The Days of Redemption

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “There weren’t no need for us to get to know each other, Edward,” he said dryly. His gaze sharpening, he said, “Is there any other reason? Any particular woman you’re thinking of?”

  “It’s no secret that I’ve become fond of Viola Keim. But it’s too early to know if our feelings are real.”

  Ed took a deep breath and went on.

  “I think I might be falling in love with her,” he allowed.

  His father glowered. “You’re not sure?”

  “I’ve barely been back a few weeks. It’s too soon to be sure.”

  “Everything doesn’t need to be set in stone, does it? Just because you won’t be living here don’t mean you can’t continue to write. Does it?”

  “So you think I should go?”

  “I think you should figure out what’s stopping you. I refuse to think it’s the change in your schedule, son.” He paused. “Unless, of course, you had decided to leave the mission field.”

  “I can’t do that.” That was one thing he knew for sure. He loved his work.

  “Then why does the timing matter so much?”

  “I feel like I’m betraying you.”

  His father closed his eyes. “Edward, when your mother died, we both changed. That is the Lord’s way. He guides us, makes us grow and change, even when we aren’t ready. Edward, I am not the same man that I was when we lived in our little house.”

  “I don’t think you’re so different.”

  “Then you aren’t seeing me, son. Please listen to me closely. I wanted to move here. I wanted to be around other people, I wanted to spend my days reading and playing cards and talking with people my age. You didn’t stick me in a rest home. I chose to live here. That’s the God’s honest truth, no matter how guilty you might feel.”

  That was what he’d needed to hear. His father’s no-nonsense way of talking. It sliced through his doubts and all the garbage he’d been carrying around.

  “If I go, I’m really going to miss you.”

  “I will miss you, too. But this is how it’s supposed to be, boo. I raised you to go out in the world, not to always stay by my side. I’m not ready for you to be at my beck and call. I don’t want to be coddled and sat with. I want to read about your adventures and imagine your job. I want to sit by the fire and be proud of you because I know you are doing God’s work. Most importantly, I want to feel at peace, because I know you are happy.”

  What could Ed say to that?

  His daed scowled. “Now, you still have some figuring out to do. You go talk to Viola Keim and see if what you think you have is strong enough to last.”

  “There’s also the dog,” he continued in a rush. He’d completely forgotten about Gretta. “I’ve got a dachshund at home. Her name is Gretta. I’m fond of her . . . I don’t know what I’d do with her if I left. She just got settled at home. It seems cruel to take her to the pound.”

  “You’re worried about a dachshund?”

  “Kind of.” But of course it wasn’t really the dog. Gretta seemed to be a fitting symbol of the joy that he’d unexpectedly found in Berlin. He couldn’t discount it.

  And he didn’t want to give it up without careful thought.

  The lines around his father’s eyes deepened. “Oh, for heaven’s sakes, Edward, you worry too much.”

  “I like this dog.”

  “Well, it’s certainly amazing to me that you get anything done in foreign countries without my prodding. If you decide to go to Belize, simply bring the dog here.”

  “They don’t allow dogs here.”

  Deftly, his father ignored his protests. “Edward, is she house-trained?”

  “Jah.”

  “Does she bite?”

  “Nee. She’s even-tempered.”

  “Does she run around a lot, chew on things?”

  “No, she just wants to sit on her bed.”

  “If she only wants to sit around, then she’s going to fit in here perfectly,” he stated with a wry grin. “Bring the hund by, and I’ll take care of her getting checked in.” He folded his arms over his bony chest. “Next problem?”

  “Um. Well, I don’t have any.”

  “I should hope not!” With a grunt, his father got to his feet. “I for one can’t think of another thing you need to worry about.” Clapping his hands lightly he said, “Well, you’d best go off now and make your phone calls.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I, son, am going back to bed. Organizing your life wears me out. Come back tomorrow and tell me what Viola said.”

