“Perfection doesn’t exist.” She lifted her head and looked at me. “Everything goes wrong. Every decision you think you’ve made and think is settled has a huge set back and you have to start over.”
“What’s Dennis doing to help? Why isn’t he here?”
“Because,” she murmured and started playing with her napkin, “your brother is an asshole.”
“Wow.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t talk bad about him with you.”
“No, it’s fine. He can be an asshole. What’s he done to earn the title this time?”
“He just won’t help. Everything has to be my decision. I’ve looked at hundreds, if not thousands of magazines, scoured a million websites and I have no idea what the hell I’m doing!”
“Oh, the jitters have hit this one early.” Nathan sat across from us.
Dale slid in next to him. “Honey, this is just a phase and it will pass.” He looked at me and cupped the side of his mouth as if Drew couldn’t hear him. “Please tell me this is just a phase and not a regular occurrence with this one. You know how I can’t deal with this.”
I put my arm around Drew again. “She’s one of my most favorite people on the planet. You two, be nice to her.”
“Aw.” She hugged me. “You’re one of my most favorite people, too.”
“That’s so sweet.” Nathan handed Drew a document. “This is our price list. We’ll give you a discount because you’re Rachael’s good friend and any friend of Rachael’s is a friend of ours.”
“Thanks.” Drew took the price list. “Um, what kind of discount are we talking here because this is pretty steep?”
I looked over her shoulder and my jaw dropped. “You guys are charging this much to everyone?”
“Yeah, what are you charging these days?”
“I’m not.”
“Are you still working for Lance? Honey, you need to get out from under that man.” Dale looked appalled. “Wait, you are ‘out from under him’ in the other sense, right?”
I felt Drew’s eyes on me, and I glanced her way. “Yes, Lance and I are no longer dating, but I still have a contract I have to fulfill.” I shifted in my seat. “We’re here to talk about Drew’s wedding. Don’t you have a regular person’s price list or are you only photographing the rich and famous now?”
They looked at each other before Nathan spoke. “Why aren’t you photographing the wedding?”
“Because I want her in it.”
Nathan nodded his understanding and then stopped. “Wait.” He looked at me. “You’re wearing a bridesmaid’s dress and asking us to photograph the evidence?” He shared a look with Dale and they both spoke, “We’ll do it.”
I smiled and shook my head. “Please be kind to me, Drew.”
Lunch was great. It was nice sharing this with Drew. Seeing her so happy and in love with my brother as she spoke about him and what she thought he would like made me happy. Of course, he was still an asshole and needed to make this up to Drew, but I knew the love they had for each other would see them through it. I had given up on love a long time ago, but seeing her plan her special day, made my heart long for something I swore I’d never seek out again.
“Hey.” Drew nudged me. “Is everything okay with you? You got really quiet at the end there.”
“Yeah.” I looked at her and smiled. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Care to talk about it?”
“I’ll be okay.”
“Is it this Lance guy?”
I shook my head. “He’s just my boss. Nothing’s going on there.”
“How’s the job with Carl going?”
“Oh, that’s finished.” I looked through my purse for a distraction. “Gum?”
She shook her head. “Are you two—”
“No!” I looked around to apologize silently to the others for my outburst. “No. We’re just friends.”
“I know you’re spending more time with him than just working. I helped him pick out a new outfit for you while you were sleeping at his house. I’m supposed to believe nothing has happened?”
“You helped him?” I placed my head in my hands. No wonder he was uncomfortable with who had helped him that night. “Why didn’t he tell me?” I looked up at her. “Is this what it’s going to be like? Am I going to wonder what other secrets you two have going on?”
“No. We have no secrets. He called in a panic and didn’t know what to do. He wouldn’t tell me why he needed to get you new clothes. I told him I would just run to your place and get something, but he didn’t want me at his house with you there.”
“I had a rough night.”
“What is that supposed to mean, Rachael?”
“I’ve just got some things going on and he helped me with it.” I sighed. “It was a job for him that went wrong. He felt guilty. That’s all there is to it. We are just friends.”
She took a long drink of her tea. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Was there something else you expected me to say?” She looked at me.
“No. It just doesn’t sound like you believe we are just friends.”
“Aside from the fact you are a grown woman who could make her own decisions in life, you really aren’t giving me much to go on here. Unless you’re willing to talk to me, there’s not much I can say.”
I shook my head. “I feel awkward talking to you about him.”
“Carl and I—”
“You don’t have to explain.” I stood to go. “I should let you get back home anyway.”
“Rachael, please sit.” She waited until I sat across from her where the guys had sat before. “Carl and I were in very different phases in our lives when we met. We didn’t mean anything to each other and while it seemed intense for the most part, the emotions we felt weren’t for each other.”
“That’s the most confusing thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Imagine how we felt.” Drew laughed. “I was struggling with my past and what Craig had put me through. Carl was just like him in some ways—controlling, brash, and honestly, kind of selfish. It was all about him and what he wanted.”
“That doesn’t make him sound like a great guy, Drew.”
