Second Chances

by Nicole Andrews Moore

  Gavin cocked his head. The wicked part of him wanted to be served. She had never done that before. Once again Good Gavin prevailed and he joined them down below. As Hannah passed him his plate, she held onto it an extra second and leaned in to plant a kiss on his neck.

  “What was that for?” He asked, pleased with this new found intimacy.

  She shrugged. “I just wanted to thank you.” She looked up at him and smiled shyly. Her eyes misted.

  And Gavin was genuinely confused. “For what, exactly?”

  She exhaled, ready to finally share something she had been thinking for so long. “Thank you for our life. Thank you for saving me and the girls. Thank you for letting us move in, for taking the girls under your wing, for being so much more than I ever expected or imagined or dreamed that you’d be. Thank you for showing me that some people are worthy of trust, that not everyone is sneaky and underhanded, that not all men cheat and lie. Thank you for being you.” She leaned in and hugged him for a brief second before she let go of his plate and dashed to the head.

  It was a beautiful heartfelt expression of her appreciation. And if Gavin was as amazing as she seemed to think he was then he would have been honored to accept such high praise. Instead, he could barely swallow past the lump in his throat. And the healthy appetite that he had always experienced in the fresh open air suddenly and quite completely disappeared.

  They had been having such an easy time of it the last few days, getting along so well, enjoying their togetherness that Hannah didn’t seem to notice that Gavin had grown quieter. To the untrained eye, everything would appear to be normal. They returned to their dock Sunday evening in plenty of time to bathe the girls at home and have story time in Hannah’s room before getting tucked in for the night. Gavin retreated to his study and Hannah joined him there later.

  They still shared that room with ease and the nervous excitement that new relationships always seem to have in common. Only…Gavin couldn’t concentrate on the files…and this time it was entirely because of this feeling of impending doom that he had constantly hovering over him ever since Hannah had thanked him. He was just waiting for the universe to bitch slap him. Or maybe he deserved more of a cold cock. And when he would shake his fist at the sky and ponder the why of it, he would know in his heart the reason. He lied.

  Determined to shake off the darkness, Gavin came up with an idea. “Hey, what if we go for a sail tomorrow night with the girls? We won’t be able to go over the weekend. And we’ll be leaving right after lunch the next day. I won’t even be going into the office. Everything I need to do before we go can be done from home.”

  Cocking her head to the side, Hannah nodded. “You know, that sounds like a lovely idea. I think it would be great. I can pack a picnic dinner…” Her voice trailed off as she noticed Gavin’s smirk. “What?”

  “You and your picnics.” He chuckled.

  “You like my picnics and you know it.” She laughed. And then without another word, she turned her attention once more to her book.

  How did she do it? She always managed to lift his spirits. Gavin leaned back in his chair and smiled at the sight of her. This woman, this life was finally good and perfect. He could never lose this…ever.

  The next day couldn’t pass quickly enough for Gavin. He was eager to rush home from the office, change into some shorts and take off in the sailboat for a few hours. How different his life had become in just these few months. And in the morning he would only have a few hours to kill before they were headed out of town. No wonder he was so restless.

  The day was passing too quickly for Hannah. She had a list as long as her arm to accomplish before picking the girls up at pre-school. There was dry cleaning to be dropped off and more to be picked up. At least Gavin was wearing polo shirts most of the time now. That had cut back on that errand. For a while it had felt like she was there every day. And then there was the packing, making sure the rest of the laundry was caught up, shopping for road trip food, getting together the girls’ travel bags to keep them occupied on the drive, and…then…if time allowed…some studio work. Man, she needed that studio time. It was good for her soul, just like sailing was good for Gavin’s. She smiled thinking about it.

  By 6pm they were walking out to the dock. Gavin was carrying the picnic basket that Hannah had packed. The girls were skipping along holding hands. And Hannah had the beach bag with towels. There was something so special about just being able to be out on the water whenever they wanted. And Hannah let out a blissful sigh. Life was good.

  They had the routine down, knew right where they were going to drop anchor and swim, knew right when they were going to eat. Hannah even knew when the girls would go play down below in their berth while she and Gavin snuggled. Often they would stand at the helm together. Gavin was proud of the sailor Hannah was becoming. He loved watching her feel the wind, know precisely when to capture it in the sheets, and propel the boat along.

  “You are a natural,” he said admiringly.

  “Nah, I just had a really great teacher.” She smiled at him standing beside her.

  “Seriously, how do you do it? I need to be able to tell all my future students down in the Caribbean. What will I tell them the secret is?” He watched as she struggled to explain her success.

  “I don’t know exactly. I just do it the way I do everything in my life. I feel it. I feel the wind on my face. I feel the wind catching in the sheets. And when it feels right, I know.” She blushed some at her explanation.

  “You feel.” He rolled the idea around. “Okay. You feel it.” And he smiled.

