Gavin’s desire for her had merely been stirred by their encounter the previous night. For her comfort, he had left the lights off. This morning, for his pleasure, he would show her in every way possible how he felt about her in the light of day. It felt more honest. He wanted her to see it in his eyes. He wanted her to feel it as deeply as he did. While Hannah may have recognized an urgency in his voice, there was an even greater urgency in his actions.
The moment Hannah was within arm’s reach, she was hauled down to their berth. He did it quickly, effortlessly, as though he had done this hundreds of times. It was like a movie only better because she was living it instead of watching it. She was feeling it instead of imagining it. And even if it all ended tomorrow, she could feast on these memories for the rest of her life.
She started to protest. “The girls are going to wake up soon.”
“I’ll shut the hatch so that they can’t get into trouble. I’ll turn on the television so that they have the Disney channel to distract them until we’re ready to get up.” He left the berth and did everything he had mentioned in seconds, did it before she had a chance to protest, did it and returned before she could second guess the sanity of her actions.
He was naked and already ready for her. Without thinking, without feeling self-conscious, she reached for him, grabbed his engorged cock and ran her hand down the length of it. She closed her hand around him, noting with satisfaction that he was too large for her hand to touch. And soon a drop of pre-come had collected at the tip. Without thinking, she leaned in and tasted it.
Gavin was about ready to come undone. He marveled at her. She was exploring him without guile, checking him out without teasing, and yet it was quite possibly the sexiest experience of his life. And he knew that the difference was his heart. Love changed everything. His breath caught for a moment at that realization.
Hannah heard it and was bolstered by it. She imagined that she was doing something right. And she was, but it had little to do with the manner in which she was holding his business or licking him. Before she knew what was happening, Gavin was lying on his back and pulled her on top.
“I want to see you,” he said as he grabbed her hips and guided her so that he was just pressing against her wet entrance.
She threw her head back, prepared for that glorious feeling that came from sharing her body with his. He didn’t wait long. He didn’t disappoint. And this time it was Hannah whose breath caught. Her eyes shot open and she saw him watching her. His blue eyes cut into her. He was staring at her with such awe, like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Her heart started pounding insistently in her chest. He was touching her, caressing her like she was precious to him, like he was trying to imprint the memory of this moment forever in his mind.
Somehow, Gavin was everywhere. He was kissing and caressing every part of her. He was making her burn and ache for him, even though he was already in her, filling her. She wanted more. She wanted all of him. Dear lord. She wanted this…forever. Her eyes shot open. Had she still been on top, she might have run, but somehow Gavin had managed to smoothly flip her on her back so that he could control his depth, so he could control the experience a bit more.
When they had finished, magically, simultaneously, Hannah stared up at him with awe and wonder. Gavin smiled down at her, his hand cupped her cheek, and he ever so gently kissed her lips. It was right there on the tip of her tongue. It almost slipped out. It would have been the most natural thing in the world to say. I love you. And yet she couldn’t do it. Somehow that would make her more vulnerable than she had ever been before. That was so much more intimate than sex. Everything changed when love was involved. So she had heard…
Magically, amazingly enough, Gavin had his wish. He managed to live his dream for the weekend. And it was perfect. It was everything he had hoped to experience and more. Only, it was just as he had feared. This one weekend, long weekend though it may have been, wasn’t going to be enough. One weekend away with Hannah on a sailboat in the Caribbean was never going to be enough. Instead of sating his craving, he faced his worst fear. Going back to the office after this, trying to keep his head in the business, trying to be satisfied with a life on land instead of a life on the water was going to be impossible.
He thought about what Hannah had said. Maybe he really could change his life. Maybe it wasn’t too late. All he knew for sure was that he couldn’t do it without her. He wouldn’t want to. The weekend had shown him that they were compatible, that the girls were happy at sea, that they could be a family. Now he just had to make it happen. He had a lot of changes to make, a lot of business to get in place, and he couldn’t entrust any of it to Hannah.
The drive back to Charlotte seemed so much longer. And the sky seemed to darken the farther they went from The Keys. Gavin wasn’t speaking. He had stopped speaking the moment he settled into his seat. He had pulled out his iPhone and was busy working on it…had been working on it continuously since they left the marina. One time Hannah glanced over and noticed that he was responding to emails. The next time she saw that he seemed to be doing some kind of search. The third time she looked his way, he was busy creating a list or making notes on the note app.
At first, it bothered her. At first, she felt the distance between them. Though they had been relaxed leaving the Carolinas, though they had spent an entire weekend alone together as a family during the day and as lovers at night, everything seemed to change when they were heading home. She sighed.
Desperate. That’s what he was. Desperate to find a solution to his problem. Gavin loved every moment of their time together living his dream, and now that the dream was over, reality had him in near panic mode. All he could focus on was finding a way to make his dream a reality. He heard Hannah’s sigh. He glanced up. She wasn’t looking at him. She was staring out the window. And while he might normally have comforted her or made small talk, this time he was incredibly single minded. Sailboats.
