Return To Big Sky

by Jade Cary

  His eyes narrowed as if to cover his ogling, and he tipped my chin up so my eyes met his. “You’ve been crying.”

  “No, I just…” His brows rose. “Yeah. I guess I have.”

  He pulled me into his arms. “Wish I could make this easier on you, baby.”

  “You are,” I said, letting him go. “You’re here.” I sat at the table and took a sip of my drink. It burned going down. “That horse is fantastic. How long have you had him?”

  Jed shook free of his trance and set his hip against the kitchen sink. “Couple months. Can’t do a thing with him.” He lifted his glass in salute and I did the same.

  “Where did you get him?”

  “Auction,” he said. “After we bought him, we found out what trouble he really was. We should have known about that before purchase, of course.”

  “And did you sue, counselor?”

  “Nah. Not my style. I go for the hard-core criminals.”

  “Oh, and I bet they’re just all over Montana, aren’t they, those hard-core criminals—horse thieves and the like?”

  “Yeah,” he answered with a smile. “That accent doesn’t sound like Manhattan.”

  “It isn’t.” I sipped the whiskey and let it slide down my throat the way it was meant to, honeyed and warm. I felt better already. “Who’s working with him?” I asked, gesturing toward the corral.

  “Collin.”

  I shrugged. Collin was the kind of man who was half good at everything, and he knew it. He’d never be more than what he was, right this second.

  “I see the wheels spinning, Chandler. Don’t even think about it.”

  “Remember that horse I tried to train when I was seven?”

  “Yes, ma’am, I do. I told you to stay out of that corral, didn’t I?”

  “Pffft. I wanted to be one of the guys.”

  “You scared the hell out of me.”

  “You made that point quite clear, as I recall.”

  “Did I?”

  I blushed and stared into my drink. “You must remember.”

  “I guess I don’t.”

  “I’m not reminding you, then.”

  “Oh, come on.”

  “You spanked me, is what you did. You gave me just enough time to get to the top rail before you hauled me down, turned me over, and whacked me.”

  “Oh, yeah. I do remember that now.” One corner of his mouth turned up in smug satisfaction.

  “You’re mean, Jed.” I threw a napkin at him and it flittered to the floor with no harm done.

  “Well, you were a frustrating child, and you certainly provoked me every chance you got.”

  “That’s because I was in love with you.”

  He cupped his hands around his glass. “That so?”

  “How could you not know? I got stuck in the hayloft in the barn so you’d have to come rescue me. I fell into the river, skinning my knee, which I did not intend to do, so you’d come running. I kissed Travis Raines under the big oak by the creek while you mended the fence.”

  Jed laughed. “And what was I supposed to do about that?”

  I laughed, too, and stared at the ceiling to hide my heated cheeks. “Uh, well, come after him with a shotgun and chase him off our land, or give him a beating for compromising my virtue, then haul me up to the house over your shoulder…”

  His eyes danced. “Wow. Then what?”

  I couldn’t seem to shut up. Shut up. Tears filled my eyes. I ran an index finger around the rim of my glass. “You were supposed to drag me into your arms and tell me that no other man would touch me again…” Jesus, shut up! “…Because I was yours.” This run-on of the mouth was due to exhaustion and emotion—had to be. I couldn’t stop. I met his eyes. “I was twelve and stupid.”

  Jed sauntered to me and cupped my face. A calloused thumb caressed my cheek. “Ah, Dutch. Sweet. Not stupid. And twelve is too young for kissing.” A tear ran down my cheek. He dragged it dry and pulled his hand away, his eyes darker than normal, a look I recognized.

  “It is not. It’s a perfect time for a girl’s first kiss.”

  His face relaxed and his eyes grew as tender as I’d ever seen on any man. We held each other in that gaze too long to be called casual, and he saved us both by bringing his dark brows together again in stony reproach.

  “Drag you in my arms, like hell. The only place I’d have dragged you, young lady, was across my knee—after I’d beaten Travis black and blue. How the hell did I miss you kissing a boy when you were twelve? Twelve!”