“And, he was dealing with the loss of his wife and a distraught daughter who seemed to find something she was missing when I started at the center. I love children, so when I comforted her, I did what I do naturally.” She shrugged.
“But don’t all the workers at the center treat children the same way?”
Drew took a deep breath and sighed. “I love the staff. They are very responsible and they treat the children wonderfully. It’s just a job to them, though. Well, most of them anyway.” She leaned on the table and got even more serious. “You see, you must love kids if you’re going to work with children or you’ll hate your job and the kids will hate you, but you don’t have to have a passion for it. I have a passion for children.”
“That kind of sounds a little pervy.” I looked around to see if anyone overheard her comment.
She laughed again. “I guess it kind of does, but let me put it to you this way. Children are to me what photography is to you.”
I nodded. “I knew you weren’t pervy, and I do understand what you’re saying.” I reached over and grabbed my drink to pull it toward me. The straw suddenly seemed fascinating to me.
“So, what’s the problem, Rachael?”
I shrugged. The problem was she’d had Carl once and even though I knew she loved my brother very much, I didn’t know if Carl was in love with her. I couldn’t compete with Drew.
She tried to get me to look at her. “I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”
“I’m not sure you could help even if I knew what to say.”
“Okay, tell me what you’re thinking then.”
I looked at her and looked at the straw again. “Drew, I don’t think I should say that out loud.”
She smiled. “I think I get it. If the tables were turned and y
ou’d had sex with the man I loved, I’d feel kind of awkward, too.”
“I think we all would considering the fact you’re in love with my brother.”
“You know what I mean. Tell me that isn’t what’s keeping you from talking to me.”
I looked at her. “You’re right. That is part of it. I only have what Mom and Dennis had said about your relationship. I have no idea how far the two of you got. I know you had sex, but I don’t know about the intimacy. He called you to buy my clothes.”
Drew shook her head. “There was no intimacy. He was missing something in his life and he thought I could give it to him. I couldn’t. He knows that. Just because I helped Amy didn’t mean I could’ve fit into the rest of what had been taken from their lives.” She fidgeted a little in her seat. “Rachael, if I tell you something, you can’t tell Dennis.”
“Okay.”
“Other than that night for your clothes, I hadn’t talked to Carl in months. I used to talk to Carl a few times a week. He had no one to talk to about Amy and the things she needed. He’d call me and we’d discuss what would be best for her.”
“Why did you stop?”
“I didn’t. He did.” She covered my hand. “When he started seeing you. He doesn’t need me anymore. Well, he didn’t until he needed help with you.”
There were only a few pages left to go over when I heard a knock at the door. I debated about not answering it, but it wasn’t stopping until I took care of it and sent whoever it was away. I was surprised when I opened the door. It was the last person I’d ever expected to see.
“Drew?” I looked behind her. “I’m surprised to see you here. Are things not going well with Dennis?”
“Just ten seconds in and I want to smack that cocky grin off your face.” I knew she was serious even if she did smile when she said it. She walked past me, shaking her head. “Some things never change with you.”
I followed her to the front room. I knew things were going well for her. Rachael talked about the wedding enough, but I was still intrigued on what brought her to my door. “What can I do for you, Drew?”
She turned and had her own cocky smile like mine that she claimed to hate so much. “It’s what I can do for you, Carl.”
I motioned for her to sit. “Now I’m really intrigued.”
“Thank you.” She sat next to my spot on the sofa even though I offered her the chair. She waited until I sat next to her to continue. “I had a very interesting lunch today.”
“Really?” I looked up to the ceiling. “I . . . think . . . I think I forgot to eat lunch.” I smiled at her. “Or it was so boring I didn’t feel the need to share it with the world.”
“I had lunch with Rachael.”
I picked up the papers I needed to go over. “Oh?”
The papers were snatched out of my hands. “I need your attention here. The two of you have it bad for each other, don’t you?”
That got my attention. I looked at her. “We’re just friends.”
“That’s what she says, too.”
“Then you should believe her.”
“I think you two are too stubborn to give this a shot.”
“I’ve actually tried to get her to see me as more than a friend—”
“You mean lover.”
“Well, yes, sex would be involved.”
“The sex comes later. Once you’ve wooed her—”
“I don’t think Rachael can be wooed.”
“You’re wrong.” She sighed. “The toughest girls need the most wooing. You must’ve done something right for her to feel as strongly about you as she does.”
“Did she say something?”
“It’s what she wouldn’t say.”
“You’re confusing me, Drew. What exactly do you want from me?”
“It isn’t complicated. You ask her out, take her to dinner, and then take her home. Just remember the sex comes later. Woo her, Carl. Make her feel important to you. I think she’s confused right now and well, honestly, you both are, but I think it’s normal when two people first realize they’re in love. Don’t you remember going through this phase with Joyce?”
I started shaking my head. “Guys like me don’t fall in love. It was a fluke the first time with Joy. I knew I needed to settle down and have a family. I never expected to find someone so perfect.”
