Keep Me in the Dark

by Ashe, Karina

  “It took me another two weeks to work up the nerve to really talk to you. And when I had, I wondered what had taken me so long, because you are so sweet, so kind, so beautiful, so perfect.”

  “David,” I whisper.

  He shuts his eyes as I say his name. “I know you don’t feel the same. I know you’re…still attached to him. But please, Laura, let me try.”

  I don’t know what to do. This should feel wrong, but something about this also feels right. My heart belongs to someone else, yet for some reason he’s still here.

  I don’t want to love a phantom anymore. All he gave me was an obsession that breeds in the silence and the dark. I’m just as captivated by my anonymous lover’s absence as I was with his touch. I’m being consumed by my obsession, and I don’t want to be. I want someone kind. Someone who is always honest. Someone like David.

  He squeezes my hands again. He’s asking, silently. His eyes are so dark and filled with passion that I can’t help but be swallowed by it. I part my legs and nod, just barely, and that minuscule amount of space between us disappears.

  His lips are full and lush and warm. He doesn’t do anything at first but press them into mine. Slowly, I open my mouth and flick my tongue against his lips. They taste of wine. He groans and his grip moves from my hands to my back as he pushes me over the table, dragging his knees over my thighs as he climbs on top of me.

  My heart hammers in my chest. David doesn’t act impulsively—at least not the David I know. My hands fist his shirt, pulling it up, and I feel his flat, muscular stomach. I know what it looks like. I’ve seen it many times before. But this is the first time I’ve felt his smooth, sculpted skin, so different from that other man’s tortured, scarred body.

  Make me forget, I think as I run my hands up his back and over his shoulder blades.

  He groans at my touch. He kisses me greedily, but it’s not possessive. I feel safe here. A feeling rushes through my body that has nothing to do with obsession or darkness. I’ve never been consumed by something so warm and beautiful—pure, simple, incandescent pleasure.

  His hand moves in between my thighs. I feel his fingers on my panties.

  He’s moving so fast. I whimper, startled, and he takes it as a sign of pleasure, and it is, but greater than that pleasure is the sudden awareness that we’re still at some rich guy’s party I was hired to sing at.

  “Laura,” he breathes.

  “No,” I say. “Too fast.” It’s silly for me to tell him this when I allowed a man I didn’t know and had never seen to enter me. I know more of David than I’ll ever know of that strange man, and unlike my previous lover, David wants me to know everything about him.

  His breathing staggers. “Alright.” He pushes himself off the table. His thighs slide off mine. He offers me his hand with a shy smile.

  I take it. “I’m sorry…”

  “Nothing to be sorry about.” He pulls me up. Right next to his shoulders and compact, hard, sculpted body. He runs his hand down the center of my back, and I’m struck again by how strong his fingers are and how good they feel on my skin. “We should probably go back.”

  I nod and he gives my hand a squeeze.

  Chapter 8

  It doesn’t take long to get back to the party. We enter and I begin to straighten my dress, but David stops me. I realize my actions are making look like we did something. Which we did. Sort of. Almost.

  My cheeks are so hot. Thankfully, he doesn’t leave my side when a few people come over to congratulate me on my performance. I almost can’t hear their words. My mind is racing with David’s body beside me. With David’s hand on my hand. With David’s Davidness. And yet, something else also bothers me. The back of my neck feels oddly cold.

  I turn my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him.

  He’s in the center of a group of men. He has a dark, angular face. Since he’s in shadow, I can’t quite make out his features. Our eyes meet. Another man would have looked away after being caught staring, but he doesn’t. Someone says something and he responds without looking from me as he brushes his middle finger over his bottom lip.

  I am the first to look away. Or maybe I’m the only one who looks away. I don’t know; I really don’t want to look up and make sure he isn’t watching anymore. My body feels electrified, dirty, and sore.

  “Laura?” I feel pressure on my shoulder. It’s David.

  “Yeah?” I whisper.

  “Is something wrong?”

  I shake my head.

  “You’re not regretting what I did—”

  “No, not that,” I interrupt, grabbing onto his wrist and pulling him close. I need a shield between me and that man.

  David runs his hands over my jaw. “Look at me.”

  I do, slowly. There’s that command again in a voice I don’t recognize. His perfect cheekbones fill my vision. His brown eyes are framed with long black eyelashes.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “I don’t know. I just want…” I don’t know what I want. I’ve forgotten now that we’re so close. And the heat from him and the heat from that stranger’s gaze fills my body and makes it ache.

  He smiles and runs a hand over my shoulders. “Do you want to dance?”

  His answer is so unexpected that for a moment I can’t respond. By the time I’m cogent enough to form a response, we’re already moving towards the center of the room.

  The blond wood beneath our feet glows under the bright lights above. He faces me, placing his hand on my hip.

  “You’re serious?”

  He nods, pulling me into his arms. It’s ambient music. Not really music people are supposed to dance to. But we rock back and forth to the ever changing, lazy beat.

  I shut my eyes and rest my head on his chest. I hear the steady beat of his heart. “Why didn’t you ever say anything, David?”