  They stayed on the lake longer than they intended and Hannah decided to forgo their baths and simply read to the girls. They had barely formulated their plan when the doorbell rang. Gavin released Hannah from his warm embrace and found he suddenly felt bereft. That was something to be considered later for sure. He gazed at her in awe. “I’ll get that,” he said quietly, wondering who it could possibly be this late at night. “And you know there is a conversation that you have been putting off that we need to have.”

  “Which conversation is that?” Hannah asked happily.

  “Well, we need to talk about our plans for the future, about living my dream, that kind of thing.” He watched her for a reaction. “Are you ready for that yet?”

  Eyes sparkling, Hannah nodded happily. “I’ll meet you on the patio after I put the kids to bed,” she said and she squeezed his hand as she passed.

  His smile grew wider at the contact. She had this amazing ability to heighten his moods. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” he murmured, though he doubted she heard since she was already halfway down the hall.

  The doorbell rang again and Gavin sighed as he made his way down the winding staircase. This had better be good, he thought angrily. He hated for anything to interrupt his time with Hannah. He stomped across the foyer and opened the door wide.

  Aaron Maddox stood in the doorway looking slightly ruffled by the way the door had opened so abruptly. He held some contracts in his hand and opened his mouth to explain the reason for his presence. “I have some contracts,” he began.

  “I can see that, Mr. Maddox,” Gavin said impatiently. “What I can’t see is why it couldn’t wait until Tuesday.” He snatched the contracts from his lawyer’s hand and beckoned him into the foyer.

  “Well, I know you are taking a long weekend and I wanted to get the contracts taken care of before the weekend,” he said quietly. And then in an effort to lighten the mood, he decided to change the subject.

  Hannah had finished putting the girls to bed and was about to head down the stairs to meet Gavin on the patio when she heard him talking in the foyer. Not wanting to interrupt, and quite certain it was his lawyer, she simply sat a few steps down from the second floor. There, she was still out of view, and once she heard the door close again, she could make her way to her destination. Smiling to herself, she thought about what an amazing evening they’d had together. It felt like family. And Gavin’
s house felt like home. She wrapped her arms around herself. Life was good.

  “So, how’s your revenge going?” He asked his boss.

  Gavin bristled at the mention of the plan he had given up so long ago. He no longer wanted revenge, couldn’t imagine doing anything to hurt Hannah. At the same time, he did have an image to cultivate. He was a man known to succeed no matter the task, no matter the challenge. He couldn’t appear soft. The minute a man of his ilk showed his underbelly, he was attacked. He couldn’t allow that to happen. So, though Gavin wished he could tell the man that he had long abandoned his plan, and was instead in fact formulating a plan to keep Hannah a fixture in his life for as long as they both shall live, he said, “Right on schedule.” He felt his heart sink the moment the words escaped his lips.

  “So, has she cracked yet? Have you completely ruined her?” The excitement was evident in his tone, he was practically giddy. “I mean, you’ve completely enslaved her in the house. And she has no where to go, no one to taker her in, right?”

  Gavin scowled and stared his lawyer down. He wanted this subject dropped. It should never have been brought up in the first place. It showed incredibly poor taste and even worse judgment. “Something like that,” he said in a tone that indicated the discussion was closed. He finished signing next to the last red flag and passed the contracts back. “I’ll see you Tuesday.” And he shooed Aaron Maddox out the door.

  The word ‘revenge’ had drawn her attention. That didn’t seem like something Gavin could be capable of. She had seen him with the girls. True, he had changed in the past few months, but still. And then, as she listened more closely, her heart had sunk. They were talking about her. Gavin apparently planned to ruin her…as if she could get any more ruined. She swallowed hard. She could. Everything was different now, now that her heart was involved.

  Suddenly, Hannah felt very hollow. If the past few months had healed her pride, restored her good nature, and made her the woman she used to be, in an instant she had lost all of that…and apparently more. Glad that she was sitting, she dropped her head between her knees and took a few deep breaths. Completely overwhelmed, she tried unsuccessfully to fight the urge to cry. All she could hope was to keep the noise to a minimum. It would do her no good to be discovered there. Now what would she do?

  There was more than a grain of truth to what the lawyer had said. She really didn’t have a place to go, but clearly she could no longer stay here. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth while she thought and fought the emotions coursing through her.

  The moment the door closed, Gavin leaned his forehead against it. That was extremely close. What if she had heard? He turned and headed back towards the stairs. He knew she would be coming down any time to meet him on the patio. The mere idea soothed him. He was certain that he would soon be lying on the lounger, gazing at the stars as he held her close.

  Reaching the bottom step, Gavin looked up and froze. There was Hannah, a shaking huddled mass on the stairs. His throat seemed to close and his chest tightened. She must have heard. There was no other explanation for her behavior. Somehow, he had to make this right. Somehow, he had to explain.

  “Hannah,” he murmured, not wanting to startle her. He reached towards her, eager to hold her close and take away all the pain she felt.

