Striving for Perfection (Striving Series Book 2)

by Mooney, B. L.

  “Oh, I’m just trying to make some of my favorite recipes a little healthier. We could all use a good lifestyle change when it comes to our family meals.”

  I nodded and looked around. “Do you need help with anything?”

  “No, I’ve got it under control. Your father is taking a nap. He’s not happy with me for making him, but I’m sure he had no trouble falling asleep.” I walked over and sat at the kitchen table. My mom tilted her head. “Is everything okay with you?”

  “Oh, yeah.” I waved her off. “I’m fine.”

  She nodded and walked over to the refrigerator. She dug on the bottom shelf in the back and pulled out a cake pan. It was her famous chocolate cake.

  “I didn’t expect your father home so early and I needed a little pick-me-up.” She shrugged. “I know it was a stupid thing to do, given where your father was; but . . . well, don’t judge. Just get the milk.”

  I smiled. At that moment, she was getting no judgment from me. I needed the pick-me-up just as much as she did. She cut our pieces of cake as I poured our glasses of milk. It was heaven, as usual. I was about to take my second bite when she started talking.

  “It’s okay to be scared.” She reached over and put my hair behind my ear. “It’s how you know it’s real.”

  I dropped my fork with a clang and covered my face before the tears started. My mom rubbed my back as I cried. She made it all too real. I was in love with Carl, and it scared the shit out of me.

  She handed me a tissue as I started to calm down. “Tell me what has you upset?”

  “I’m in love with a man who can’t love me back.”

  “Who says he can’t? I believe he already does or he never would’ve stepped foot in that hospital to be with you.” She looked uncomfortable for a moment.

  “Just say what’s on your mind. I know you don’t like him very much.”

  “I admit I didn’t like the things he was doing to Drew. She was trying to have a life with Dennis and he kept pulling her back in. He was confused and hurt by the loss of his wife. He didn’t know where to turn and when Drew started helping Amy, he thought he found the answer. I don’t hate him.”

  “But? I can tell there’s something on your mind.”

  “Is he violent with you?”

  I shook my head. “Not at all. Why would you think that?”

  “You’ve had bruising recently and you aren’t sitting down easily today. I understand some couples enjoy spanking, so if that’s—”

  I felt my cheeks burn and I took a deep breath. “No, Mom. He’s never hit me.”

  She looked at me for a moment and smiled. “Well, honey, if he has that much passion in him to make you feel it when you sit down, then you really need to hang on to him.”

  I covered my face again. “Mom.”

  “What, you think I’m too old to remember what that passion is like? There were some nights where that was the only reason I stayed with your father.”

  “Mom!”

  “Well, if you’re old enough to have that type of sex, you should be old enough to talk about it.”

  I finally looked at her. “Not with my mother.”

  “Oh, fine. It isn’t as if I’m asking for details or anything.” She sighed. “Will you tell me who hurt you?”

  I was quiet for a little while as I ate my cake. I owed it to my mother to tell her the truth so she wouldn’t worry, but it wasn’t something I was prepared to talk about.

  “At least tell me you’re okay and not in any danger.”

  I took the last drink of my milk. “I was arrested.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? What happened?”

  I took a deep breath and started. “I had gone to a bar to take photos for Carl. His company was looking into buying it. Since he was afraid word would get out and he’d have competition if they went to the bar, I brought it to them.” I glanced at my mother. “It turned out it was a place for prostitution. A cop there thought I was a prostitute and was a little rough when I resisted the arrest.”

  “I wish you would’ve called me. I would’ve come bailed you out. How long did you have to stay?”

  “Not long. They called Hathaway because I said I was working an actual job. It isn’t supposed to be on my record.”

  “What about the marks on your neck?”

  I looked down. I was ashamed she had noticed them. “How did you know about them?”

  “A mother notices these things. They may have been light enough for you to think covering them with makeup would’ve fooled me, but it didn’t. Now who put the marks on your neck?”

  “Hathaway.”

  She got angry and took our plates to the sink. She shoved the cake back in the refrigerator and turned to me. “How can you still work for that man? Hasn’t he hurt you enough?”

  “I don’t have a choice.” I grabbed another tissue to keep my hands busy. “Please don’t make me tell you this. I’m so embarrassed.”

  She sighed and came over with a softer attitude. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid for you and you won’t leave. I just don’t understand why.”

  I blurted out what I never wanted my mother to find out. “I slept with a model.”

  “So? I’m sure you weren’t the first nor will you be the last to sleep with a co-worker.”

  “He was young.” I looked at her. “He was an adult, but still young. Hathaway said he’ll have my reputation and he has a signed statement from the model the affair started before he turned eighteen.”

  “But that isn’t true.”

  “Of course not. I only slept with him the night I found Hathaway sleeping with someone else.” I held my hand up. “I know. It doesn’t make it right, but it was only one time and he was nineteen at the time.”

  “Have you talked to the model?”

  “No. He stopped working after that.”

  “The reason you and Carl make a good team is because you don’t take any crap from anyone. Why you’re letting Lance push you around is beyond comprehension.”

