The Days of Redemption

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Beside her, Landon reached out and patted her back. “It’s okay, Elsie,” he whispered. “I promise.”

  Still glaring at her interfering brother, she shook her head. “Nee. It is definitely not okay.”

  To her dismay, Roman still stood there. As she eyed him, she tried to think of a way to convince him to leave without making the situation even worse.

  Was there any way to salvage the conversation?

  “Roman?” Amanda said from the entrance of the dining room. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing you need to worry about.”

  After glancing at Elsie and Landon, she clicked her tongue. “I think otherwise.” Walking to her husband’s side, she wrapped one slim hand around his elbow and tugged. “I truly am sorry, Elsie,” she murmured before directing all her attention to her husband. “Roman, you need to come with me upstairs.”

  When he hesitated, she hardened her voice. “Right away.”

  At last, he turned and walked out. When they were out of sight, Elsie felt more tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

  This had to be one of the worst moments of her life. Even harder to bear than the day she’d gotten glasses and been so excited to show her family, only to realize they saw them not as the gift they were, but as a symbol of her handicap.

  Wearily, she sat down and waited for Landon to turn and leave.

  Instead, he sat down beside her, this time a little closer.

  “You’re staying?” she asked in surprise.

  “I am . . . unless you want me to leave, too?”

  “You don’t want to get out of here?” She would. She would have run out the door as fast as her feet could carry her!

  “I came over to talk to you,” he said gently. “That’s what I intend to do. If your brother will let us do that,” he added with a roll of his eyes.

  “I am so sorry about my bruder.”

  “You never have to apologize for him. I have a brother, too,” he said with a low chuckle. “I love Daniel, but even he can get carried away with his own agenda sometimes.”

  “Is he older, too?”

  “He is, but not by much. Although, it hardly matters now. We’re both adults.”

  “I’m glad I’m not the only one blessed with such a brother.”

  “I think older brothers are all the same everywhere. Though I hate to admit it, I know I’ve been a bit heavy-handed with my own sister, Mary.” Turning more serious, he said, “Elsie, I do have questions about your disease. Are you willing to talk about it?”

  “Jah.” She was resigned.

  “Talk to me, then. What is wrong with your eyes?”

  “I have a disease called keratoconus. It means that my eyes are slowly failing me. Most folks that have this don’t have troubles until their thirties or forties. But a small percentage somehow contract the disease at a young age. That’s what happened to me. I was diagnosed when I was twelve.”

  “So . . . are you really going blind?”

  “More or less.” She ached to give him hope, to give them both hope. But sometimes there was nothing to say in the face of the hard truth.

  She felt him scan her face, almost as if he were looking for flaws. “Can you see much now?”

  “I can see, but a lot of what I see is hazy. I can’t always see details.” She bit her tongue as he nodded his understanding. Here she was, trying to be honest, but she was still glossing over the worst.

  She couldn’t see any details now. She couldn’t read. Couldn’t always judge people’s expressions. Hardly ever saw stray toys on the floor. Doing something as simple as putting a key in a lock was almost impossible.

  He breathed in deeply. “Is there, uh, anything else you need to tell me?”

  “Only . . . only that it’s just my eyes that have failed me, Landon. The rest of me is perfectly fine. And I’m more than two bad eyes,” she said quickly. “I’m smart and I’m a hard worker.”

  He chuckled softly. “You sound as if you’re applying for a job.”

  She winced, thinking he was right. “I sometimes feel as if no one sees me for who I am. They only see their fears about my future.”

  “Your family cares about you.”

  “I know. However, I’m not helpless. I can do things, especially if it’s in a place where I’m comfortable. But the fact is . . . one day I won’t be able to see much at all.”

  “What are you going to do then?”

  “I suppose I’ll figure out how to live with being technically blind,” she said, almost surprising herself. “I don’t want to sit and be coddled.” Straightening her shoulders a bit, she added, “I’m not the first person to have this disease, Landon. I sure won’t be the last. I need to learn to live with this disease, not simply be a victim of it.”

  She felt his gaze settle on her. She might have been imagining it, but it felt comforting and warm. Almost like a fond caress. Not the revulsion or pity that she’d half expected.

  “Elsie, why didn’t you tell me about your eyesight earlier? I let you walk to the door all by yourself. I could have escorted you.”

  “I didn’t need your help walking to the door, Landon.”

  “Still, you should have told me. I had no idea.”

  There was no way she could easily explain how it felt to be around someone who saw her as completely normal. Knowing she wouldn’t do justice to her feelings at the moment, she settled for an easy explanation. “We talked when you came over. You helped me with the laundry. We went on a buggy ride, Landon. That’s it. I didn’t know if you’d want to go on a second one.”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe you don’t have anything about yourself that you’re sometimes hesitant to share, but I wanted to wait to tell you, at least until I thought we might have something more.”

  “That makes a lot of sense.”

  “Does it?” She still couldn’t believe that he’d sided with her against Roman, and that he hadn’t bade her a quick goodbye after she’d told him the worst about herself.

