The Days of Redemption

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Jay chuckled as he grabbed one of their suitcases. “That’s one way of putting it. There’s others, far less complimentary.”

  After getting the other bags, Aaron and Lovina followed Sara to the van and driver who was waiting.

  After they all piled into the van, they were on their way to Bird-in-Hand. She and Aaron were in the back row of the van, Jay and Sara in the bench seat in front of them.

  As the driver pulled onto the highway, Lovina couldn’t help but gaze out the window, anxious to see everything that looked the same but yet so different.

  Beside her, she noticed Aaron doing much the same. “It looks so different,” he murmured. “I should have realized that it would.”

  “When was the last time you were here, Aaron?” Jay asked.

  “Long before you were born.”

  Sara turned to look at them. “I wish you would have come out here before now.”

  “I know. I wish we would have, too.” Lovina paused, then dived in. “I know you’ve talked to Peter and Sam and Lorene about everything . . . ”

  “Your past wouldn’t have made much difference to me, Mamm.”

  “I know that. I guess I was hoping that might explain a bit more our reluctance to visit. And I just kept hoping you would come back home,” Lovina said. She felt bad about their estrangement, but she wasn’t willing to take all of the blame. Though she’d never exactly said so, Lovina was fairly sure that Sara had moved far away on purpose.

  “Lovina,” Aaron whispered. “We will talk. But later. Now is not the time.”

  “I can’t help how I feel.” She needed to defend herself. “But you’re right. I feel bad about how I handled things.”

  Sara stared at her again. “Muddah, you are going to tell me everything now, right?”

  “I hope so.”

  “Good, because everyone has a different story about what is going on with the two of you.”

  Lovina raised a brow. “And who is everyone, child?”

  “You know. Sam, Lorene, Aden . . . ”

  “I suppose everyone has something to say. You could have asked me, you know,” Lovina reminded her.

  But instead of taking the olive branch, Sara’s voice hardened. “Oh, please. For as long as I can remember, you’ve never talked about things that make you uncomfortable.”

  Jay laid a calming hand on his wife’s arm. “We’re almost home, Sara. We can discuss things there.”

  She shrugged off his touch. “Mamm, when we get home, we’re going to be surrounded by the boys. Please, just tell me. . . . Are you both okay? I already know about your English past and Daed’s former marriage. Why else did you two travel here? What else do you two possibly have to discover?”

  Before Lovina could formulate a reply, Aaron said, “Only the truth, daughter. Your mother and I learned something mighty important over the last few weeks. Sometimes it ain’t enough to admit a problem. Sometimes a man must seek forgiveness . . . and the whole complete truth.”

  Sara’s eyes widened. Obviously Aaron had surprised her with his bluntness. “And that’s what you intend to do?”

  “I’m going to try,” Aaron said.

  “But . . . what if nothing goes like you hoped?”

  This time it was Lovina who answered. Unable to help herself, she chuckled. “Oh, Sara. If nothing goes as we hope, I have a feeling we’ll feel right at home. That, my dear, has been the story of our lives!”

  Next to her, Aaron grinned. Slowly, Jay did, too. At last, Sara looked at her, really looked at her.

  And Lovina saw something in her eyes she’d long given up ever seeing: hope.

  Softly, Lovina added, “Besides, your daed and I wanted to see you and Jay. And the kinner, of course. Now that I’ve gotten to see you? Now that I’ve gotten to hug you? Why, it’s already made this trip a successful one.”

  Aaron added, “We should have paid you a visit years ago. I’m sorry, Sara.”

  Sara’s eyes widened, and Lovina knew it was her father’s touching words as much as the fact that he even verbalized them that shook her up so much.

  Anxious to move the conversation on, she gave Sara’s arm a little pat. “Tell me about the kinner, Sara. Tell me about your projects and your gardening and your travel plans. We want to know everything.”

  “You knew about my garden?”