  “I can’t take the chance of being ruined. I’ll never work again.”

  “Are you working now?”

  I looked away.

  “I think you need to find this model and ask him if he really signed such a statement.” She took our glasses to the sink. “All you have is Lance’s word. In my opinion, his word is shit. Find that model and you’ll find your way out.”

  I nodded.

  “I love you, but get out of here. Amy’s due home any minute, and I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

  I hugged her probably a little too hard. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I have to tell you everything.” I was pulled into the house by a very excited Amy. “I had so much fun.”

  “I’m happy to hear that.” I glanced over to Carl as Amy pulled me into the front room. The disapproving look he gave me as I walked in was enough to make me want to turn around and leave. I wasn’t sure what I had done that time.

  “The waterslide was big.” She flung her arms above her head. “I was so afraid, but it was fun when I got the nerve up to do it.”

  “I knew you could tackle that slide. What else did you do?” I kept glancing to Carl the entire time I listened to Amy tell me about her week at the lake house. I couldn’t get a read on him. Other than that quick glance at the beginning, Carl’s face hadn’t betrayed any thoughts. I started to think I was imaging it.

  “Amy, it’s time to put your stuff away.”

  “Aw, Dad. I’m talking to Rachael.”

  “And you’re starting to repeat yourself which means you’ve told her, and me, everything you can think of. Go unpack your bag and get washed up for dinner.”

  “Fine.” Amy pouted as she walked over to the bag. “Is Rachael going to still be here when I come back down?”

  I looked to the floor. I wasn’t sure how he was going to answer that.

  “You’ll have to ask Rachael that question.”

  “I’d like to stay,” I said as I turned to Carl, “if I
’m welcome.”

  Carl furrowed his brows and sat forward. “Of course you’re welcome.”

  “Yay!” Amy had a lot more enthusiasm to unpack. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

  He waited to speak until she was in her room, but never took his eyes off me. “Why wouldn’t you be welcome?”

  “I don’t know.” I played with the edge of the armrest on the chair I was sitting in. “You didn’t seem too happy to see me earlier.”

  He walked over and extended a hand. I looked at it, but didn’t touch it until he wiggled his fingers. He pulled me up quick and kissed me. “I was disappointed you had changed out of that dress.” He nuzzled my neck.

  “Oh.” I laughed. “I’m not sure I can do that again tonight. You left quite an . . . impression from earlier. I think I may need a day or two.”

  His eyes looked amused. “I don’t think I can wait a day or two. I doubt I can wait an hour or two.” He kissed me again. I wasn’t sure I could wait an hour or two, either.

  We both heard rustling noise behind us. He stopped kissing me to look behind him. My eyes stayed shut as I fought to catch my breath.

  “Amy, don’t get that out right now.”

  “But, Dad, I want Rachael to see it.”

  “See what?”

  I tried to look behind Carl, but he turned and blocked my view. “Rachael doesn’t want to see it right now.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and whispered. “Don’t answer for me.”

  “I just wanted Rachael to see the pictures.”

  “I love photos.”

  Carl looked at me for a moment and lowered his eyes. “I can explain.” He looked in my eyes. “Please, just let me explain when we’re finished.”

  The almost desperate look in his eyes had me worried, but I agreed to let him explain. I started to walk around him and he grabbed my hand to squeeze before letting me walk over to Amy. I turned and touched his face, giving him one more quick kiss.

  Amy sat on the sofa with a photo album in her lap. She was excited to show me. I thought it was going to be of her trip and the lake house. I wanted to see her go down that waterslide. When she opened the first page, my eyes flew to Carl.

  He looked to the ceiling and rocked back on his heels. I took the photo album from Amy and started flipping through the pages. It was filled with the photos from my job. The first few pages were of the nightclub with the neon lighting. Mixed in with my new photos were old photos of Carl and his late wife.

  Amy had told me the same story of their courtship I was sure Carl had told her. It ended with the ballroom I fell in love with. The ballroom I spent so much time photographing with the natural light pouring in. And there were Carl and Joy’s wedding photos mixed in with my favorite part of the job I had done for Carl. I wanted to cry.

  “Isn’t she beautiful?” Amy looked at her mom and ran her fingers over the photo. “My mom was beautiful. I hope to look just like her someday.”

  I closed my eyes as my heart broke. There were bigger, more important things than the envy I felt. There was a child who would never have the conversation with her mother that I had just had with mine.

  I could barely speak, but I managed to whisper, “You will, love.” I cupped her face. “You already do.”

  “Really?” She perked up. “Dad says that all the time, but I don’t believe him.”

  “What?” Carl acted offended. “Don’t you know you’re supposed to believe anything your father says?”

  Amy started giggling when he picked her up and roughhoused with her a little. It helped to lighten the mood, but my heart was still heavy.

  He turned to me with Amy still above his head. It seemed he was trying to gauge my reaction. I looked away when one tear fell. I couldn’t help it. My emotions were pulling me in all different directions. He set her down and asked her to get the menus.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the photos.” He turned my face toward him. “May we please discuss this when Amy goes to bed? I don’t want you to leave, but I won’t make you stay.”