They slept a good portion of the way home, just as they had on the way down. Only this time, Hannah’s head was wedged in between the seat and the door. Gavin had been sitting up stiff and serious. She didn’t even contemplate snuggling up to him. There was nothing warm and welcoming about him at the moment. And it hurt her heart. He was worlds away.
As soon as they walked into the foyer early Monday morning, Gavin smoothly slid around the girls and went to his study, shutting the door behind him. The girls looked up at Hannah expectantly. “Well,” she said slowly, “it’s going to be time to leave for school in just about half an hour. Let’s get unpacked and then head out.”
The girls rushed up the stairs giggling. It was Show and Tell Day and they had much to share after their big weekend adventure. There would be no trouble convincing them to go to school. Hannah wondered if Gavin was going to work. He really should have left by now. She walked over to the study door. Her hand was balled into a fist. She wanted to knock, but he felt so far away. And she felt anything but normal. Before the weekend, she would have just knocked and walked in. Now…now she didn’t know what to do.
She turned on her heels and walked upstairs. Maybe Amy could give her advice. And fast. She didn’t want to make the girls late.
“So, how was the trip?” Amy was thrilled to be speaking to Hannah. That had always been their thing, keeping in touch, sharing every little moment together. Only since Hannah and Gavin started this new arrangement, the calls had dwindled.
“It was good.” Hannah was quiet and non-committal. She knew if she said just the right thing, Amy would see through her, know the truth of the weekend, and she really didn’t feel like being reprimanded or reminded that she was making some huge mistake.
“Well, I guess that means you slept with him.” Amy sat up ramrod straight in her chair and laid her reading glasses down on the desk. She had already been at the office for several hours. This early bird was working on making partner. And that would never happen from the comfort of her condo, the warmth of her bed.
Sighing, Hannah responded sadly, “Yes.” She stood up and started pacing across her bedroom floor as she spoke. “I’m so stupid. Everything was great and then I had to ruin it. I just wanted him to have a nice weekend.”
“You slept with him. I’m sure he had an amazing weekend.” The sarcasm was dripping from Amy’s voice.
“Well, you wouldn’t know it to see him today.” She balled up her fist and growled. “Uggh. I swear I hate him half the time.”
“Oh my God!” Amy shouted angrily. “When did you fall in love with him?” She sat back hard in her chair and kicked her feet up onto her desk. “Was it the sex? Have I taught you nothing?”
Hannah flopped back on the bed. This felt more normal. This was how they had always talked on the phone. “I don’t know when it happened. It wasn’t the sex, but that didn’t hurt. I just think…it just felt like…there was more to him, you know? Suddenly he let down his guard, he was real, and that guy was truly loveable.” She sat up suddenly when she saw how late it was getting. “I gotta go. The girls need to get to pre-school. And I need to figure out what to do with myself today. I’ll call you later.”
By the time she returned, Gavin was gone and she breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was for him to be home in the study all day. After speaking with Madge for a few minutes, she headed out the door to the studio. The art, the quiet, that always made her feel better.
Soon she had music playing on the radio. Soon she was rolling out coils. Somehow all of those rituals and routines helped her to shake the sadness she had been feeling since the ride home. Soon she was even humming to herself or dancing and singing, if she knew the song. Soon she was back to feeling like herself…and that’s when she saw the shadow in the door.
Gavin was home. And he had found her in the one place she was pretty sure she was never supposed to be, judging by the look on his face.
“What are you doing in here?” He practically snarled the words.
Hannah had been ready to be pleasant. She had been ready to let him make up with her. She had even considered continuing their love making here at home, just to be nice, just because he clearly needed it, just because he seemed so much happier and relaxed. It had nothing to do with her feelings at all. And then he had to open his mouth and ruin everything.
“Seriously? You haven’t spoken to me in nearly a day and those are the first words you want to utter to me? What about…thank you, Hannah, for the lovely weekend. Or maybe…thank you, Hannah for encouraging me to follow my dreams. How about even…hey, Hannah, I had no idea you were artsy.” Her hands were on her hips as she spoke, but she took them off she could walk over to him angrily and show him just how upset she was by the way her arms flew around at her sides.
Eyebrows raised, Gavin watched as Hannah made her way to him, stopping only when they were nose to nose…which was really more like nose to mid chest. He was going to speak, but before he could, Hannah interrupted again.
“I’m pretty sure that you have broken at least three common courtesies that you are so quick to harp on, in the last 24 hours alone. Want me to count them out for you, chief?” Her hands were on her hips again and she was leaning closer to him with each word, in emphasis of how angry she was.
His mouth twitched. Hannah saw it and she leaned back. She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot. His mouth twitched again. It took her a moment, but suddenly she realized that he was trying not to smile. She bit her cheek for a moment while she studied him. “You aren’t mad?”
