In the evenings, Gavin and the girls would play out on the sailboat while Hannah made dinner. On the weekends they would spend all day out on the water, exploring every last bit of Lake Norman. It was perfect. And while she had decided to enjoy each day, when she let herself relax too much, she would feel that twinge, that gentle reminder just beneath the surface, telling her she was living on borrowed time.
Though their time together was pleasant, Gavin could feel her holding back. And he was confused. Still, everything in him believed that if he was patient enough, if he just kept plugging along, everything would come together. Still, after they put the girls to bed on a Friday night, he felt compelled to talk to her before they spent a weekend camping and sailing on the lake. It was going to be their first overnight since the trip. He wanted it to be comfortable.
“Hannah,” he began. “Is everything okay? You’ve seemed so distant…”
“Of course,” she answered pasting on a happy face.
“You seem lost in thought half the time, like you aren’t really with us.” Gavin folded his hands on the desk.
He had stopped wearing his business suits and had recently adopted a more casual style…polo shirts and khakis. Hannah rather liked it. She had also noticed that he now had tan lines on his face from wearing sunglasses. It was a good look for him. He looked healthy and happy. In her heart, she knew the Caribbean was the right move. It was just hard letting go of her dreams. It was even harder admitting that out loud, but maybe it was best to get these things out in the open. Then she would at least have a time frame.
Hannah took a breath. “I have been wondering how much time we have?”
Gavin looked puzzled. “For what?”
“Before you leave and I have to find somewhere else to live.” She heaved a sigh of relief. At least it was out in the open.
He slammed back in his chair. “You aren’t coming with me? We aren’t going as a family?” He was spluttering and almost at a loss for words. It never occurred to him in all his planning that she might not come.
“You thought I was…you just expected we were all going?” She wore a confused look on her face.
“I asked you about living my dream with me…” His voice trailed off and he shrugged as if that was the best explanation.
Hannah smiled now, more at ease. “You said live the dream for a weekend. The weekend is over, chief.”
“You know, if we move to the Caribbean and live on a boat, every day could be the weekend…” Gavin leaned toward her once more.
And somehow, looking into his amazing clear blue eyes that reminded her too much of the water they had sailed and swam in, Hannah heard herself respond in a way she never imagined. “Let’s see how this weekend goes first.” Yet even as she spoke those words, she knew that if he pushed her, she would pack up the girls and go. Caribbean Gavin could prove to be the love of her life.
Since he had made his intentions known, the weekend felt so much different. Hannah paid a lot more attention to his instruction, especially the parts she truly deemed important…like the knots.
“Let’s see your Flemish knot,” Gavin said before they had even pulled away from the dock. “You’ll be using this one a lot.”
And Hannah very carefully performed the double eight knot that he had asked to see. “I’ll get faster,” she assured him.
“Do you remember what this knot is for?” Gavin gently tested her.
Sighing, Hannah admitted she didn’t. “Refresh my memory, please.”
Gavin sat beside her and made the knot in the halyard. “This is a stopping knot. It’s great because it will hold the sheet in place. It won’t be able to back out of here. More importantly, unlike some knots that are impossible to untie and therefore have to be cut out, wasting rope, this one can be undone and retied again elsewhere.”
The way that he was explaining it, the loving manner with which he demonstrated all of it, he was talking about more than sailing. There was something special about this knot. He saw a correlation with their relationship. She smiled as she thought about it.
Soon they were headed out on the lake. It was going to be the first time the girls experienced life on anchor. And in all honesty, for them it wasn’t going to be a big change. They would still have a bathroom to use. They would still take a bath. It was the adults who would have to watch the water stores more carefully. And it was the adults who would have to make the biggest adjustment in their diets.
The first evening, the girls were swimming around the boat with Gavin while Hannah grilled their meal. She was pretty proud of herself. She had made aluminum pouches of individualized meals. There were layered ingredients consisting of thinly sliced potatoes, onions, chicken, broccoli and carrots, all seasoned with white wine, salt, pepper, and garlic.
“Is it really dinner that smells so good?” Gavin asked in surprise as he climbed the swim ladder behind the girls.
“Of course,” Hannah replied smiling.
She helped the girls towel dry and sent them down below to change and hang up their wet suits. The minute she turned around, Gavin was there…mere inches from her. His bronzed skin glistened from the water. His hair looked charmingly tousled from the brisk towel drying. And then he leaned in suddenly, impulsively, and kissed her on the neck.
“What was that for?” She asked, pleasantly surprised.
“That,” he said happily, “is for being here, for taking a chance on me, for encouraging me to live my dream…for sharing it with me?” And because he was afraid he had said and done too much, he ducked below to change before dinner.
Hannah was left standing there, touching the kiss spot and wondering what it all meant.