“What is it with you two? There is no perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. Life is messy and filled with things that happen daily but shouldn’t happen at all; however, you pick yourself up and go forward. You meet new people and fall in love again.” She placed her hand on my arm. “It’s okay to fall in love again.”
I shook my head and sat back on the sofa. “Guys like me don’t fall at all.”
Drew had raised her eyebrows when I started talking, but had lowered them with a pity frown on her face by the time I finished. She surprised me by leaning over and touching my face. “Carl, guys like you fall the hardest.” She smiled at the confused look on my face and stood up. “You fall so hard that when you land, you get the wind knocked out of you.”
She picked up her purse and headed for the door. “You’re confused. You’re dazed.” She turned and looked at me, standing in the doorway. “It’s time to get on your feet and shake it off, big guy, because if you let her go, you will find yourself in the abyss with no ground to stand on—just the constant feeling of falling. Rachael is your solid ground just as you are hers. Don’t let her go.”
I was no longer surprised to see Lance sitting at my desk waiting for me in the mornings. It wasn’t something I wanted to become accustom to, but nevertheless it was something I had to get used to.
“Yes, I’m here as usual. You can go back to your office now. Thanks for stopping by.”
He sat there for a moment and looked me over. He lingered on areas that weren’t his to linger anymore. “I heard a very unsettling rumor this weekend.”
“I’m sorry you’re unsettled, but I don’t see how that affects me.”
“Tell me, why did you see the need to take your business to the competitor?”
“My business?” I shook my head. “I haven’t taken any business anywhere. What are you talking about?”
“Nathan and Dale.”
“We don’t photograph weddings, Lance.”
“Not normally, but for one of our own—”
“One of your own?” I scoffed. “It isn’t a business we practice and Drew needs the photos done correctly.”
He stood and tried to act casual as he came around the desk. “Are you implying our photos are not done correctly?”
“There’s no implication of the sort.”
“It sure sounded that way.” He stood inches from my face.
“Then let me clear things up for you. I’m not implying the photos we produce suck, I’m flat out stating they’re horrid pieces of shit I have spent my days trying to salvage, but even I can only do so much to the shit the trash drags in.”
The movement was swift. The pressure on my neck was real. He spoke through gritted teeth as he continued to cut off my air. “You will pay for that.”
The blood I drew clawing at his hand didn’t get him to let go, so I moved to his face. He extended his arm so I couldn’t reach his face and squeezed harder. I started pounding on his arm that had a hold on my neck.
“Hey, Rachael. Have you seen—” Jimmy ran over after he saw what was going on and tried to get Lance to let go. “Stop it!”
Lance never let go of my throat as they scuffled. The room started to go black and I went limp. I gasped for air as I dropped to the floor when Lance let me go. The burning in my lungs started to go away with each big breath, but the fear still had me, and I wasn’t sure it would ever let me go.
I was still coughing and gasping as I tried to stand. I needed to break up the fight that was threatening to start between them. “I’m okay, Jimmy.”
Lance came over, grabbed me by the lapels on my blazer, and lifted me in the air to meet me face-to-face.
Then he yelled. “I will ruin you!” He threw me against the wall before he calmly smoothed out his jacket. He cracked his neck and turned to Jimmy. “If you ever interfere again, you will be fired. Is that clear?”
Lance didn’t wait for a response and slammed the door on his way out. Jimmy rushed over to me. “Are you okay?”
I held my side as I tried to sit up. “Ow.”
Jimmy helped me up. “Let me take you to the hospital.”
“No, I’ll be fine. I’m just a little bruised.”
“Take the day off.”
“That will just make him mad.”
“What angers me is the fact you’re going to let him get away with this. We should press charges.”
“No.” I touched his arm. “Please, just go back to work. I don’t want you to get fired.”
“I can handle myself, just go home.” He started to leave and stopped. “Do you need a ride?”
I shook my head as I sat in the chair. What I needed was to find out what was going on with Lance. I picked up the phone as soon as Jimmy left.
Janelle was always good to me. I hated I had missed so much time talking to her. She was the only one who had come up with us from the bottom on our crazy ride to where we were. She was the only one to understand what had happened between us and would be the only one to know what was happening to Lance now.
She came a long way from the studio apartment where we used to drink cheap wine. Her apartment was higher in the skies now and probably her wine choice, too.
I walked down the hall, looking for her number, but she had opened the door before I got there. “Come here already. I swear I’m waiting for my mother.” She looked at me. “What’s wrong?”
“I fell.”
She nodded and held the door open wider for me. “Sit and tell me what really happened.”
“What’s going on with Hathaway?”
“Do you care about him again?”
“No. He’s just on edge and I want to know why.”
“No.” She got up and moved to the window.
“No?” I shook my head. “You’re not going to tell me what’s going on?”
She turned to me. “You need to be straight with me first. Let’s start with why you’re wearing a scarf in June, no matter how killer it looks on you.”
Striving for Perfection (Striving Series Book 2) Page 17