I looked away. She was right to demand answers since I was asking for some of my own. It was a risk to tell her the truth. Not because I didn’t trust her, but because I figured, she’d keep me in the dark when she found out how violent Lance had gotten.
“Well?” She crossed her arms.
I nodded and removed the scarf. She was back at my side in a couple of strides. “It isn’t as bad as it looks.”
Her gaze was torn between my neck and my eyes. She would look at one and go back to the other in just seconds. “Lance did this?”
It was my turn to go to the window. “What’s going on with him? He’s started to become violent.” I threw my hands in the air and turned back to her. “And I can’t get out.”
“What do you mean by that? Why can’t you get out?”
“Oh, Janelle.” I sighed. “I signed a contract for ten years because he threatened to out me to everyone. I’m not even supposed to talk about it.”
“What’s he got to out you about?”
“Miguel.”
“Oh.”
“You already know, don’t you?”
“Miguel went underground for a while. It was rumored he had a bad break up with someone he’d been seeing for two years. Someone older.”
“Two years?” I shook my head. “No, it was one night. The night I caught Hathaway with Juliet.”
“No matter what the truth is, Rachael, he already has this person pegged as a pedophile.”
“Oh, my God.” I sat and put my head in my hands. “He was nineteen. I swear.”
“Just calm down and tell me what happened.”
I was sure my luggage was one of the bags that had been going around the conveyer belt; but either I didn’t give a shit, or—I just didn’t give a shit. I could still feel the tears fall down my face, but I was numb to the rest of it. Drink enough of those little, but powerful, bottles on the plane and the numbness comes easily.
“Ma’am, are you all right?” A kind stranger was looking at me, expecting me to answer. I didn’t give a shit about him, either, but I think I nodded.
“She’s with me.” That deep voice behind me was familiar. I couldn’t quite place it, though. I turned to see who it was and lost my footing. “Whoa, I got you.”
He put his arms around me to steady me and I looked up into his dark blue eyes. They were sexy. “Miguel!” I hugged him. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown!”
“Okay, Rachael. Let’s get you to the hotel and sobered up a little.” He held me at arm’s length, and I really caught a good look at the man he’d become. It had only been a year since I’d seen him, but he was so different. His black hair and dark blue eyes were still his most prominent features, until he smiled. Like that.
I smiled back and reached up to touch his face. Only I didn’t know which face to touch. “Your dimples are still there.” I finally made contact and poked his dimple on the left side.
He chuckled. “You’re a funny drunk.” He looked over at the carousel with my lonely bag still going in circles. “Can you stand here just for a moment? I’ll grab your bag.”
I nodded. I think.
The ride to the hotel wasn’t much to speak of, probably because I slept the entire way there. I woke up when Miguel tried to get me out of his car. Unfortunately, I woke up to vomit. At least I had missed his shoes.
“I’m so sorry.”
He reached in his pocket and handed me a handkerchief. “I had a feeling you’d need that.”
“Thank you.”
“Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”
He stayed with me until I had fallen asleep. Or so I thought. It turned out he stayed even when I had fallen asleep. I had awakened to use the restroom and he was lying next to me.
“You stayed?”
“Yeah. You were pretty sick there for a while. Are you going to be sick again?”
“No. I just need to go to the bathroom.” I sat up and closed my eyes.
“Do you need help?”
“No, thank you. You’ve really done a lot already. You don’t have to stay anymore if you don’t want to.”
I got up and didn’t wait for his response. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. The puffy eyes from crying, the bloodshot eyes from drinking, and the overall look of depression was something I desperately wanted to wash off me.
I started the shower and got undressed. I brushed my teeth while it warmed up. I had never been one to talk about the big day. I’d never dreamed of an elaborate wedding with the perfect groom and the two-point-five kids to follow. They were never on my radar. I wanted to travel the world. I didn’t want to be stuck at home with a baby on my hip and a husband in my ear. I was a free spirit who needed no one.
When had that changed? When had I let Lance dictate what my life would be like? I got in the shower and stood under the cleansing spray, letting it wash all of the negativity and bad choices away.
Lance had done me a favor by putting me on the road as much as he had. Even though it meant he started his affair a long time ago. He had given me my freedom and I really should’ve thanked him for that. Maybe someday I would.
I heard the door to the bathroom, but didn’t stop him from coming in. He was already undressed. I stepped aside and let him in the shower with me. This was what my life should be like. No grand delusions of love and happily ever after. Just the feel good for the moment and live every second without regret.
Only, regret is all I would feel taking that step that night.
“How did he know to pick you up?” Janelle’s voice broke my memory.
“I never asked. Maybe it was prearranged. I was scheduled to fly in that night.” I looked at her. “Why?”
“I think you were set up.” She held up her hand. “The drunk part was all you, but I think Miguel was told to sleep with you. I’m sure he didn’t have to be asked twice.”
“Fuck.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m pretty sure there was a lot of that going on.” She gave me the laugh I needed, but I still shoved her. Then she grew serious. “Lance is losing everything. No one wants his photos anymore.”