  Raising her head slowly, a vacant expression on her face, Hannah slowly backed away, scooting up to the second floor landing before finally standing. Still, he moved toward her. All he could think about was enfolding her in his embrace. If he could just get her in his arms, somehow everything would work out.

  “No,” she said quietly, determined not to be touched. “Stay back.”

  “Just let me hold you while I explain,” Gavin said, eyes wide with fear.

  She shook her head, wrapped her arms around herself, the only hug she would allow, and began talking, almost to herself. “It’s not like I thought you’d fall in love with me or anything,” she murmured. And as she spoke those words, she knew her heart was breaking, the only thing that Brett hadn’t been able to touch, the one thing he hadn’t been able to take from her because it was never his. But without meaning to, without making a conscious decision, she had given Gavin her whole heart, without him ever asking or offering his in return. And now she was truly going to pay.

  “But I did,” he murmured, still trying to close the distance between them.

  She ignored him; she was pacing some as though she couldn’t decide where to go or what to do. Though she hadn’t made eye contact with him the entire conversation, it was obvious she was paying attention. “How could you possibly love someone as pathetic as me?” The words sounded strangled as she struggled to speak without sobbing. She refused to let him see how much he had hurt her. “I can’t take care of my kids. I can’t provide for them without help.” She took a few deep breaths.

  “We all need help sometimes, Hannah,” Gavin said quietly. “I need you.” The final words were more of an admission than he felt comfortable with.

  Hannah turned and leaned against the wall for support. For the first time, her eyes truly met his. “Right. I forgot. You needed me for revenge.” She choked back tears. “Was I cheaper than therapy? Was that it? Are you the self-help type?” Her shoulders shook as she tried to hold in the sobs that accompanied her tears.

  Without warning, she stood ramrod straight and swiped at the tears that trailed down her face. She turned to face him for the first time since the conversation began. “I’m giving my thirty day notice,” she announced with determination.

  Gavin’s shoulders sagged. He couldn’t lose her now, not when he had waited his whole life to find her. There had to be a way to keep her.

  “That was the agreement, right? Thirty days notice?” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him, awaiting a response.

  He racked his brain, desperate for some way to prolong the inevitable, some way to hold on to her for a just a little while longer, until they could sort through this and he could make her understand. “It has to be in writing,” he answered in a flat voice, afraid to look at her, afraid to make eye contact that would betray his true emotions.

  Disgusted that he was going to make her hold to those terms after what she had just heard, she thrust her fingers into her pocket. Her right hand closed over a lipstick she forgot she had stuck in there earlier in the day. She turned around, facing the wall that she had recently leaned against. The small rectangular mirror hung there limply, almost out of place amongst the new paintings she had chosen during the remodel. She had only placed the mirror there in case she wanted to see down the hall or to check her face before heading down the stairs. She was ever practical. Now the mirror was going to be re-purposed.

  Yanking the lipstick from her pocket, she pulled off the cap and quickly twisted until the Crimson Fire stick was visible. ‘I quit,’ she wrote on the mirror. Then she signed and dated it. Hannah recapped the lipstick and shoved it back into her pocket. With both hands, she grasped the mirror and lifted it from the nail. Turning to face him once more, she thrust the mirror towards Gavin. “Will this do?” She asked blandly.

  He didn’t want to touch it, didn’t want to take it from her. She wasn’t giving him a choice. Slowly, he reached out and accepted it, took the mirror and held it in both hands. He opened his mouth, unsure of what he could say.

  Before any words could escape, however, she had turned on her heels and marched decisively back to her room and firmly closed the door. Sadly, Gavin lifted the mirror to study her angry scrawl. That’s when he realized in doing so…he had to face himself. Swallowing hard, he let the mirror drop to his side then he headed back down the stairs. He only had thirty days to fix this. Somehow he had to fix this.

  Once the doors were closed behind her, Hannah wept in earnest. Afraid that he would hear and know how truly devastated she was, Hannah moved to the bathroom and began to draw a bath. Numbly, she scooped lavender bath salt from the jar on the edge of the tub. The room f
illed with the soothing scent, but it did little to alleviate the sorrow she was experiencing. Slowly, she undressed and lowered herself into the warm scented water. The jets were on, but she felt little relief. How could she have let this happen? How could she have let her guard down so quickly?

  With very little reasoning, she knew why, she knew how he had won her over, gained her trust. Every step of the way he had treated her with kindness and consideration unlike anything she had ever experienced before. It was easy to get caught up in the emotions of it all when she was pampered like a queen. Sighing, she let it all out. This would be the last time she allowed herself to cry over him, might as well get it all out there.

  Fifty-three minutes later, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was a red pruned towel clad version of her normal self. Her eyes and nose were particularly telling of her state. She couldn’t remember when the last time was that she looked this broken. Maybe never. Turning, Hannah stared at the bathrobe Gavin had bought her that was hanging on the hook between the shower and the tub. She longed to wear it, but refused to let it touch her skin. It would be too much like Gavin holding her and she couldn’t allow that either.