  With those words, I dampened my panties. Heat shrouded my face and a current ripped through my loins. “Well,” I choked out, trying to regain the upper hand. “No daughters for you, Mister Brooks. You’re a heart attack waiting to happen.” I stared at the floor. Too much was happening, too much emotion I hadn’t planned for. “I was a child. You…you were a man. How could you possibly notice the gangly girl who thought her boobs would never grow? I wondered what I’d have to do to get you to notice me. Set myself on fire?”

  Jed set his hands on my shoulders and tipped my chin to look at him. “I noticed that little girl, honey. I saw her. Every day.”

  I blinked back tears. What was wrong with me? “You did?”

  “Yes. I thought it was sweet.”

  I looked down at my drink. “How mortifying.”

  “No. And no need to set yourself on fire. I don’t want you playing with matches.”

  “Oooh, remember that time…?”

  He laughed. “Uh huh. How did that fire start, anyway?”

  “Uh…matches.”

  “Then you lied to me, you little brat.”

  “Yes, of course I did.”

  “I must have looked like a complete idiot telling your father how that bale of hay caught fire—lightening or something—and that no one noticed until you had it almost out. I remember him bellowing to me that you had way too much time on your hands, and that all of us let you get away with murder and not doing your chores while he was gone, and that he was tired of coming home to a child he didn’t recognize, and it was all our fault.”

  “It wasn’t. It was his.”

  Jed’s smile faded. “Don’t be too hard on him, Chan.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Hey,” he said, taking my hand. “It’s in the past. Let it go.”

  “Easy for you to say.” A dark cloud passed over me, sudden and cold. It flooded me with what-ifs and regrets, the blame and the anger, the young-girl crush had me spinning through my wonder years. Why was it backing up on me now?

  “It isn’t easy for me, honey. I loved him, too, but he was tough to love sometimes. You…you were everyone’s girl, Chandler. We all loved you, and it broke our hearts when he sent you away.”

  “Mine, too, Jed. Mine, too.”

  His eyes got soft, and a corner of his mouth turned up. Then he set his lips against my moist cheek, and the floodgates opened. He held me in his arms until the emotional storm passed and I moved off him enough to wipe my eyes on the sleeve of my sweater.

  “I need to start dinner here, or we’ll never eat. You okay, babe?”

  “Yes. Sorry.”

  “Stop with that, will you? You never have to be sorry with me.”

  “Unless I’m setting something on fire.”

  “Then you’ll be the sorry one.”

  “Make me something luscious, Ranch Hand. I’ll be right back.”

  You’re in Montana now

  I took my drink out to the corral, knowing Jed was watching, and willing him to leave me be. I set it on the fence post, took a couple of deep breaths to make sure the dam didn’t burst again, and climbed to the last rung of the fence. I stared at the gorgeous stallion, caged and aching for freedom.

  The horse grew agitated and jerked his head from side to side. He was a spectacular animal, at least fifteen hands. The Azteca was strong, and he had a temper. He wanted his space, and right now I was invading it. I knew horses, even if it had been fifteen years since I’d worked one here
on the ranch. The animal kept to his own side of the corral and gave me a clear warning to stay on mine. I’d mind him, for now.

  “I’ll be back, you. Bet on it.” I jumped down and returned to the house, my drink empty. Jed was standing at the stove. I poured another drink and looked over his shoulder.

  “You have any clue at all what you’re doing there, Ranch Hand?”

  “I guess you’ll know in a minute. And if I were you I’d watch my mouth.”

  “Hmm…and on the off-chance I don’t?”

  He turned the fire down under the pan, placed the wooden spatula down on a metal spoon rest, and turned to me. “You still trying to get my attention, little girl?”

  “Maybe I don’t need to set myself on fire.”