“We were on top and turning people away. What happened?”
“You’re not taking photos anymore.”
I scoffed. “We had other talented photographers.”
“But they aren’t getting any of the premium jobs. He’s giving all of them to her. No one wants her.”
I walked back to the window. “Is he that in love with her that he would ruin everything to keep her happy?”
Janelle walked up to me and lightly touched my neck. “I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but I am sure he isn’t capable of love.”
Rachael and I had been getting along well until she started avoiding me a few days ago. The meeting across the street from her office had ended earlier than anticipated, so I decided to use the time to see what she had been doing.
I knocked on her office door. “It’s open.”
Smiling was an automatic response whenever I saw her. Her blonde hair with curls I wanted to wrap around my fingers, the lips I’d dreamt of tasting again, and her body I could still feel pressed to mine. I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“Well, are you going to come in and tell me what you’re so happy about?”
I shook my head. I didn’t like when she caught me staring at her. “I can’t believe you’re still alive is all.”
She sat back in her chair and smiled. “I just talked to you on the phone last night.”
“Yes. On the phone.” I shut the door and took the seat in front of her desk. “What are you doing for dinner?”
“Oh,” she said as looked at her computer, “I’m really swamped here.”
“Are you avoiding me again?”
“No. I’ve taken every call and responded to every text.”
“That makes me sound needy. I’ve called you twice and sent one text.”
“You are needy.” She waved her hand. “You’re in my offi
ce because I’ve told you no.”
“I’m in your office because my meeting got out early.” I looked at my watch. “Amy wants you to come for dinner.” I looked at her. “That isn’t a ploy. She really does.”
“I know. Deb’s told me Amy’s asking when I’m coming back.” She leaned forward on the desk and adjusted her scarf. “I just need a few days. I promise I’ll come for dinner soon.”
“Are you not well?” I leaned forward and motioned to her scarf. “It’s rather warm outside, so you shouldn’t need that.”
“It’s lightweight. It’s more of a fashion piece than for warmth.”
“Well, if you’re feeling fine, there’s no reason to not come for dinner. I’ll see you at six.” I stood and walked to the door.
“So you’re just ordering me around then?”
She was smiling when I turned to her. “Yes.” I smiled before I walked out.
The meetings I had that afternoon didn’t hold my interest as they normally did. I was distracted. Damon saved me on more than one occasion. I was still distracted when he dropped by my office later that afternoon.
He made no announcement when he walked into my office and shut the door. I think he’d had enough of my incompetence and he had every right. “What’s going on with you?”
“How do you woo a woman?”
He was taken aback by my question. His eyes went wide for a brief moment. His hands were slipped into his pockets as he rocked back on his heels.
“You don’t know, either?”
“No, it isn’t that. I’m trying to figure out if I’m more surprised you asked me or the fact you don’t already know.”
“I’ve dated, but mostly for sex. I wasn’t trying to woo anyone.” I sighed and looked up at him. “Is there not a more manly way to say ‘woo’ these days?”
“I hope you’re talking about a chick, and if you are, I hope there’s nothing manly about her.” We both thought for a moment. “How about seduce?”
I nodded. “Yes, that does seem more appropriate.”
His interest seemed piqued and he sat in the chair across from me, pulling it closer to the desk. “So you want to start a relationship instead of just dating?”
“I’m not sure what I want. I was just told to woo her.”
“Okay, stop saying that word.”
I nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever done it before.”
“What about your late wife? Didn’t you seduce her?”
“Actually, she came after me.”
“Way to go, stud. So, this new girl is playing hard to get?”
“Yes, but not without reason. She just wants to be friends.”
He sat back, shaking his head. “No good, my friend. If you’re in the friend zone, you’re dead in the water. You should find another girl to seduce.”
“I don’t give up easily.”
“Does she?” He stood and walked to the door. “If it’s who I’m thinking of, you’ve got your work cut out for you. I don’t think the regular candy and flowers are going to do it. You’re going to have to hit Rachael in the heart.”
I was fucked. I didn’t do heart.
“I’m glad you could make it.” I looked at my watch. “On time, too.” I smiled and took a few steps back to open the door further. Rachael smacked my chest as she walked by.
“Don’t get too used to it.” She turned and smiled at me. “I miss Amy.”
“She’s missed you, too. I finally got her to go upstairs and start packing.”
“Oh, where’s she going?” Her face was etched with worry.
“She’s going to stay with a friend of hers for a few days. They have a lake house. They’re going to take Amy so their daughter has someone to play with.” I shrugged. “Amy loves it there, and I figured it would give Deb a few days off, too.”
“Yeah, where is Deb?”
“Home, I imagine.”
“She doesn’t eat with you two?”
I stopped and looked at her. “Should she?” I narrowed my eyes when she shook her head.
“I supposed not, but I guess I thought she did.”
“She usually doesn’t stick around too long after I get home.” I took pasta to the sink to drain it. “She’ll start dinner most days and I’ll finish it when I get home.” After I dumped the drained pasta back into the pot, I turned to her. “Let’s talk about something other than Deb.”
