by Carina Adams
I had to try.
I didn’t know if he was still home or if he’d left before I woke up, but either way, I needed to talk to him.
I left all my things piled on the bed and hurried back downstairs. Rob and Katie were outside on the front steps.
Rob glowered when he saw me. “You didn’t shower. Or change.”
Ignoring him, I asked, “Is everyone gone?”
Rob rolled his eyes but explained calmly, “Your brother and Jeremy left a few minutes ago. Tank won’t be up for hours. You’re safe to shower.”
I pressed a hand to my stomach, wishing the butterflies would disappear, and spoke to my roommate. “I feel like shit.”
Katie immediately stepped toward me. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “I think I’m just exhausted.”
Kate nodded in understanding. “We can wait while you get some rest.”
“Or we can let her get some sleep and go get food,” Rob argued.
Katie nodded absentmindedly. “We’ll get takeout and bring it back.”
“No,” I insisted. “Go spend time with Rob. You don’t need to babysit me. I’ll nap now and have Matty take me for food when he gets home.”
She bought it. Rob must have to, or he just didn’t give a shit and was happy to be rid of me. He stood and called for his sister to hurry as he strode toward the piece-of-shit-pickup sitting in the drive. Kate hesitated.
“Go sleep. Feel better.”
I didn’t even wait for them to drive away before I went back inside, locking the door behind me for good measure.
I wasn’t sure where Tank’s room was, but I headed down the stairs into the basement. It looked exactly like the upstairs hall, a door on each end, another in the middle next to the stairs. I picked the one closest to me and knocked.
A sleepy mumble answered me.
Mustering every ounce of courage I had, I pushed open the door. “Tank?”
I’d expected it to be dark and dreary, but every light was still on, giving the room a comfortable glow. It was almost the exact size as the one I’d spent the night in, but this one felt different—more like home and I knew immediately that it belonged to my brother. The blue and green plaid curtains over the miniscule basement window seemed like him, as did the almost obsessive cleanliness. Yet it was the picture of the two of us on his desk that gave it away for sure.
However, it wasn’t my brother sprawled across the bed. Naked. All I could do was stare at the bare ass. And the hideous tattoo on full display.
I took a small step closer, and then another, positive my eyes were deceiving me. Nope. Tank had a giant army tank permanently etched onto his butt. It made me wonder if that’s where his ridiculous nickname had come from.
I started to giggle, the stress of the last few days getting lost in the silliness of the moment. I had no idea that men like him actually got ink on their ass, and the image he’d chosen was so absurd that I couldn’t contain my glee.
Before I could back away from the bed, Tank stretched and flipped over. Then stretched again. Giving me a very vivid full-frontal shot. Thankfully my stare was glued to the ink on his pubic bone and not on anything else.
I knew the moment he opened his eyes because his entire body jerked in surprise and he swore before slapping a hand over his junk.
God, I hoped Matty planned on washing his sheets.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Crissia!” he snapped. “What in the fuck are you doing in here?”
I forced myself to meet his eyes.
“Suck it?” I pushed the laughter down. “You seriously have a tattoo that says ‘Suck It’?”
Tank’s Adam’s apple bobbed as red began to tinge his cheeks. I almost felt bad for the poor bastard. Almost.
Then he grinned. “No. I have an arrow tattoo that just happens to say ‘Suck It.’” He sat up, grabbed a pillow and positioned it to keep himself covered. “Just in case you forget what to do while you’re down there.”
Then, as if remembering who he was talking to, his entire body flushed, his eyes wide. “Not you, you,” he stammered. “Because you will never be down there. And even if you were, I’d never tell you to suck my dick. Unless you wanted to. Fuck, I’d never tell any woman she had to. It’s just for fun.” He covered his eyes with his free hand and groaned. “Fuck me, Cris! Why are you here?”
I bit the inside of my cheek to force the laughter away. “So, you’ll tell me to fuck you, but you’ll never tell me to suck it? Noted,” I teased.