  He doesn’t pretend to not know what I’m talking about. “I thought I already told you.”

  “You didn’t, not entirely,” I answer. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I didn’t want to be rejected,” he says.

  “Why would you think I would do that?”

  “Because you wouldn’t want to ruin what we had. I didn’t either. I just…wanted to stay close to you. And you made it easy, I guess, for me to not say anything. You never had a man around you. I always thought you’d come to me.”

  I pull away and look up at him. “Come to you?”

  “I was hoping you’d make it easy on me. Not very manly, I know.”

  “I didn’t even realize.” It isn’t until after the words are out of my mouth that I realize how cruel they are.

  “I know.” He tilts his head and kisses my knuckles. The song ends and I start to pull away.

  He doesn’t let go.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “If you think I’m going to let you go now that I have you, you’re crazy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The moment I let go of you, someone else is going to swoop down and steal your attention.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “I don’t think so. There are a couple of guys here that are already planning to do that, I think.”

  I think of the guy in the corner with the intense eyes. Suddenly, I’m really happy that David doesn’t want to go anywhere.

  “That’s what made you uncomfortable, wasn’t it?” David asks.

  “I…”

  “It made me uncomfortable too.”

  I bite my lip and look down. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Really.”

  “Oh.”

  He moves in closer, lowers his hands. “I think I should stake my claim.”

  “What?”

  “You know, let all the other men in the room—”

  “That’s so…juvenile,” I reply.

  “That’s how men are,” David says.

  I start to laugh.

  “It’s not funny.”

  “Yes it i
s,” I reply.

  “Alright, it kind of is,” he smiles.

  I look up at him, grinning. “So, are you going to do it?”

  “Do what?” His eyes lose focus.

  “Stake your claim.”

  He raises a brow. “You want me to?”

  “I thought guys weren’t supposed to ask before staking their claim.”

  He groans. “Come on, Laura. I’m not going to throw you over my shoulder and carry you off to the nearest bathroom stall. I believe in equal rights and all that.”

  I can barely hold my laughter in at the image.

  “Unless, of course…” his eyes take on a dark glint I’m not used to, “you want me to.”

  My cunt clenches. Did he really just say that to me? And when his voice changed like that, I…I don’t know what’s going on, but my body reacted to it as well, almost as if it wants…

  “You didn’t answer my question,” he notes.

  “What question was that?”

  He flashes a devilish smile. “If you want me to stake my claim.”

  I bite my lip. “Maybe.”

  “Just maybe? You should be sure before you say something like that.”

  My stomach is in knots. I grip onto him harder.

  “Laura?”

  “I…I don’t really…know…”

  “I know, I’m just teasing you,” he says. “This is fine. This is everything I’ve wanted for years.”

  His hands slide down my body. Already, they feel familiar and comforting. If that man still watches me, I don’t care. I’m no longer thinking of it. It’s so far away now. Everything outside of this kind man’s embrace feels so very far away.

  David and I leave before we’re supposed to. The other girls decide to stay and talk with those who enjoyed our concert, so David and I do our best with public transportation instead of taking Professor Cade’s bug. It’s raining, so he makes me take his jacket.

  David makes a point of walking on the inside of the street, so if a car or taxi runs through a puddle he’ll get wet instead of me. It’s a kind gesture, and it would have been perfect if he wasn’t just a tad faster than me, and pulling me along, and if that taxi hadn’t been going so fast around that sharp corner with the unfortunately deep puddle.

  I turn my head as the wave hits. Thankfully David gave me his jacket, but it isn’t long enough. From about mid-thigh down, I’m completely soaked.

  “Oh God,” David groans.

  “It’s fine,” I tell him. “I don’t care.”

  “Well I care.”

  “I don’t!” I yell.

  “Well I—”

  “If we don’t move fast we’re going to miss it!” I laugh.

  “You’re right,” David realizes, and the two of us dash forward. He grabs my hand as we make our way down into the subway. There aren’t too many people out at this stop. He makes sure I get on first. His hands on the gold bars, looking at me, grinning. Water running down his hair, making it a dirty blond, his wet eyelashes look longer.

  I hand him his soaked jacket.

  He reluctantly accepts it. “I’m only holding onto this until we get off.”

  “Oh.”

  He grins. I feel giddy. Light. Our hands holding the same metal bar. My dress sticks to my upper thighs. I’m soaking.

  “Wish I had a longer jacket,” David murmurs, looking down at me. “Then you wouldn’t have gotten wet at all.”

  “Maybe, but that’s putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself.”

  “Unnecessary pressure? I think I already did that, because if you’d had a longer jacket, right now no one else would see those great legs.”

  My breath catches. “Oh.”

  “Oh.” He leans forward. His cold nose touches mine. “I’m not used to hearing you say that. You’re not normally at a loss for words.”

  “Well, you’re not normally this cocky.”

  “You’re generally pretty good at putting cocky guys in their place.”

  “You want to be put in your place, David?”