It was after the girls settled in for the night that Hannah and Gavin had their first chance to relax and talk. They were topside, admiring the velvet black sky, studded with stars. Hannah was sipping a tea. Gavin had offered her wine, but she wanted a clear head. She didn’t want the excitement and the wine to affect her judgment…yeah, that’s what she was going to pin that last time on. Make it the last two times. Okay…that weekend. Sheesh.
“Are you happy?” He asked, trying to decipher the look on her face.
“Absolutely,” Hannah responded honestly.
“Then what is it? You’ve been so…different…so quiet. I thought we talked about all this. I thought we had a plan.” He looked confused and worried, his eyebrows nearly touched, he was clenching his hands as he spoke and his smile was forced.
Before answering, Hannah reached out to soothe the worry from his face. That silly man. Did he not know the power he had over her? Did he not understand that it took but a touch, a few words, a simple gesture, and he could make her come completely undone? Her heart pounded fiercely in her chest. Maybe the problem was that she, too, was trying to figure out what to do, what to say. As much as it had always felt so natural between them, they had hit that wall, that place where everything needed to be ironed out, spelled out, completely deciphered so that she could relax again. It was easy to be his assistant. It was easy to cook and clean and act as his work wife. It wasn’t easy to involve her heart, to admit she had feelings. It wasn’t easy to trust when so much was on the line.
Gavin knew they needed to talk, more than sensed it, he felt it in his being. Somehow his need to soothe her with actions overtook his desire to soothe her with words. It had been like this for as long as he had known her. Never before had he been so demonstrative. In fact, that may have been one of India’s primary complaints. It was why he thought taking the massage classes and giving her massages would be so special. It would be the ultimate physical contact. But he had never massaged India. She never even knew about the classes. Before he could tell her, he found her with his sister.
The worst part of that horrible moment forever seared in his memory…was the passion. They were so involved with each other, so passionate that they hadn’t heard him come into the house, walk up the stairs, or enter the bedroom. He was roaring at the side of the b
ed, arms flailing, before they stopped and acknowledged his presence. And even then, he swore they’d rather finish than listen to him. He grew quiet as he replayed that scene in his mind.
Now Hannah was here, caressing his cheek, pushing his hair away from his face. And he couldn’t help himself. He held her hand against his cheek. Then he dragged her palm to his lips and kissed…just kissed, lingeringly. When he opened his eyes and looked at her face, he smiled. He knew what to do. He knew what she needed.
“Come on,” Gavin said, pulling her after him as he moved to go below.
Part of Hannah wanted to protest. She wanted to object. She wanted to know what was going on in his head and his heart before she ever let him back into her body. And yet she was powerless. She had to go with him. She had to know what would happen next. Every moment that passed, she was assaulted with feelings she had never felt before, never knew existed.
Suddenly all those silly romance movies made sense. She understood why the girl’s leg would pop up during a kiss. She knew why people said corny things about completing each other. All the mysteries of the universe were suddenly made clear because she now loved.
Slowly, lovingly, Gavin undressed her. She started to say something, but he simply put a finger to her lips. “Not yet,” he said. Then he looked deeply into her eyes. “Trust me. You’ve done it before. Trust that I won’t hurt you or make a fool of you. Trust me.”
How could she not when he spoke that way? So she closed her eyes and nodded. She let him have his way. And with the acceptance, she realized that the fear had subsided. She looked at him with astonishment.
“Lay down,” Gavin murmured in her ear.
She was on her back staring at him seconds later. And was surprised when he shook his head and smiled.
“On your stomach, please.” He turned and started rifling through his bag on the floor.
Hannah did as he requested. He had even said ‘please.’ And before the fear could take hold, his hands were on her, rubbing her, working out the tension, soothing her, comforting her. Tears came to her eyes. Her senses were overwhelmed.
“Shhh, baby,” he whispered into her hair. “Just relax and enjoy.”
She did. He melted her. He made her completely boneless. And when he was done, when he saw to it that she couldn’t move even if she wanted to, he simply undressed, curled up around her, and together they fell asleep. Hannah had her hand on his chest. Her last words before drifting off were those of appreciation. “Thank you,” she sighed. “You are amazing.”
Gavin was trying to show her every way he knew how that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her. Words…simply escaped him at the moment. He knew what he would say in business. He knew how to handle clients and contacts and employees. That’s why he was so comfortable and confident when they first started this little arrangement.
He sighed as he drank his coffee and watched the sunrise topside. This was supposed to be a simple game of revenge for him. This was supposed to help him heal. He was going to be stronger and better. Looking off into the distance, he paused. He was healing. Easter had proven that. Seeing India and his sister and surviving it unscathed proved that. Being with Hannah had healed him, the little minx. He leaned down and looked below into their cabin. He had intentionally left the curtain open so that he could see her sleeping, her hair spread out over the pillows, the relaxation evident from the peaceful look on her face. He was stronger and better. Love had healed him in a way that revenge never would have. Gavin leaned back and smiled.