Tank’s hand flew away from his face and his eyes bulged. “No!” He pointed at me. “No. That is not what I said!”
Usually, Tank was all gruff and grumpy when I was around. This version was too much fun to ignore. I pouted. “So, you don’t want to fuck me?”
For the briefest moment, his eyes slid down my body. Repulsion and disgust didn’t wash over me the way it did when so many other men looked at me that way. Maybe it was because I trusted him and knew he would never hurt me. I wasn’t afraid of him.
He scrubbed at his face with a palm. “I’m a fucking dead man walking. Your brother will stab me in my sleep when he finds out about this. If he doesn’t, Rob’ll cut off my dick.”
“Don’t be dramatic. It’s not like I’m actually going to suck your dick. Although, someday, I want to hear the story behind that one.”
“We all have them,” he admitted, eyes glued to the floor next to me, almost as if he was afraid to meet my own. “We got blistering drunk one night and decided to be stupid. Jeremy’s says ‘It won’t suck itself,’ Rob’s says, ‘Suck It and See,’ Matt’s says, ‘Suck—,”
“Nope,” I interrupted. “You did not just tell me that my brother has a… a…” I searched for words, shaking my head in disgust. “There are just some things I never need to know. That is one of them.”
Tank snorted. “Oh, little girl, your big brother has some of the dirtiest tats I’ve ever seen.” He shrugged. “You wanted the backstory.”
“Sorry I asked,” I admitted.
Quiet settled around us.
“Baby girl?” Tank finally asked. “Either tell me what you want, or get the hell out.”
Oh, yeah. That. “I need you to take me to the club.”
His eyes narrowed. “What club?”
“Your club. The Bean Nighe house or whatever it is.”
To his credit, he stayed where he was. “You’re lucky I’m not dressed right now, or I’d come over there…” His words trailed off as he shook his head.
I tapped a fingernail to my chin. “And what? Spank me? Isn’t that done best without clothes?”
He choked. “You want your brother to butcher me?” He sighed. “I’m not taking you to the clubhouse.”
“I forgot something,” I tried to explain. “Something important.”
“Your dignity? Your common sense?” he snapped. “No. Don’t answer that. Get out. We’ll talk about this once I’m dressed.”
I nodded and turned, hurrying from the room. “Just remember,” I called, “spankings aren’t fun unless we’re both naked.”
“Bitch is gonna get me killed,” he murmured to himself before letting out a surprised laugh.
He joined me in the living room a few minutes later, wearing the exact same thing he’d had on the night before. Although I could imagine that the jeans, plain white tee, and black leather vest were a typical ensemble for him.
He leaned a shoulder against the doorframe. All humor was gone, replaced with the seriousness I was used to. “Okay. What did you forget?”
I knew that with Tank, honesty was going to matter more than anything. “A rock that Hannah gave me.” His face softened, just a bit. “It’s hooked to a locket keychain. The locket has her picture inside, her thumbprint on the back. I need it, Tank. Please?”
He watched me closely before he spoke. “I never got to hold her. I promised Rob that I’d protect her at all costs, but by the time I got out, Ali had taken Hannah and disappeared.” He stared out the wi
ndow, something beyond the glass catching his attention. “Liam told me once, let it slip, that you and Hannah were close. He said that you were more of a mom than her egg donor ever was.”
The knowledge that someone thought that, that someone other than me had seen the bond I’d shared with a baby who didn’t have my blood, made tears sting my eyes. I’d never wanted to love her, had planned to ignore her completely. Hannah Jean had had other plans.
I lapped my lips and opened my soul for him to see. “When my mom forced me to go to the hospital the day after Hannah was born, I acted like a spoiled brat. When we got to Ali’s room, she was in one of her moods, the withdrawals driving her crazy. She was throwing a fit because the nursing staff wouldn’t let her breastfeed the baby, and she was pissed off that they wouldn’t bring her pain meds.