Gavin picked her up and held her close. “Oh, I was mad. That was my knee jerk reaction. And then you laid into me.” He shook his head at her. “No one speaks to me like you do.”
“Well, maybe they should,” Hannah said with a bit of a smirk on her face. It felt so good to be close to him again.
“Nobody but you could get away with it.” He poked her on the end of her nose and bent to give it a light kiss.
“Why is that?” Hannah asked breathlessly, eyes wide with hope and curiosity.
“Simple. It’s because…”
And just as he was about to pour out his heart to her, despite the lousy timing and the way the conversation began, Madge called to them from just outside the door. “There’s a delivery for you, Mr. Meyers?” She looked concerned, but before anyone else could say or do anything…he had rushed from the studio, leaving Hannah hanging once again.
It was a boat. The delivery was a boat. After Gavin rushed from the room, Hannah had to know what was more important than finishing their conversation. She found him out in the driveway. He was standing there with a boat, a huge, hulking sailboat.
Gavin was standing proudly on the deck. How he had managed to climb up there so quickly, she couldn’t even imagine. He beamed as he stood, checking it all out, looking around, touching the boat and examining it almost as carefully as he had her just a few nights before. She tingled at the memory.
“So, what do you think?” He was so excited he was practically giddy.
Hannah walked around the boat. The keel was huge. As little as she knew about sailing, she already knew that they would need a dingy to get close to shore with that keel. She continued around and that’s when she saw it.
“Oh my word!” She was shocked.
“What?” He tried to look innocent, but it was no use.
“You bought that boat!” She wrapped her arms around her body. He bought the boat they spent the weekend on and she was going to have to look at it and remember…all the time. It was too much. “I…I don’t even know what to say.” And with that, she turned on her heels and marched into the house.
Gavin stared after her. Part of him wanted to run after her, but the reality was that he had to handle the boat at the moment. So he gave the driver directions for the boat launch. And off they went.
Just over two hours later, while Hannah stood staring out the window from the bedroom, the sail appeared and the rest of the boat with it. And Gavin masterfully pulled up to the dock. He secured the boat on several of the cleats. When he finished he looked up at the windows. She wondered if he could see her there, gazing down at him. She wondered even more what would happen next.
They didn’t speak until dinner, and then only because Gavin asked Hannah to pass the broccoli. He had given her the afternoon to get back to herself. He left her to be artsy or bake or read or drink tea or any of the hundreds of little things he’d noticed the past few weeks that she did to self soothe. Clearly, none of it had worked. Maybe he should have sought her out. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why she was upset. He kept playing it over in his mind, kept trying to see it from her perspective, but still he came up with nothing.
Hannah cleaned up after dinner in silence. Gavin stuck it out. She had to give him credit for that. She had imagined that he might go hide in his office. Instead, he worked alongside her like normal. He tried to joke with her like normal. It was obvious that he wanted life back to normal. Hannah…wasn’t there yet. She was too busy trying to figure out what he was thinking. And she knew that it would take a while longer to find that out. Once the girls were done with their nightly routine, they would talk. She was certain.
When she knocked and entered the study that night, Gavin was ready for her. He was sitting on the couch, instead of his usual seat. And when she walked in, he motioned for her to join him. “Hannah,” he began slowly, “I don’t understand why you are upset with me. Can you help me? Can you explain why you are so bothered?” And then, like the businessman he was, he sat quietly and waited.
Familiar with this tactic, Hannah tried to figure out how to explain all her conflicting emotions without admitting her feelings. She breathed deeply a couple of times.
“Listen, I’m happy for you. Obviously, you have decided to pursue your dreams and move to the Caribbean. I’m going to work on being happy for you. I’m just sad for me and the girls. I like it here. We are finally settled. We were finally feeling safe again.” She looked up a
t him and gave him a wicked smile. “And I really enjoyed the use of the studio.”
Gavin chuckled. “Okay. So that’s it? That’s what’s bothering you?” He reached behind the couch to the sofa table and grabbed a hot tea that he had made for her in her favorite mug. “Here.”
Taking the offered mug, Hannah nearly smiled. “Oh, did you make this for me?” He smiled and nodded. “You are so big.”
Finally she was teasing him again. Everything was going to be okay. He was so happy to see her mood change that he didn’t even care that she ever so smoothly changed the subject as well. He never had a chance to finish his thought, to correct her thinking. Suddenly he was distracted by the twinkle in her eye, her playful demeanor.
“So,” Hannah began, “is there a chance that you’ll be teaching me to sail, since you are now the proud owner of a sailboat?”
Excited to share his passion with the woman he had so quickly grown to love, Gavin grabbed her hand and dragged her down the path to the dock. Soon he was going over the basics of the sailboat, teaching her the proper terminology. And Hannah tried to concentrate, tried to be interested while in her mind she was trying to figure out what to do next.
Second Chances Page 21