  His mouth turned up at one corner, a gesture that sent something wild and unfamiliar along my loins. “You have my attention any time you want it, in any form you desire, lady.” The rush of those words, spoken without a thought caused him to back up a step. I was equally surprised. I’d been here less than two hours, and I was getting as good as I was giving. I wasn’t troubled, and that troubled me.

  “That’s nice to know,” I said.

  He stared at me for a long time, and I stared back. He shook a thought away and turned back to the stove. “Stay away from that horse,” he said. “He’s unpredictable.”

  “I’m going to share a little secret with you, Jed.” I sat and took a fortifying drag of Ol’ No, 7. “I didn’t get where I am today by shying away from things that are unsafe, so I have no intention of staying away from that horse. Or anything else,” I finished under my breath.

  Jed shrugged. “You get hurt, don’t come crying to me.” I didn’t miss his meaning. He loaded two plates and set mine down.

  “When did I ever come crying to you?”

  “All the time, little girl.”

  “I’m not a little girl anymore.”

  “So I’ve noticed.” He dug into his food. “Eat.”

  I took a forkful. The man had talent in the kitchen. “Keep Collin away from that horse, Jed,” I said after I swallowed.

  He slammed his fork down and I took that moment to get up for a glass of water. He caught my arm.

  “For fifteen years you’ve been gone, sugar. You are back five minutes and you’re already telling me what to do? I don’t know what goes on in New York, but you’re in Montana now.”

  “Ah, yes. Land of the ‘real men’.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Sit down.”

  I stared at him with fire in my eyes.

  “Now.” He wasn’t kidding.

  “I’d like some water,” I breathed.

  “Sit. I’ll get it.” He got up and came back with two glasses. I slammed my hand down on the table. “Let me have a crack at him, Jed. Stop being so stubborn.”

  Jed leaned over me with both hands on the table. “It’s Collin’s gig. Take it up with him. Now, eat.”

  I smiled and took another bite. “This isn’t too terrible, Ranch Hand.”

  “I’m quite capable in the kitchen.”

  “Is that the only place?” Oh, good grief.

  “That’s classified, ma’am.”

  “I have clearance, don’t I?”

  “You flirting with me now?”

  “God, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, Jed.”

  He put a hand over mine. “Breathe, Chandler.” His eyes shone like beacons. I wasn’t hungry anymore, at least not for what was on the plate.

  I ate to please him, and tasted nothing. I asked him questions about the ranch, and about people who used to work here, and those who still did. When I’d exhausted them all, I took the plunge and asked about Maria. I knew Ramon had passed shortly after I was sent to Atlanta. The rest sat under my chest next to my heart. I wasn’t sure I was ready for the next part.

  “They left the ranch after you went to Atlanta, then Ramon passed a short time later.”

  “I know that. Where’s Maria now?”

  “She’s in town.”

  The devil, of course, was in the details. The whys and hows of the Villanueva exodus was never explained when Dad told me Ramon had died, but explanations weren’t necessary. I felt and saw it every day—until he sent me away. I almost laughed out loud with the sudden realization of it all.

  “Why?”

  “Give you time to settle, I guess,” he said, taking a forkful of his food. “You haven’t been in touch in fifteen years, Chan.”

  “Jed…!”

  He held up a hand to still me. “The whys don’t matter, frankly. The fact is, the woman hasn’t seen or spoken to you since you left. She wanted to give you some space.”

  “I don’t need space.”

  He held me with a look and then shrugged. “Take it while you can get it, honey. The next few days are going to be a little overwhelming.”

  I sighed. He wasn’t wrong. Once I finished high school, or college, or when any number of milestones came and went, I could have come home. I took this as far as I could get away with, and apparently I was allowed to get away with staying the hell away for fifteen years.

  “It’s a lot to take in, Chan,” Jed continued. “You’ll preside over your father’s viewing tomorrow, and bury him on Saturday. You’ll see some old faces and meet some new ones. You’ll meet Carlos. Fifteen years is a long time.”