“They wouldn’t let me in her room,” I continued with a sigh. Then again, they wouldn’t allow Hannah to go in either. “Liam found me wandering the halls and took me to the nursery. I sat in a rocking chair in the corner, trying to hide, but then he put this tiny, really angry, screaming bundle into my arms.”
I swallowed, the memory of that day still fresh. “She stopped screaming and scowled at me, as if she was trying to decide if I was friend or foe.” I’d never forget the way she’d looked up at me. “I knew in that moment that I’d found a kindred spirit and that I’d love her until I died.”
My heart hurt. More for those who never got to experience that brilliant love of hers than for those of us who did. “I’m sorry that you never got to meet her. She would’ve loved her Uncle Tank and wrapped you around her little finger in an instant.”
Tank watched me, an odd look on his face. “I’m the one who’s sorry, baby girl. That we couldn’t save her, for your loss, that we all lost her.” There was only sincerity in his words.
I froze. No one had ever said that to me. I didn’t know how to respond. I fought against the tears scorching the backs of my eyes.
“I’ll take you. But on conditions.”
I nodded eagerly. I would’ve agreed to anything as long as it got my keychain back.
Tank crossed his arms. “You need to stay with my bike until I come get you. The clubhouse is only open to members and whores. If I can get you in, and it’s a big fucking if, you don’t say a word to anyone. You keep your head down and do what I tell you. We find your keychain and we get out. You understand me?”
I nodded vigorously.
“And if shit goes south, you get the fuck out and let me handle myself. Got it?”
I hesitated as I thought of Rob’s bruised face. “They won’t hurt you, will they?”
“Baby girl,” he sighed, “none of that is your business.” I started to argue but shut my mouth at his sharp pointed look. “Go change. Baggy shit if you’ve got it.”
I hurried upstairs, not giving him a chance to change his mind.
9
Rocker
Once every couple of months I drove up to Maine to spend the weekend with Katie. I didn’t want to crowd her and assumed she wanted her privacy. I’d have gone every few weeks if I’d thought she wouldn’t mind.
I liked spending time with her, getting to know her again. I felt like we were finally making up for lost time. There weren’t many people I could tolerate for more than a few minutes at a time, but I would’ve liked Kate even if she weren’t my sister.
This was the first time she’d ever stayed with me. I’d always planned on inviting her down, reintroducing her to the city where we’d been born and spent the first few years of our lives. I’d wanted to have my shit together first, though, with a nicer place to stay and more money to spend.
I was pissed as hell that she’d come down with no notice and that she and Cris had gone to the club, but under all that, I was glad she was there. After we were seated at the small diner, I ordered a large breakfast, even though I rarely had more than coffee, just to give the two of us more time alone. We had a lot of bullshit to deal with once we got back to the apartment, but I forced it out of my mind and enjoyed a few minutes with my little sister.
“What happened to your face?” she asked as she lifted a forkful of chocolate chip pancakes to her mouth.
I paused mid-chew. We’d been talking about her classes only moments before, so the jump in topics was a surprise.
“I walked into someone’s fist.”
She nodded and finished her bite. “Fist or fists? With an s.”
I ran my tongue gently over the corner of my mouth. I was still sore as hell. “Fist. Without the s.”
“A someone did that to you?” Her eyes narrowed slightly as if she doubted the words. With my history of fighting, I guess I couldn’t blame her. “The rest of your body walk into that fist, too?” When I didn’t answer, she shook her head. “I hope he looks a hell of a lot worse.” Again, I stayed silent, focusing on the food in front of me. “Was it worth it?”
The last question was quiet, hopeful.
I sniffed, staring over her shoulder at the cars in the parking lot. “Yeah.”
“Those men in that club, they’re so different from you.” She laid her fork across the edge of her plate and released a long, sad sigh. “Should I be worried?”
I met eyes that looked just like mine. “No.”
It wasn’t a lie. Not completely. What I hadn’t said was that I agreed with her. I refused to burden her with the truth.