  “Jah. And your upcoming trip to Pinecraft.” She sniffed. “You are not the only one who asks questions, daughter,” Lovina said with a bit of a smile.

  And that did the trick. Slowly, Sara began to talk. And as she did, Lovina felt as if a lifetime of broken fences that lay between them slowly started to mend.

  The feeling was a glorious one, indeed.

  Elsie was nervous, and the man beside her knew it.

  “Elsie, just tell me what you want,” Landon said as she fidgeted beside him in the waiting room of the ophthalmologists’ office. “Do you want me to go into the examining room with you? Or, would you rather me stay here?”

  “It might be a while. . . .”

  “I’m happy to be wherever you want me to be. Elsie, I want to help you in any way I can.”

  His selflessness almost took her breath away. For so long, everyone around her told her what they thought she should do . . . as loudly as possible.

  But here was Landon, ready to do her bidding.

  She was debating what to tell him when the door opened and the receptionist called her name.

  “Landon, would you come with me?” she asked.

  He stood up and waved a hand, gesturing her forward.

  “Got company today, Elsie?” Jennifer, the receptionist, asked.

  “Jah, I brought a . . . a friend. This is Landon Troyer.”

  “Hi, Landon,” Jennifer said as she led Elsie down the hall. When they got to the examination room, Elsie sat down on one of the plastic chairs instead of the fancy examination chair in the middle of the room.

  Jennifer left, then a nurse named Maggie came in armed with a blood pressure cuff and a large folder with her health history.

  As Landon sat quietly, Elsie awkwardly told the nurse about all the recent problems she’d been having. Sometime during the drive to the office, she had made the decision to be completely honest with both the doctors and nurses and Landon. She had come to find out that the only person who was getting hurt by withholding information was herself.

  As Elsie carefully explained her symptoms, stopping often while Maggie wrote down notes, she took care to keep Landon out of her sight. She didn’t want to risk seeing his reaction to her news. If she did, she was sure she’d see pure dismay written all over his face.

  If she could even see his true expression, she added dryly to herself. At this point, it was becoming harder and harder to do.

  Finally, she stopped for breath.

  Maggie’s pen hovered over her notepad. “Is that everything, Elsie?”

  “That is everything.” Inside, her heart sank. What more could she share? It felt as if she had more problems than a dog had fleas.

  After Maggie took her blood pressure and pulse, she left the room.

  When they were alone, Landon leaned forward. “That was quite a list, Elsie. Are you doing all right? You seemed nervous earlier.”

  His tone hadn’t been as full of shock as she’d feared. Instead, he sounded caring and worried about her.

  Figuring that there was nothing more surprising that she could share, she gazed his way in complete honesty. “I’m doing all right. Fine. Actually, I had imagined telling Maggie the truth was going to be harder than it was.”

  “Isn’t that how most things are? It’s the worrying that gets us.”

  She was about to try to come up with something clever to say when the door opened after two brisk raps.

  “Elsie Keim. I’m happy to see you, but not for the reasons I heard!” Dr. Palmer said as he gazed at her over the top of his wire-rimmed glasses. “You are having a time of it, aren’t you?”

  “I suppose I am.”
>
  Right away, her doctor shook Landon’s hand. “I’m Scott Palmer.”

  “Landon Troyer.”

  “Nice to meet you. Glad you came with Elsie. Sometimes I think she tries to do too much on her own.”

  “I try to be normal. That’s what I try to do.”

  Dr. Palmer set her file on the table before folding his arms across his chest. “And what does ‘normal’ look like to you?”

  “Being able to see.”

  “Well, you can’t see all that well, can you?”

  There was his matter-of-fact way of speaking again. It was one of her favorite things about Dr. Palmer, as well as one of the things she dreaded about him. He never sugarcoated things

  Well aware of Landon observing and listening, she shook her head. “Nee,” she said finally. “I’m having a lot of trouble lately.”

  He turned to Landon. “We’re going to need to run some tests. I’m glad you’re here, but I think things might go easier if you went on back to the waiting area.”