  “I will.” He stepped forward, reaching out to grip his father’s arm. It was still thin and frail feeling. But now Ed realized that looks had been deceiving. Underneath the age spots and thin, papery skin was a strength Ed could only hope to one day possess. “Hey, Daed?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Danke.”

  “Anytime, Edward. Anytime at all.” His daed smiled slightly before tottering back to his room. Walking by himself.

  Making Ed realize that it was time he did the same thing. It was time to make his own way in the world, even if his steps weren’t as steady or as strong and sure as he wanted them to be.

  Calling Mr. Cross was easier than Ed had imagined. Mr. Cross was glad to hear from Ed, and Ed was relieved to tell him that he was willing to go to Belize to begin setting up the mission.

  The moment the words left his lips, he felt a fresh sense of peace.

  “I’m thrilled, and I know the rest of the team will feel the same way,” Mr. Cross said. “We knew you’d be perfect for the position. But if you get there and you change your mind, don’t forget that you can still back out. You haven’t made a firm commitment yet.”

  “I appreciate that. But I plan to accept, unless I truly feel like I couldn’t do the work you are asking of me.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll get on the computer and make plane and hotel reservations. I’ll call later with the details.”

  “Sounds good.” When they hung up, he looked at little Gretta who was curled up by his side. “I guess it’s really happening.” Now there was only one thing to do. Go visit Viola. Though he wasn’t usually the type to consider traveling with a dog, he decided to take the dog in the buggy. Viola might go easier on him if he had Gretta by his side.

  Thirty minutes later, he had the horse hitched to the buggy, and he was heading to the Keims’ home. He hoped he would know the right words to say when he got there.

  Right now? His brain felt suspiciously like mush. There was far too much to think about. And hope for.

  Grinning broadly, Roman stuck his head in the kitchen door. “You’ve got a suitor, Viola.”

  Nearly dropping the plate she’d been washing, Viola gaped at her brother. “What are you talking about?”

  “Edward Swartz is here, looking as impatient as I’ve ever seen a man.” Clearing his throat, he added, “And . . . he brought his dog.”

  “What in the world?”

  Her mother chuckled behind her.

  Feeling her cheeks heat in embarrassment, she said, “Well, Roman, are you going to send him in?”

  “He’s coming. And, Mamm,” he continued a little too sweetly, “Edward wants to know if he may bring his dog inside. What should I tell him?”

  “I suppose you should tell him yes,” her mother said. “My goodness, Viola. I’ve never heard of a man bringing his dachshund when courting.”

  Viola spun, wondering how she even knew about the dog when she saw that her mother was unabashedly watching Edward stride across the snowy yard to the front door.

  “Oh, no,” she moaned, glancing down at her stained dress and apron. She looked like she’d been doing exactly what she had been doing: washing dishes, polishing shelves, and wiping down baseboards. “Distract him or something, wouldja? I look awful.”

  “Go wash your face, dear. I can get the door,” her mother offered just as Ed knocked.

  “Better hurry, Twin,” Elsie chirped from the chair in the back of the
room where she’d been pairing socks. “Ed seems particularly anxious today.”

  “I’m hurrying!” She’d just closed the bathroom door when she heard the door open and her mother greet Edward. And the dog.

  Edward had come calling! What was she going to tell him?

  Oh, if only there were time to change into a dress that didn’t smell like furniture polish! Quickly, she removed her kapp, washed her face, smoothed her hair, and then replaced her kapp. All in five minutes.

  After scrambling back down the stairs, she found Edward and his dog sitting on one side of the room, her mother, Elsie, and her grandmother on the other. Neatly stacked in the middle of the table was a pile of roast beef sandwiches.

  Her mother’s lips curved in a self-satisfied way when she approached. “Viola, we were just feeding Edward, here.”

  “So I see.”

  He looked up at her and winked. “I’m a lonely bachelor. I never turn down food.”