  My temper flared. “How many times are you going to keep saying it, Jed?” And who the hell was Carlos?

  He raised his hands in surrender. “Okay.”

  “You’re angry with me?”

  He glared at me. “Settle in, Chan.”

  “’Settle in’? What does that mean?”

  “It means settle in. You just got here. You want to get into it about staying away, not calling, keeping in touch—and how much that hurt the people who love you—we can do that, but not tonight. Okay?”

  “You are angry with me.” I chuckled. “My father shipped me off to a foreign fucking country, as far as I was concerned—for reasons I still don’t understand—and you’re angry with me.”

  Jed raised his index finger. “Not now.”

  I shook my head. “Unbelievable.” I got up from the table and stalked into the living room. I wanted to scream, throw something at him, go into a room and slam the door. I was entitled to my anger. I was entitled to keep myself at a distance once I became an adult. I didn’t owe anyone anything. I spun around and glared at him, waiting for him to…to…do something. Jed stared back, arms folded across his chest and his long legs stretched out in front of him. He was giving me nothing.

  “Why did Maria and Ramon leave, Jed? Can we talk about that?”

  “Sure.” He blew out a breath. “They felt it was time to move on, I guess.”

  “Really? I wonder…did Ramon ever know about the two of them?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Watch yourself, Chandler.”

  “Did Charles send her away? Did they get caught?”

  Jed sat up and his mouth set itself into one thin line.

  “What did Charles give Ramon for his wife? Huh?”

  He wiped his mouth and sighed, pinning me with a laser stare. “You don’t want to do this now, lady.”

  “Oh, Jed, please,” I said. “Charles was fucking her. He was fucking Maria until he got tired of her, and then he sent them away, like he sent me away. While Ramon broke his ass out on the range, Charles was having a little relleno with Maria.”

  “You pick up that filthy mouth on the streets of the Big Apple, little girl?”

  “That’s all you have to say?”

  “No. That isn’t all.” He rose from the table and in three strides he was in front of me. “I’m not going to stand by and listen to you talk about your father like that. He’s not even in the ground yet, Chandler.”

  Anger engulfed me while a charge of electricity coursed farther south. I was rich with emotions, and none of them made sense. “Oh, right…the prodigal son. I forgot.” I turned my back on him and paced.

 
He followed. “You really want to do this tonight.” It wasn’t a question.

  “Why not? What’s the difference?”

  “Look at me.” When I kept my back to him, he got more forceful. “Chandler, turn around and look at me.”

  I did. “He was like a father to me…”

  “I know. But she was like a mother to me. Dad got tired of her and sent her away. And when he got tired of me, he sent me away, too.”

  “It wasn’t like that, Chandler. You know better.”

  “Do I, Jed?”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “So, how was it, then?” Tears burned my eyes.

  “You wanna put your own angry spin on this, go ahead. They loved each other, Dutch. That’s the truth of it.”

  “Why doesn’t she live here, with Dad?”

  “She does…did…does.”

  “Then where is she?”

  “Town, like I said.” He sighed. “It’s complicated. She hasn’t heard from you in a very long time. I think she needed to, Chan. You’ve got to understand that.”

  “Did he love her, Jed? Really love her?”

  “He really did, and Maria loved him. She wasn’t something he just had lying around. Your dad has loved Maria for a long time. She’s devastated.”

  “Of course she is.” I covered my eyes with the heels of my hands. “I know that.”

  “Come here.” He took my hand and led me to the couch. He sat me down next to him and he put his arm around me, stroking my hair. We stared at the fire. I pulled my legs up and curled into a ball against him. I was entitled to this anger, dammit it! I’d sat with it for too long.

  “When’s it going to end, babe?” he finally said. “When are you going to notice all that’s in front of you, instead of living in what’s behind?”

  I could not answer that. Life happened after school. A big job, settling in a city I’d fallen in love with at first sight, and suddenly it’s a decade and a half later and I’m home and answering for stubbornness and pride that ran deeper than I thought.