Hannah woke to the sun streaming through the porthole. She opened her eyes and discovered quickly that Gavin was not in their bed. She grabbed the nearest shirt…again his…and headed topside.
“Hey,” she said with a smile. “I wondered where you went.” She slid onto the fiberglass bench beside him.
“Nice shirt.” His eyes showed he was happy to lend it to her.
“Thanks, I picked it myself.” She brushed off a piece of lint she found on the shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to grab a tea.”
Suddenly Gavin was feeling impulsive. “Can you wait just a minute? I have a question, something I wanted to talk to you about.” He looked nervous, which gave Hannah hope.
Maybe he was finally going to address her fears. “Sure.” And she sat down and smiled at him.
“So, I was thinking…next weekend is Mother’s Day. “ He paused to watch for a reaction.
“Yes,” Hannah began. “Spit it out, Gavin.”
He looked at her. She had called him by name. He wasn’t sure if he should be bolstered or afraid. He had heard her reprimand the girls. Ah, but she didn’t use his middle name. Maybe she didn’t know his middle name? And he was lost in thought again.
“Gavin!” Hannah was getting agitated. She wanted her tea. She needed to use the head. And the girls would be up any time.
“I was wondering if you and the girls would like to go with me to visit my mother in Florida next weekend.” He said the words in a huge rush, shocked into speaking by Hannah’s repeated use of his name. And he wasn’t sure he liked it when she said it like that. Nope. His next goal would be to make her say it all breathy while they had intensely passionate sex…
“Is that all?” She looked at him. He nodded. Feeling a bit disappointed, but not wanting to be deterred from her morning ritual, she said quickly, “Sure.” And then she ducked back down into the cabin.
Huh. That wasn’t so bad. Gavin thought to himself. He sat there imagining what the trip to visit his mother would be like. And with Hannah and the girls around, his vision of the experience wasn’t half bad. By the time Hannah returned with her tea, he was actually smiling.
“What are you thinking about?” Hannah asked as she sat next to him once more. Only this time, she relaxed. And with her new attitude, she was able to think more clearly.
“Just thinking about next weekend. I think we should leave Thursday night and come back Monday afternoon.” He leaned back and realized that this might be the first time he had ever been excited to spend time with his mother.
Sipping her tea, Hannah thought for a moment, found no true flaw with his plan, and agreed. “Sure. Let’s do it.” She smirked for a moment. “Of course, I will have to ask my boss if I can take the extra time off…” She smiled at him over the rim of her mug.
“I’m sure that he’ll be fine with it.” He laid a hand affectionately on her thigh.
“I don’t know,” Hannah said. “He is pretty helpless. I can’t imagine that he can get much accomplished without me. Would you believe that I was off the grid one time and he just kept blowing up my phone? Couldn’t function without me.”
“Hey,” Gavin argued, “I was worried about you.”
Their playfulness might have continued if it weren’t for the girls coming topside in bathing suits. “We’re ready!” They shouted in unison.
Hannah looked at Gavin. “Okay, I’m pretty sure that time was rehearsed.” And then she turned to the girls. “Breakfast first.”
Ever so smoothly she had transitioned. She was now wearing her mother hat. Gavin leaned back and watched. It was so…strange to him. He had always known that he would be a father. It wasn’t that he necessarily wanted to be one or had this deep burning need to be one, but more that he knew it was the natural course of things, a rite of passage, something he would do if for no other reason than it was expected of him. He had never contemplated when he and India would have children. It wasn’t pressing, since he knew it would simply happen eventually. And yet…it hadn’t happened. He wasn’t sorry for that. How could he be tied to a woman like that for the rest of his life? Then he looked at Hannah. How could he not be tied to that woman for the rest of his life? That thought jarred him momentarily.
Maybe that was what love did. Maybe it made you dream of things you never knew you wanted. Maybe it made a life that seemed impossible suddenly seem natural. Maybe when you found the right person to share your life with everything just seemed to fall i
nto place. At least…that’s what was happening with him.
When they went to the Caribbean, when they made love those times, it changed their relationship. He had actually cringed when he thought the words ‘made love.’ Those words had always seemed so romanticized. But it made sense in this case. When he was with Hannah, passionate or gentle, playful or rough…they were making love.
“Hey, handsome!” Hannah called to him from the hatch.
“Yes, dearest.” He smirked as he responded.
“Breakfast is ready. Want to join us, or shall I bring a plate up to you?” She was ready to give herself a massive head slap. What had happened to her? The man gave her one massage and suddenly she was giving him pet names and serving him. Hannah seriously wished that Amy was there to shake the sense back into her.
Second Chances Page 22