  “You should have had him over for supper, Viola,” her mother chided. “I had no idea you two had gotten so close.”

  Viola decided it wouldn’t do any good to mention that until recently she hadn’t even liked him. Instead, she sat down next to Elsie. “I guess you all have been catching up?”

  “I did. And this is Gretta. I guess you could say she is the newest member of my family.”

  Looking at the dog, Viola couldn’t help but be charmed by the dog’s compact body. “She’s adorable.”

  Looking pleased with the compliment, the little dog wagged her tail. Then she rocked back up on her haunches, obviously more eager to beg for scraps from Ed than to make new friends.

  “He’s been filling us in on his job,” her mother said. “Mission work is commendable.”

  “Indeed,” her grandmother added. “Though it’s a shame that it takes you so far away from home.”

  “It’s the nature of it, I’m afraid. We go to the people in need, not wait for them to come to us.”

  “But you enjoy your work?” Elsie asked.

  “Yes. Very much so.”

  Her grandmother reached down and rubbed Gretta’s head, who had nestled against her feet. “How did you two meet?”

  “It was through his father. Mr. Swartz lives at Daybreak,” Viola offered.

  “Ah,” her mother murmured. Giving a world of information in that statement.

  Edward merely ate another bite of his sandwich.

  “I like Mr. Swartz very much. He’s one of my favorite residents,” she added a little awkwardly. When Edward smiled at her, she stilled.

  Then smiled back. Because she was realizing that she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

  Feeling awkward but happy, she was glad he’d come over. And glad, too, when a few minutes later, her sister, mamm, and grandmother left, leaving them alone. Taking her grandmother’s seat, Viola was now close enough to pet Gretta . . . and spy the tiny gold flecks in Ed’s blue eyes. “So, you decided to stop by.”

  “I did.” His expression was more serious now. “I wanted to let you know that I decided to go to Belize next week.”

  “I thought you might,” she said lightly, hoping her easy manner was camouflaging her disappointment. “It’s an honor to be asked.”

  “It is an honor, but now it’s starting to feel right, too,” he said. “I can still change my mind, but I’ve decided that it would be wrong of me to refuse this.”

  She agreed with everything he said. But still it hurt. She was going to miss him—and miss what the two of them could have been. “I think you made the right decision.”

  “Do you?” His gaze was piercing. “Viola, I feel like we just found each other. I don’t want to lose you.”

  His words were beautiful, but they scared her, too. It felt like it was all too much, too soon. “We don’t have each other.” She resented him assuming so much.

  “Are you sure about that? I feel like we have a future.”

  “You do?”

  “Well, I feel like we could have a future together. . . . Don’t you feel the same way?”

  Emotions warred inside her. She wanted to believe what he said, to believe in him. She wanted to jump headfirst into a serious relationship, but what was happening was far from her comfort zone.

  She was used to doing the pushing. Not being the one who got pushed!

  “I’m not like you, Ed,” she sputtered. “I can’t make a decision like that so quickly.”

  “What more do you need?” His expression was honest, frank.

  She needed him to want to stay. She wanted him to be different. And, perversely, she wanted him to stay exactly the same. She liked who he was. She admired his dedication. But she didn’t know if that was enough. “I don’t know. . . . Time, maybe? Ed, I do like you. But I like my family, too. I love them. I don’t know if I could ever give up everything I know for the chance of happiness with you.” She wanted to add her fears about Elsie, too—how she worried about leaving her, because she felt responsible for her twin. But Viola was afraid to say that out loud. No way did she want Elsie to overhear her saying such things.

  “For the chance?” His voice was thick with sarcasm.

  “I’m trying to be honest, Edward.”

  “I appreciate that. I do.” He stood up then, his expression curiously flat. “Can I see you again before I go?”

  “Of course. I mean, I’ll probably see you at Daybreak.”

  “Oh. Sure.”

  Viola hated that she was hurting his feelings. But could he understand her side of things? “Edward, I don’t know what you want me to do.”