  He leans back, grinning. “If it’s you doing it, I can’t say I’d mind…”

  “God,” I roll my eyes. Hopefully he doesn’t see them flutter. Hopefully he can’t hear my heartbeat speeding up. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “I think ‘incorrigible’ is the word you’re looking for. I know how many romance novels you read.”

  I glare at him. “So, you read them too, then?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Oh really? Then how do you know ‘incorrigible’ is a word they use often?”

  The train stops. “Hey look, it’s our stop,” David steps into the center of the aisle and holds his hand out for me.

  I take it. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

  “What’s that? The doors are about to close?”

  “You still haven’t answered my question!” I repeat.

  “Huh? Only a few more seconds to get off?”

  “David!” I try to swat him and he catches my hand and brings it to his lips. “We really do have only a few—”

  The doors close.

  “Seconds,” he sighs.

  The train starts up again. “Hey, if you hadn’t evaded my question we would have gotten off in time.”

  He glances sideways at me. “Maybe.”

  “Maybe?” I laugh. “Most definitely.”

  “Well, this way might be better,” he says.

  “Oh really?”

  “Yeah. It’s only a few blocks out of our way, and it will give you a little extra time to try to get the answers from me as I escort you back to your place.”

  I’ve tried everything. Threats. Pleas. Promises—some of which I actually kind of intended to keep. He still wont’ tell me.

  I pull on his arm. “David, you’re so mean,” I pout.

  “Oh, I know I’m mean. I can’t believe I’m this mean myself.”

  “Just tell me,” I say.

  He stops. Sighs. Looks at me thoughtfully. “You really want to know?”

  “Yes I want to know! I’ve only been asking for the past fifteen minutes!”

  He glances at his watch. “It’s actually been about forty. Time sure has flown for you. I guess that means you’re having a lot of fun.”

  I lower my voice and infuse it with a tone I hope is sultry. “I’d have even more fun if you told me.”

  He grins. “But I won’t.”

  I narrow my eyes. “You really are incorrigible.”

  “Neither of us are as sweet as we pretend to be.” He flashes another smile, but this one I can’t read. My heart skips as he reaches for my hand. We walk the final block to my dorm in silence.

  When we reach the gate in front of my dorm, he stops and lets go of my hand. Then, he leans against it. Ivy curls around his shoulders. He eyes me slyly. “Your friends won’t be home for a while.”

  My throat feels tight. I nod.

  “The place is probably pretty empty.”

  He’s right. Almost everyone went to go see their families for turkey day. I’m pretty sure Anna, Cassie, Dolly and me are the only girls left in the building.

  Which means…oh my God! He wants me to invite him in! “David…”

  “I won’t try anything. I can bake you sugar cookies and we can watch The Vampire Diaries or something.”

  “You’d watch The Vampire Diaries?”

  He groans. “It wouldn’t be my first choice, but you’re into that show, aren’t you?”

  Him suffering through Vampire Diaries sounds nice. He must know about my sadistic streak. He probably knows almost everything about me, and still… “David, I just don’t think…”

  “I know. You love him.” He leans over and kisses the top of my head. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you. I’ll give you as much as you let me give, and I don’t mind waiting. I love you, Laura. I’ve pretty much loved you from the moment I saw you.”

  I shiver everywhere. I want to return his feelings complete
ly. I feel like I could someday, hopefully someday soon. But I’m not ready yet.

  “We don’t have to date yet, or anything official,” he explains. “I just want you to consider me. And I’m giving you a friendly warning that from here on out, yeah, I’m going to be a little more obvious with my attempts to get into your pants…as in I’m probably going to take every chance I get.”

  I raise my eyebrows and laugh. I can’t believe he just said that to me. “That’s a little crass, David.”

  “I’m a guy. I’m a little dirtier than you want me to be. But you don’t have to worry, because it’s always about making you feel good.”

  “I’ll remember everything you’ve said. I had fun tonight.”

  He gives me another little smile and leans forward.

  My eyes shut just as his lips touch mine. The kiss is sweet and chaste. It shouldn’t make me feel giddy or restless, but it does. It gives me the same warm, happy feeling I get when my first shot of tequila starts to sink in. And for a moment, I want to sit there, drinking him in, until everything else in the world fades.

  He pulls back first. His eyes are dark and he’s breathing a little heavily. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one so strangely affected. “Goodnight, my lady,” he says.

  I enter the dark dorm. No one else is home, just as I expected. I set down my cello case in the hall, enter the piano room, and lean against the wall.

  My chest hurts.

  Everything feels so perfect. So right. I can still feel David’s lips pressed to my forehead, or rather my skin still tingles from his touch. I can still taste that brief bout of rain that had teased us when we left the museum.

  So why do I hurt?

  I should have let David come in. I bet he’s still out there. I could run outside, grab him and take him upstairs. He’d let me get into his pants. When he’s here, I don’t feel like this; I don’t need like this.

  But I don’t move. Instead I close my eyes. Something about this place reminds me of that other man I never really knew. Maybe it’s because I’m alone. With him, I was always alone.

  It doesn’t matter. I want him so bad. Even though he abandoned me, I love him. Or maybe it’s wrong to call his leaving an abandonment since he didn’t want me back.