Most of the Bean Nighe brothers were completely different than Matty, Tank, and me. Then again, the three of us didn’t belong anywhere, really. Half the time, I didn’t even know what in the fuck we were doing with them. The other half, I didn’t care. Life in the club was the perfect distraction.
“Am I going to have to get used to seeing you through bulletproof glass again? Go back to visiting you once a month and never being able to touch you?”
I couldn’t stop the smirk. “You never saw me through bulletproof glass, smartass. You also could touch me during our visits.”
She shrugged. “I’ve seen the movies. That’s not what it’s like in real prison.”
“Real prison?” I snorted. “So, where was I then?”
“Baby prison?” she asked with a laugh.
“Yeah. That’s what it was.”
“So?” she demanded. “Am I going to have to go to real prison to see you?”
I didn’t want to mislead her or make her believe that I was on the straight and narrow. Staying out of prison was one thing I could never promise her. But I also couldn’t stand seeing her fear.
“I don’t know,” I answered. “Just know that if you do, there’ll be a damn good reason I’m locked up again.”
Her eyes searched my face. “Okay.” She lifted her fork and stabbed another piece of pancake. “Oh! Did I tell you about what a failure my abstract painting was?”
Just like that, Katie steered the conversation to something happier. I let her.
As I pulled onto my street, I was half tempted to keep driving. I didn’t want our time alone to end. I could head straight into the city, park, and spend the day playing tourist with my sister. For a few hours, we could pretend that I didn’t have so much other shit to deal with.
I glanced at my house out of habit. There should have been two bikes parked out front, but there was only one. I frowned and hit my breaks, turning in at the last second. If Katie had an issue with the way I drove, she didn’t complain.
Not that I would’ve heard her. As I shifted the truck into park, all I could do was glower at the empty spot beside my Heritage Softail Classic. Yeah, Matty was at the library, but Tank’s Fatboy should have been parked next to it.
Katie continued talking as she fussed with the bag of takeout she’d insisted we bring home for Cris, but I drowned her out. Something was off. I wasn’t sure what, but I could feel it.
It irritated the piss out of me that Tank had left our guest alone. Then I remembered he’d been asleep when we’d left for breakfast. No one had told him I’d left the brat there.
>
When I tried the door, my frustration returned. The crazy prick hadn’t locked the door. We’d had this argument more than once. Tank insisted that we would never be robbed because we rode with the Bean Nighe, yet I knew it made us a much bigger target.
I tossed my keys on the counter as Katie hurried up the stairs to check on Cris. I stood there, frowning at the wall, apprehension growing in my gut. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong.
“Robby!” Katie screamed, terror in her voice as she ran back down the stairs, “Cris isn’t here!”
Before I could console my sister, tell her that Matty had probably come back early and gotten Cris, the phone started to ring. I hesitated before I reached for it. Only a select few had our number and no one would call me that time of day.
Katie was next to me, wringing her hands as I grabbed it off the hook.
“What?” I snapped into the receiver.
“Rob?”
I didn’t recognize the voice. “Yeah?” I demanded.
“Jesus, you need to get down here.” Jenny’s words were rushed. “Shooter’s got that girl. The one from last night. There’s gonna be trouble.”
“Fuck!”
I had a hundred questions and wanted to demand answers, but there was one I didn’t need to ask. That girl was Cris. I slammed the handset down without a word and turned to Katie.
“I’m going to get her.”
“What?” Kate frowned and grabbed at my arm. “Where is she?”
I pushed past her and took the stairs two at a time, grabbing my cut, my piece, and my keys from my room.
Katie was in the same spot I’d left her, her worry and trepidation clear.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Lock the damn door after I leave.”
I didn’t look back as I stalked outside, threw a leg over my bike, and roared out of the yard. My thoughts whirled, anger coursing through my veins. I’d almost let myself believe Katie when she’d insisted that she was at fault, that she’d been the one who’d wanted to go into the clubhouse. Yet, she wasn’t the one who ran back there first chance she had.