore his calls. She couldn’t search for other jobs or other men behind his back. She couldn’t…leave him. Only…he knew she could. She had no idea how he felt about her. He still didn’t understand it himself.
Unable to focus, and after begging off early due to a migraine, Gavin reached his house before five. He knew Hannah wouldn’t be expecting him for an hour. As he feared, she wasn’t home yet. He had called her phone several more times and even sent her a text saying he’d be home early and needed to speak with her. Still, she had failed to respond. So, he did what had so often become his habit since her arrival. Gavin spent the next hour pacing his study and staring longingly at the buffet where he had a well-stocked bar at his disposal. Then he growled in frustration.
The court hearing had gone just as Amy expected it to, but still Hannah was unprepared. She felt as though she were on trial. She couldn’t believe the lengths she was going to have to go to in order to secure child support from Brett. And that he brought the stripper with him, she found utterly disconcerting. The next date had been set and they would reconvene in a month. She was frustrated and disappointed in the system. No wonder people no longer referred to it as the justice system. There was no justice.
At precisely six, she was pulling to a stop in the driveway. She saw Gavin’s car parked in front of his garage, which didn’t surprise her since he had already sent her a message to that effect. Her late arrival couldn’t be helped. She had waited an interminably long period of time for her ten minute hearing. Then Amy had spoken to her in one of the small conference rooms outside the courtroom to explain what was happening and what the next step was. She had nodded numbly, pretending she understood, but really she couldn’t even think at that moment.
After that, she had attempted to compose herself long enough to pick up the girls and buy dinner before trekking home. She could only imagine what she faced once she entered the house. Actually, she knew exactly what she faced. Gavin would stalk out of the study with that scowl plastered to his face, arms crossed over his chest. He would tell her about common courtesy and how she should have answered the phone, responded to the text, and called him back. She would recognize that it was out of fear that he responded that way and call him out on it. They would have a mildly uncomfortable dinner and patch things up later in the study. There. Now she just had to live it.
The moment Gavin saw the headlights come up the drive he had planted himself before the front door. There was no way she was going to get past him without an explanation. After all, when people lived together, it was just common courtesy to keep in touch. She had to understand that. He folded his arms across his chest.
The door opened slowly as the girls pushed through. Hannah was taking up the rear, as usual, arms laden down with food. She had picked up Italian apparently, since he could smell the garlic and marinara sauce wafting out of the foam containers. Her face was drawn in a grim line and she simply stared at him blankly as she entered. Convinced something was truly wrong, he opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him before he could utter a single sound.
“Not now,” Hannah said simply. She could tell he was still tempted to speak. Sighing, she said, “You can tell me which common courtesy I’ve violated later…in the study.” And she moved past him toward the dining room where she quickly set out the meal.
The tension in the air was palpable and impacted everyone. The girls were silent and fluctuated between focusing on their meal and glancing back and forth between the adults. Gavin tried to give them reassuring glances, but knew his smiles were hollow. As for Hannah, she pushed the food around on her plate, but couldn’t quite manage to consume any of it. Even the bread had hit her stomach like lead weights and that was after she had struggled past the sawdust consistency it had formed in her mouth. Each swallow was an effort. Finally, she gave up, sighed, and pushed her plate away.
The girls headed upstairs without prompting but with several sad backward glances. Silently, Hannah began to clear the table and throw away the plates and containers, taking some comfort in her nightly ritual. All the while, Gavin simply sat and studied her. This was not his Hannah. This was a hollow shell of the woman who was fast stealing his heart. He hated seeing her like this.
He fell into synch with her and cleaned up alongside her as if they had been doing it for years instead of weeks. Soon the clean up was done and she moved to head upstairs as well. Gavin had watched her quietly, waiting for her to acknowledge him, to give him some sign that she was open to his affection because the longer he was around her, the more desperate he became to enfold her in his arms until all the sorrow inside her melted away. Yet that sign never came so he never reached out.
Somehow, in his desperate need to be closer to her, he found himself standing just inside the be
droom while she read. Slowly, he lowered himself to the ground, never taking his eyes from her face. Gavin sat with his legs crossed, his head propped on his fists. Suddenly, one of the girls climbed down from the bed. He watched Hannah, expecting her to chastise the girl or call her back, but she seemed so distracted, so oblivious, that nothing was said.
“You know--one loves the sunsets, when one is so sad…” She read on.
It was Zoe who moved carefully, until she stood before Gavin. She studied him a moment as though she was trying to decide something. And without warning, she seated herself in his lap. If that surprised Gavin, then he was shocked when she purposefully grabbed his hands and wrapped them around her. When she was finished, she said simply, “There.”
He sat stiffly at first. Then, he realized what a show of trust he had been given, and he embraced the little girl who snuggled against him. If only her mother would come around so easily. Too soon the reading was over for the night.
Hannah gave each girl a hug and kiss before heading toward their room. Once she had walked past him, Gavin headed down the stairs to his study, convinced that she would be with him soon enough to talk about what was troubling her so. In anticipation of her arrival, he stoked the fire and moved her favorite chair a few inches closer to his desk. He was even contemplating making her a hot tea, which he had observed was her idea of a comfort drink.
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