  “I’ll stay, but it better be worth it.”

  It was something I should’ve been honest with from the beginning. The side jobs after that first one for the company were all personal. It wasn’t something I could’ve easily talked about with a regular photographer, but I didn’t have a regular photographer. I had Rachael.

  In a sense, that made it even more difficult to tell her what the photos were for. I’m not a man of many words. Anyone could attest to that. I needed to fill the photo album with pictures of places so my little girl could see the answers to the questions she was asking.

  Where did her mom and I meet?

  Where did we fall in love?

  Where was our first kiss?

  Those were all things she needed and deserved to know. They were also things I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out how to answer. The photos were more to help remind me of things we said or did that I could pass on to Amy. Had I known I wouldn’t have had long with Joy, I may have remembered every detail the first time they happened. As it turns out, I needed help remembering.

  Amy kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Dad.” She whispered in my ear. “Stop spacing off. It’s rude.” She turned and hugged Rachael. “Goodnight, Rachael.”

  “Goodnight, sweets.”

  I looked at my watch and sat up. It was well past Amy’s bedtime. No wonder she was ready for bed on her own.

  “Something on your mind?” Rachael smirked as she watched me run my fingers through my hair.

  I reached over and pulled her chair to mine. “I don’t want you to leave until we’ve talked.” I looked upstairs. “I need to tuck Amy in.”

  “I said I would stay to hear you out. Go. I’ll clean up.”

  I watched as she left for the kitchen. I only hoped she understood why I left her in the dark. Amy was quiet when I made it to her room. I lightly tapped on the door.

  “You can come in.”

  “I wanted to tell you goodnight, princess.” I sat on the edge of the bed she seemed to be tucked into already. She was growing up so fast. “Give your old man a hug.”

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and hung on tight. “Did I do something wrong?”

  I held her to me. “No, baby. I did.”

  “Just say you’re sorry.”

  “I will. Don’t worry about it.” I put her back into bed. “It’ll all work out.”

  She yawned big. “Are you and Rachael dating? I saw you kissing.”

  “Yes. Are you okay with that?”

  “Yeah. I said I liked her.” She rolled to her side and yawned again. “I like her a lot better than Aunt Cil. I’m glad she’s not around anymore.”

  It should’ve been a time to teach her not to speak of family that way, but I didn’t think she would’ve heard me anyway. I think she was out for the night before I shut her door.

  Rachael had cleaned up dinner and was sitting on the sofa waiting for me with wine. She lifted it up to me as I walked by her.

  “I thought we could use this.”

  I took the glass and smiled a half smile. “Thanks.”

  We sat there for a few moments sipping our wine, being quiet. She reached over, took my hand, and laced her fingers with mine. “I’m waiting, but I’m not waiting all night.”

  I took a drink of the wine and set it down. “I honestly didn’t think it mattered if the photographer knew the real reasons behind the photos.”

  “So they were all for the book?”

  “No, the first hotel was one we were planning on buying. I just thought it would be a perfect time to get the other photos I needed, as well.”

  “I see.”

  “Amy had been asking more and more about her mom. I think she’s forgetting things and she doesn’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget, either.”

  She took another sip of her wine and motioned for me to continue.

  “Questions like where we met, where we had our first dat
e, and where we shared our first kiss. I couldn’t describe those things to her.”

  “Why not? Don’t you remember those things?”

  “Yes, but I couldn’t form the words. I wanted the photos to show her where those things happened. We would look at them together and it made her feel more part of it.”

  “I get it. I’m not happy you didn’t tell me what they were really for, but only because I would’ve made sure they were less cold. I would’ve given you more appropriate photos.”

  “The photos are perfect as they are.” I slid closer to her. “So I’m forgiven?”

  “Amy helped you out of the hole you dug yourself when she showed me the photos. I still wanted to hear it from you, but I understood why you did it.”

  I reached over and took her wine. “Good. Now we can move on to more pressing matters.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Pressing?”

  I nodded right before I kissed her. She kissed me back, but kept her hands on my chest. She pulled away, breathing hard. “Whew! I need to slow down here. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I may need a day or two.”

  I frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that, but you should’ve told me if I was being too rough with you.”

  She touched my face. “You weren’t. I like what happened. I’m just not used to it. I’ve been out of commission for a while.”

  I smiled. “Good. Stay that way except for with me.”

  She looked a little surprised. “Are you asking to be exclusive?”

  I gave her a stern look and pulled her hips down the sofa, making her lay down. I got on top of her and pinned her hands above her head. “You should know I’m always exclusive.” I kissed her neck.

  “Carl.” She moaned. “I really can’t do this tonight and you’re torturing me.”

  I sat up. “Fine, but I’ll need to get some work done, then.” I looked at her, prepared to hear an argument.

  “Okay. If you don’t mind, I’m going to stay a while and let the wine settle.” She sat up and adjusted her shirt. She mumbled, “I don’t need to get arrested again.”

  I placed my hand on her knee. “You can stay as long as you like.” I grabbed my briefcase and started unloading the contents. I really did have a lot of work to do.