  Immediately Landon stood up. “I’ll be out there until you come out, Elsie.”

  After he exited the room, she slumped. Feeling slightly peevish, she said, “I thought it was a good thing that I wasn’t alone.”

  “I am glad about Landon coming with you. But I’m afraid we’re going to have to have a difficult conversation, Elsie, and I didn’t want you being distracted.”

  “You think my eyes are mighty bad now, don’tcha?”

  “It sounds like it. But you don’t need me to tell you that.”

  “Am I about to be blind?”

  He paused. “Now, that I don’t know. I’m going to test your eyes, but I think we need to make some decisions today, Elsie. Decisions about what to do next.”

  She nodded. That had been what she’d been afraid of. But as Dr. Palmer washed his hands, and as she removed her glasses and folded them neatly on her lap, something struck her—

  Before that very minute, she’d only thought of her life in terms of seeing and not seeing.

  Never before had she really thought about a “next.” And for some reason, simply knowing that things weren’t “over” gave her reason to have hope—even when Dr. Palmer shined a light in her eyes and she realized that things really were as bad as she’d feared.

  chapter twenty

  An hour had passed. Then two. By now, Landon had read through both ancient copies of Sports Illustrated and most of the headlines of the morning paper.

  As the time wore on, he found himself watching the second hand slowly make its way around the white face of the clock on the wall. When he realized that he’d followed the red hand around the clock five times, Landon knew he needed to do something else.

  What he ached for was his mother’s ear. She had a talent for listening to almost anything without making a comment. When he was younger, it used to irritate him a bit. He had needed her to tell him what she thought, and to direct him, to tell him what he should do.

  Now that he was older, he realized that she had been even wiser and stronger than he’d imagined. Staying silent was hard to do. Most folks ached to talk about themselves, to interrupt someone’s story with a tale of a similar situation they’d been through.

  His father had loved to offer lots of advice. He loved to fix things and people’s problems.

  Not his mother. No, Faith Troyer had the innate ability to simply listen. Over the years, he’d come to her with all sorts of dilemmas. Because she never pushed, he’d always end up telling her more than he’d anticipated.

  Then, before he knew it, he would find himself reaching a decision all by himself, much to his—and his mother’s—satisfaction.

  Since his mother wasn’t by his side, he reached out to the only one who was. To his shame, Landon knew he prayed too rarely these days. Often, he found himself having to remind himself to share his thoughts and feelings with the Lord.

  Now, though, he knew no one else could help as much.

  Leaning back in his cushioned chair, he prayed as hard as he could, asking for patience and guidance and understanding for Elsie. He asked God to stay by Elsie’s side for the next few hours. Landon had a feeling that when she came out of the offices, she was going to need as much support and protection as possible.

  After he asked for these things, often asking in a jumbled, ragtag way, he sighed. He could only imagine what the Lord had thought of his clumsy thoughts.

  But just as he was about to chastise himself for not speaking to the Lord in a better, more organized manner, Landon realized that the Lord hadn’t cared about polished words or fancy phrases.

  Instead, He’d lifted Landon’s worries from his shoulders and given him a measure of peace that he hadn’t felt in quite a while.

  He felt better.

  At long last, Elsie stepped out into the waiting room. He practically jumped to his feet. “You’re done.”

  Her expression somewhat winsome, she nodded. “Yes.”

  “Do you need to schedule another appointment?”

  “Uh, no.” She shook her head. “I mean, I’ve already done that,” she added, as her words came tumbling out, sounding just as confused and jumbled as his prayers had. “Well, I mean, I made plans to do that. If I need to.”

  He was confused.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Looking at the receptionist standing on the other side of the counter, she shook her head. “I’ll tell you after we leave.”

  Concerned, he followed her out of the office and down the carpeted hall. Next to him, Elsie seemed a bit woozy and in need of a break. “When is your driver returning?”