She put her hands behind her back and leaned on the counter. “Like what?”
“We could talk about what you’re working on now.”
“How about what you’re working on?”
Why was it so difficult to talk to her? I’d never felt awkward around her before, but ever since Drew had come over, I’d been trying too hard to think of a plan of action. I stopped as I pulled the lettuce out of the refrigerator. I didn’t plan action. I took it.
“Is something wrong?”
“Not anymore.” I put the lettuce next to the sink and walked over to her. She stood up straighter and gripped the counter as I strode over to her.
“Carl.”
I stood close enough just so our clothes were touching and leaned down getting closer to reach behind her. Our eyes locked and I leaned in even closer to her ear. “Rachael?”
One little whisper and her hands were on my hips. I pressed into her, reaching behind her again. “Carl.” It was breathless and sent a jolt through me. It took everything I had to back up. I held up the colander for the lettuce and went back to the sink.
“Rachael! Guess where I’m going tomorrow?” Amy came running into the kitchen as I ran my hands under cold water. It was the closest thing to a cold shower I was going to get for a while.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off her at dinner. I could tell she was having the same difficulties when she glanced my way. Our eyes locked a few times while Amy went on about the lake house. Rachael was doing a much better job of paying attention than I was.
“Dad, can I?”
I looked to Amy as she held up a little plastic tube. “What’s that?”
Amy rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you been listening?”
I got up and started to clear the plates. “If you’re talking about girl stuff then no, I’m not listening.”
“Well, listen now and answer my question.”
I stopped and looked at my daughter. “Excuse me?”
“Carl, she wants to know if she can wear lip gloss.”
I looked at Rachael and back to Amy. “Not with that attitude. Get ready for bed.”
“Dad—”
“Go. You have to get up early.” I looked at her again. “Now, young lady. Brush your teeth and get in bed.”
She huffed, but finally hugged Rachael goodnight and headed upstairs. I carried the first set of dishes into the kitchen. I turned to get more and Rachael had come in with some. I took them from her. “Thanks.”
“I know I’m not a mother, and I know Amy isn’t my child, but I wouldn’t want my last night with my child for a few days to be one spent fighting.” She looked away and then back to my eyes.
I nodded. “You’re right. I’ll be right back.”
Amy was still just a child, but she was getting older and getting more into girly things. Things I knew nothing about. I needed to figure out what was age appropriate for some of these things she was asking for. Was there really a difference between lipstick and lip-gloss?
I sighed before I knocked on the door. “Amy, are you decent?”
“Yes, Dad.”
She looked tired as she sat on her bed and pouted. I walked over and sat next to her. “I’m sorry I hadn’t paid attention.”
She crawled on my lap. “I just wanted to wear lip gloss. It makes Rachael’s lips shiny.”
“Your lips don’t need to be shiny yet.” I hugged her as she put her head on my shoulder. “I’ll think about it, but for now it’s time for bed. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow and busy days to follow.”
I stood up with her in my arms and pulled
her covers back. I tucked her in and looked at the television as I stood. “How about thirty minutes of princess time to get settled for bed?”
Her face lit up and I smiled. I bent over and kissed her goodnight. Her favorite movie was already set, but I turned the timer to thirty minutes. The way she was yawning, she’d be out in ten.
I walked back down to the kitchen and stood in the doorway watching Rachael load the dishwasher. Every time she bent over to load something, my eyes lingered and my pants got tighter. I took a few deep breaths, trying to regain control.
She had just washed her hands and grabbed the dishtowel to dry them. I walked up behind her getting closer, but not touching her. I needed to go slow. Every movement needed to be calculated and controlled or I’d lose control and she’d shut me down.
I gripped the sink in front of her and encased her in my arms. She couldn’t go anywhere, but I still wasn’t touching her. Her hands stilled as she gripped the dishtowel. I closed my eyes as I inhaled her scent and tried to commit it to memory. What I was about to do could have her running from me forever.
I put my thumbs in her waistband and she covered my hands. “Carl.”
“Shh.” I unfastened the button on her jeans and slid my hand inside.
It was a whisper. “Carl.”
“You’re going to be saying that over and over again, and I’m never going to get tired of hearing it.”
She grabbed my wrist. “What about Amy?”
“She’s watching her princess movie if she hasn’t fallen asleep already.”
She tried to step out of my arms, but I held her tighter and pressed against her. I slid my hand further into her jeans and slipped my fingers into her panties. It earned another whisper.
“Carl, please.”
I whispered back, “Please what?” My middle finger found her swollen clit. The second I made contact, I knew she was mine.
A moan escaped her lips as they parted and she pressed back against me. I picked up the speed and controlled the pressure. It was increasing the pressure in my pants almost to a painful point, but that night wasn’t about me. I needed it to be about Rachael. I needed her to want me as much as I wanted her.
Striving for Perfection (Striving Series Book 2) Page 18