  “I think you do. I’m asking you to take a leap of faith. I’m asking you to throw all your usual expectations of courting out the window and imagine us being together one day.”

  “Even if you are in Belize and I am not?”

  “Even then.”

  “But what if one of us gets hurt?” A fresh wave of desperation flowed through her. She now knew that relationships could fall apart, even solid ones. Thinking of how upset her grandparents and parents had been lately, she knew she didn’t want that kind of pain. “What if we both get hurt?”

  “Then we’ll hurt and we’ll heal.” He turned to the dog who was sitting at his feet. “Come along, Gretta.”

  After he left, she stared at the door. Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life? Tears pricked at her eyes. Oh, why couldn’t something in her life be easy? Everywhere she turned, there seemed to be conflict and pain.

  She started when she felt her mother’s touch on her shoulder. “It will be all right, Viola. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Nee. But I’m hopeful.”

  Reaching up, she covered her mother’s hand with her own. “Then I’m hopeful, too.”

  The next Monday, when she arrived at Daybreak, she found a note awaiting her.

  Viola,

  I’m leaving in the morning, but wanted to leave you a quick note. I’m excited about the trip, and am excited to figure out if Belize is the best place for my next mission. Please don’t forget the things we talked about. I do care about you, and I do hope that one day we’ll have a future together.

  Please take care of yourself, don’t work too hard, and don’t let my father always beat you at cards. He’s getting a little full of himself, I fear.

  Yours,

  Ed

  Tears sprang to her eyes as she carefully folded the note. Ed’s letter was so very much like him. Honest, but filled with humor, too. She was really going to miss him while he was on his trip.

  But even more than that, she knew she was going to really miss him if he went to Belize for good.

  chapter twenty-three

  “Peter?” Marie murmured as she shook his shoulder. “You need to wake up and join us downstairs. Lorene is here with John.”

  Startled, he sat up in a rush, then had to close his eyes as the room spun. With effort, he opened his eyes and tried to focus. “Sorry, I guess I fell
asleep.”

  Marie looked at him, her expression full of pain. “It’s six o’clock.”

  She had a point. He’d never made a habit of napping. And if he had ever decided to lie down, it wouldn’t have been so close to their regular bedtime. “I don’t know what happened,” he said. Of course, the moment he said the words he ached to take them back. He knew that he’d given in to temptation and had been drinking again.

  Marie knew it, too.

  Feeling even more despondent than usual, he got to his feet. By her look of dismay, he realized that he probably looked even more disheveled than he felt. Running a hand over his beard, he mumbled, “I guess I look a sight?”

  She looked away. “Do you want to meet us in the kitchen?” her voice was flat. “Maybe you could wash up or something.”

  Or something. “Make me some coffee, will you? I’ll be right there.”

  “All right.”

  After grabbing a fresh shirt, he walked to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. Next he changed his shirt and brushed his hair.

  Only then did he dare look at himself in the mirror.

  Red eyes and a vacant look, full of regrets, stared back at him. He’d truly been a fool to think that he could beat his problem on his own. All he’d done was delay the inevitable.

  By the time he got to the kitchen, it was packed with family members wearing happy expressions. The girls and Roman were there, Sam and Mary Beth, too. His father stood by the stove, and looked pleased as punch. Even his mother was beaming, though she was standing a bit to the side, like an afterthought.

  His mother cast a cool eye in his direction and raised a brow. Revealing all that she thought. It looked as if the only person he’d been fooling was himself.

  “What is the happy occasion?” he asked. As if it wasn’t obvious to them all.

  “John and I spoke to the bishop this morning,” Lorene said in a burst of smiles. “He agreed that we could marry in one month.”

  Marie fanned herself. “A wedding in one month? Lorene, couldn’t we push it back?”

  “Nee,” she said with a smile. “We have waited long enough. Besides, I don’t need anything fancy.”