  “If you don’t mind, I asked him to give me another hour and a half. I wanted to have lunch over at Buehler’s Fresh Foods. It’s a short walk from here, and they have a coffee shop, grocery store, and a little restaurant, too. Do you mind if we go there? I’m not ready to go home yet, but now I realize I should have asked you first. Do you have plans? Should I call the driver back?”

  “I’m good,” he said slowly as they headed toward the front of the office building. “Going to Buehler’s sounds fine.” As a light breeze fanned their cheeks, he asked, “Elsie, are you ready to tell me about the tests?”

  “Ah . . . not yet.” She smiled slightly, but the light didn’t meet her eyes. Instead, she still seemed preoccupied.

  Now he was starting to get worried. Part of him wanted to take her hand and lead her back into one of the sitting areas in the building’s lobby. There he would sit her down and make her tell him everything.

  But then he remembered his mother’s patience and his prayers, asking for strength to be the person Elsie needed him to be. With that in mind, he held his tongue as they continued down the sidewalk, past two office buildings, then approached a quaint shopping center, each building made almost entirely of red brick.

  At last she stopped in front of Buehler’s. “Here’s the cafe. Is this place all right with you? They have sandwiches and soup.”

  “It’s perfect.” He hadn’t even bothered to look around. All he cared about was her well-being.

  He held his tongue as they ordered their meals—Elsie not looking at the menu, choosing to order one of the specials the server mentioned.

  Across from him, Elsie looked tense and nervous. A number of times, she looked on the verge of saying something, but then would change her mind.

  After they’d gotten their sandwiches, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Elsie, did you want to tell me what Dr. Palmer said?”

  Finally, finally, she looked his way. “He said two things.” She took a breath, then blurted, “I am going blind. But I’m also eligible for eye surgery.”

  Once again, he felt as if God was at his shoulder, cautioning him to go slowly. “What kind of eye surgery?”

  She opened her purse and pulled out two pamphlets. “Corneal replacement surgery.”

  He picked up the pamphlets and opened them, scanning the pictures, though none of it made much sense to him. “What
kind of surgery is that?” he asked, trying his best to keep his tone light and easy.

  “I don’t really understand it, but I would get my corneas replaced with new ones. If I got this done, there’s a chance I’ll be able to see.”

  “Really? Such a thing is possible?”

  She nodded. “That’s what my doktah said.”

  “What do you think about that?”

  “I’m not sure what to think. Ever since I received my diagnosis, I’ve always assumed that I would be blind one day. I’ve been pretty much living each day hoping that it wouldn’t be for years and years.” She waved a hand. “Now, though, Dr. Palmer said that it wouldn’t be years and years. It’s a matter of months.”

  “And?”

  “And I could be completely blind one year from now,” she said with a rush of air.

  “But if you got the surgery?”

  “If I got the surgery, and it worked? There’s a chance that I would be able to see much better than I see right now. Almost like a normal person.”

  He was floored. “That would be a miracle, wouldn’t it?”

  She shrugged as she picked up her sandwich.

  Landon watched her chew, anxiously waiting for her to explain herself. But instead of doing that, she only took another bite.

  “Elsie, what are you concerned about?” Thinking fast, he blurted, “Is it the cost of the surgery?”

  “It is expensive.” She bit her lip.

  “But we can work around that. Families in the community help each other all the time.”

  “That is true.”

  “But the money would be well spent, yes? I mean, you’d rather see than not, right?”

  “Of course I’d rather see. But this decision isn’t easy.”

  “Are you worried about the surgery itself? Is it dangerous?”

  “Dr. Palmer said it wasn’t too dangerous, there is just a chance that it won’t work.”

  “If it didn’t work, you’d still be blind.”

  “Jah.” Looking more despondent than ever, she took another bite of her sandwich.

  Landon didn’t understand why she wasn’t more excited. This surgery seemed like an answer to his prayers, and surely it was an answer to her prayers, too.