  “Elsie, I’m going to be real honest here. Ever since I first saw you, I knew I wanted to get to know you. Every time we’ve talked, I’ve enjoyed your company. Our time together the other night only made those feelings stronger for me.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying, if you’d like to go out with me again, if you’d like to spend more time together, I would like that. Verra much.”

  His words were honest—almost blunt. But what she noticed the most was that he wasn’t adding limits or constraints to his request. “That’s it?” she asked.

  He smiled so broadly, even she could see his full mouth of white teeth. “Yeah. There’s just one thing that I ask.”

  “What is that?”

  “Please be honest with me. I can deal with anything if it’s the truth.” He clenched his hands together. “I once courted a woman who I liked a lot. I thought she was the one for me, you know?” When she nodded, he continued. “Anyway, it turned out that Tricia lied to me about quite a few things.”

  “That’s horrible.”

  “I thought so. Anyway, because of that, I have to warn you that I’m kind of a stickler for the truth. Please don’t lie to me, even if it’s something small.”

  She thought about that and figured she could definitely agree with his stipulations. Feeling brave, she said, “If you can handle the truth about my vision, then I would like to get to know you better.”

  To her disbelief, he held out his hand. Whether to shake it, or to clasp it, she didn’t know.

  As she looked at his hand, reaching out to her, palm up, she felt flushed and flustered and tentative.

  But she still placed her hand in his.

  Then, to her surprise, he covered her hand with his other one and pressed their hands together. Warmth flowed through. It felt good to have her hand clasped in both of his. She felt almost protected.

  And, even though she’d practically told him that she didn’t need his protection, it felt sa
fe to know she wasn’t alone.

  Before she knew it, he let go and stood up. “Elsie, would you care to go walking in Berlin tomorrow afternoon? We could stop and get a slice of pie or a cup of coffee.”

  “I’d like that.”

  He smiled. “Gut. I’m going to go now. You stay here, I’ll walk myself out.”

  “Goodbye, Landon,” she said softly.

  He flashed her another smile, then left the room. Leaning back against the cushions of the couch, she heard his footsteps enter the kitchen, heard the rustle of him slipping on his coat, heard the back door open and close.

  Only then did she stand up and walk up the stairs to her bedroom, where she shut the door firmly behind her. She finally had all the time she needed to do what mattered to her the most.

  She silently gave a little cheer and raised her arms above her head. It had finally happened.

  Landon Troyer liked her. He liked her.

  It was a wonderful, wonderful day. The best ever.

  chapter sixteen

  It was late, probably too late to be sipping chamomile tea at the kitchen table and talking. But here they were, doing it anyway.

  “It’s been years since we’ve sat up late and talked, Aaron,” Lovina mused. “It almost makes me nostalgic for the past.”

  Her husband smiled faintly. “I was thinking the same thing. Remember when our Sara used to get so sick with croup?”

  “We spent hours sipping tea and walking the halls of that house with her in our arms.” Lovina took another fortifying sip of tea, hoping to cover up the pain. It had been years since she’d seen their eldest daughter. Years ago, they moved to Pennsylvania. To her amazement, Sara and Jay had decided to settle in Bird-in-Hand. Their home lay just a few miles from the bank where she and Aaron had met. The one place Lovina and Aaron had never wanted to see again. As the years passed, Sara had given birth to three children in five years, making it next to impossible for her family to travel back to Ohio.

  Repeatedly, Sara had asked Lovina to travel north to visit. But of course she never had.

  Until now.

  “Do you have Sara’s phone number packed in our bags?” she asked tentatively. “I should call her when we’re in Lancaster County.”

  Aaron shook his head. “I thought you had your address book in your purse. You’d better go put it inside there now.”

  Quietly, she slipped her worn address book and calendar in her purse.

  “Then we should get some sleep.”

  “In a moment.” Though she knew she was only procrastinating, she murmured, “What do you think about Elsie and her man?”

  He chuckled. “To be honest, the first thing I thought was that Got is always right.”

  That was exactly the last thing she’d expected him to say. “What do you mean?”

  “That for all our lives, the whole family has tried to do what we think is best for our Elsie. We’ve gone to the doktohs, talked about plans, protected her. Talked until we were blue in the face about what we should do about Elsie.”

  “We prayed, too,” Lovina pointed out.

  “Oh, yes, we prayed. And it seems as if our prayers were answered. Elsie is ready and willing to manage her own life . . . with the Lord’s help. I think it’s time we all took a step backward and let the inevitable happen. Our Lord won’t let sweet Elsie down.”

  Lovina felt her heart soften as she gazed at her husband’s calm expression. For too long Aaron had been content to make statements and then walk away without having to explain himself.

  She was finding that she liked hearing his reasons for doing things.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  To her surprise, Aaron picked up her empty teacup, rinsed it in the sink, then set it on the rack to dry. “I hope so, too,” he said lightly. “Come, Lovina. We’d best get some sleep. Morning waits for no man . . . or woman.”

  She was still chuckling about that bit of wisdom when sleep claimed her.

  As discussed, Landon and Elsie talked on the phone, and since he was working in Berlin, they’d decided to meet in town instead of him coming to her house first. She’d gotten a ride with her sister.

  His two hours with her had been pleasant. More than pleasant. As they walked along the streets of Berlin, they talked about everything and nothing. And when they went to a local bakery and both chose thick slices of chocolate cream pie, they’d laughed.

  All too soon, she left with her aunt.

  And he drove his buggy to the Berlin Public Library.

  He needed to get some answers, and to his way of thinking, there was only one way to do that: read.

  After leaving the Keims’ home, he’d spent most of the night rehashing the conversation with Elsie in his mind. Ironically, learning more about Elsie’s condition had increased his interest in her instead of diminishing it. She was brave and seemed to approach her disability with grace instead of scorn.

  Her understanding that she’d been afflicted with something she couldn’t change but would learn to deal with had awed him.

  It also made him want to learn more about keratoconus. The word was hard to say and even harder to spell.

  But more important, it represented a mystery to him. He needed answers.

  But he didn’t want to be the person in Elsie’s life who peppered her with questions or made ignorant statements. Instead, he was determined to be one of the people in her life who supported her. Not by diminishing her abilities, but by acknowledging them—and then moving forward.

  If he’d learned anything yesterday, it was that Elsie craved her independence as much as anyone else. Maybe more so, because she was forced to be dependent for some things. She also had a family who was used to doing things for her.

  With that in mind, he’d spent more than an hour carefully writing down questions about eye diseases. Though he realized this first visit was the first of many he would take to the library for answers, he felt proud of himself for taking the first step.

  As he entered the building on Elm Street, he walked right over to the librarian at the circulation desk.

  “I need some information about eye diseases,” he said bluntly.

  The gray-haired lady’s eyes lit up like she’d just been issued a challenge. “I can help you with that. Do you want books, or to use the computer?”

  “I’m not sure how to use the computer.”

  “I can help you with that.”

  “That would be better than a book?”

  “Maybe to start with,” she said easily as she walked over to one of the computer terminals lining the back wall. “The information will be more current and, depending on what you need, it’s sometimes easier to understand.”

  “That’s what I need then,” he said, hoping he sounded far more confident and self-assured than he felt.

  As he followed the lady through the maze of books, he kept his eyes averted from the other patrons in the building. There was the usual mix of Amish, Mennonite, and English here, like in just about every store or public area of Berlin.

  But he did notice that he was in the definite minority when it came to age. Mostly he saw people far older or younger than him.

  But perhaps that made sense. After all, he usually was working in the middle of the day.

  After he took a seat, he listened carefully as the librarian clicked on her mouse to different screens. Next thing he knew, he was unfolding his list of questions, borrowing one of the library’s pencils, and trying to understand all about macular degeneration.

  Slowly, Elsie’s problems became more apparent and easier to understand.

  He also began to realize that Elsie had been kind to him while giving him her explanations about her disease. Most folks he read about in the case studies talked of fear and a little bit of pain, too.

  They also talked about how emotionally difficult it was to lose their independence.

  More often than not, Landon felt himself staring at the screen, lost in thought. Now that he knew a little more,
he had more questions to ask Elsie instead of less.

  Carefully, he wrote down his new questions, hoping the Lord would give him the tools to ask Elsie without being too intrusive.

  Just as he was clicking on the mouse and clearing the screens, the librarian approached him.

  “Did you find the information you needed?” she asked kindly.

  “Some. I bet I’ll be back with more questions soon, though.” He rubbed a hand down his cheeks. “I hope I’ll be able to get back on that computer site.”

  “If I’m not here, someone else can help you.” She smiled encouragingly. “That’s what we’re here for, you know.”

  “Danke.”

  She paused. “Do you happen to have a friend who has this disorder?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not sure what your church district would think, but we have a lot of books on tape.”

  “What does that mean?”

  She walked him over to a large area with row after row of plastic cases. “Some of our patrons who don’t see too well rely on listening to books instead of reading them.” She paused. “Is your friend a man or a woman?”

  “A woman.”

  “We have a lot of fiction titles that she might enjoy. You might mention that to her.”

  As he looked at the rows of audio books, he made a quick decision. “Could I check two of them out, to show her?”

  “Of course. Do you have a library card?”

  “No.”

  “But you live in Berlin?”

  “I do.”

  “Then it will be no problem. Want me to pick out two popular titles?”

  After he agreed, she picked out two cases with women on the covers, one who looked to be an Amish girl, the other a woman in an old-fashioned gown. Then he followed the lady to the counter, presented his identification card, and in no time was walking back to his buggy.

  He drove toward the work site with a sense of satisfaction. He just hoped that when he saw Elsie that evening she would think he had done something nice, and that he wouldn’t make her feel worse about things.

  chapter seventeen